How do I know that it's scrupulosity or not?

[Hermit7]

Okay,

Last night, I suffered an incident. I was being tempted to sin and a thought came into my mind, saying someting like "I would rather lose my salvation, than not be able to commit this sin."

All throughout, I was fighting this thought (my anxiety was spiking). And then I yelled out "YES!".

That freaked me out. I actually said yes to that thought.

Well, to say the least, I didn't end up committing that particular sin the other night.

But now I'm afraid to write anything else besides email, forum stuff, and work related stuff because that particular "sin" that the thought attached itself to, involved writing.

My question is this--how do I know that this whole...thing...whatever you want to call it is really just my disorder acting up or whether it's really me trying damn myself (or actually damning myself)?

-Hermit

[jayne]

To be honest, only someone who knows you well, and has expertise in this matter, like your doctor(s) can answer that with certainty. Have you talked to your doctor lately?

Why don't you think of it this way - instead of trying to figure out the source of this type of thinking on your own and asking strangers on the internet to help you pinpoint the source, why not say to yourself, "whatever the source of these thoughts are - I rebuke them in the Name of Jesus".

Let me share this with you and I swear that I am telling you the truth. Not more than two hours ago, I had a very instrusive thought. To back up a little, let me preface by saying that I saw a movie years and years ago and one of the characters blurted out a very bold and hateful blasphemous statement to God. I changed the channel and could not watch the rest of the film. A terrible feeling stuck with me for days.

That was years ago. But not more than two hours ago, I was driving back from town and the scene from that film and that characters words entered my mind![ Instantly I asked God to take that thought from me and to forgive me for thinking it. I didn't try to analyze why or where it came from or if I had any other thoughts in my mind that opened the door for that long since forgotten thing to enter my mind.

None of that concerned me. I rebuked it and asked God to take it from me. And I focused my thoughts immediately on something else.

I think that - and remember, I am not a doctor or a licensed counselor - but it stands to reason that part of your anxiety is stemming from your desire to know the source of these thoughts. What's more relevant than their source is that fact these thoughts are lies and not from God. Lay them at His feet and change the focus of your thoughts. And ask these questions to your doctor, too.

That's really all we can tell you, here. And we can listen and pray. I'm praying for you now.

[Hermit7]

Wait, so are you saying that all these thoughts--all those thoughts that I mentioned above aren't real? And when you rebuke them in the name of Jesus what happens if they come back?

-Hermit

To be honest, only someone who knows you well, and has expertise in this matter, like your doctor(s) can answer that with certainty. Have you talked to your doctor lately?

Why don't you think of it this way - instead of trying to figure out the source of this type of thinking on your own and asking strangers on the internet to help you pinpoint the source, why not say to yourself, "whatever the source of these thoughts are - I rebuke them in the Name of Jesus".

Let me share this with you and I swear that I am telling you the truth. Not more than two hours ago, I had a very instrusive thought. To back up a little, let me preface by saying that I saw a movie years and years ago and one of the characters blurted out a very bold and hateful blasphemous statement to God. I changed the channel and could not watch the rest of the film. A terrible feeling stuck with me for days.

That was years ago. But not more than two hours ago, I was driving back from town and the scene from that film and that characters words entered my mind![ Instantly I asked God to take that thought from me and to forgive me for thinking it. I didn't try to analyze why or where it came from or if I had any other thoughts in my mind that opened the door for that long since forgotten thing to enter my mind.

None of that concerned me. I rebuked it and asked God to take it from me. And I focused my thoughts immediately on something else.

I think that - and remember, I am not a doctor or a licensed counselor - but it stands to reason that part of your anxiety is stemming from your desire to know the source of these thoughts. What's more relevant than their source is that fact these thoughts are lies and not from God. Lay them at His feet and change the focus of your thoughts. And ask these questions to your doctor, too.

That's really all we can tell you, here. And we can listen and pray. I'm praying for you now.

[jayne]

Wait, so are you saying that all these thoughts--all those thoughts that I mentioned above aren't real? And when you rebuke them in the name of Jesus what happens if they come back?

-Hermit

Yes, the idea that you could give up your salvation by "doing" certain things is a thought that is NOT real. Your anxiety is real. But the ideas are not. There is nothing that you can "do" to give up your salvation. If that were true, then NO ONE would be able to be saved because even Christians fail from time to time. Christians are in a body of flesh and the flesh is weak. Our spirit and flesh are at war with one another - the Apostle Paul said so. He said that the fruits fo the Spirit and the fruits of the flesh are enemies.

We struggle.

When one is anxiety-ridden to the point of doubting God, release doesn't happen overnight. We have to consciously replace those anxiety-ridden habits - with habits that produce peace and joy. Reading the Word, prayer, fellowship with believers, focusing on our service to God, and loving others.

Only your doctor can help you pinpoint any habits your have that are contributing to your problem. Have you talked to him lately?

[Dani H]

Print out all of your threads and the posts here and show them to your doc.

He'll soon notice that you don't actually listen to anyone except the voices in your own head, or more specifically, hear exactly what you want to hear and what you've already told yourself. You're not really here for guidance. You just want someone telling you "now now it's going to be alright" without you actually having to listen to instructions and follow them because you're highly self-directed and you're your own guide, teacher and student. Maybe it makes you feel better if you "feel" you're getting help without actually doing anything concrete to resolve your issue and putting in the work required to get better.

So if your doc sees all of this, then hopefully you'll get the treatment you actually need.

I'm not trying to be mean nor belittle your problem. I'm just looking at the entire picture and your post history and that is the conclusion I'm at currently, with the evidence available to me. I really do want you to get better, but you're not paying attention to anything that's been said at least a dozen or so times already.

The advice isn't going to change. Salvation doesn't change. The standards don't change. They do not, have not, will not.

Okay?

Good luck.

[Hermit7]

Thank you all for your replies. I'm more at ease. God bless you all!

[Toner44]

Hermit, I'd like to friendly remind you that as helpful as anyone could possibly be here, there is still one individual it cannot replace and I'm not referring to a doctor. Ensure you're praying activity about these things because there seems to be a huge disconnect between what you think God is about and what he actually is about. I'm not saying those thoughts should be comforting but sometimes when it keeps bothering you it means there's a deeper problem. Pray that God give you the will to seek out truth.

Look, I know this is difficult and I've been in your shoes and I know you probably just want God to break the silence and He will in his own way. We cannot replace the healing the God does.

12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:12-13