Does good parenting always matter? (Moved from FIC)

[Slug1]

God wasn't assaulted by PJW in post #6, I was. I defended myself. What does that have to do with God? I may not have been the perfect parent, but I think I did a damn good job overall, thank you very much. I disciplined my kids and instilled morals and values. I wasn't lenient, unconcerned, and uninvolved like a lot of parents are nowadays. In fact, if anything, I was probably a little more stricter and nosy at times than I needed to be. It just gets under my skin when people who don't know me personally can say I was a crappy parent and not even bother to show exactly how I allegedly was other than to just spit out some stupid vague statement and use the word "God" in it in an attempt to validate their view.

You did good... your daughter is WHO is in the wrong presently and you are beating YOURSELF up for her failings.

God isn't gonna hold you accountable for her mistakes (concerning this situation)... only you can do that and based on this entire thread, is EXACTLY what you are doing.

So stop.

Since you did your Watchmen duties in instructing her and warning her that what she is doing is WRONG, then her mistakes are not going to be held against you.

You don't even have to defend yourself... if you know you did the best you can/could, then don't allow posts from such as the likes as PJW to harm you. That is the PURPOSE of such posts... to harm you. Thus the discernment that such posts are NOT of God and from that discernment, discard the source of harm.

[Warrior4God]

Oh, by the way, I was correct about assuming my daughter had sex with her boyfriend while staying at his place, even though she denied it for awhile. She confided in my wife about it yesterday. Really warms my heart.

[Slug1]

Oh, by the way, I was correct about assuming my daughter had sex with her boyfriend while staying at his place, even though she denied it for awhile. She confided in my wife about it yesterday. Really warms my heart.

When I was a Youth Pastor and youth confided in me about cheating on a test or something like that (just an example)... I let them know that such action disappointed me. When they understood that I was disappointed but I still continued to help them ID the problems and ID the reasons they failed temptation and cheated on the test (sinned)... them KNOWING I was disappointed really WOKE them up and OPENED them to the help I offered to them. I've also discussed this with some parents that were at their wits end in disciplining their children and I asked them if they ever expressed their disappointment in the actions that their children (who KNOW right from wrong) are doing??

Once the parents began to express this, and their children SAW how their lack of "right" and doing "wrong" made their parent's felt... it opened up communication because "punishment" wasn't the course of action... IDing the problem and SOLVING the problem WAS now the course of action because the youth didn't want to "disappoint" their parents.

Your child is NOT a youth so this cannot be used in building of a foundation at this point in time. However, since she is mature and an adult, the fact you are disappointed in her actions... NOT IN HER (make that clear)... if offense isn't blinding her, she will be opened to communication by you and your wife.

[Warrior4God]

When I was a Youth Pastor and youth confided in me about cheating on a test or something like that (just an example)... I let them know that such action disappointed me. When they understood that I was disappointed but I still continued to help them ID the problems and ID the reasons they failed temptation and cheated on the test (sinned)... them KNOWING I was disappointed really WOKE them up and OPENED them to the help I offered to them. I've also discussed this with some parents that were at their wits end in disciplining their children and I asked them if they ever expressed their disappointment in the actions that their children (who KNOW right from wrong) are doing??

Once the parents began to express this, and their children SAW how their lack of "right" and doing "wrong" made their parent's felt... it opened up communication because "punishment" wasn't the course of action... IDing the problem and SOLVING the problem WAS now the course of action because the youth didn't want to "disappoint" their parents.

Your child is NOT a youth so this cannot be used in building of a foundation at this point in time. However, since she is mature and an adult, the fact you are disappointed in her actions... NOT IN HER (make that clear)... if offense isn't blinding her, she will be opened to communication by you and your wife.

Our daughter knows that, when she "blows it," we, as her parents, still love her and that it's her actions we're not happy with. We've had that conversation before in regards to other situations. She knows that she doesn't have to be spotless in regards to sin in order to earn, or keep, our love; we love her simply because she's our daughter.

[Warrior4God]

I've no doubt you were and still are a wonderful parent. What PJW said was rude, however we know that God knows what we did as parents.
That's all that really matters.

Jeanne

I know you mean well when you say what you said above, but, honestly, it's not enough for me. I don't like looking incompetent as a parent to others when I honestly don't believe that I was. I was far from perfect, but I was better than many others, that's for sure.

