I'm seeking a deeper relationship with Jesus, forgiveness of my sins, restoration of my marriage, healing of my body and a church family.
Last year, I committed emotional infidelity, left my husband, and he filed for divorce. We divorced in December. We are currently dating each other, but I still hold on to guilt and shame and a great deal of uncertainty. I miss him so much, love him so much, and hate myself for what I've done to him and our lives.
I have a difficult time putting my faith and trust in God. I have a hard time thinking that I could be forgiven by God or my ex-husband or our families. I don't forgive myself. Mostly because I am in such pain with my actions, and so full of regret.
I am in recovery for an eating disorder, but am on shaky ground. I know I've done damage to body and it is a massive chore each and every single day not to fall into old eating disorder habits. I am mostly successful, but not all the time.
My life feels hopeless. I pray, I pray, I beg for forgiveness, for closeness to Jesus, etc., and I sometimes just don't feel anything. I don't understand how to have faith, I don't understand how to forgive myself, I don't know how to move on or more forward.
My family is six hours away. I have a few friends, but most of them don't attend church. Only a couple of them believe in Jesus. I feel very alone.
Please help. I'm desperate.