No Matter How Hard I Try

[GrowingWithJesus]

I've been trying my hardest to build a stronger relationship with God. Whenever I pray or read the Bible I just can't seem to focus, my thoughts are all over the place. When I pray, I just can't seem to say what I want to say, and I feel like I ramble. At times negative thoughts go through my head, I feel like God isn’t even listening to me. I hurt Jesus so much that I feel like I'm not worth his forgiveness. Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing all I could to show God that I want him back in my life but then I don't know what to do. I don't know what God wants me to do. I try reading the Bible but I don't know what to read, I try praying and asking God to send me to a chapter in the Bible, but my spiritual ears aren't that great so I can't hear him when he does response. I can't seem to find any gospel music that I'm really into. I just really want to rekindle this flame with God again but my thoughts are all over the place. I seriously don't know what to do. I want to just start over, I really do. I want to start this journey with God all over. Please help me please

[Indueseason]

Welcome to the forums! First thing? It's good to feel your not worthy of His forgiveness, because none of us are!! No one is good enough, behaving well enough. We have forgiveness because our God is a God of love and grace. We have forgiveness because Jesus hung on that cross and shed His blood to set us free!

Apart from that, it sounds like satan is making things hard for you. The negative thought, the difficulty in concentration, that's satans game plan. The last thing he wants you to do is read your bible, to hear the truth. He wants to fill your mind with horrible stuff and make you think it's all from you!

You say you want to start again, well God is a God of start again's !!! Do it! Start again! Come before Him, tell Him what's on your heart, and once again, repent of your sin and surrender your life to Him. There's nothing wrong with that! Re-commit, I've done that in the past! Ask the Lord to give you peace and help you understand the bible, so that you can read His word, for it performs a miracle the more we read it!! It renews our mind, and changes our heart.Before we know it, we're walking away from the sin that has plagued us for so long, and we have a hunger to know God more!

I hope this helps, abundant blessings to you

[-SEEKING-]

I've been trying my hardest to build a stronger relationship with God. Whenever I pray or read the Bible I just can't seem to focus, my thoughts are all over the place. When I pray, I just can't seem to say what I want to say, and I feel like I ramble. At times negative thoughts go through my head, I feel like God isn’t even listening to me. I hurt Jesus so much that I feel like I'm not worth his forgiveness. Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing all I could to show God that I want him back in my life but then I don't know what to do. I don't know what God wants me to do. I try reading the Bible but I don't know what to read, I try praying and asking God to send me to a chapter in the Bible, but my spiritual ears aren't that great so I can't hear him when he does response. I can't seem to find any gospel music that I'm really into. I just really want to rekindle this flame with God again but my thoughts are all over the place. I seriously don't know what to do. I want to just start over, I really do. I want to start this journey with God all over. Please help me please

That sounds like an excellent prayer right there. One that I'm sure God will listen to.

[Protective Angel]

You say you don't what parts of the Bible to read.

When I am not sure, I just open it up to the first opening pages. Maybe if my spiritual eyes are a little fuzzy, it must be the place to start reading. I keep reading from that opening and a message will be shown. Maybe something we don't expect. Being tested is a tough thing. Give God praise and glory that satan will not win any tests. Sing praises at any time when trouble arrives. Those praises will push out the trouble and will fill your heart with love. You will feel the love fest of victory over your troubles.

[Proverbs31Woman]

I've been trying my hardest to build a stronger relationship with God. Whenever I pray or read the Bible I just can't seem to focus, my thoughts are all over the place. When I pray, I just can't seem to say what I want to say, and I feel like I ramble. At times negative thoughts go through my head, I feel like God isn’t even listening to me. I hurt Jesus so much that I feel like I'm not worth his forgiveness. Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing all I could to show God that I want him back in my life but then I don't know what to do. I don't know what God wants me to do. I try reading the Bible but I don't know what to read, I try praying and asking God to send me to a chapter in the Bible, but my spiritual ears aren't that great so I can't hear him when he does response. I can't seem to find any gospel music that I'm really into. I just really want to rekindle this flame with God again but my thoughts are all over the place. I seriously don't know what to do. I want to just start over, I really do. I want to start this journey with God all over. Please help me please

I have been a Christian since I was 6 but trust me when I say that I pretty much know what you are going through! I also have a really hard time focusing in both reading my Bible and prayer. I am kind of one of those people that will be reminded of something by what I read or pray...which reminds me of something else...which reminds me of...next thing I know I am completely off someplace else. When that happens when I am praying I normally end up forgetting that I was even praying! I am still working on my focus so I can't really give you much help in that department other than not to give up. Keep praying and keep reading!

