on possible oppression

[Oregongrown]

I still must, in my heart, believe in Jesus because lastnight in one of my weird dreams I rarely have, I cried out His name to help me. This has happened one other time I can remember and I was being chased by something(an it)horrible and I felt it was of satan, yes, like a demon. I cried out loud enough it woke me but before that, I felt Jesus reach and take my hand. It was as though He pulled me right out of the nightmare. I am almost in tears writing this because my heart's desire is to once more put all my faith in Him but there is something almost constantly blocking me.

There is a gal at our church that is heading up a mentoring program and their main focus is for women like me or similar, that are having a hard time believing anymore.

I didn't know where to post this and if anyone has a better place or knows someone on this board that knows about satan getting a foothold in someone's life, I would be so open to hearing. I used to be a regular contributer here but not for some time. I know the Word of God pretty well but I have read a book, or two, on knowing God's Word but not knowing Him. I believe that I may actually have a relationship with Jesus but I am on the "outs" with Him. I think He is calling me. Or at the least, He is waiting for me with open arms.

Anyway, I keep turning back to Him, once I am so scared I am going to go into depression(or oppression)I will never come back out again. I managed to finish school for the year(back in school at 59 years old)straight A's. You'd think I'd be happy. Just rode my bike 11 + miles, you think I'd be happy. Have all and more than I need, you'd think I'd be happy. Followers of Christ will know better. It's an inside job.

Denise

[claybevan]

I still must, in my heart, believe in Jesus because lastnight in one of my weird dreams I rarely have, I cried out His name to help me. This has happened one other time I can remember and I was being chased by something(an it)horrible and I felt it was of satan, yes, like a demon. I cried out loud enough it woke me but before that, I felt Jesus reach and take my hand. It was as though He pulled me right out of the nightmare. I am almost in tears writing this because my heart's desire is to once more put all my faith in Him but there is something almost constantly blocking me.

There is a gal at our church that is heading up a mentoring program and their main focus is for women like me or similar, that are having a hard time believing anymore.

I didn't know where to post this and if anyone has a better place or knows someone on this board that knows about satan getting a foothold in someone's life, I would be so open to hearing. I used to be a regular contributer here but not for some time. I know the Word of God pretty well but I have read a book, or two, on knowing God's Word but not knowing Him. I believe that I may actually have a relationship with Jesus but I am on the "outs" with Him. I think He is calling me. Or at the least, He is waiting for me with open arms.

Anyway, I keep turning back to Him, once I am so scared I am going to go into depression(or oppression)I will never come back out again. I managed to finish school for the year(back in school at 59 years old)straight A's. You'd think I'd be happy. Just rode my bike 11 + miles, you think I'd be happy. Have all and more than I need, you'd think I'd be happy. Followers of Christ will know better. It's an inside job.

Denise

Hi there Denise, do you suffer from depression?
My instinctive feeling is that there is nothing demonic going on, you're feelings are a symptom of being away from your Lord.
But without knowing too much about you it's a difficult to give any precise advice.
I believe you are right and he is calling you back and waiting for you with open arms and all the while you resist you are going to feel worse.
Find a quiet space get on your knees and cry girl, give everything up to him and don't hold back. Fall into his arms, pour out your heart, repent and praise him out loud. He knows we are weak and pathetic at times but he loves you more than you know right now and the only thing blocking His Love is maybe your fear, your guilt, or maybe even anger somewhere deep down. I don't know but I am sure you do, so be open and honest and get back into his presence fast.
And wait for the Flood gates to open!

Also one of the best ways to come into his presence for me a least is praise and worship, even when I feel like the world is gonna end as soon as I speak out loud his glory and forgiveness the clouds lift.
Read Psalms, King David was often in a place like you are at the moment.
I'll be praying
Mari

[Oregongrown]

Thank you Mari.

