Something about my parents troubling me lately. Please help!

[buster]

My mom and stepdad have been committed to, and living with, each other for roughly 22 years. As far as I know it, they are determined to be faithful and loving to each other until death do them part, the relationship has been blessed by numerous priests before, and at least a few family members on both sides, including my aunt, even see my mom and stepdad as husband and wife.

However, they never got a marriage license, and neither did they go in front of a judge. And if they do get a marriage license, I would lose my disability benefits. And then I came across Romans Chapter 13 in the bible, and when that happened, I started thinking; "Oh my god! This can't be! My parents are wonderful people, taking care of me since I was little, and now I just read that they are headed towards the lake of fire! How terrible!" My mind even started just screaming; "God, please, I beg you to forgive my parents' sins and take them to Heaven when they go! I wish for you to understand their hearts! They are wonderful to me and I don't ever want them going into eternal fire when they pass on!" A few times, I even cried in my heart at the thought of them going into eternal fire.

And coincidentally, I know someone who had epilepsy and had that exact type of relationship with a man. As far as I know, she never cheated on him or anything. She passed away on August 3rd, 2006 of a complication from a seizure, more commonly known as a Sudden Unexplained Death In Epilepsy, or SUDEP, as it is nicknamed. She has never come to me in my dreams yet, and I have this gut feeling that it may be possible that only deceased people who have gone to Heaven (and only Heaven) are capable of visiting loved ones on Earth in their dreams. Therefore, I am very scared for my parents.

[-SEEKING-]

Ok. No one goes to the lake of fire for not having a marriage certificate. That's not even a biblical requirement. It's a way for our government to take money from us via taxes. People go to hell for rejecting Jesus.

As far as the dreams, I don't think there's anything biblical that says ANYONE can come to visit us is our dreams.

[buster]

Ok. No one goes to the lake of fire for not having a marriage certificate. That's not even a biblical requirement. It's a way for our government to take money from us via taxes. People go to hell for rejecting Jesus.

As far as the dreams, I don't think there's anything biblical that says ANYONE can come to visit us is our dreams.

That is very touching for me. Hopefully everyone will keep the replies coming.

[Boo]

States that ackhowledge common-law marriage are allowing those who just want to "shack up" to call themselves married at their own convenience. I guess divorce in that case, considering that God told us that we should give a "certificate of divorce" to our wives when they commit adultery, is not required when one un-shacks-up.

I do believe that I am required to submit to authority in government, and the authority with the greatest impact on my life is state government. It says that I need to officially be issued a marriage license. To do otherwise is to deny the authority that I am instructed to submit to.

Therefore; if I go to a state where common law marriage is legal, shacking up is not a sin. A state that called co-habitation illegal makes it a sin?

I don't think so. God makes it a sin.

[claybevan]

Don't worry, if your mum and dad love the Lord Jesus then that's all thats required of them to be saved, no lake of fire for them! I also don't believe for one moment that deceased people are allowed to visit us in our dreams or any other way, God has all that stuff under his firm control, we are told explicitly not to try to speak to the spirit world so there's no way he will allow them to infiltrate our dreams without our consent. Be concerned only with Jesus everything else has to move out of his way. He loves you and your mum and dad, worrying stops us from getting on with his work, sing praises to him, that's a sure way to get rid of the worry beans!

[Boo]

Don't worry, if your mum and dad love the Lord Jesus then that's all thats required of them to be saved, no lake of fire for them! I also don't believe for one moment that deceased people are allowed to visit us in our dreams or any other way, God has all that stuff under his firm control, we are told explicitly not to try to speak to the spirit world so there's no way he will allow them to infiltrate our dreams without our consent. Be concerned only with Jesus everything else has to move out of his way. He loves you and your mum and dad, worrying stops us from getting on with his work, sing praises to him, that's a sure way to get rid of the worry beans!

Clay, may I interject a thought here? Well, without waiting for your answer, I will do so anyway.

