How to survive horror movie situations

[Sojourner55]

1. Be aware that impending attacks by maniacs are often preceded by spooky music out of nowhere. Listen for it.
2. Expect to fall down at least twice while running from a killer, and plan accordingly.
3. When fleeing from a machete-wielding maniac, be aware that no matter how far you run, or how fast, he can still step out from behind a tree in front of you.
4. When it seems that you have killed the monster, never approach it to see if it's really dead. It isn't.
5. Decline any invitation to join friends at any resort whose history involves deaths by a homicidal maniac.
6. If you learn that your house was built on or near a cemetery or a site used for black masses, move away immediately.
7. Never read a book of demon-summoning aloud, even as a joke.
8. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
9. When you have the benefit of numbers, never pair off or go it alone.
10. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
11. If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, leave the room immediately, if you value your life.
12. If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
13. If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.
14. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're really sure you know what you are doing.
15. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, etc., get away from them as fast as possible. Don't stand there, watching the transformation.
16. If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.
17. If you are invited to spend the night in any alleged haunted house, decline. If you do go, be aware that transportation away from the place will not be available when the gory deaths begin, and you will be doomed...idiot.
18. When being chased by the killer, run for the door, and do not make the amateurish mistake of running upstairs where you have only a second story window to attempt escape from.
19. When fleeing for your life, just run. Don't bother with the car--either it will not start, or you will have forgotten the keys. You may however, be able to flee in an old pickup you encounter along the way, since the keys will be conveniently located above the sun visor.
20. Realize that locking the car doors offers little safety from the killer, since the glass in the windows is generally not too hard to break.

[Scooby_Snacks]

19.When fleeing for your life, just run. Don't bother with the car--either it will not start, or you will have forgotten the keys. You may however, able flee in an old pickup you encounter along the way, since the keys will be conveniently located above the sun visor.

Trying to remember what movie it was from...

[awestruckchild]

This list has neglected to warn of the futility, not to mention the waste of valuable escape time, that picking up any phone to call for help will cost you.

[awestruckchild]

It also admirably warns of not searching the basement, but unless you plaster a disclaimer on it, you might be in danger of a lawsuit if you do not add that attics are completely off limits, for ANY REASON WHATSOEVER, but ESPECIALLY if there are strange sounds coming from them.

You also might need to add that you never want to open the medicine cabinet mirror and then close it. There is absolutely NOTHING in that medicine cabinet that you need that bad compared to the fright you're going to get when you close it.

[awestruckchild]

One more thing.
There are certain precautions you can take BEFORE you find yourself in horror movie situations, like surrounding yourself at all times with scantily clad coeds. This will give you more time to get away because no matter what type of killer you are faced with, they always kill them first. (But make sure they can't run faster than you or your plan will probably backfire.)

[Sojourner55]

Trying to remember what movie it was from...

There is probably at least a dozen movies I've seen that in. It's almost as common as the key over the door frame.

[teddyv]

Trying to remember what movie it was from...

Definitely in Terminator 2 and Independence Day, although not exactly horror flicks.

[tango]

One more thing.
There are certain precautions you can take BEFORE you find yourself in horror movie situations, like surrounding yourself at all times with scantily clad coeds. This will give you more time to get away because no matter what type of killer you are faced with, they always kill them first. (But make sure they can't run faster than you or your plan will probably backfire.)

Good point. Whenever there's an ominous sounding bump in a remote part of the house (after the power has gone out, of course) you can be sure one of the coeds will decide to investigate, unconcerned by the fact all she is wearing is a skimpy nightie. Which of course means there's no pressure on you to go and investigate the room in the basement with ominous sounding crackles and an eerie green glow coming from under the door.

[Scooby_Snacks]

Definitely in Terminator 2 and Independence Day, although not exactly horror flicks.

Yeah, I think I remember the terminator 2 one.

The zombie movies are good because the keys are left in the ignition. Zombies dont drive.

[awestruckchild]

Zombies dont drive.

Yeah, at least if we have to put up with them, we've been smart enough not to give them licenses!!

[Theophilus]

If the aforemention scantily clad co-eds are not available, it never hurts to have several computer geeks and fanboys handy...they usually have excellent information regarding the approaching menace, and typically don't run very fast.

[Youssarian]

10. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

Hahahahaaaa XD Consider yourself rep'd.

[ChristianCoffee]

I would add that you never enter a cave or mine that has any sort of "odd" history.

[Scooby_Snacks]

How bout-- When exploring a foreign spaceship, do not look over the top of large egg looking things sitting on the ground?

[ChristianCoffee]

How bout-- When exploring a foreign spaceship, do not look over the top of large egg looking things sitting on the ground?

And make sure you do not have a red outfit on when you go on an "away mission".