what is gossip?

[Lyndie]

I am trying to add a poll, but can't figure out how. Here are my poll questions-
Gossip is

1. The simple act of talking about another person.

2. Talking about another with malice or to put them down.

There is an issue that has come up within my church and I would like to know what other think gossip is before I go into further detail.

[Dani H]

Gossip has to do with spreading idle talk or rumors. It can be powered by malice but not always. It can be slanderous but not always. It usually has to do with spreading stories about people's personal lives without their permission and is a matter of disrespect more than anything else, really.

Not to be confused with slander, which is purposefully painting another person in a negative light and even going so far as to spread lies about them in order to malign them to others. Slander is a direct attack on a person's character.

What I'm saying is that the content of gossip can be neutral/benign ... the content of slander, not so much.

But the act of gossip itself isn't benign, because it's disrespectful.

That's how I understand it anyway. Hope that helps.

[jayne]

Here's a good excerpt from gotquestions.org.

The Hebrew word translated “gossip” in the Old Testament is defined as “one who reveals secrets, one who goes about as a talebearer or scandal-monger.” A gossiper is a person who has privileged information about people and proceeds to reveal that information to those who have no business knowing it. Gossip is distinguished from sharing information in two ways:

1. Intent. Gossipers often have the goal of building themselves up by making others look bad and exalting themselves as some kind of repositories of knowledge.

2. The type of information shared. Gossipers speak of the faults and failings of others, or reveal potentially embarrassing or shameful details regarding the lives of others without their knowledge or approval. Even if they mean no harm, it is still gossip.

I always tell my students that if you start your sentence this way - "Well, I heard...." - then you can pretty much take it to the bank that it's gossip. The speaker who begins that way is wanting attention focused on his authority and is about to tell something not flattering about someone not present.

[Ta-An]

Gossip, to me, is when you say something about somebody when they are not there to defend themselves

[Lyndie]

Thanks for the replies. I have been talking to a woman from our church who has an abusive husband. She stopped coming because basically no one believed her even tho he has a record of the abuse and he was spreading lies about her, ironically. When I talk to her I ask her how things are with him, she tells me. However I was recently warned by an elder that her talking to me about her husband was gossip(her hubby told the elder her and I talk on the phone). I was told I can't speak to her about it anymore. So I am wondering, if I would go to my friends in support because of my marriage issues, I am gossiping about my husband? My other friends husband is having medical issues, is her talking to me about that gossip? If so, how the heck are we supposed to get support?

[Dani H]

I don't find the gossip part near as disturbing as I find some elder of some church forbidding a person to talk to another person outside the perimeters of the church.

That's some major overstepping of authority.

Having said that ... if your other friend is telling you about her husband's medical issues it would only be gossip if her husband asked her not to tell anyone. It's not gossip if you have permission.

When you do talk to your friends, to steer completely clear from the whole gossip thing ... why don't you focus on your feelings and your friends' feelings? Your actual burden, your internal struggles. That's what you share. That's where you support each other. That's where healing has to happen. Hope that helps.

[Lyndie]

Sorry if I wasn't clear...I can talk to her just not discuss her husband. So how do you talk about feelings if you don't know why a person feels the way they do? Does it really help if I go to my small group and say I'm struggling with frustration but can't tell you why? When in actuality, I may not have the right to be frustrated in the first place, but they don't know that because I can't give specifics? Not trying to be argumentative, just trying to wrap my head around this.
Also, I'm wondering if the church holds this stance as a way to avoid dealing with sin? When sin in the church has come up before but is usually responded to with something like 'we like err on the side of grace and if you don't like it don't too bad so stop gossiping'.

[Dani H]

Whatever your struggle, the best way to approach it is this: Talk to God about it and ask Him to provide insight. Get things off your chest in prayer between you and the Lord. He understands you best and has a complete view on the entire situation with everything involved. If personal prayer proves insufficient, ask for prayer from others.

The goal of any discussion between believers, should be to focus each other on God in our struggles. What is God saying? What does the Bible say about this? How do I apply Scripture to this situation? What does God want me to do? Focus on a solution, not the problem. God always has a solution, for everyone.

So if that's the goal, it makes no difference if the discussion happens between two people or a group of people. It always has to be about God, first of all, and seeking His will. Because our struggles with others are usually rooted in some issue between us and God. We were made by God, for God. Whatever is broken between us and the Lord, has a way of showing itself in our relationships with other people. God has called us to peace, yes?