I deal with so many people who follow your phrase of "if your mum and dad love the Lord Jesus then that's all thats required of them to be saved." Unfortunately since we speak English, not many of us really understand what that means entirely. It is the same with the word "believe."

In English, i can believe that I'll have another cup of coffee or I can believe in Christ Jesus = two totally different "believes."

Jesus told us, if you love me you'll obey my commandments. Just loving Him is not enough - there is more to it.

[turtledove]

I surely wouldn't conclude from just one scripture likely taken out of context that they are headed for the Lake of Fire. We need to consider the entire bible as well and all of the verses in the Gospel message. And, of course, to try to help them seek guidance and not to agree with others who may be judging them because they don't see the whole picture.

[Boo]

I guess it depends on how much stock a person puts into the command we were given to submit to the authority which we live under. As I stated previously, even different states have different laws about that. In some, it is illegal. In others, there are statutes that permit "common law marriage." Of course, I do believe that a name change seals the deal. If the wife takes the name of the man, it signifies the marriage.

It has nothng to do with a "loving and committed relationship" between a man and woman. I'm sure that God approves of that.

[fightfan9]

I had a first marriage, and the guy was young and selfish, he wanted a divorce and refused to even think about working on the marriage. It took years before we even divorced, he was supposse to file and kept finding financial reasons not too, in the end He asked me to do it, pay for it all, and I did. The point is; during this time I eventually started dating, and it raised eyebrows among my athiest friends, (oddly enough not among my christian or buddhist family members) They wanted to know wasn't I cheating on my soon to be exhusband?? I said no, To me, I considered myself married because I took a sacred vow to love him forever, and put him above everyone else. I didn't consider myself married because I was given a piece of paper signed by some stranger. When he asked for a divorce and refused to be talked out of it, I considered his vows undone, that very day, not years later when I finally got a divorce.

I guess my point is the vows, the sacred promise means more to me than any paper document.

[claybevan]

Clay, may I interject a thought here? Well, without waiting for your answer, I will do so anyway.

I deal with so many people who follow your phrase of "if your mum and dad love the Lord Jesus then that's all thats required of them to be saved." Unfortunately since we speak English, not many of us really understand what that means entirely. It is the same with the word "believe."

In English, i can believe that I'll have another cup of coffee or I can believe in Christ Jesus = two totally different "believes."

Jesus told us, if you love me you'll obey my commandments. Just loving Him is not enough - there is more to it.

I guess you are talking about the marriage certificate?

[MercyChild]

God is one that keeps His promises precisely, flesh and blood we fail to do so. We need to understand that God is a God of mercy and none of us are in any position to judge others, for there is only one judge.

Concerning the dreams, dude that is exactly what it is, just dreams. I have heard people before longing to see their deceased loved ones just one more time and then they do, however this greatest wish later becomes an obsession and I believe it can even become a door for satan to use as a trap to deceive us by spirits we know nothing about? As it was mentioned God has given us strong warnings in scriptures that we cannot contact the dead. Dead people are dead, they cannot contact anymore.

Yes God can give us dreams, quoted from Gods Word dreams are:

“Job 33:15 In a dream, a prophetic vision at night, when people fall into a deep sleep, when they sleep on their beds”

In other words, a dream is a prophetic vision, but studies have also shown that dreams could only be the sub conscious getting rid of information that is no longer required and then there is a couple of other unimportant scientific reasons which is not necessary to discuss here.

So, firstly please do not wish or worry if deceased loved ones do not come and visit you in your dreams, because we are not suppose to have contact with them and also it is not Biblical. Secondly if it is a concern for you that your folks is not married, your duty is to pray for them and ask God to show them whether it is wrong or not, then leave it to His Spirit to convict them, but this does not mean they will go to hell, we all disobey God in one way or another.

[Warrior4God]

I guess it depends on how much stock a person puts into the command we were given to submit to the authority which we live under. As I stated previously, even different states have different laws about that. In some, it is illegal. In others, there are statutes that permit "common law marriage."