[Slug1]

Our daughter knows that, when she "blows it," we, as her parents, still love her and that it's her actions we're not happy with. We've had that conversation before in regards to other situations. She knows that she doesn't have to be spotless in regards to sin in order to earn, or keep, our love; we love her simply because she's our daughter.

Good... now does she truly understand WHAT her actions cause you both as her parents when she is not doing what she's been taught?

It's like any given Christian not truly understanding what "grieving" the Holy Spirit really means. If they did TRULY understand this... then this would help them NOT do what grieves the Holy Spirit. As a child, if they truly understood what disappointment was all about... then they would do all they could, NOT to do what disappoints their parents.

If they do... the parents should NOT beat themselves up as it seems you are doing to yourself based on this thread. You are NOT incompetent in the eyes of others and the oppression you are feeling is a LIE of the enemy. Also... as I stated, DO NOT allow some of the posts in this thread reinforce the LIES of the enemy. Use that discernment you have!!

[Jeanne D]

I know you mean well when you say what you said above, but, honestly, it's not enough for me. I don't like looking incompetent as a parent to others when I honestly don't believe that I was. I was far from perfect, but I was better than many others, that's for sure.

Who thinks you look incompetent as a parent, other than one person, whom you don't really know?

Listen, if we continue to pray for our children and place them in God's hands, He will bring them back. I am believing that with all my heart.
If you'd like to give me your daughter's first name, I'd be happy to pray for her as well.

Jeanne

[Warrior4God]

Who thinks you look incompetent as a parent, other than one person, whom you don't really know?

Listen, if we continue to pray for our children and place them in God's hands, He will bring them back. I am believing that with all my heart.
If you'd like to give me your daughter's first name, I'd be happy to pray for her as well.

Jeanne

Well, one person is one person too many, in my view. Maybe I shouldn't really care about that, but it does bother me. I don't like being thought of negatively by people if I don't think their opinion is accurate. My daughter's name is Michelle. Anyway, thanks for your kind words.

[Reynolds357]

If you taught your child that such action is wrong, then her actions have nothing to do with your parenting... it's all a matter of her listening to your parenting as she was raised properly and being in obedience to what she knows is wrong and not to do it.

She's failing, not you.

I have made several of my brothers in Christ very mad with what I am about to say, but they have always chewed on it a bit and then realized what I told them was hard to swallow, but correct.
If you truly rear your child right, they will not depart from that upbringing. I am not talking about dragging them to Church every time the doors swing open; I am talking about living a Godly life in front of them and also training them up in the sound doctrine of our faith. Many parents who think they are bringing a child up in the ways of God are simply seen by their kids as the worlds biggest hypocrites. Our walk must exceed our talk. Many parents I know are not rearing their Child to be Godly, they are driving their child away from God with hypocrisy.
Warrior, I am not trying to be cold hearted or rude, but 13 was a bit late to start and therein probably lies 80% of the problem in this case.

[Reynolds357]

That is very encouraging. I raised both my sons in the faith. My oldest is now agnostic and living with his girlfriend. I am trusting the Lord to bring him back and praying for him everyday. He wasn't raised that way.

Jeanne

I think this happens many times because our children are not grounded in apologetics. It almost happened to me when I first arrived at the God forsaken heathen institution known as The University of Georgia.

[Slug1]

I have made several of my brothers in Christ very mad with what I am about to say, but they have always chewed on it a bit and then realized what I told them was hard to swallow, but correct.
If you truly rear your child right, they will not depart from that upbringing. I am not talking about dragging them to Church every time the doors swing open; I am talking about living a Godly life in front of them and also training them up in the sound doctrine of our faith. Many parents who think they are bringing a child up in the ways of God are simply seen as the kids as the worlds biggest hypocrites. Our walk must exceed our talk. Many parents I know are not rearing their Child to be Godly, they are driving their child away from God with hypocrisy.
Warrior, I am not trying to be cold hearted or rude, but 13 was a bit late to start and therein probably lies 80% of the problem in this case.

Hooah... example is ALWAYS a stronger teacher, AMEN!

I'm just a sort of person that teaching means both... lesson and example and for those in a position to teach, do it in the leading OF example. No such thing as "Do as I say, not as I do".