As for what to read...again, I know how that goes. i can't tell you how many times I have started a book and gotten two chapters in and decided, "nah, I don't want to read Galatians, I will read 1 Thessalonians instead". But, I have found something that is helpful: I try to read through the OT once a year, which is three chapters a day. Just read them in the order that they are in the Bible. I will tell you that Leviticus and Numbers can be really tough to get through, at least for me, because they are a bit more boring. For the NT, I normally read the books in chronological order, which is the order that the books were written and not the order that they are placed in Scripture. I do it that way because reading the Gospels back to back, to back, to back is repetative so that is why I read the NT chronologically. Again, I read three chapters a day in the NT. So, 6 chapters of the Bible total every day.

Recently I did change things up a bit though. I am still reading three OT chapters a day, plus the proverb that corresponds with the date (I guess if there are only 30 days in the month you read both chapter 30 and 31). For the NT you read a small book or section of a larger book every day for 30 days. When those 30 days are over you go to the next book or next section of the larger book. So, for example, right now I am reading the book of Jude every day. July 1st is the day that I will be starting the book of Matthew (why I am not making it easier on myself and going chronological again I don't know) with chapters 1-4. I will read those first 4 chapters everyday for 30 days. When that month is over I will go to chapters 5-8. By the time you are done with a book you have read it 30 times!!!

As for music, I don't know what style you are into or where you live but a couple of years ago I found a really great Christian alternative radio station called Air1. You might want to check them out on the internet and see if they are in your area (you can also listen on the internet, and they have a smart phone app) and see if they play music that interests you.

Just remember that God knows what you are feeling and going through even better than you do since He is the one that created you. He knows what is on your mind before you even pray about it. Just keep at it. I remember when I was 15 and 16 I went through a very dark period. I had some issues from the past that were REALLY bringing me down. I didn't think that God wanted me. But, even though I was feeling such spiritual struggle and pain inside I still kept going back to the one place where I knew I could get answers, the Bible. One day, feeling very alone and unloved and unwanted by God I ramdomly, so I thought, chose to start reading the Book of 2nd Peter. Within moments I read 2 Peter 1:5-11 and when I hit verse 9, "For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins." I realized that THAT WAS ME!!!! Then verse 10 just about singlehandedly changed my life, "Therefore, Brothers, be all the more diligent to make your calling and election sure,...". Calling and election? I quickly looked up the cross references and the cross references for those and that is when I discovered the doctrine of Predestination. It was music to my ears! God DID want me, he had CALLED me before he even created the world! What I am trying to say with this is, no matter how down you feel, how hard you struggle, keep at it, God will point you to the answers that you need to hear. The fact that you WANT to build a stronger relationship is going to be key. It takes a while, trust me, I am still battling some of the same demons that caused me so much pain and heartache when I was young. Things will get better and then you will have a major set back and feel like you are starting back at the beginning but keep going, keep learning, keep praying.

You will be in my prayers!

[chad]

This is what I would pray, if I were you ...

Heavenly Father, Lord Jesus...

I've been trying my hardest to build a stronger relationship with you. Whenever I pray or read the Bible I just can't seem to focus, my thoughts are all over the place. When I pray, I just can't seem to say what I want to say, and I feel like I ramble. At times negative thoughts go through my head, I feel like you arn't even listening to me. I think I feel like I'm not worth your forgiveness.

Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing all I could to show you that I want you back in my life but then I don't know what to do. I don't know what you want me to do. I try reading the Bible but I don't know what to read, I pray and ask you to send me to a chapter in the Bible, but my spiritual ears aren't that great and I can't hear you when you respond. I can't seem to find any gospel music that I'm really into. I just really want to rekindle my flame with you again but my thoughts are all over the place. I seriously don't know what to do. I want to just start over, I really do. I want to start this journey with you all over. Please help me please.



Will be praying for you.

God Bless.

