Hi brothers and sisters,
I'd like your counsel on the following. This entire school year (starting in September 2011) I have been a part of my church's "Kids' Club." KC is where you, as a consistent volunteer, go to this elementary school every Wednesday to work with a certain group of kids from a certain grade from 1-3 PM doing Bible stories, arts and craft, Bible memory verses, etc. I did this briefly toward the end of March 2010, but didn't do it at all September 2010-May 2011 as I switched churches in mid 2010.
I came back to this church January 2011 and later that year the same director I once worked with before recruited me again, knowing the job I did in March 2010 and that I wasn't working full time. It's a niche group of volunteers since so many people are working during the weekdays. In fact, most everyone is 40+. I'm the only one under 30 volunteering. Like I said, being 1-3 PM on Wednesdays makes it difficult for most working folks to get out.
Other than maybe four Wednesdays this school year (two because of sickness, two because of work during the day) I've been leading the same group of four 2nd and 3rd graders. They're a little rowdy, especially the boys, but I've learned to grow to appreciate each of them in their own unique ways. After all, they're God's children first, their parents second, and then we're lucky enough to get to work with them 2 hours every Wednesday.
I am a part-time teacher. I sub during the days whenever possible and I teach after school classes. This year I've only been on ONE school district, and magically, I've subbed every day of the week except... Wednesday. Although we know that "magic" is God, heh. At any rate, when I prayed about whether God wanted me to do KC again in 2011, I received confirmation that I should. So, wanting to be obedient I gave the director the call and have been back in.
However, I honestly do not feel God calling me back for a second year. I have my reasons for this, and they are as follows:
1. When I received confirmation to rejoin KC in 2011, it was only for the school year of September 2011-May 2012. I kind of get the sense this is just for this season, and not something I'll be doing year after year as a regular
2. During this summer I plan to register on many more school districts. I hope to be on at least 4-5 different districts' subbing list. As such, I envision more Wednesday calls come September should I not get a full time teaching position. Obviously, this affects KC as those kids often come from broken homes and need a mentor's consistency. I'd not feel right committing to doing KC again knowing there's a good possibility I may miss many Wednesdays
Sorry this is a bit long. Right now, I'm feeling some sense of peace about emailing the director and letting her know that next year I won't be able to be a regular leader, however, I can and am willing to be a substitute in case someone is out and I'm not subbing at a school.
My struggle is, I'm feeling a little guilty because like I said, this ministry is quite short-handed. Sure, God can provide but I feel guilty about the idea of not serving to serve my own needs, as legitimate as they may be. On the other hand, I think my decision to transition from a leader to a sub-on-call because of my increasing career to be incredibly wise. Since I can expand my gifts and bless more kids who could use me in their lives growing up.
Should I feel guilty? How can I stop feeling guilty? Am I being overly selfish? Am I being wise in God's eyes, not just in the world's eyes?
Is there anything wrong with my decision to focus more on my actual teaching career and "giving up" this ministry? Is there anything I wrote that stuck out to you as possibly unpleasing to God?
One thing I know for sure: I'll be praying for these KC volunteers and that God will bring more folks in to carry out His work in this ministry.