I have a big problem that I canít find the answer to.
My fiancťe and I have been together for 8 years, and engaged for
5 months. Major cracks are starting to show in our relationship, but to be
honest I think our problems have always been there right from the start.
My fiancťe will always be my number one priority. Iíve always
loved having time to myself to pursue hobbies though. Theyíre all things that I
do from home and just enjoy doing in my spare time. I donít have any friends
and donít drink, so itís not like Iím going out all the time. Whenever my fiancťe
comes round to my house, or whenever Iím with her, I spend all my time with
her. I donít do anything to do with my hobbies. In the last couple of years I
havenít pursued them at all. And before that my fiancťe wouldnít even really know
about them. It probably sounds bad, putting it like that, but theyíre just
things like, writing, creating and making things etc.
I feel I havenít been totally honest with her about how much I
enjoy my hobbies. I feel like Iíve been lying to her for 8 years about it. Iíve
always been afraid to tell her these things because I donít want to make her
angry or upset her. However, I now feel she should know the truth before we get
married. So the other night we were talking about it and I mentioned that I
just really enjoy having hobbies that I pursue by myself. I always have. Thatís
just who I am.
That upset her. She couldnít understand it. She said that if I
truly loved her she would have all my focus and attention. She should be my
whole world. She said I should be willing to give up every hobby and interest
of mine for her. She says I should give up who I am for her. She thinks that I
should only want to be with her and do things with her, never by myself. She
said that all my hobbies are selfish, because theyíre so solitary. She says
that all the things she does, she tries to do for others, or so others can
benefit somehow. She is right, she does a lot for other people, but to be fair,
a lot of the things she does, she enjoys. She also pursues a couple of selfish
interests too though. Iím fine with that though. Doesnít bother me. Just what
ever makes her happy. Thatís all I care about. We have many hobbies and
interests that we share together too. We both love spending time together.