My accountability partner suggested I find a mentor + Growing listless/cynical??

[SteveL]

Hi everyone, not sure if this is the best forum but I guess I could use some wise counsel so here goes!

My accountability partner Chris and I have been meeting bi-weekly for about a year now. He's a couple years older than me, working full time and is engaged to be married, while I am single and still working part-time. In recent months, I guess he's realized that we are currently on two different life paths.

Last month, while I was driving him to a church volunteering gig, he dropped the bombshell on me that perhaps it's time I look for a mentor if "I want to grow faster." It also acted as the end of our accountability season. He said "don't get the wrong idea we're still friends, but now I'm transitioning to see how I can better assist you."

To be honest, while I can't say I disagree with his reasoning, I didn't really see it coming and thus was quite hurt by it, although I know Chris is looking out for my best interest. I guess in the year's time we spent together, revealing all our secrets and whatnot, he realized he and I were not presently in similar life stages. He's def. taught me more than I have taught him.

Anyway, God has revealed new accountability partners for me, so that's a blessing. But on the mentor front, I don't really know any solid mentor candidates at my church. I suppose I can list a couple, but I dunno why, I'm scared/lazy to get such a relationship rolling because of my lack of comfort level.

Chris did say if God wills it, he would be willing to be my mentor if God doesn't reveal anyone else.

To be honest I am struggling in my walk. Since Chris "broke up with me" I became a bit more cynical and jaded. I haven't really felt close to God in the last couple weeks. In fact, I almost feel distanced from Him, but that's also because I know I haven't been spending time with Him.

I'm a bit worried because I'm approaching 3 years being saved and the fire I once had I seemed to have lost. I almost feel like I can sort of feel how Peter felt... claiming one day I'll never deny Jesus but another day actually denying Him.

When you get in "funks" in your walk, what works to bring you back?
What should I do with the mentor situation? Should I step out in faith? Is a mentor necessary for growth? I'm a little scared since you really are submitting yourself to a mentor and I guess I don't deal with change too well.

As you can see, my emotions are a bit all over the place right now. Like the Newsboys song goes, this is how I'm feeling. I heard this song today, and when I did, I felt my spirit "jump" at this part:

Let hope arise
And make the darkness hide
My faith is dead
I need a resurrection somehow

Please pray for me. I just feel a bit listless these days, enough to be worried. I know Jesus tells us not to worry, but this is a strange funk I've been in the past couple weeks. My prayer time has really diminished, I haven't been in the word much and I even skipped out on church this past Sunday to sleep in. I don't know what's going on with me. I was on fire as recently as 2 months ago.

I hope I'm not associating Chris' "breakup" with me in any shape or form as a reason to grow listless in my faith. But after his bombshell on me, I felt like things went downhill. I'm definitely concerned since my faith shouldn't be strictly tied to another human being and his/her interaction with me. Have I been looking to impress Chris this past year as much as I have God Himself???

Is this whole episode one giant enemy attack? I'm usually upbeat and positive but lately have turned a bit jaded and cynical. I listened to this weekend's past sermon and even felt my inner voice grow a bit critical like "I've heard that Christian lingo a hundred times before..."

I dunno if I'm overplaying how I feel since I'm writing and "on a roll" right now. Don't know if I'm making it worst than what it really is or if things have gotten this bad. I definitely still believe in Jesus Christ! I definitely will attend church consistently! Just been feeling like I've been going through the motions lately.... it's a weird feeling! I don't really like it either!

[Dani H]

What if you were to make the "breakup" not about yourself but about God? What if God is recognizing a state of dependence there on a human being, rather than Himself, and is severing it?

Accountability is good, but when you look to people more than God, you're in trouble, because people come and go. Loss is part of life. If you're stuck on God Himself, though, who you cannot lose, then all those other changes are much easier to handle.

Good on you for recognizing that.

Now, what are you going to do about it?

[PJW]

I'ld say, "get another accountability partner"!
Talk to the old partner and "together" get someone else to help you. A mentor is also an accountability partner, isn't he?
Perhaps he was the one "falling away", and he needs your help to make his next steps. Find out what his next assignment is and work to follow his example.
I've never heard of someone "breaking up" like this, unless they are leaving God, or the area, or their church. Investigate his reasons further.
Go to the head of your church and get their imput.

