I've been struggling with intrusive thoughts again and again. I know I'm suppose to ignore them, like some have suggested, but sometimes I can't stop thinking about them.
I mean today, I had these intrusive thoughts:
1.) I was thinking about a writing project that someday I may or may not start (one of those things you think you might want to do, but it won't kill you if you didn't). And then I had this thought in my mind that "Yes" I would rather go to hell than not be able to write anything ever again (besides work related stuff or forum or email stuff). Now I can't help stop worrying about it.
2.) I was in the check out line to pay for groceries and then the thought along the lines of this came up---"Wouldn't it be 'cool' if you waited here and as you were paying decided to return everything (I had a bunch of stuff)? Come on, wouldn't you want to bargain your salvation for that?" And somehow, I felt myself saying yes to that in mind. It doesn't make sense. I don't know why I said that. But I don't want to bargain my salvaiton for that (in fact I don't want to bargain it at all). Maybe I meant it at the time, but honestly, why would I? Now I'm afraid of the very groceries that I bought.
I'm a little confused, a little scared, and pretty frustrated.