Everything must go

[MercyChild]

In recovery I don't think you can hold onto old things, it will haunt you, crush you and totally destroy you.

The most important message I have learned in the last three years when it comes to recovery is that it is not only a change of behavior but a change of heart, personality and lifestyle. Although allowing all these things to happen will bring some healing and some days of sobriety, but to have sobriety and the promises that sobriety will bring you will need to forgive.


Sometimes it is easy to say I have forgiven this one or that one, but did we really?


So let me put this out here.
I had a court case that was really hard for me to deal with. Many days I prayed so that I could be released and not have to continue going to court, but the answer always came that i needed to finish what have been started. Every time I got into the witness stand I was torn apart and stripped from my humanity. And then after all of this the case was lost and the perpetrator got to walk away a free man.

Even typing this, I can feel the anger stirring in the core of my heart, but Lamenations 3 taught me that it is okay to express our feelings to God. Why am I sharing this??? For this reason:

Some of us will not ever be truthful enough to say that we are angry at God. How can we say this? We as Christians do not have a right to say that we at angry at God, who do we think we are? Surely God will punish us if we dare to say we are angry at Him? No way, again read lamenations 3. His mercies is anew every day.

You see we think in certain ways, and most times I compared God to man and that did make me feel angry towards Him. How many things happened in my life where i questioned God "Where were you?'

As someone that lost the plot I want to leave this message for others to learn from a fool such as me. My life lies in ruins once again, because for one simple reason, my unwillingness to forgive and let go. I wanted to, but thought why should others get off so easily. You see this is where we go wrong, it is not letting others off the hook easily, but it allows us to have life. When we refuse to forgive like I did, it will bring more bitterness at heart and eventually it will lead to total destruction all over again. When we don't forgive those who hurt us, we become obsessed with it, well so did I. It became to bad that I made place for fear. Soon I would be afraid to leave my home to get bread and milk for there was always the chance I would run into this person, later on I had to as an adult sleep with my light on, because my obsessional thoughts became a reality for me in my mind, we can create the most powerful thoughts and fears by trying to be in control, unwilling to forgive and not giving it all to God.

If you struggle to let go, ask God to help you, if you are angry at Him, tell Him so, but never ever try to keep something hidden in your heart and not telling God about your feelings or thoughts, for as long as they are in there, it will bring death to your soul. God is a God of just and he knows anything about us anyway, so just give it up and fully surrender.

So, to recover and to have any chains in your life to be broken, you can voluntary give it all to God or go the tough route of being broken to the core where you will be stripped from everything until you gave all of it up. There is nothing you will be able to hold onto, nothing at all, for God wants everything from us. He wants us just the way we are warts and all and then He can complete the plan HE has for you. I have chosen the long route which is not always pleasant, it hurts and will take everything from you until you eventually give everything God. That is the only way to go, just give it up and go for the calling. Don't fight it, don't argue with it, don't ever think you are not good enough, just go with it but most importantly you will not be able to go if you have unforgivess, it will be the ball and chain that will keep you back. Give it up.

[andrew_no_one]

Powerful! Thank you for sharing!!!

[Dani H]

You have no idea how happy I am to see you post this.

[Vhayes]

Kiddo - you are facing and taking on some of the absolute deepest things a Christian goes through. Being able to 'fess up to GOD that you are angry with Him is HUGE. Being able to tell the world that same thing is life-changing - for you and for those who read.

Each step along the way leads you ever closer to the mission you are on this earth to accomplish. From your first posts, I felt as though our Father had His hand on you for a very specific purpose.

I'm so glad to "see" you again. You have been in my prayers.

Much love to you and I have also been asking for some true joy to head your way.
V

[MercyChild]

I am a struggling addict in recovery who got to know God, who was touched, changed, healed in many areas and used by Him. But some days I tried to do things in my own strength. Sure we need to do our share in whatever needs to be done, but never fall trap and forget that God is the ultimate healer.

Can one possibly be a drug addict and say she/he loves God? Well, I do. I have learned to love God more than any other. God was working with me from the first day I met Him and I have done many a clean times since. Time I could never do before I got to know God. He allowed me to meet teachers, mentors and life coaches to teach me what life really actually is about. Yet, when I got to know what normal life is, I was overwhelmed. Trying to deal with the issues I had in life was like opening up a can of worms and every now and then I tried to put the lid back on, but that caused damage to my soul.

Right from the start God was talking to me about forgiveness, forgiveness, forgiveness, but I refused to let go and eventually these worms started eating me from the inside out because I did not want to obey this one simple request; FORGIVE!

God allow us to be broken if that is the only way we will listen to Him. On my birthday for instance I was involved in an armed robbery where my cellphone and a little cash was taken. I was traumatised and felt done in once again. Why do I always fall victim to crime. But then again, while I had the cell phone I used that as an instrument to call on others, have their opinion, ask their help and rely on them totally. So, God allowed for me to lose the cellphone, so that I can use the time I called on others to rather call on Him. I am thankful that He kept me safe and only realised today why I was involved in this particular incident.