[Warrior4God]

I have made several of my brothers in Christ very mad with what I am about to say, but they have always chewed on it a bit and then realized what I told them was hard to swallow, but correct.
If you truly rear your child right, they will not depart from that upbringing. I am not talking about dragging them to Church every time the doors swing open; I am talking about living a Godly life in front of them and also training them up in the sound doctrine of our faith. Many parents who think they are bringing a child up in the ways of God are simply seen as the kids as the worlds biggest hypocrites. Our walk must exceed our talk. Many parents I know are not rearing their Child to be Godly, they are driving their child away from God with hypocrisy.
Warrior, I am not trying to be cold hearted or rude, but 13 was a bit late to start and therein probably lies 80% of the problem in this case.

Umm... I raised my kids with morals before I even became a Christian. I taught them right from wrong for quite awhile without God or His Word being involved. Wrong to lie. Wrong to steal. Wrong to cheat. Wrong to have sex outside of marriage. I didn't even need God to teach them those things. I already had morals and a conscience. I didn't become a Christian until I was 33 (41 now) and my younger daughter was 13 and my older daughter was 14. My younger daughter already knew that sex before marriage was wrong before we became Christians. We had that talk long before she was 13. It would have been ideal if I had been raised as a Christian and then raised my kids as Christians from day one instead of at 13 and 14 ...but it didn't happen that way. And I refuse to beat myself up about that. It is what it is. Would you perhaps find some satisfaction if I did do the whole "hating myself for not becoming a Christian sooner" self imposed guilt trip? If you were raised in a Christian home from birth count yourself blessed. Not everybody lives that fairytale story. I totally get the whole "leading by godly example and not being a hypocrite" stuff that you're talking about. I didn't expect and demand my kids to do anything I wasn't willing to do myself. I didn't tell them it was wrong to lie and then constantly lie in front of them. I didn't tell them it was wrong to steal and then steal. Was I flawless as a parent after becoming a Christian? Not really. Are you either? I got angry and lost my temper with my kids at times when they misbehaved. I was probably a little harsher at times with them than was needed. I do regret that sort of stuff. But hypocritical? Nope.

[Warrior4God]

No such thing as "Do as I say, not as I do".

I didn't raise my kids that way.

[Slug1]

I didn't raise my kids that way.

I never said you did... see how I'm replying in a general way to Reynolds in how "I" teach? Notice the first word in my sentence is "I'm"... so the post is about ME, not you.

I'm just a sort of person that teaching means both... lesson and example and for those in a position to teach, do it in the leading OF example. No such thing as "Do as I say, not as I do".

So... wasn't even considering you in my reply to him... dude, stop looking for fuel to perpetuate this oppression over you.

EverySINGLE one of my posts in here in relation to quoting your posts directly... are in offer to HELP you. Seems all you do is pick fights with the advice.

Only that one post from PJW is discerned as a post to harm you.

[ChristianCoffee]

I know that God doesn't lie and His Word says that if you train up a child in the path of righteousness he or she will never depart from it. Well, then why does my almost 21 year-old daughter, who was raised as a Christian since she was 13, start dating an unbeliever and start staying the night with him recently? She claims she hasn't had sex with him, but I have a hard time believing that. I'm 41 years-old. I'm not stupid. I'm sure they've had sex. Anyway, I've always raised my daughters with morals, even before I was a Christian. I disciplined them, including the occasional spanking. They were loved and treated good but definitely were not pampered and spoiled. They were not kids that were allowed to run amok like so many kids you see nowadays. So, how come I've apparently "failed" as a parent? What did I not do correctly that I obviously should have done? What does God think of my "lousy" parenting?

Believe me: I feel like a failure myself. I did not become a Christian until 1999: my kids were a bit older, so they really saw me at my worst. Now, my daughter has carnal relations with the man she is going to marry (in Oct), and my son is very wayward as well. They know the truth: all I can do is pray they will return to the Lord. I did the same things that you have done: discipline, teach them Gods Word, take them to church.

Do not judge yourself for what your children have done: they are answerable to God for what they are doing. They are beyond the age of accountability. My suggestion to you is to just pray for her, like I do my own children. God can do what we cannot.

In Him,

CC

Romans 8:15-17