Exactly. Though it's not "glamorous" or "romantic," some states do allow for common law marriage. That being the case, for those that were unbelievers who shacked up for several years and then became Christians, there may not be a need to get a license as they are already married according to the state they live in. Of course, they're still free to get a license should they choose to at some point, but, it's not mandatory.

Of course, I do believe that a name change seals the deal. If the wife takes the name of the man, it signifies the marriage.

That's certainly a man-made tradition, but it's not a mandate from God. Those that marry but keep their maiden name are still married, according the laws of man and in God's eyes.

[Boo]

Exactly. Though it's not "glamorous" or "romantic," some states do allow for common law marriage. That being the case, for those that were unbelievers who shacked up for several years and then became Christians, there may not be a need to get a license as they are already married according to the state they live in. Of course, they're still free to get a license should they choose to at some point, but, it's not mandatory.



That's certainly a man-made tradition, but it's not a mandate from God. Those that marry but keep their maiden name are still married, according the laws of man and in God's eyes.

I certainly wish I could see that as being true. However, since I see marriage as something done in the heart of a person, a woman refusing to take the name of the man is showing a lack of commitment in the heart, and therefore, not married. However, it is my view based on real life experience of someone close to me. They lived that way for 27 years, and I know that they were never committed. It was merely convenient.

[Warrior4God]

I certainly wish I could see that as being true. However, since I see marriage as something done in the heart of a person, a woman refusing to take the name of the man is showing a lack of commitment in the heart, and therefore, not married. However, it is my view based on real life experience of someone close to me. They lived that way for 27 years, and I know that they were never committed. It was merely convenient.

Though you're certainly entitled to feel how you do about a woman not taking the last name of her husband, the simple truth is there is no such commandment from God to do so found in the Bible. If there is, please reference it for me. That being the case, it is a choice that women get to make. It's not a requirement. If a woman wants to take her husband's last name she may. If she doesn't want to take his name, for whatever reason, including one you may feel is a dumb one, she's free to decline. You do realize there are many non-Western countries on this earth where a woman doesn't change her name after becoming married because, well, it's just not a custom there, right? Are you prepared to say they're not married, or do you believe they are married, but if the name changing thing doesn't occur in, say, the United States or Canada it's then wrong? If you feel the name changing thing for women only has to apply in Western nations, why do you believe so? Isn't that kind of, well, hypocritical? A woman may have her reasons for not taking her husband's last name, none of which necessarily indicates she has no desire to remain married or committed to him. Some women feel it is a societal hang up that indicates "ownership" of the husband over the wife, rather than a partnership, as if she was some sort of "property." The people you knew...27 years is a long time to be together "without being committed." That's longer than some marriages with actual licenses involved have lasted. Convenience alone doesn't seem like a strong enough reason for them to have stayed together, albeit without a marriage license, for such a lengthy amount of time. How do you explain that? Though it involved a non-conventional sense of "committment," no marriage license, this relationship must have had some form of committment betwen them to have lasted so long. If not, it would have ended a lot sooner than 27 years, convenience or no convenience involved, I would think. Don't get me wrong. I definitely think, where required by their state, getting a marriage license to finalize marriage is what Christians need to do. In states where there is common law marriage, to get a license, or not, is basically up to the couple. Changing the last name of the wife to her husband's, though usually done because of tradition, is not mandatory, nor does it indicate she will stay married if she changes her name, just as it doesn't indicate she will leave her husband if she doesn't change her name.

[Boo]

I don't know if you explained clearly enough how I am so dumb, but you did a suitable job.

In my dumbness, I also acknowledge that some states actually use the phrase "living together as if they were married."

In the bible times, there were no actual last names. Whether or not people were married is a matter of them announcing it and living together as husband and wife. In our society - the one where we baby boomers grew up - the wife assuming the last name was THE indication as well as the ring on their fingers.

Since I live in a "Western Nation" where that was the norm, I will naturally perceive things that way.

I guess that is why I am so dumb.