LOST......again (Copied from Introductions)

[ProdigalSon504]

Greetings. My story in brief: 34years old. Born & Raised by Christian/God-Fearing parents whom both are still heavily active in the church and missionary work today. Accepted Christ at the age of 7, forced to go to Sunday School, Morning Church Service, organized church activties during the week and EVERY Sunday from birth until I graduated high school. Began to stray and "back-slide" around Jr. year of H.S. and further and further away during my college years, and virtually never stepped foot back into a church from say 1996 to 2009 aside for the purpose of a wedding or funeral.

Became an athiest of sorts around 2010 and was furious with God and use to pray that he not bother me, and I agreed/promise to never bother nor pester him.

Married in 2001 and surprisingly still married to this day but as most of the time in this marriage barely by a thread as in all honesty our 3 children we brought into this world have been the catalyst or "glue" that has kept us together. Issues, issues, issues....no trust by EITHER party for basically pick ANY under-lying marital obstacle or issue. We started out both "in the world", she became saved around 2009 and me well I suppose to many christians I know a "heathen" which in turn became a even GREATER wedge in our union. Simple past mutual pleasures we once enjoyed only are still practiced in regular fashion by me....the drinking, partying, going-out, etc.

Currently for the most part living off the prayers of others and vividly remember feeling God removing his hands of protection around me at around the age of 33 ironically the same age Jesus was crucified but in NO way do I compare myself to thee...just merely a simple revelation/thought as I type this introduction. Craziness.....Made it through MANY detrimental situations/environments all of my life up until 33 as I was arrested 3 times in one year.

Arrest 1 ensued after a Mardi Gras parade and got into a heated/anebriated exchange with law enforcement over the status of my towed vehicle....later charges dropped due to no prior criminal record but performed 40 hours of communit service, a hefty fine, and "anger management". Arrest 2 ensued after a heated argument/dis-agreement with my wife and proceeded to the bar to "blow off some steam"....left from bar and playing my radio (non-christian music) quite loudly/caught a glimpse of Burger King out the corner of my eye and made a sudden attempt to enter the turning lane while no adjacent cars in my vicinity for at least a 10-15 car radius but apparently was enough to garner the un-desired attention of law enforcement once again. Unbeknown to me at the time rested a beer bottle in my cup holder from earlier that evening, which was enough to obviously wage the argument of "probable cause" in regards to being under the influence. PASSED the field sobriety test in my opinion yet not to blame the officer in this incident but we started off wrong as I made the comment of "I guess I should have turned suddenly at the Tasty Doughnut Shop just ahead and you might have understood".....lapse in judgement obviously but nevertheless received a DWI Charge at the conclusion of the incident.....still in all dodged yet another bullet in terms of charges dropped but paid SUBSTANTIAL fines, attended classes, dependency evaluation appts, community service, etc, etc, etc. 3rd and hopefully final arrest due to a un-known suspended license from an un-paid traffic citation in a routine traffic stop..nothing else to report here as I did learn from my past experience shut up, remained calm and was later release with-out bail.

Fast forward to now I have been blessed with 3 phenomenal kids...2 girls and to everyone's surprise just recently had my first son on Christmas Eve of 2011, I named him Joshua. I love my kids and my wife (most days when NOT arguing which is virtually and realistically all of the time it seems). But I type here once again feeling alone, mad, confused, fatigued, and yes you may have already guessed it slightly anebriated...oh yeah and of course on the couch which as of lately I've grown custom 2.

Saw the movie FIREPROOF and made it to day 4 (a small victory in my opinion) before all-together ditching the 40 day challenge because she pissed me off and yes another argument ensued. Nevertheless, I'm numb to anything regarding my marriage and this isnot my sole intention on typing any of this. I just DO NOT understand the ways of God. Yes I've heared COUNTLESS times it's "all in HIS plan", etc..." but sitting here being a spectator to his plan is not my idea of fun. I've been fortunate to meet alot of good people in my life...some of which that are no longer here on this earth yet he chooses to leave a plethora of vigilante thugs whom wreak havoc on my community and for why??? This is just not the view from my pond but yet on a gobal level as well. We just buried my cousin on Saturday, 30 years old...one son...loved God and live what most saved people would consider a "rightous" life yet I felt like between the 2 judging from my "sin-count" vs his I should have been the one and inevitably can't shake the feeling of still being here right now on borrowed time.

I don't know what God wants with me or even desires me after all of my transgressions.....It doesn't make sense logically speaking. My faith is weak and day by day I find myself merely just going through the motions....no desire...no purpose...no CARE. It's his world, I'm just trying to do my best going un-noticed living in it. Apologize for my rant as I know it's all over the place as my mind and soul. If we should speak no more, be well and good luck to all.makiPu

[Diggindeeper]

Prodigal, I am SO happy you have found us here. I want to offer you a BIG WELCOME first of all!

You know, you sound a lot like my husband did just prior to his really turning his back on booze, womanizing, partying, and all of that stuff. You sound almost like a carbon copy of him, back then! So I can see where you are coming from. I really can.

But from all you've said, here's a short summary of where you are in life right now...from where I'm sitting, reading what you've wrote.

Yes, God wants you and desires better things for you and OF YOU. I can testify to that as a fact! You know, a long time ago I read something called 'The Hound of Heaven.' It stayed with me all these many years. Here is a link (there are many more sites referring to this. Just google it, my friend!) to find something about God's relentless pursuit of us.

http://web.me.com/greenfieldhillchur...f%20Heaven.pdf

Here is an excerpt:
In the "Hound of Heaven" the narrator knows that he's pursued by God. He tries to ignore God, substitute other things for God. He revels in his youth, he immerses himself in nature, he rejoices in his independence, he can do it all without God, he's sure, and yet God is always there, nipping at his heels, running him down, the "hound of heaven", because God knows, sooner or later, down deep, God is what we are after, and what God provides, nothing else can.

