Mensa Invitational

[chal]

gunlight: 1.) The light of the spark that is emitted from the striking of a gun's hammer. 2.) An infra-red light that is mounted atop the scope on rifles designed for night shooting. 3.) Figurative: The (often unpleasant) illumination that one has when suddenly realizing that a gun is pointed in one's direction.

insomnia

[SeattleSun]

Sinsomnia -- A sleep disorder caused by unrepented transgressions against the Lord. Easily cured by sincere and fervent confession and conviction.

Wildcat

[Mercy4Me]

Wildchat: A chatroom session that gets out of control, consisting of several people chatting at once. Chaos and mass confusion reign, resulting in computers whose circuit boards become overloaded. This often results in blown monitors, leading to costly repairs. Because of this, wildchats have now become illegal in 39 states.



Circuit

[SeattleSun]

Cirsuit -- A revolutionary new fabric in menswear, a combination of Cotton, Iron and Radish. The color tends to be red, but is very washable with no further care required. Due to the inclusion of iron, it never wears out.

Fluoride

[chal]

fluride:1.) A ride to the pharmacy (usually in the middle of the night, or some other inconvienient time) to buy medicine for the influenza one has recently acquired. 2.) A taxi, cab or hack which is boarded at the airport after a flight (also spelled "flewride"), chronologically posterior to a "flyride," i.e., a taxi that one rides TO the airport, preceeding a flight (not to be confused with a flyrod, which is a souped-up automobile that is methaphorically capable of becoming airborne).

doodlebug

[SeattleSun]

Doodleburg -- A town where all the citizens are semi-artistic, but pretentious. All signs are "doodlized", confounding visitors as to when parking is allowed and if you can turn right on a red. Fender benders abound due to distractions trying to understand traffic routes.



Railroad

[chal]

brailroad: 1.) A road constructed of braille lettering that is picked up by sensors on the tires of blind people's autos, that are then transmitted to the dashboard, where the signals are translated into a special braille computer language and is finally projected onto a board that can be felt by the blind person and read as a map, allowing him to drive the car on the BWWWSIH (Blind World Wide Web Super Information Highway). 2.) A secondary railroad, where wannabe conductors hone their skills on sleazy locomotives. 3.) An infamous highway in Leprechaun mythology, that leads to to "the Kingdom of Braille," where all the people are blind and the one eyed gnome is king of the road. From here comes the famous "Braille-burger," that is so small, it is not visible to sighted people and can only be eaten by small blind people, such as gnomes, elves, fairies, Klu Klux Klan members, leprechauns, as well as mini-giants and other nonunoxymoronical entities etc *footnote.

[SIZE="1"]*footnote excerpted from "Mieke's Big Little Book of Leprchaun Related Stuff."

birdseed

[SeattleSun]

*footnote excerpted from "Mieke's Big Little Book of Leprchaun Related Stuff."

Birdseen -- A logbook issued by the Audubon Society for the annual bird census. Voluteers venture out to count the different species and mark down each bird seen.

Peanut

[Mercy4Me]

peatnut: A small nugget of peat, harvested in some of Ireland's smaller peat bogs. Rather than using a shovel, as with full-sized slabs of peat, a steel-reinforced teaspoon is used for harvesting peatnuts. Peatnuts are commonly used in peat stoves belonging to the leprechaun population of Ireland (largely for cooking Braille-burgers); however, on occasion a full-sized human will be found piling a few peatnuts in a hole in the sand on the beach, then lighting them on fire and grilling freshly-caught fish over them.

teaspoon

[SeattleSun]

Seaspoon -- A tool used by God in His wrath. He dips it into an ocean, and VOILA! all gone. No more ocean.

Isa 40:12 Who has measured the waters in the hollow of His hand

Hamster

[kasanm]

Pamster - a nickname that Pam has hated from the very day it was given to her in jr. high


Growling

[SeattleSun]

Growline -- A device used by parents to measure their children's heights so marks no longer have to be permanently made on walls. You can make your own very easily, but so as not to be looked down on, parents can buy designer growlines from snobby retailers, complete with logos.

Monopoly

[Mercy4Me]

Monopol: The exclusively German branch of Interpol. Because Germany was reunited, they adopted the prefix "Mono", meaning one; most employees are required to wear monocles, rather than regular glasses or contact lenses. They are only permitted to ride on the monotrain, and they are highly effective against a certain branch of counter-counter-terrorism called Monopods. All employees of the organization are, of course, monogamous, and on break from their stressful counter-counter-counter terrorism duties, they are often seen to be playing Monopoly.

organization

[chal]

Korganization: 1.) Open source software from KDE (K Desktop Environment) to enhance Korganizer a PIM management suite, by providing a seamless and secure file sharing between multiple instances of korganizer running on different machines (hey someone has to korganize the korganizer). 2.) The bonding that naturally occurs between inhabitants of the planet "Korg," (which is located in inner space) when two or more meet in an outer space environment. It is usually identified by noticing, but pretending to ignore (if you know what's good for you).the elongated tentacular activity and wolverine-like howling that accompanies this starnge phenomenon. 37.5.) The apperance of "kor-gan," a growth pattern on the outer (or outer) leaves of the pod-like "Za," plant common to locations (or places) South of the "Reality Equator," caused by an early frost, or perhaps someone foolishly trying to tweak the giant wind fans for monetary gain or cheap thrills. 4.) The presence of a "korgan" (musical instrument)," player in front of your local supermnarket, shamelessly unskilled, but nevertheless trying to earn tips by playing something that barely passes for music.

quill

[SeattleSun]

Squill -- A weather phonomenon occuring in the Pacific Northwest maritime climate prevelant in the Spring months. The Pineapple Express front from Hawaii merges with the winds off the Strait of Juan de Fuca, producing violent, sudden downpours of ice along with warm rain. Not good when your car has a leak somewhere.

Crossword