I've been trying my hardest to build a stronger relationship with God. Whenever I pray or read the Bible I just can't seem to focus, my thoughts are all over the place. When I pray, I just can't seem to say what I want to say, and I feel like I ramble. At times negative thoughts go through my head, I feel like God isn’t even listening to me. I hurt Jesus so much that I feel like I'm not worth his forgiveness. Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing all I could to show God that I want him back in my life but then I don't know what to do. I don't know what God wants me to do. I try reading the Bible but I don't know what to read, I try praying and asking God to send me to a chapter in the Bible, but my spiritual ears aren't that great so I can't hear him when he does response. I can't seem to find any gospel music that I'm really into. I just really want to rekindle this flame with God again but my thoughts are all over the place. I seriously don't know what to do. I want to just start over, I really do. I want to start this journey with God all over. Please help me please

[Dani H]

God wants you to do 2 things:
1. Love Him above all others
2. Love other people like you love yourself.

So go do that.

God is always listening. He hears even our thoughts that happen deep inside of us, the ones we think nobody knows about. So ... just be honest with Him. If you ramble ... so what? Who cares? It's not a popularity contest. It's prayer. Let the walls down, let God in. Choose Him above everything with every decision you make, and the rest will sort itself out. If you know what He expects, how He expects you to treat people ... then go do it. Live by His standards, every day. You don't need "spiritual ears." You just need to live the way you know how. So that you have a clear conscience when you stand before God in prayer. It's not so difficult, really. Don't use God's mercy as an excuse to not live right, and don't test His patience. It has nothing to do with music and all that stuff. Worship has to do with how we live, not what we sing.

Hope that helps.

[jecelpabor]

Hi, GrowingWithJesus! Trust me when I say that most, if not all, of us here have experienced what you are experiencing now at one point in our lives. Actually, most Christians struggle with this from time to time. What I do is just close the door and think about the day behind me and tell God about what happened. Then the conversation (prayer) just flows naturally. I really talk to Him like a physical father and this strengthens my faith every time; even if I struggle with concentration and things like that. You said that sometimes a thought or two crosses your mind that cast you off-balance? Well that, my friend, is the workings of the enemy!

Don't worry as one of my favorite Bible verses says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding." (Proverbs 3:5). "Lean not on your own understanding." is indeed a very powerful precept that God set way way back in history, for this means the enemy can easily accuse you of thinking dirty and vile thoughts when those very thoughts came from him! That said, if you take heed of the basic precepts in the Bible, Proverbs 3:5-9 included, it's easy to focus and get back on your prayer!

I will pray for you. God bless us all!

[IMINXTC]

For what it's worth, several times in life I have found myself in circumstances where there was no choice but to seek the Lord with my whole being, night and day, for seemingly endless and inescapable stretches of time.

I thank God now for those painful times because they were fountains of spiritual renewal, vitality and growth for me.

Of course, we are each unique in our particular callings and make-up, but I would strongly encourage you, as other posters here have so eloquently done, to just keep struggling, realizing that God sees, knows and understands what is in your heart and will reward or bless you at the appropriate time.

Lord Bless,
Stephen

[claybevan]

Like everyone else has said, we've all been there and my hardest thing about prayer was that even when I could concentrate it seemed like a one way conversation, listening was even harder and still is sometimes but, as others have said, he knows your heart is sincere, if we confess our sins He has to forgive us, He cannot go against the promise that he has given, we are none of us worthy but be assured that there is nothing bad that you have done that He hasn't got covered. Give all the rubbish up to him and look out because you are a new creation.

I found that God often came into action when I stepped out in faith so if you pick up on Danni's advice things will start to happen and very soon you will be searching the Bible for an answer to help someone else, you will hear and feel him guiding you to where he wants you to be.
I think what I am trying to say and not doing it very well is that when we live our faith and trust in God in our everyday lives, praying and reading takes on a different dimension, it comes alive because we need it to live. What before just felt like a chore and a duty that we failed miserably at, becomes our hearts desire because without it we will fail miserably at life.

Hope you have found a good church too, so that you can grow in the company of those who are further down the road, who will guide you and share their hearts with you, it's really important because as others have said satan does not want you on God's team and he will try to divert you. So get with other christians where you will receive support.
Mari

[Diggindeeper]

Hope you have found a good church too, so that you can grow in the company of those who are further down the road, who will guide you and share their hearts with you, it's really important because as others have said satan does not want you on God's team and he will try to divert you. So get with other christians where you will receive support.
Mari

I agree. Its very important to get into a good Bible teaching church. That fellowship with the family of God is very important to your Christian growth. There you will not only help yourself, but you'll get news of others who need you. Its important to do as Jesus did and the Bible says, 'He went about doing good.' If you are not in a church, you may never know of those who are sick or battling disease or who need food or need a phone call to help them through a sad time. I recently lost my husband. I know from experience that those in my church family helped support us through his illness, deteriorating health and his death. They called, sent cards, visited us, gave us 'gas cards' (for a while he was taking chemo and radiation treatments which meant daily, then weekly trips to the hospital).