ROCK BOTTOM
What does rock bottom mean? Many times before I thought that i had hit rock bottom by losing all materials such as my house, car, furniture, ect. But what is real rock bottom? When you try to do things in your own way and forget to rely on God. When you lose precious relationships with family and friends that really cared for you and loved you. When you allow any thought to sin to play in your mind, which eventually manifests into the real deal. When you realised that you became cold and distant from God. THAT IS ROCK BOTTOM. We can lose everything in this world and still be fine, but when we lose God, we have lost it all indeed.

I am leaving for a long term rehabilitation not so much to get clean time, but to do real soul searching, take my time to seek God's will, to learn to listen and use the time to lean more on God, ask more of God, rely more on God and just have a chit chat with God at any given time. I want to allow Him to go with me, to dwell within me, to strengthen me, teach me, guide me, heal me, forgive me and love me, like only God can. I want God's will for me, and one of it is to be a sober person.

I cannot state enough how damaging it can be for us when we refuse to forgive others. My lack of forgiveness was the starting point that led to falling trap that opened a door to move further away from God.

My plead, obey God, trust Him even when others have disappointed or hurt you in many ways. God is not like man, don't box Him in the same box as humans. If we allow Him to be in control, then let Him be in control and do not interfere or try to do things your way. If you need to do your share, pray that He will show you what is your part to do, but never do something without asking His advice.

One last thing, we cannot serve others with an empty cup. Never run when you are meant to be walking, never walk when you are meant to be crawling. Ask God to take you step by step and allow God to fill your cup daily so that it may overflow to others. Nothing is about us, we are made in His glory, for His glory.
May God be with you, guide you, teach you, love you and become the Father you have never known.

[MercyChild]

Oh yes, this is why I started this thread. I was involved in an armed robbery, on my birthday of all things. I was shocked and traumatized at the time but had a couple of days to think about why I had to fall a victim to crime once again. You see God is a jealous God. He saw just how many times I called on others asking for help advice or assistance. I would use my cell phone several a times a day to be in contact with other people, but would not call on God.

So, I believe He allowed for the armed robbery to happen, yet He protected me although my cellphone was taken. Now I don't have anyone I could really call on any more so all I can do is to call on God.

God will remove things in our lives that is a disturbance and builds a wall between us and Him. He wants our everything. He want us to call on Him.

[amazzin]

I am and have always prayed for you. I know you will continue to discover God's never ending mercy and His everlasting grace

[doug3]

Very deep, very powerful and well-written (you should pursue that, in my opinion). Makes me realise I have several balls and chains to let go off.

[andrew_no_one]

Very deep, very powerful and well-written (you should pursue that, in my opinion). Makes me realise I have several balls and chains to let go off.

Indeed. I've found some inspiration in here also.

[MercyChild]

Everything packed and ready to go tomorrow, but I am very anxious. Please keep me in your prayers during this time. Thank you for all the support.

Signing off until I return.

Many blessings to all of you.

[andrew_no_one]

Everything packed and ready to go tomorrow, but I am very anxious. Please keep me in your prayers during this time. Thank you for all the support.

Signing off until I return.

Many blessings to all of you.

We'll be praying!!!

[cheech]

This is an excellent post. God knows every single thing in our hearts. Unforgiveness can leave a hole in our armor for the enemy to come in and mess with us. Know that one to well and it can cause us to make some huge mistakes in our lives. It's a bondage but until we go through the fire, just like the three men in Daniel, the chains stay on. Going through the fire may mean going through what the Lord has had you go through...saying "no" to what you asked because you have to go through it. We will go through all types of emotions during that time. There were some things God was trying to break me of and it felt like I was being tortured! I said "God! I thought I was suppose to be getting healed! This is killing me!" Well obviously He wasn't killing me because I'm still here today to talk about it and pretty much healed (although there is room for some touching up).

You said something that struck me...you said you compared God to man. We do that...we only understand things to a certain degree as our minds are limited (although we like to think they aren't). So we think like men but God is more than men...his ways aren't our ways and so many times we fail to see that.

Wishing you all the best

[MercyChild]

19 weeks of being sober, but most of all 19 weeks of going through the fire.

I don't even want to elaborate on my time in rehab, but I want to thank God for teaching me to search for His guidance, strength and wisdom through the struggles.

I have learned to be content, appreciate the little things and to persevere.

What we have to keep in mind is that no one said our journey of recovery would be easy,but going through trails and temptations with God we can bear all things.

If you are in recovery, even when you feel like throwing in the towel, remember God will not give up on you, unless we keep on rejecting Him and then we will be left without any hope. Before you give up or give in, ask Father for His help and you may be surprised at the help, obstacles He will throw in your way, or the power He will grant you to overcome!
Gods strength is perfect when our strength is gone. For He will never leave you nor forsake you, just keep on searching for His will.