The Prodigal returns.

[Aservantonthemount]

Short Version. I am near rock-bottom. I have lost everything and just about everyone dear to me. My family has been dispersed to the winds, my great streak of having constant work has dried up, and my relationship situation has taken a nose dive. Why am I writing this? Because Lord Yeshua doesn't take breaks.

I did wrong. Many wrongs have I done, both in public and in private, and the truth is that I am going to repeat these offenses. I have no one but myself to blame for the terrible misfortune that has been given to me. All the while, I hear His voice, telling me to come back to Him. So, I'm here. If you all can pray for me, I would greatly appreciate it. I do not want riches, or even work. I want to finally right the wrongs that I have committed for over 13 years. I am sorry that I can not give the specifics, but the only one who needs to know already knows. I need to get right. I need to get right with Him, I need to get right with my family, and I need to get right for myself. I see myself spiraling down the road to ruin, and I have to say it was fun, for a while. Reality is a cruel mistress, and she slapped me in the face, with Wisdom waiting for her turn. I am not going to jail or anything like that, but spiritually, I could definitely do better. Please pray for me, and also, pray that the mistakes that I have made do not affect too much the children I have failed. Thank you all in advance.

[adampjr]

If you want to get right with him, you need to repent. Alot of what you said is very beautiful, but the sentence that is concerning is "the truth is that I am going to repeat these offenses."

[Aservantonthemount]

That is such an easy thing to say, but how is someone who is truly struggling over the wrong he has done going to just repent? What does repenting require? And more importantly, is that what I asked for? I am sorry, but this may be a reactionary post that I am writing here, but what does the word "repent" mean? Does it not mean "to make right the wrong one has done to others and his Lord"?

I need not rhetoric. I need prayer. This is much bigger than merely, "I'm sorry" and sin again. Been on that road and let me tell you, it was fun for a little while but it comes at a price. I am paying the price right now, and let me tell you, if I had only counted the cost BEFORE I did what I did, I would not be here right now asking for prayer. If this is only a matter of regret, well I felt remorseful every time I sinned against my Lord, my family, and myself. It did nothing to stop me from offending again. I hate what I have become, and I want to stop completely. For that to happen, I need more than just a quick criticism and a nod. I need prayer. That is what this thread's about... right? And more importantly, isn't that what I originally asked for?

[adampjr]

Okay, I'm sorry. I won't give you any more unsolicited input.

"the truth is that I am going to repeat these offenses" appeared to me to be acquiesance. Repent would be to turn away and not repeat the offenses.

[Aservantonthemount]

My problem is that this has been a pattern for a long time. I was taught that all I needed to do was be remorseful, apologize for the evil I had done, and afterward, it was gone. The fact of the matter is that the sins I'm dealing with are reoccurring. I find myself doing these things over and over again. I am tired of grieving the Lord. So, I know I need more than just my prayers and will in order to accomplish what I want, to gain the strength needed to stop these evils once and for all. I have stopped what I was doing, but my confidence is shaken because I have stopped before, many times in the last 13 years. This time, I want my shameful past to remain there, in the past. I can't do this alone, and I have prayed incessantly for the nightmare to end. So, like the Bible states, when one is not strong enough, one must go to others who are stronger than himself and ask for help. My next step is ostracizing myself so I don't have to deal with the possibility of repeating. I don't wanna do that, but I may not have much of a choice. I can't live in sin anymore. I hate it.

[Frances]

I will pray that the Lord will nag you until you repent - which means being determined never to repeat the Sin again. ( you may fail but it is the dermination the Lord wants to see), then when you repent He will Forgive . . . Judas Iscariot was remorseful and it did him no good at all.

[Scooby_Snacks]

Praying for you to see plainly the path He sets before you, the willingness to take it, and the courage to follow through with the process He has laid out.

[Diggindeeper]

Friend, please know that I am already praying for you. I sense a real sincerity in your plea for help.

To help you farther, I am going to move this thread to Counseling where people WILL both pray with you and try to help you also. (But you are on my prayer list and I won't stop praying for you and your family. This is a subject dear to my heart, and I promise I am praying.)

