Hi everyone, not sure if this is the best forum but I guess I could use some wise counsel so here goes!
My accountability partner Chris and I have been meeting bi-weekly for about a year now. He's a couple years older than me, working full time and is engaged to be married, while I am single and still working part-time. In recent months, I guess he's realized that we are currently on two different life paths.
Last month, while I was driving him to a church volunteering gig, he dropped the bombshell on me that perhaps it's time I look for a mentor if "I want to grow faster." It also acted as the end of our accountability season. He said "don't get the wrong idea we're still friends, but now I'm transitioning to see how I can better assist you."
To be honest, while I can't say I disagree with his reasoning, I didn't really see it coming and thus was quite hurt by it, although I know Chris is looking out for my best interest. I guess in the year's time we spent together, revealing all our secrets and whatnot, he realized he and I were not presently in similar life stages. He's def. taught me more than I have taught him.
Anyway, God has revealed new accountability partners for me, so that's a blessing. But on the mentor front, I don't really know any solid mentor candidates at my church. I suppose I can list a couple, but I dunno why, I'm scared/lazy to get such a relationship rolling because of my lack of comfort level.
Chris did say if God wills it, he would be willing to be my mentor if God doesn't reveal anyone else.
To be honest I am struggling in my walk. Since Chris "broke up with me" I became a bit more cynical and jaded. I haven't really felt close to God in the last couple weeks. In fact, I almost feel distanced from Him, but that's also because I know I haven't been spending time with Him.
I'm a bit worried because I'm approaching 3 years being saved and the fire I once had I seemed to have lost. I almost feel like I can sort of feel how Peter felt... claiming one day I'll never deny Jesus but another day actually denying Him.
When you get in "funks" in your walk, what works to bring you back?
What should I do with the mentor situation? Should I step out in faith? Is a mentor necessary for growth? I'm a little scared since you really are submitting yourself to a mentor and I guess I don't deal with change too well.
As you can see, my emotions are a bit all over the place right now. Like the Newsboys song goes, this is how I'm feeling. I heard this song today, and when I did, I felt my spirit "jump" at this part:
Let hope arise
And make the darkness hide
My faith is dead
I need a resurrection somehow
Please pray for me. I just feel a bit listless these days, enough to be worried. I know Jesus tells us not to worry, but this is a strange funk I've been in the past couple weeks. My prayer time has really diminished, I haven't been in the word much and I even skipped out on church this past Sunday to sleep in. I don't know what's going on with me. I was on fire as recently as 2 months ago.
I hope I'm not associating Chris' "breakup" with me in any shape or form as a reason to grow listless in my faith. But after his bombshell on me, I felt like things went downhill. I'm definitely concerned since my faith shouldn't be strictly tied to another human being and his/her interaction with me. Have I been looking to impress Chris this past year as much as I have God Himself???
Is this whole episode one giant enemy attack? I'm usually upbeat and positive but lately have turned a bit jaded and cynical. I listened to this weekend's past sermon and even felt my inner voice grow a bit critical like "I've heard that Christian lingo a hundred times before..."
I dunno if I'm overplaying how I feel since I'm writing and "on a roll" right now. Don't know if I'm making it worst than what it really is or if things have gotten this bad. I definitely still believe in Jesus Christ! I definitely will attend church consistently! Just been feeling like I've been going through the motions lately.... it's a weird feeling! I don't really like it either!