The only thing that is different then depression I have suffered in the past, is that I can't "feel". Or it seems like I can't. I do believe you are right about getting with Him and part of the way I can do that is to show up for church. I am also reading the Word a little. I do feel numb about it all most of the time though. I'm sure the class I am starting Monday(just found out)on spiritual warfare will help me as well.

Thank you again for your words. I sense what is right, it's being willing to do it or try. Denise

[claybevan]

Thank you Mari.

The only thing that is different then depression I have suffered in the past, is that I can't "feel". Or it seems like I can't. I do believe you are right about getting with Him and part of the way I can do that is to show up for church. I am also reading the Word a little. I do feel numb about it all most of the time though. I'm sure the class I am starting Monday(just found out)on spiritual warfare will help me as well.

Thank you again for your words. I sense what is right, it's being willing to do it or try. Denise

I think that sometimes all he requires is for us to take that first step, even though you feel nothing just step out and say out loud ( I know I keep on about the out loud thing) but I do believe satan flees when when he hears our proclamation that God will honour his promises to us.... He will never leave us or forsake us and nothing can separate us from the love of God.
My memory of verses is not good, will post this one straight away.
Romans 8 38:39
³⁸ For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, ³⁹ nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Blessings to you
Mari

[Oregongrown]

Ok mari, I am going to do it now so I don't procrastinate. I did it, outloud, and guess what? I started to cry. I haven't cried in a long time. I asked Him to fill me with hope again and to forgive my lack of faith and belief. I thanked Him and told Him the only time I am happy and hopeful is when I am following Him so asked Him over and over to help me be walking with Him again.

Thank you Mari, I will keep doing that each time I think of it. Which I think will be often. I'll come back here and let you know how it is going. I feel a lot of hope all of a sudden. I have struggled with growing older and being alone/divorced for over 15 years now.

Denise

[claybevan]

Ok mari, I am going to do it now so I don't procrastinate. I did it, outloud, and guess what? I started to cry. I haven't cried in a long time. I asked Him to fill me with hope again and to forgive my lack of faith and belief. I thanked Him and told Him the only time I am happy and hopeful is when I am following Him so asked Him over and over to help me be walking with Him again.

Thank you Mari, I will keep doing that each time I think of it. Which I think will be often. I'll come back here and let you know how it is going. I feel a lot of hope all of a sudden. I have struggled with growing older and being alone/divorced for over 15 years now.

Denise

I know that feeling Denise, I was on my own for 13 years but amazingly it was really when my life started, literally 'born again' I reckon my dear sister that for you the best is yet to come and as far as getting older goes, you've lived life with all it's ups and downs and he will use all of that so that you can help others.
It's midnight over here in the UK time for my bed, I'm not as young as I used to be
God bless you
Mari

[Oregongrown]

I often wonder Mari, if I am born again at all. Maybe the experience I had wasn't what I thought it was or maybe I have just gotten out of touch with Him. Anyway, I so appreciate your replies to me. Hard to believe you are so far away from me I had an interesting experience after I prayed as you directed me yesterday. I live in a rooming house for students at the local, community college. It is a lovely home that the owner made the whole downstairs into a separate area from the main house upstairs. He even built a kitchen down here w/laundry area. I am blessed to only have to pay 200 a month for everything included(even internet). The two larger bedrooms have bathrooms and I share with a nice, little gal from Japan. Her name is Aya. She is sort of like a daughter to me because of our age difference(she's 33)and she is a christian

Anyway, after I prayed yesterday, it wasn't 15 minutes when a knock came at my door. It was Aya and out of the blue she asked me if I wanted to go with her to a bbq to some friends house. She explained to me that "they walk with God". I loved how she said it My first thought was I can't go, I just can't go. Then I realized that I had prayed and it could be God's answer or Him speaking to me through Aya's invitation so I went. They were a lovely couple in there mid to late 60's. They told of how God had made it possible for them to move into town from their country home 7 years ago. It was all too much for them to take care of since their kids were raised and gone. So this beautiful old home was provided for them at the right price, and literally ready to be a bed and breakfast. But they wanted to serve the Lord so they don't charge money, they show hospitality to travelers of all kinds. That is their ministry. No charge to stay there. I got a tour and took a few pictures. I will share them here if possible