[Diggindeeper]

Prodigal, now that its moved to Counseling, I'd like to invite you to read my testimony. Its in the Testimony forum. its titled 'Broken Marriage, broken home, broken heart...' I'm as serious as a heart attack when I say this is a subject dear to my heart.

I do agree with you. The heartache, the misery, the hurt....you know, its really not worth it, after all. Strange how easily we can just throw every thing away for a time of fun. Or what we think is FUN at the time. But eventually, so many are hurt and hurting because we want our fun. Lives are broken, homes are broken, hearts are broken.

But I'll hush for now, and maybe, just maybe, you'll read my testimony. Here's the link:
http://bibleforums.org/showthread.ph...e-broken-heart

Friend, I really do care. I promise I am really earnestly praying. I really do want to help you find your way into the arms of our heavenly father! And I don't think you are far from there!

[Dani H]

My problem is that this has been a pattern for a long time. I was taught that all I needed to do was be remorseful, apologize for the evil I had done, and afterward, it was gone.

Then whoever taught you that, was lying. Because for example, in the OT if you were caught stealing, you had to return what you stole, plus 20%. It's the righting our wrongs and the effort that takes, that helps keep us from not doing the wrong again so quickly. It's the consequences of our actions that teach us the lessons we have to learn. Are you learning? Are you paying attention?

If you've truly ever repented, then there should be fruit of it. You can easily see that by looking over your life to see how your behaviors have changed and how your decisions are different. If there's no fruit (proof), then there's never been repentance to begin with. You know a tree by its fruit.

So ... have you ever actually truly repented? That's the question. Honestly, I don't think you have, from the way you're describing it.

13 years of knowingly grieving the Lord is a long time, don't you think? So maybe you're not tired of it just yet. Maybe you just really haven't cared enough for God to actually be transformed and make true, lasting changes? Maybe your love for God is shallow? Maybe you've been willingly ignoring Him because you really just don't give a care enough to jump into action?

Maybe start waking up to some cold, hard truths about yourself and the purposeful decisions you've made that have put you in the situation(s) you're in. Our decisions teach us more about ourselves than we care to admit. So put yourself on the outside, be objective, and take a good look. I'm sure you'll see very quickly why things have been happening the way they have.

And then ... just maybe ... quit being so self-serving and stuck on yourself, and in reality actually turn to God and learn to really do things His way, so that He doesn't have to take any more bricks to throw between your eyes to get you to wake up?

Quit wallowing, get your act together, and man up would be my suggestion to you.

If that offends you ... truth often does. But if you really want to get your life together, then you gotta face the ugly truth about yourself, about who and what you really are, so that you can go about fixing it and working with God to bring lasting transformation instead of ignoring Him until the next time everything falls apart. Because it's going to fall apart again if there isn't real repentance and true transformation. Just a matter of time. We both already know that.

I'm praying for you. Because I do care. That's why I wrote what I did. To help you get out of your own way and become that person you desire to be, underneath of it all. That person God has made. That honest, upright, truthful person with integrity and full of God's life and joy. That person who can give God's life to others. That person who can stand before God in all of His light and glory, and never has to wince or cower and hide from Him again. If you want to be that person ... then go do what you know you gotta do. Cheers.

[jayne]

You aren't the first person to feel the way that you feel - guilty, depressed, morose.

I've shared this before and I'll share it with you.

King David was in a predicament where he felt like a huge failure, too. He was in a bad way because of his own personal sins that were grievous and because of people who wanted him dead. In Psalm 38, this is what he poured out to the LORD about it all.

"When you are angry, LORD, please don't punish me or even correct me. You shot me with your arrows, and you struck me with your hand. My body hurts all over because of your anger. Even my bones are in pain, and my sins are so heavy that I am crushed. Because of my foolishness, I am covered with sores that stink and spread. My body is twisted and bent, and I groan all day long. Fever has my back in flames, and I hurt all over. I am worn out and weak, moaning and in distress. You, Lord, know every one of my deepest desires, and my noisy groans are no secret to you. My heart is beating fast. I feel weak all over, and my eyes are red. Because of my sickness, no friends or neighbors will come near me. All who want me dead set traps to catch me, and those who want to harm and destroy me plan and plot all day. I am not able to hear or speak a word; I am completely deaf and can't make a sound. I trust you, LORD God, and you will do something. I said, "Don't let them laugh or brag because I slip." I am about to collapse from constant pain. I told you my sins, and I am sorry for them. Many deadly and powerful enemies hate me, and they repay evil for good because I try to do right. You are the LORD God! Stay nearby and don't desert me. You are the one who saves me. Please hurry and help."