To use your example: What if your anger isn't about the person you're struggling with? What if that person only feeds into anger that's been there to begin with and that's been a besetting problem all along? Then what's talking about that person going to accomplish? I cannot blame other people for my feelings. Because they are my feelings and I have to take ownership of them before I go any further.

Again, no church elder can tell you who you can or cannot talk to, or what you can or cannot discuss outside the perimeters of "their" church. Having said that, this elder probably recognizes that any such discussion would be unfruitful, and in that he/she would be correct. So use wisdom and a boatload of personal discretion because we're all ultimately accountable to God for any words we speak to any person at any time. They're our words. They come from within our being. We own them. God listens to all of our conversations. So again, tread carefully and use wisdom.

What do you think might happen next time you and your friend talk and decide to focus each other on the Lord instead of other people? If you're going to have a friendship with another sister ... bond over Christ. Don't bond over your troubles, because those come and go. And if your current marriage situation(s) is all that really "powers" your friendship ... make other friends because that's not a friendship.

[Ta-An]

Lyndie

One of God's personal qualities (character) is as Hagar says in Gen 18:13.."You are a God who sees,"
Your friend needs to walk in a personal relationship with God, wearing the Armor of God, and she will get to know Him as the God who sees.... and when God is on your side,,,, then He will protect you...

[Warrior4God]

I see gossip as one sharing some pretty unflattering information about another person without their consent or with the purpose of making the person talked about look bad or the one sharing the information somehow look superior. It's pretty awful when some do it under the pretense of, "Well, did you hear about so and so? We should really pray for them."

[Lyndie]

Whatever your struggle, the best way to approach it is this: Talk to God about it and ask Him to provide insight. Get things off your chest in prayer between you and the Lord. He understands you best and has a complete view on the entire situation with everything involved. If personal prayer proves insufficient, ask for prayer from others.

The goal of any discussion between believers, should be to focus each other on God in our struggles. What is God saying? What does the Bible say about this? How do I apply Scripture to this situation? What does God want me to do? Focus on a solution, not the problem. God always has a solution, for everyone.

So if that's the goal, it makes no difference if the discussion happens between two people or a group of people. It always has to be about God, first of all, and seeking His will. Because our struggles with others are usually rooted in some issue between us and God. We were made by God, for God. Whatever is broken between us and the Lord, has a way of showing itself in our relationships with other people. God has called us to peace, yes?

To use your example: What if your anger isn't about the person you're struggling with? What if that person only feeds into anger that's been there to begin with and that's been a besetting problem all along? Then what's talking about that person going to accomplish? I cannot blame other people for my feelings. Because they are my feelings and I have to take ownership of them before I go any further.

Again, no church elder can tell you who you can or cannot talk to, or what you can or cannot discuss outside the perimeters of "their" church. Having said that, this elder probably recognizes that any such discussion would be unfruitful, and in that he/she would be correct. So use wisdom and a boatload of personal discretion because we're all ultimately accountable to God for any words we speak to any person at any time. They're our words. They come from within our being. We own them. God listens to all of our conversations. So again, tread carefully and use wisdom.

What do you think might happen next time you and your friend talk and decide to focus each other on the Lord instead of other people? If you're going to have a friendship with another sister ... bond over Christ. Don't bond over your troubles, because those come and go. And if your current marriage situation(s) is all that really "powers" your friendship ... make other friends because that's not a friendship.

You always have such words of wisdom. Thank you. We don't just talk about her husband, we talk about everything. God, her kids, etc.

[Lyndie]

I see gossip as one sharing some pretty unflattering information about another person without their consent or with the purpose of making the person talked about look bad or the one sharing the information somehow look superior. It's pretty awful when some do it under the pretense of, "Well, did you hear about so and so? We should really pray for them."

That is why I asked if its simply talking about someone. A prayer request could be gossip, depending on how its delivered. But I don't think saying 'so and so is sick, has cancer, etc and needs prayers' is gossip. Another thing is, is it gossip if its only bad news? Can't sharing good news be gossip depending on motive?

[MoreMercy]

I should preface what I share with this.
Appropriate secret communication is not gossip, secrets are kept and not spread.
Gossip is always spread.

I identify one as a gossip when they will constantly/busily communicate something to others that they will not communicate to the subject of their communications face.
The communication does not have to be an embellishment or a lie to be gossip.
Eye rolls, smirks and whispers are always a gossiper's constant companions.
A gossiper's most used word is maybe, and they rarely honor their yes or no.

The key qualifier is: constantly/busily communicating something to others that they will not communicate to the subject of their communications face.
Gossipers or whisperers, the root of their practice is cowardice...
Cowards are on our bible's short list of those who will in no way enter His Kingdom.


God bless.