This is gonna sound really weird, but please bear with me:
I was trying to by a drink at Barnes and Nobles (etheir cafe) and I wanted to pay by credit card. And just when I was deciding on that, the thought entered my mind along the lines of, "If I use this credit card, then I'm an atheist".
I thought about it. One part of me was telling me to ignore it--that it was part of my scrupulousity, while another was arguing that it was real. In end, I ended up paying by that credit card, but midway through paying I then somehow "believed" that it was real. In fact, I was tempted to ask the cashier not to use it, but she already slid the card. And now I'm afraid to ever use that same card again or else that would be somehow "confirming" the reality of that thought.
I know, that this doesn't make sense. But....how would God judge this?
-Hermit
p.s. I don't want to be an unbeliever.



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