[SteveL]

I'ld say, "get another accountability partner"!
Talk to the old partner and "together" get someone else to help you. A mentor is also an accountability partner, isn't he?
Perhaps he was the one "falling away", and he needs your help to make his next steps. Find out what his next assignment is and work to follow his example.
I've never heard of someone "breaking up" like this, unless they are leaving God, or the area, or their church. Investigate his reasons further.
Go to the head of your church and get their imput.

PJW,
Chris and I met up for dinner last week to discuss this. He said something to the effect that he had been praying about our relationship, and God revealed to him seasons change and he's not breaking up with me but simply transitioning in a different role to better aid me. He did offer to be my mentor if no one else suitable is available. Chris and I are on different life stages, and I can see why he was led to believe it was time for him to find someone "more on his level" to help stretch and grow him. I think in the past year that we met up every other week, he was the one teaching me far more than I was teaching him. I guess initially he saw me as potentially someone who was "at his level" but over time he saw that we were on different playing fields.

He also gave me some concrete examples. i.e. I tend to not be very punctual; I show up 5-10 minutes late to social events a lot of times. When we went to go paint, I left my work pants on as well as my dirty dress shoes. They were already dirty and old and heavily used, but still. Chris pointed it out to me and he was like "You had 20 minutes waiting at home before I came and you didn't bother to think ahead to change?" He said this while he himself was changing pants in my car as I was driving.

I also came to an Easter rehearsal 15 minutes late because I overslept my alarm. I usually don't show up late to formal "important" functions (usually it's social events I take my sweet time on), but I messed up there. Anyway, Chris asked why I came late and I told him I overslept. He asked what time I went to bed and I admitted that I went to bed later than I should have (i.e. AM hours...) He then said "Well Steve, you know, you got to practice being more mindful. A more mature believer would have gone to bed earlier to make sure they show up on the first rehearsal ready and on time."

I can't argue with his points and I could see my shortcomings. He's not perfect himself, but he's on a different life schedule than I am.

We're still friends and we will still meet up to hang out. But it looks like our formal, specific accountability relationship has ended.

And yes, I did find new accountability partners.

What if you were to make the "breakup" not about yourself but about God? What if God is recognizing a state of dependence there on a human being, rather than Himself, and is severing it?

Accountability is good, but when you look to people more than God, you're in trouble, because people come and go. Loss is part of life. If you're stuck on God Himself, though, who you cannot lose, then all those other changes are much easier to handle.

Good on you for recognizing that.

Now, what are you going to do about it?

Interesting first question there!
I think I definitely tend to base my faith around my feelings and circumstances and PEOPLE. I have noticed this and yes, it does bother me.

What am I going to do? Well I've been praying more recently than I have in the last month or so. Being real and transparent with God. Asking for wisdom and help and grace. I need to reposition Him as the rock and center of my life. I especially need to run to Him and flee temptations rather than forsaking Him and running to those temptations.

And I need to get back to doing devotions and getting into the Word on a more consistent basis.

As for the mentor thing, I know a guy or two. I might throw it out there, get their thoughts on it, and go from there. I have to admit the Chris thing kind of threw a dart at my own self-confidence. I know he means well and means it all in love, but to hear someone expose your shortcomings without warning while you're driving them can be a bit jarring. He did apologize later and admitted that God is still working on him in the "grace department." I guess it's healthy to be aware of one's shortcomings, however. Now, I just need to deny the enemy's lies though that my shortcomings DEFINE who I am, especially as it relates to who I am in GOD'S EYES.

The Chris episode threw me off a bit, for better or for worse. I guess it is what it is and it's got a lot of gray shades to it. You can't neatly put it in a black or white box. I guess the answer is to transition myself from seeing Chris to seeing Christ!

[Dani H]

Ok then I have a followup question: Why is your self-confidence wrapped around other people's approval of you? Shouldn't God Himself be your confidence and your great reward?

[SteveL]

Ok then I have a followup question: Why is your self-confidence wrapped around other people's approval of you? Shouldn't God Himself be your confidence and your great reward?

I guess it's because I can see man and man's approval. I can't see God or His. Hopefully I'll mature in my faith and learn how to truly walk by faith and not by sight.

Update: I ran into Rob my friend at church tonight. He is one of a couple faces that came to mind when I prayed to God about this mentor business. Rob and I went out to dinner afterward and I told him about this mentor thing. Turns out God's put on his heart to mentor a younger brother. However, nothing is official right now and he urged me to keep praying about it to see if God confirms this match. And if so, he challenged me to take that leap of faith if God reveals I should find a mentor, whether it's him or someone else.

Praise God -- I think I'm coming out of this spiritual slump that I've been on.