The man who wrote this article said, "I'm not going into detail about how God hounds us. God can use our conscience, our friends, our work, or Scripture, a good book or movie or dream, but God keeps after us."

New friend, you spoke volumes when you said, "day by day I find myself merely just going through the motions....no desire...no purpose...no CARE. It's his world, I'm just trying to do my best going un-noticed living in it."

Well...no wonder! Without God, we wander around in all kinds of darkness. We have no purpose, no real desires. We go through the motions.

But oh my, when Christ Jesus walks into our life...suddenly life is worth living. (God has been SO good and merciful to you. You, friend, who has wandered off the RIGHT way and now wandering around in gross darkness. Is it really worth it? I offer that a good 1/3 of your life is now spent. Over. Done. Possibly maybe even 1/2 of it. Gone. The way you are going now, is it really worth it? All that money spent on fines...fines for immature, impulsive actions.

The fact is, you once heard of a better way and you know, deep down there is a better way.

You don't know yet, but soon, you will! You will find that when Christ Jesus walks into your life...suddenly life is worth living. (Again I say this...God has been SO good and merciful to you. This man who has wandered off the RIGHT way and is now wandering around in gross darkness.)

That is where you are at this very minute. You are at a crossroad. That is why you were sent here, to this board. To find your way back. To find peace. To learn to be the MAN of the family that you are supposed to be. And I know from all my experiences with my own husband a long time ago that you will be SO different! Your wife, your family, people who know you...they are going to be surprised at the difference in you.

Come home, Prodigal. He's waiting for you to come home.

He's truly the 'HOUND OF HEAVEN'.

[Diggindeeper]

ProdigalSon, I'd like to invite you to read my testimony. Its from the wife's point of view and what happened to our home and our marriage. I want to invite you to read it because I honestly and truly don't want you or your wife to go through what we did. You have children. You have a wife. You have a home and a marriage.

But, you just can't continue the way you are going for the rest of your life. I know, from the wife's point of view. Friend, it just is not worth it. I promise. Its not worth it.

Here is the link, if you care to read what we went through. (I told you, you sound a lot like my husband. Even if you are not on the prowl, you are on the wrong path. You can't be married and going in opposite directions from your wife. You two are partners. Partners put together by Almighty God. I really do care, Prodigal. That's why I'm telling you all this...)

My testimony is here:
http://bibleforums.org/showthread.ph...e-broken-heart

[Diggindeeper]

Now, to the present time, Prodigal.

Here we are, 55 years of marriage behind us. Friend, we have many more days behind us than in front of us now and I need to tell you...life is just too short to waste one day of it! One day, you wake up and your children are grown and you've gotten old and all that silliness that meant so much when you were young is now, to you, just mere silliness.

My husband became a changed man years ago, and when we both let Christ Jesus be the unseen guest in our home 7 days a week, 24 hours a day, each and every year...our life was SO different! It was like I had a different husband. I found my mouth hanging open at times when he would say, "We need to pray." And he'd take my hand and pray for someone. The Lord literally swapped his boozing, his partying, his 'playboy' lifestyle and transformed him into a man of God, right before my eyes! He became the MAN God wanted him to be. He became the PROTECTOR, the PROVIDER, and the PASTOR of our home, our marriage and our children.

It was like I had married a different man. I became so proud of him!

But once again, my heart is breaking. My husband of 55 years is in the battle of his life. I am so honored to care for him as much as I can, for as long as I can. He's battling cancer. In fact, I'm going to post here what I've already told the other staff members. Here is where we are today:

Just on here for a minute while Bill is sleeping.

The Home Health Nurse was here today, and after our doctor, the cancer specialist, and 3 different Home health Nurses have dealt with us and Bill...we are going with Hospice like they are all telling us its time for.

Bill is almost too weak to get into bed from the wheelchair, or from the recliner into the wheelchair to go to the bedroom. He can't regain his appetite. His blood pressure is a BIG issue.

He's leaving me, right in front of my eyes. His blood pressure sitting in the recliner is 100/58. But after a few minutes the nurse had him stand up and then she took it again. It took him 2 tries to stand, which is not unusual the past few days. But then, after standing, his blood pressure was 66/48.

I've cried all day. Just not in front of him. Please pray that I hold up and don't start crying in front of him. The good Lord allowed me to do this before my Mother passed. One day I could not stop crying. I told Bill at the time...called him at work, and told him, "My mother is going to die, Bill. I can't wait till Saturday to go down to Alabama. She may not be alive on Saturday." He left work and we headed down to Birmingham and she passed two days later. But, since I'd already been doing my grieving, alone, I was able to be the 'shoulder' for all of my 4 brothers and 2 sisters.

The Lord is good, in spite of everything. I'm just hurting today. Sure could use some overtime prayers.........

Why have I shared all this with you? Because even for you, new friend, the years pass too quickly! That happens to all of us, if the Lord allows us to live long enough. So, I ask you again...is it really worth your marriage, your home, your children just to continue on the path you are going? Surely you can understand. It just is not worth it.

I'm done now. I've said all that I felt impressed to share with you. With all your 'issues, issues' as you called it...tell me, is it REALLY worth it. Now that you are 34 years old, is it really worth it?

Come home ProdigalSon. Your heavenly father is waiting. Come home, and return to the God of your childhood.

I'll leave you with this:
Luke 15:11-24

Judy