Lyndie... in pondering your situation. As for the "role-playing". The Bible shows us that "self-control" is a fruit of the Holy Spirit (Gal 5:23). So, when a married couple loose self-control when it comes to their sexual relationship together, this can lead to elements that will lead to NO self-control. There are NO limits to the joy's of sex, there are however limits to HOW sex is to be holy and within the boundaries of the "gift" God has given us in the form of "sex".
Roleplaying can be and I would actually say in agreement with you... a loss of self-control. In other words, when compulsion is driving sexual behavior, then self-control is lost.
What is "missing" from the sexual relation that a married couple has that they must resort to "make believe" to continue desiring each other?
Role-playing can lead to a loss of self-control and actually BLIND the married couple to the deep rooted problem that exists within their marriage on the "sexual" portion of their relationship.