I want to get out of this relationship but I'm scared

[softballguy]

I know this is different because I'm a guy.... but I've been with my girlfriend for over 5 years and I've wanted to get out but am scared to. She's been terrible to me quite often, verbally abusive, has cheated on me, lies often about major issues, etc. Obviously I need to leave but I have a few reasons why I'm scared:

1. She depends on me financially and I honestly believe that's the main reason she gets mad when I've talked about how I can't do this any more. She has threatened to "ruin my life". I'm scared she could do anything from harassing my family and I to something way bigger like falsely accuse me of raping her or something.

2. I know I'm good for her. Even though she doesn't appreciate it, I see the other people she has and does associate herself with and it's not good. It's really hard to force myself to not care about her even if she's not good to me.

I would appreciate any advice, tips, encouragement, anything really. Thank you.

[awestruckchild]

Wow.
This does not sound very good for either one of you.
First of all, don't even try to force yourself to not care about her.
It is possible to love someone and because of that love and concern, to refuse to allow a situation that is bad for them and yourself to go on.

[EarlyCall]

I know this is different because I'm a guy.... but I've been with my girlfriend for over 5 years and I've wanted to get out but am scared to. She's been terrible to me quite often, verbally abusive, has cheated on me, lies often about major issues, etc. Obviously I need to leave but I have a few reasons why I'm scared:

1. She depends on me financially and I honestly believe that's the main reason she gets mad when I've talked about how I can't do this any more. She has threatened to "ruin my life". I'm scared she could do anything from harassing my family and I to something way bigger like falsely accuse me of raping her or something.

2. I know I'm good for her. Even though she doesn't appreciate it, I see the other people she has and does associate herself with and it's not good. It's really hard to force myself to not care about her even if she's not good to me.

I would appreciate any advice, tips, encouragement, anything really. Thank you.

Marry her immediately.



If you're going to continue to put up with this woman and her abuse, her sponging off you and her threats, then at least have a good reason for doing so.

[Indueseason]

Mod note : I moved your thread to counselling, it's better suited here

[Dani H]

So you're with her because she's blackmailing you?

Do you think so very little of yourself? Or of her?

You're not good for her. If you were, she wouldn't still be doing what she does. If we're good for a person, the result is that person being pulled up and transformed for the better. You're allowing her to stay in the place she wants to stay. So let her stay there, and walk away.

Record her threats, keep them in a safe place for evidence, put your big boy pants on, pack your stuff, and leave. She's never going to grow up until the crutch is gone (and that crutch is you).

[andrew_no_one]

Perhaps you should involve the police. If there is documentation and at the very least an attempt at getting a restraining order it will make fabricated stories about you less believable.
Now, it goes without saying that you must not touch her sexually for any reason. This violates God's law and gives her "evidence" for her charges.
I strongly suggest you let your family know what's going on, pray and get out of that situation. Stop supporting her financially, move out (tonight if possible), and have as many people aware of things as possible.

[Diggindeeper]

Softballguy, I just don't think I can make an informed comment or offer advise until I know a little more...like, how old are you? How old is she? In your profile you marked that you are a Christian, but is the girl a Christian? And how long have you been living (called shacking up) with her? Just things like that. Could you please give us a little more information? If you do, then I can pray better about a response to you.

[turtledove]

Sounds like you are looking for a quick fix to a wrongful situation you have gotten yourself into; and one is not likely to be forthcoming. Like diggendeeper says more information is needed in order for us to address this request in any specific way. Generally speaking from what you have written on your post you need to end this relationship which is very unhealthy for both of you. You say you can't; but ??????.

Prayers for you both.

[arios112881]

We have the same situation, the only difference is she is too violent, she's verbally abusive, hurts me physically i even reported it to the police but the police said the law is quite hard for guys here in the philippines. Im also looking for advice and lots of prayers that someday she would just give up on me because I want to move on and live peacefully.

I can't leave her at my own place because I do not have the financial capability to start over. an advice for me would also be great. May God bless us all always....

[andrew_no_one]

We have the same situation, the only difference is she is too violent, she's verbally abusive, hurts me physically i even reported it to the police but the police said the law is quite hard for guys here in the philippines. Im also looking for advice and lots of prayers that someday she would just give up on me because I want to move on and live peacefully.

I can't leave her at my own place because I do not have the financial capability to start over. an advice for me would also be great. May God bless us all always....

Hardship is to be preferred if peace accompanies it.
Will pray.

[scottyscotts]

Wow, that sounds like a hard situation. Right now I’m trying to work out whether my fiancée is emotionally manipulative and abusive. I’m not sure whether her behaviour is completely wrong, or if I just haven’t treated her good enough and loved her enough. Her behaviour may be acceptable and I may have just been a jerk. I don’t know though.

In your case, it is very clear that this girl is wrong in her treatment of you. No doubt about it. You know what the right thing to do is. If you do care about her then it is hard. I totally understand that. Even though she’s horrible to you, you don’t want to hurt her or upset her. You don’t want to drop her in the deep end financially. I guess those things are just inevitable things that you need to deal with, as hard as it may be.

As for all the threats she’s been making, and things you’re scared she’ll do. If it was me I would just grit my teeth and deal with it. Be prepared to be pulverised, but do your best to minimise the damage to you, your family, and her as well.

This has to end so just grit your teeth and do it.