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Thread: I want to believe so much but just cant seem to connect with God

  1. #1

    I want to believe so much but just cant seem to connect with God

    Sorry if this posts twice teh first time I tried it did not show up in teh forums for some reason.

    Not sure if anyone can help here but I don't really know what to do.

    I was a true believer when I was in my teens (I'm 37 now) and was baptized at a Born Again Church. To cut a long story short I always had a question that people in the church did not really appreciate and would think I was being disrespectful (i guess) and would even get angry because I could not accept their answer of "You just have to have faith". These questions were not out of the ordinary I don't think just what you would hear from non-believers although I was a believer but I wanted to try and answer them and I never thought of science as the enemy. In fact, I think it can be the total opposite and maybe it can be used to prove things etc.

    Anyway, I met my wife at the church who was a non-believer (who does believe now) at the age of 15 and we became engaged in 3 months of being together. They did not approve and said we were too young (I could understand in a way but we have now been together for 21 years) but not only that one of the pastors actually came to my house and accused us of have intercourse and accused me of taking drugs. This was not true in anyway shape or form at that time. This really caused me to rebel and eventually made me lose my faith and I stopped going to church and to this day have not been back as I have a deep mistrust now.

    I had periods where I almost came back but then with the passing of my Nanna who was like my mother (long story) I almost got angry and this took me away from God again. Also, I and my wife have had two miscarriages which pulled me further away but ironically brought my wife to god (although because of our earlier experience she too distrusts the construct of churches).

    Now to current day, I am very scientific and always have been (work with computer sciences). I love physics and have alway's studied the scientific findings and papers. Now one thing I can say I don't have trouble believing in is 'Intelligent Design'. I mean when you look around at the things we know and how intricate life is and the patterns which can found, heck even the positioning of the earth. I mean one degree this or that way and life as it is just wouldn't have been possible. It is a miracle. I would say because of all this the last year or so I have been trying to reconnect but my scientific mind sometimes gets in the way even though I want to believe in my heart my head say things cant be like that if that makes sense.

    I need to believe again, even if not for my sake but for the two children I have who are my world. I need this to be real for them as much as for myself. I have no doubt that Jesus existed as well but my mind plays tricks and says maybe he was just a man.

    I am trying to read the bible every day to relearn it. Have even been reading the book of Enoch in search of truths. I have tried praying but I cant get through this block. I try to pray and talk to God and to listen but if he is there its like I'm cut off from him and can not be saved.

    Sorry to ramble on a bit it's just I found this forum and all this has just blurted out onto the page.

    I want to be better, I try and do the right thing and mostly I am a good person but far from perfect. For this, I need Gods forgiveness but maybe its too late and he cant and that's why I can't believe because I cant connect with him.

    If anyone can help, I would really appreciate it and if I have said anything which offends then I am true;y sorry.

    Peace

  2. #2
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    Re: I want to believe so much but just cant seem to connect with God

    I just wrote this in another thread in Christian answers and seems maybe is more for you than the person who started that thread ...

    Quote Originally Posted by Christinme View Post
    I am an extreme intellectual ... and yea when I first read the New Testament (when I was 23 years old ... I read the 4 Gospels for first time) ... my intellect kicked in ... I said "Hey these are very smart men and they describe the 'politics' of the evil 'winning' over the 'good' ...

    That being said I have also had some personal experiences that 'confuse' my intellect that also have led me to be a BELIEVER ... or as I would rather say ... a follower of Jesus Christ ...
    Anyways ... human failings of the Church or those who claim to be the Church should not derail you from the truth ... just because someone/many can't give a proper explanation of a mathematical truth doesn't mean it still isn't truth. So I am open to discussing these things with you ... because well my life was TOTALLY CHANGED when I became a believer at 23 years old ...
    ***
    Lead me in Your truth and teach me,
    For You are the God of my salvation;
    On You I wait all the day.

    Psalms 25:5
    ***

  3. #3
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    Re: I want to believe so much but just cant seem to connect with God

    Quote Originally Posted by Belief View Post
    Sorry if this posts twice teh first time I tried it did not show up in teh forums for some reason.

    Not sure if anyone can help here but I don't really know what to do.

    I was a true believer when I was in my teens (I'm 37 now) and was baptized at a Born Again Church. To cut a long story short I always had a question that people in the church did not really appreciate and would think I was being disrespectful (i guess) and would even get angry because I could not accept their answer of "You just have to have faith". These questions were not out of the ordinary I don't think just what you would hear from non-believers although I was a believer but I wanted to try and answer them and I never thought of science as the enemy. In fact, I think it can be the total opposite and maybe it can be used to prove things etc.

