In recovery I don't think you can hold onto old things, it will haunt you, crush you and totally destroy you.
The most important message I have learned in the last three years when it comes to recovery is that it is not only a change of behavior but a change of heart, personality and lifestyle. Although allowing all these things to happen will bring some healing and some days of sobriety, but to have sobriety and the promises that sobriety will bring you will need to forgive.
Sometimes it is easy to say I have forgiven this one or that one, but did we really?
So let me put this out here.
I had a court case that was really hard for me to deal with. Many days I prayed so that I could be released and not have to continue going to court, but the answer always came that i needed to finish what have been started. Every time I got into the witness stand I was torn apart and stripped from my humanity. And then after all of this the case was lost and the perpetrator got to walk away a free man.
Even typing this, I can feel the anger stirring in the core of my heart, but Lamenations 3 taught me that it is okay to express our feelings to God. Why am I sharing this??? For this reason:
Some of us will not ever be truthful enough to say that we are angry at God. How can we say this? We as Christians do not have a right to say that we at angry at God, who do we think we are? Surely God will punish us if we dare to say we are angry at Him? No way, again read lamenations 3. His mercies is anew every day.
You see we think in certain ways, and most times I compared God to man and that did make me feel angry towards Him. How many things happened in my life where i questioned God "Where were you?'
As someone that lost the plot I want to leave this message for others to learn from a fool such as me. My life lies in ruins once again, because for one simple reason, my unwillingness to forgive and let go. I wanted to, but thought why should others get off so easily. You see this is where we go wrong, it is not letting others off the hook easily, but it allows us to have life. When we refuse to forgive like I did, it will bring more bitterness at heart and eventually it will lead to total destruction all over again. When we don't forgive those who hurt us, we become obsessed with it, well so did I. It became to bad that I made place for fear. Soon I would be afraid to leave my home to get bread and milk for there was always the chance I would run into this person, later on I had to as an adult sleep with my light on, because my obsessional thoughts became a reality for me in my mind, we can create the most powerful thoughts and fears by trying to be in control, unwilling to forgive and not giving it all to God.
If you struggle to let go, ask God to help you, if you are angry at Him, tell Him so, but never ever try to keep something hidden in your heart and not telling God about your feelings or thoughts, for as long as they are in there, it will bring death to your soul. God is a God of just and he knows anything about us anyway, so just give it up and fully surrender.
So, to recover and to have any chains in your life to be broken, you can voluntary give it all to God or go the tough route of being broken to the core where you will be stripped from everything until you gave all of it up. There is nothing you will be able to hold onto, nothing at all, for God wants everything from us. He wants us just the way we are warts and all and then He can complete the plan HE has for you. I have chosen the long route which is not always pleasant, it hurts and will take everything from you until you eventually give everything God. That is the only way to go, just give it up and go for the calling. Don't fight it, don't argue with it, don't ever think you are not good enough, just go with it but most importantly you will not be able to go if you have unforgivess, it will be the ball and chain that will keep you back. Give it up.