You need a church family and they need you. As you reach out to help others your faith will grow. I promise.

[excubitor]

Get yourself a prayer book. I know these are well out of fashion these days, but there are some wonderful traditional prayers which are solidly placed on the doctrines of the church, they use very uplifting and mind expanding language, and most of all they focus us towards God. It is a good discipline to read through these prayers and this gets your mind settled in with God, then you can pray in the modern manner where you just vocalise your thoughts toward God.
Both types of prayer are very important but we really have to lift our thoughts up out of the grindstone of daily life before we dump our base thoughts onto God. Our prayer to God should be a sacrifice of praise, not an offloading of the daily grind.

A prayer book will structure and focus your thoughts. Most important of all prayers is the Lord's prayer. Just recite that in prayer. Don't buy into the false teaching that we must not pray the Lord's prayer but must only pray freeform based on the general concepts of the Lord's prayer. This is a dangerous and false teaching. The other important duty of a Christian is to pray the psalms. For those of us who can read we have no excuse to not pray the psalms. It is an ancient tradition going back to the temple to read the psalms in a certain order on prescribed days. The Christian church maintained this practice and it is tragic that this discipline is fallen into disuse in many churches.

Some ideas for great prayer books? Well there is the Book of Common Prayer (personally I don't like this one so much).
St. Augustines Prayer Book. Fantastic. I use this all the time.
Common Worship is the anglican prayer book. Really good with plenty of prayers of praise from throughout the scriptures.
Universalis is an online prayer book you can use on your Ipod or Iphone. You get different prayers for different times of the day. And various scripture readings and of course heaps of psalms.
In fact the earliest prayer books were all built around the Psalms. These were called Psalters

I've been trying my hardest to build a stronger relationship with God. Whenever I pray or read the Bible I just can't seem to focus, my thoughts are all over the place. When I pray, I just can't seem to say what I want to say, and I feel like I ramble. At times negative thoughts go through my head, I feel like God isn’t even listening to me. I hurt Jesus so much that I feel like I'm not worth his forgiveness. Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing all I could to show God that I want him back in my life but then I don't know what to do. I don't know what God wants me to do. I try reading the Bible but I don't know what to read, I try praying and asking God to send me to a chapter in the Bible, but my spiritual ears aren't that great so I can't hear him when he does response. I can't seem to find any gospel music that I'm really into. I just really want to rekindle this flame with God again but my thoughts are all over the place. I seriously don't know what to do. I want to just start over, I really do. I want to start this journey with God all over. Please help me please

[NHL Fever]

Hi Growing. I think the a lot of people share your situation. You can't hope to 'feel' like doing the things you need to to build a relationship with Christ. You need to just make a decision to do it, and then do it. It requires a lot of self-discipline, and probably persistence over a long period of time. I think the biggest lesson I have learned about God in the last 10 years or so, is that a relationship is ultimately a choice and lots of times you don't feel like it. But you choose to do it.

[Sojourner55]

Hello Growing,

Others have already given you some good advice, and the only thing I can really add is this: Christianity is not a religion--it is a relationship with Jesus. You need to recognize the solemn nature of becoming a child of God through Him, but you also should not neglect the relationship aspect.

How do we establish relationships with people? First, we talk to them, and get to know them. Second, we establish trust. Regardless whether it involves marriage, friendship, or business, communication and trust are critical to establishing a solid relationship. It's no different with Jesus. Trust Him, and talk to Him. I promise you God doesn't care how much you ramble, as long as you are communicating your heart to Him--and trusting Him. You pray, and he'll hear you. Sooner or later, when the time is right, He'll answer--He always does. Keeping up the prayer while waiting on the answer, represents both the communication and the trust. God bless.

[joquiros]

First of all you must confess your sins, Secondly have faith with God, it is not by reading the bible that you will be in line with God seek there are a lots of way to do so.