    Anyway, I met my wife at the church who was a non-believer (who does believe now) at the age of 15 and we became engaged in 3 months of being together. They did not approve and said we were too young (I could understand in a way but we have now been together for 21 years) but not only that one of the pastors actually came to my house and accused us of have intercourse and accused me of taking drugs. This was not true in anyway shape or form at that time. This really caused me to rebel and eventually made me lose my faith and I stopped going to church and to this day have not been back as I have a deep mistrust now.

    I had periods where I almost came back but then with the passing of my Nanna who was like my mother (long story) I almost got angry and this took me away from God again. Also, I and my wife have had two miscarriages which pulled me further away but ironically brought my wife to god (although because of our earlier experience she too distrusts the construct of churches).

    Now to current day, I am very scientific and always have been (work with computer sciences). I love physics and have alway's studied the scientific findings and papers. Now one thing I can say I don't have trouble believing in is 'Intelligent Design'. I mean when you look around at the things we know and how intricate life is and the patterns which can found, heck even the positioning of the earth. I mean one degree this or that way and life as it is just wouldn't have been possible. It is a miracle. I would say because of all this the last year or so I have been trying to reconnect but my scientific mind sometimes gets in the way even though I want to believe in my heart my head say things cant be like that if that makes sense.

    I need to believe again, even if not for my sake but for the two children I have who are my world. I need this to be real for them as much as for myself. I have no doubt that Jesus existed as well but my mind plays tricks and says maybe he was just a man.

    I am trying to read the bible every day to relearn it. Have even been reading the book of Enoch in search of truths. I have tried praying but I cant get through this block. I try to pray and talk to God and to listen but if he is there its like I'm cut off from him and can not be saved.

    Sorry to ramble on a bit it's just I found this forum and all this has just blurted out onto the page.

    I want to be better, I try and do the right thing and mostly I am a good person but far from perfect. For this, I need Gods forgiveness but maybe its too late and he cant and that's why I can't believe because I cant connect with him.

    If anyone can help, I would really appreciate it and if I have said anything which offends then I am true;y sorry.

    Peace
    Two websites for you

    pleaseconvinceme.com

    Str.org

    They’ll be up your alley.

    Grace & peace to you,

    Joe

    In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity. - Rupertus Meldenius

    Read your Bible and pray every single day. - Pastor Jon Courson

    If your grace ain't greasier than a bucket full of chitlin's and gravy, you might be a legalist - an internet friend.

  4. #4

    Re: I want to believe so much but just cant seem to connect with God

    Quote Originally Posted by Christinme View Post
    I just wrote this in another thread in Christian answers and seems maybe is more for you than the person who started that thread ...



    Anyways ... human failings of the Church or those who claim to be the Church should not derail you from the truth ... just because someone/many can't give a proper explanation of a mathematical truth doesn't mean it still isn't truth. So I am open to discussing these things with you ... because well my life was TOTALLY CHANGED when I became a believer at 23 years old ...
    I am coming round to this myself as well, in that I shouldnt have let these event take me away but I was young, stuborn and carried this anger because of it then with the loss of loved ones and the miscarriages i made the same mistakes again.

    The trouble is I want to believe (heck i think i might despite having no answers) but I just feel disconnect and that gremlin in my head tell me maybe I cant connect because its not real and no matter how much I want this to be truth it may not be.

    Not sure if that makes sense or not.

  5. #5

    Re: I want to believe so much but just cant seem to connect with God

    Thank you I will take a look.

  6. #6
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    Re: I want to believe so much but just cant seem to connect with God

    Belief, so where are you at in regard to beliefs? Do you God exists or no? Do you believe God exists but you aren’t sure about Christianity?

    If you don’t mind, fill us in a bit.

    In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity. - Rupertus Meldenius

    Read your Bible and pray every single day. - Pastor Jon Courson

    If your grace ain't greasier than a bucket full of chitlin's and gravy, you might be a legalist - an internet friend.

  7. #7

    Re: I want to believe so much but just cant seem to connect with God

    With all my being I want to believe god is real and am already 100% that intelligent design is true.

    The Christian faith feels most recognisable to me but I must say I often think that maybe a lot of religions talk about different God's but maybe it is actually all one and the same God. I mean when I have researched there are some similarities etc. That said there was only one Jesus and I believe walked the earth just trying believe the son of God part next.

    My struggle is it feels like an empty believe and I can not get that validation or connection with God. This makes my logical mind think things like 'oh you can't accept death so want to believe in a higher purpose.

    I have read some wonderful testimonies on the connection believers share with God but I am struggling to connect.