Also, in Psalm 51, David has screwed up more royally than he could ever have imagined. He made grotesque mistakes as a husband, father, and man. Yet, he writes this beautiful confession to God and a meaningful repentance.

Read Psalm 51. All of it.

And think about this. Repentance isn't just apologizing and being sorry. Repentance isn't being remorseful. It isn't admitting that you've screwed up. Lots of people - both Christian and non-believers - are really good at admitting their mistakes and feeling really, really bad about it. But they just keep on doing the same thing anyway because that isn't repentance.

In the book of Exodus, Pharoah said, "I have sinned...." more than once. Yet he remained unchanged. The same thing for Balak in the book of Numbers and King Saul in Samuel. They both claimed sincerely and with emotion, "I have sinned!!" Yet they remained unchanged.

The televangelist, Jimmy Swaggert, from Baton Rouge had a problem with soliciting prostitutes. When the media found out about it and the national spotlight was upon him, he cried HUGE tears at his church and cried aloud, "I HAVE SINNED!!!!". Yet he remained unchange. He still continued to solicit prostitutes and when his church held him accountable again, he virtually told them that this was none of their business.

None of these men underwent Biblical repentance.

Then what is repentence?

It's a change of mind/heart that leads to a "fruit" or a change in behavior. At least that's what John the Baptist said in Luke 3 and Paul (via Luke) in Acts 3 and 26.

If one remains unchanged, he or she has not Biblically repented. Remorse and guilt do not lead to the "fruit of repentance". Remorse and guilt only lead to depression and an addicitive bond to repeat the old behavior to destroy the guilt and remorse. Ironic, no?

[Saved7]

I can't live in sin anymore. I hate it.

That's exactly what you need as a first step and I'm glad you came here to ask for prayer as that is also important for your strength. Fortunately, for you, God has given me the wisdom to know what questions you need to ask yourself. Because if you don't know what the real problem is, then you can't fix it. Here is the question I would like you to ask yourself. What is more important to you, continuing in your sin, or your relationship with and ability to glorify God? I'll tell you now that if God isn't more important to you than sin, then you will continue to struggle.
It's important that you know this too, when you are born again, God gives you power over sin, He gives you this...
John 1:12 But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:

Most versions read that "power" part as "right" and that does little to help us recognize that we have the same power to resist sin as Christ did. Christ was truly the Son of God because He was obedient to God and in so doing he resisted sin perfectly.
Here's the tools you need....
Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. 9 Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.

Our faith is an active faith, when you find yourself tempted there are things you must DO in order to avoid sin. Obey those scriptures, fill your heart and mind with holy thoughts, with thoughts of God, it's very difficult to sin when you are thinking about God. And don't just give up because you messed up the first few times...keep at it man! Sin has a funny way of causing us so much shame that we find it difficult to even go to God and say "I'm sorry let me try this again." But don't let that shame stop you from trying again, eventually it will get easier with each attempt, but if you let that shame keep you from going to our Father and trying again, then you will never overcome.
Also, try fasting, it's a great way to get your flesh to submit to the spirit. Jesus said the flesh is weak but the spirit is willing. The flesh is so weak that it's really the one in control, you've got to get your flesh out of the driver's seat and put the spirit in the driver's seat and prayer fasting and obedience are the only way to do that. Before faith we don't have power over sin brother, but now after faith we have power, we just need to know how to use it. I just summed it up for you, and I hope that helps you.

Lord Jesus, I pray you will help Aservantonthemount to see the power you've given over sin and help him/her to live a life that is holy and glorifies your mighty Name. Amen.