I wanted you to know Mari, I am nearly in tears writing this. I know God wanted me to be out with christians. It was not easy but I stuck it out and visited about lots of things with them all. Cherill and Jack is their name and Cherill, come to find out, taught Home Ec at my highschool the year after I left. She had 4 years of annuals and brought them out to compare who both of us knew from school. My boyfriend from way back then, of 5 years parents actually go to Cherill and Jacks church. I turned into bitter sweet and I tried not to cry(I didn't)but on the way home I confessed to Aya what had happened way back then that I was so ashamed of. I wasn't a christian and Dan(my boyfriend)and I slept together and his mom found out. She never hated me, she was kind but how ashamed I was. Then Dan and I broke up as I met some other guy and moved away with him to shack up My life could have been different. I could have had a family with Dan, even parents. But it wouldn't have worked out because I was too wild.

I have rambled on but maybe I have to until I stop regretting the past and believe I have a future.

Anyway, I am sorry I rambled. I will get the pics up when I can and show you Mari, God bless you, a sister in Christ, denise

I know that feeling Denise, I was on my own for 13 years but amazingly it was really when my life started, literally 'born again' I reckon my dear sister that for you the best is yet to come and as far as getting older goes, you've lived life with all it's ups and downs and he will use all of that so that you can help others.
It's midnight over here in the UK time for my bed, I'm not as young as I used to be
God bless you
Mari

[claybevan]

I often wonder Mari, if I am born again at all. Maybe the experience I had wasn't what I thought it was or maybe I have just gotten out of touch with Him. Anyway, I so appreciate your replies to me. Hard to believe you are so far away from me I had an interesting experience after I prayed as you directed me yesterday. I live in a rooming house for students at the local, community college. It is a lovely home that the owner made the whole downstairs into a separate area from the main house upstairs. He even built a kitchen down here w/laundry area. I am blessed to only have to pay 200 a month for everything included(even internet). The two larger bedrooms have bathrooms and I share with a nice, little gal from Japan. Her name is Aya. She is sort of like a daughter to me because of our age difference(she's 33)and she is a christian

Anyway, after I prayed yesterday, it wasn't 15 minutes when a knock came at my door. It was Aya and out of the blue she asked me if I wanted to go with her to a bbq to some friends house. She explained to me that "they walk with God". I loved how she said it My first thought was I can't go, I just can't go. Then I realized that I had prayed and it could be God's answer or Him speaking to me through Aya's invitation so I went. They were a lovely couple in there mid to late 60's. They told of how God had made it possible for them to move into town from their country home 7 years ago. It was all too much for them to take care of since their kids were raised and gone. So this beautiful old home was provided for them at the right price, and literally ready to be a bed and breakfast. But they wanted to serve the Lord so they don't charge money, they show hospitality to travelers of all kinds. That is their ministry. No charge to stay there. I got a tour and took a few pictures. I will share them here if possible

I wanted you to know Mari, I am nearly in tears writing this. I know God wanted me to be out with christians. It was not easy but I stuck it out and visited about lots of things with them all. Cherill and Jack is their name and Cherill, come to find out, taught Home Ec at my highschool the year after I left. She had 4 years of annuals and brought them out to compare who both of us knew from school. My boyfriend from way back then, of 5 years parents actually go to Cherill and Jacks church. I turned into bitter sweet and I tried not to cry(I didn't)but on the way home I confessed to Aya what had happened way back then that I was so ashamed of. I wasn't a christian and Dan(my boyfriend)and I slept together and his mom found out. She never hated me, she was kind but how ashamed I was. Then Dan and I broke up as I met some other guy and moved away with him to shack up My life could have been different. I could have had a family with Dan, even parents. But it wouldn't have worked out because I was too wild.