    It's like in my real life I am not close with my father because he is not really intrested in my life so i cant grow to love him how perhaps a son should. I need that relationship to achieve that.

    So after all that I want to belief with every fibre of my being and want a relationship but can't get there.

    Is it because I have not believed for so long and missed my chance?

  8. #8
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    Re: I want to believe so much but just cant seem to connect with God

    There is no such thing as "missing your chance" with God. Until you draw your last breath, you have that opportunity. But the key is don't wait. The bible says "today is the day of salvation".

    If you are looking for some sort of emotional experience or concrete sign - you may not have one. I didn't. Some people claim euphoria when saved. Others - signs. I had neither.

    I was young and merely understood that God wanted to use my life and to have a relationship with me. Me as his child and he as Lord, Father, God, and more. I felt the Holy Spirit prodding me to make some sort of reaction - sort of a "now that you know this, what are you going to do about it."

    Maybe if you explained more of what the connection is that you want, that would bring some clarity. And yes, I do believe that your relationship with your earthy father is interfering with your understanding of a connection with God. Let's keep the conversation going.
    ".....it's your nickel"

  9. #9

    Re: I want to believe so much but just cant seem to connect with God

    I guess what am seeking is a sign of some sort and answer to a prayer or just something that I can reason with that tell me God is out there and he loves me and more importantly loves my children.

    You know this may sound daft but since having my children I Just need God and the heaven to be true in all their glory somewhere my kids can be happy eternally. I know it sounds cheesy but its how I feel.

    I ask for answers or signs, have been opening the bible at random parts asking for a message but it just feels like I only get a wall or he's just not there. The latter I wholeheartedly don't want to be true.

    I read back my words and it sounds like I believe already, maybe it's happening but I don't want it to be wishful thinking I want to have the conviction of my belief and be able to experience God and have a that close relationship with him. I don't want it to be one way, is it selfish to ask these things?

    I am really struggling to explain but I when I held my children in my hands for the first time, I knew I would them with every of my very being. It was like I was seeing in black and white before they arrived and now I see in color and experience life on a whole other level. I would like to know that God is there for us and loves us is the same way. To really know it.

    And hopefully, if I can get there I can become the person, husband and father I would like to be.

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    Re: I want to believe so much but just cant seem to connect with God

    Quote Originally Posted by Belief View Post
    I ask for answers or signs, have been opening the bible at random parts asking for a message but it just feels like I only get a wall or he's just not there. The latter I wholeheartedly don't want to be true.
    Instead of random parts take a look at the story of the prodigal son in Luke 15:10-32

    Have you noticed the unconditional love in the parable Jesus talking about the character of Father God?

    With that in mind tell Him your uncertainties, confess your sins and like the youngest son in the parable you will be received with open arms. Fact.

  11. #11
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    Re: I want to believe so much but just cant seem to connect with God

    Quote Originally Posted by Belief View Post
    I guess what am seeking is a sign of some sort and answer to a prayer or just something that I can reason with that tell me God is out there and he loves me and more importantly loves my children.

    You know this may sound daft but since having my children I Just need God and the heaven to be true in all their glory somewhere my kids can be happy eternally. I know it sounds cheesy but its how I feel.

    I ask for answers or signs, have been opening the bible at random parts asking for a message but it just feels like I only get a wall or he's just not there. The latter I wholeheartedly don't want to be true.

    I read back my words and it sounds like I believe already, maybe it's happening but I don't want it to be wishful thinking I want to have the conviction of my belief and be able to experience God and have a that close relationship with him. I don't want it to be one way, is it selfish to ask these things?

    I am really struggling to explain but I when I held my children in my hands for the first time, I knew I would them with every of my very being. It was like I was seeing in black and white before they arrived and now I see in color and experience life on a whole other level. I would like to know that God is there for us and loves us is the same way. To really know it.

    And hopefully, if I can get there I can become the person, husband and father I would like to be.
    The very fact that you hunger for the truth and a connection to God is a good sign. From my perspective, your hunger itself is a sign from him. You may not recognize it as a sign, but I do. Nevertheless, he will send you a sign, tailor made for you -- something that would be meaningful only to you.

  12. #12

    Re: I want to believe so much but just cant seem to connect with God

    Quote Originally Posted by ProDeo View Post
    Instead of random parts take a look at the story of the prodigal son in Luke 15:10-32

    Have you noticed the unconditional love in the parable Jesus talking about the character of Father God?

    With that in mind tell Him your uncertainties, confess your sins and like the youngest son in the parable you will be received with open arms. Fact.
    I have read the story of the prodigal son, regardless of belief i always loved that one.

