Please take your time reading this while your drinking your coffee or tea.
Im crying while im typing this Im a grade 12 student finishing High School
I was born on June 17 1994 my mom almost miscarried me twice, but I lived. In my childhood i grew up close to my mom, i remeber her taking me to preschool and helping her garden with her beside her. Shes beautiful and i love her with all my heart. Throughtout my childhood Ive stolen candy from the grocery store, ive lied to my family from time to time, and ive done stuff that hurt others and i broke the first Commandment in grade 6 by praying to greek Gods that i have learned in social class, i know right?, thats weird. But i never really focus on God nor my relationship with him when I was little. But I did pray to him everynight and i still remeber it " Dear God i love you with all my heart soul mind and strength let me choose the right path which is Heaven and let me choose right from wrong, Thank you for everything I love you Amen" I did this for a couple years then my attitude started to change I stopped praying to him and i lost my focus on him. I went into great depression because i was getting picked on in school, I attemptted suicide a few times in junior high cause I gave up on life and didnt believe it was worth living, cause people judged me without getting to know me in person. High school got a little bit better I met alot of new people and i became the School DJ.So now your asking yourself well what do you need help with then? I became addictted to pornography in my early teens, then mid teens I started to masturbate, I know masterbation is a sin because its lustful vision of someone, this kinda stopped in May 2012 but i got back on it shortly of it.. temptation. But after i did this i would watch Videos on Heaven and Hell and it really opened my spirtual side of me. Last week I broke down crying one night begging for God for forgiveness of everything that ive done in my Life to forgive me and make me a better person, I went roughly 2 days without masturbation but slipped into temptation and i felt guilt and hurt cause i hurt the relationship with God. Tonight I cried for forgiveness again and i said about a dozen prayers i felt better. and I asked Jesus to take away pornography away from me and i must say i feel more alive then ever and I have no erge to do that stuff anymore. I feel like a new person now, because i believe Jesus has helped me and i understand Gods unconditional love for us. But for me its weird everytime i think about Jesus or God deeply I start to cry, is this normal? this has been happening alot for the past 2 weeks.
I wanna say thank you for your time and understanding with the life i grew up I just wanted to get it all out and hopefully people will understand, I hope all of you a lovley day God bless