I have rambled on but maybe I have to until I stop regretting the past and believe I have a future.

Anyway, I am sorry I rambled. I will get the pics up when I can and show you Mari, God bless you, a sister in Christ, denise

Denise, thank you so much for your rambling, I loved reading everything. I'm am sure that all that happened was from God, some might say coincidence but as I say it was a Godincident, so glad you got up the courage to go, I know it's not easy.
You said about feeling so ashamed and I think that is one of the reasons we find it hard to come to God but you know Jesus died for you, that all your shameful stuff ( and we all have plenty of that ) he has taken upon himself so that you can come into his presence without guilt or blemish. What a gift and he so wants you back!
I loved the wild bit too, you know I was similar, spirited my nan used to say, she was always so polite and I had a lot of repenting to do, my vicar at the time gave me this verse and I believe God reminded me of it for you.
Isaiah 58:8
Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

The rearguard term is a military one as you probably know, a group of soldiers would follow behind protecting the armies rear but my lovely vicar also told me that in biblical times they would also come behind and clear up the the mess that is made in battle. That just so humbled me that God would clear up the mess that I had made, that it wasn't a mess anymore, gone, gone ,gone. Hope you understand what I mean, I'm not too good at explaining things sometimes.
I am really looking forward to seeing the pictures, please keep in touch.
Your sister Mari

[Oregongrown]

Hi Mari,

Thank you for the lovely letter and I loved the verse from Isaiah. Funny how much of the bible(which I know I've read)seems brand new to me, like God added it when I wasn't looking, LOL! I am doing a little better each day. Tomorrow I have a biblestudy with some ladies and we are going to study Ephesians! How I love Ephesians and remembering the spiritual battle that is raging and yes, I feel I have bought into many of satans lies over these times of feeling so separated from God. His Holy Spirit has never left me though and just like that dream, I often feel Him lifting me out dark places. But I like the idea of darkness only being the lack of "the" Light When I look to the Light, allow Him to comfort me, the darkness flees doesn't it.

My pics didn't turn out but the people want me to come back over so when I do, I will retake the photos with my regular digital camera, not my silly phone

God bless your Sabbath Mari! a sister in Christ, denise

Denise, thank you so much for your rambling, I loved reading everything. I'm am sure that all that happened was from God, some might say coincidence but as I say it was a Godincident, so glad you got up the courage to go, I know it's not easy.
You said about feeling so ashamed and I think that is one of the reasons we find it hard to come to God but you know Jesus died for you, that all your shameful stuff ( and we all have plenty of that ) he has taken upon himself so that you can come into his presence without guilt or blemish. What a gift and he so wants you back!
I loved the wild bit too, you know I was similar, spirited my nan used to say, she was always so polite and I had a lot of repenting to do, my vicar at the time gave me this verse and I believe God reminded me of it for you.
Isaiah 58:8
Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

The rearguard term is a military one as you probably know, a group of soldiers would follow behind protecting the armies rear but my lovely vicar also told me that in biblical times they would also come behind and clear up the the mess that is made in battle. That just so humbled me that God would clear up the mess that I had made, that it wasn't a mess anymore, gone, gone ,gone. Hope you understand what I mean, I'm not too good at explaining things sometimes.
I am really looking forward to seeing the pictures, please keep in touch.
Your sister Mari

[Ta-An]

Denise , as I read your post this verse came to mind.... Heb 13:5 : for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. for Christ Jesus shall never leave nor forsake those whom the Father gave to Him

[Oregongrown]

Amen and thank you Ta-An for sharing the verse, I love it! denise

Denise , as I read your post this verse came to mind.... Heb 13:5 : for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. for Christ Jesus shall never leave nor forsake those whom the Father gave to Him

[Ta-An]

Denise, on calling on the Name of Jesus...

I can say the same, when I called on His Name in a night-mare-dream, He was there instantly!!
Hallelujah!!