    I would just like to experience something on a personal level.

  13. #13

    Re: I want to believe so much but just cant seem to connect with God

    Quote Originally Posted by CadyandZoe View Post
    The very fact that you hunger for the truth and a connection to God is a good sign. From my perspective, your hunger itself is a sign from him. You may not recognize it as a sign, but I do. Nevertheless, he will send you a sign, tailor made for you -- something that would be meaningful only to you.
    That is an intresting way of putting it but it does not really feel like a sign because it makes me think of the old saying 'Just because you want something to be true, does not mean that it is'.

    I will keep hoping and keep searching I hope I do get a sign as you say.

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    Re: I want to believe so much but just cant seem to connect with God

    Belief..

    Glad you chose to ask these questions !

    First, If I understand correctly, you have no issue with acknowledging that the scriptures are true and that Christ is real , right ?

    Also, If I understand you correctly , you desire to be saved , but aren't sure that you can be saved ?

    If I'm on the right track , then let me give you some encouragement... YOU CAN BE SAVED ! So many people look for a divine revelation from God concerning their salvation that they question if it's even possible... I know because I went through this with my own conversion. But the truth of it is that God has done everything possible to reconcile you to Himself that He could do. There is nothing more ..... If your waiting on a "feeling" then let me clarify what that feeling looked like in my own life. It wasn't a grand revelation , it was brokenness. I realized I was NOT in a right relationship with God. So please understand this.. What your going through is not necessarily a bad thing. You realize you need to be saved and for one to realize they need to be saved , they have to realize they are lost.... SO HALF THE BATTLE IS OVER !!!! It took me forever to realize that my good works were garbage.

    Before I downplay a "feeling" let me distinguish the difference between a "feeling" and a drawing of the Holy Spirit... What drew my heart (through the power of the Holy Spirit) was the word of God. The bible. It tells the way to a right relationship with God and it's what drew my heart. Hearing the preached word, reading the written word, and meditating on it even when I didn't realize I was meditating on it softened my stony heart to the point that the seed of the Gospel which had been planted there took root.

    So what does the scripture say ? In short....

    1. Heaven is a gift ... Romans 6 /23
    2. Man is a sinner... Romans 3 / 23
    3. God is just... Nahum 1 / 3

    This poses a big problem .. Our sin separates us from God as he is HOLY... We drink down sin on planet earth likes it's water. He hates sin, but loves us. SOOOO... He made a way.

    4. THROUGH CHRIST ... John 3...The whole thing. He made a way by taking the wrath of God that should be poured out on us.

    5. But it's received by faith.... Here is your struggle, right ? It's not intellectual faith... Even the demons have that and even tremble from fear...( more faith than a some church folks ) James 2 / 19... Not temporary faith ... Making a plea bargain to God based on our circumstances... But true saving faith comes from TRUE REPENTANCE AND TRULY TRUSTING IN JESUS FOR OUR ETERNAL LIFE.

    John 1 /12 says " Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believe in His name, He gave the right to become children of God".

    NOW LISTEN TO ME !!! THIS BIBLICAL TRUTH ISN'T BASED OFF OF EMOTION, BUT A PROMISE OF GOD. IF YOU TRUST IN THIS PROMISE, TURN FROM YOUR SINS IN REPENTANCE, AND PLACE YOUR FAITH IN CHRIST , YOU WILL BE SAVED !!!

    Don't base this off of your intellect, or a feeling, but biblical truth. That in itself requires faith. If you believe this , then repent and believe....NOTHING MORE.

    This is what separated Christianity from every other "religion" it's the only one where you can't earn anything. It's all a gift .

    God bless and don't wait.

    Quote Originally Posted by CadyandZoe View Post
    The very fact that you hunger for the truth and a connection to God is a good sign. From my perspective, your hunger itself is a sign from him. You may not recognize it as a sign, but I do. Nevertheless, he will send you a sign, tailor made for you -- something that would be meaningful only to you.
    Exactly what I was thinking !!! Amen !!!

  15. #15
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    Re: I want to believe so much but just cant seem to connect with God

    Quote Originally Posted by Belief View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by ProDeo View Post
    Instead of random parts take a look at the story of the prodigal son in Luke 15:10-32

    Have you noticed the unconditional love in the parable Jesus talking about the character of Father God?

    With that in mind tell Him your uncertainties, confess your sins and like the youngest son in the parable you will be received with open arms. Fact.
    I have read the story of the prodigal son, regardless of belief i always loved that one.

    I would just like to experience something on a personal level.
    What about the red?

    Why not ask God to help you in your unbelief?

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