It is so Scriptural, for He is Faithful : Ps 116:4 Then called I upon the name of the LORD; O LORD, I beseech thee, deliver my soul.

[Oregongrown]

Yes, sometimes I don't think anything supernatural ever happens to me then I remember times like that

[Oregongrown]

Hi Mari, and anyone else who drops by the thread,

I have started a group, I mean joined, a group from my church. It's very small but God orchestrated it I know He did! I am excited about it as it is a discipleship/mentoring type study. We are doing a workbook put together by one of the ladies and our Senior Pastor. She has been through wayyyyyy more than I have or at least many different things in her past and God has delivered her as well as another lady in the group. They want to give back what God blessed them with, share it. We are starting out with two books, one at a time. The first one I have read and am loving reading it again, Victory Over the Darkness by Neil T. Anderson. The second is The Bondage Breaker also by Neil. I am already diggin in since school is out for the Summer and I needed something soooo bad, not just the healing, but also something to keep me busy. The things I thought of doing were more like temporary fixes like camping, concerts etc. Not that I won't still do a couple of those things but I am so hopeful now, having this study. I want to keep posting on this board to maybe be a good "check-in" for myself along with my group meetings for accountability, as well as maybe help another person if they are where I am in my walk with Christ.

One lady that posted here said something about goosebumps and I had forgotten what that was like because I was not allowing God's Holy Spirit to direct me. I was ignoring His voice but suffering because of that ignorance. Hey, I never put those two words together but they do make sense. I think ignorance means not knowing something but for me personally, it feels like it means knowing but not obeying. That is where most maybe all of my pain is coming from. Not God-inflicted, self-inflicted. Oh Lord, I pray today You keep me focused Lord, supply the willingness Father, help any unbelief Lord, and Your will not mine, be done in my life today. Also Father I pray for anyone else that might be suffering similar pains or someone that may need to know Truth. In the precious name of Jesus, amen

God bless each of you, Denise, a sister in Christ

[claybevan]

Hi Mari, and anyone else who drops by the thread,

I have started a group, I mean joined, a group from my church. It's very small but God orchestrated it I know He did! I am excited about it as it is a discipleship/mentoring type study. We are doing a workbook put together by one of the ladies and our Senior Pastor. She has been through wayyyyyy more than I have or at least many different things in her past and God has delivered her as well as another lady in the group. They want to give back what God blessed them with, share it. We are starting out with two books, one at a time. The first one I have read and am loving reading it again, Victory Over the Darkness by Neil T. Anderson. The second is The Bondage Breaker also by Neil. I am already diggin in since school is out for the Summer and I needed something soooo bad, not just the healing, but also something to keep me busy. The things I thought of doing were more like temporary fixes like camping, concerts etc. Not that I won't still do a couple of those things but I am so hopeful now, having this study. I want to keep posting on this board to maybe be a good "check-in" for myself along with my group meetings for accountability, as well as maybe help another person if they are where I am in my walk with Christ.

One lady that posted here said something about goosebumps and I had forgotten what that was like because I was not allowing God's Holy Spirit to direct me. I was ignoring His voice but suffering because of that ignorance. Hey, I never put those two words together but they do make sense. I think ignorance means not knowing something but for me personally, it feels like it means knowing but not obeying. That is where most maybe all of my pain is coming from. Not God-inflicted, self-inflicted. Oh Lord, I pray today You keep me focused Lord, supply the willingness Father, help any unbelief Lord, and Your will not mine, be done in my life today. Also Father I pray for anyone else that might be suffering similar pains or someone that may need to know Truth. In the precious name of Jesus, amen

God bless each of you, Denise, a sister in Christ

Denise,
I am absolutely thrilled that you are on your way and praise God for you and i am sure that the lord will be using you to help others. Yes please keep in touch.
Thinking and praying for you still.
Big Blessings please Lord for this lovely sister.
Mari