Abuse Issues

[Christsfreeservant]

Hi! My name is Sue. I'm 56 yrs old, married (34 yrs), mother of four married adult children and grandmother of four. I've been a believer in Christ since I was 7, so nearly 50 years now. I've taught Bible studies for about 40 of those years, and many of those were Ladies' Bible studies. I'm non-denominational, but grew up in the C&MA in Ohio.

I also grew up under abuse and faced much more throughout my life, particularly by church leaders (you can read part of my testimony in the testimony section under "Church Abuse and God's Ultimate Divine Purpose"). It is only by the grace of God that I came out a whole person who loves Jesus.

God began his work of divine healing in my damaged emotions when I was 32 years old, following another church abuse situation in which the Lord told me to get in there and to fight this through. Memories from my past that had gotten buried deep inside began to surface, but no one seemed to know what I was to do with them other than to "give them to God."

God has taken me down a long road of healing, because each new experience would surface some buried hurt that I did not know was there, and would force it out in the open so that God could heal it.

I don't know all the answers and I'm not coming on here as any kind of expert. I just love the Lord and I'm so grateful for what HE has done in my heart and life. If anyone would like to talk about church abuse or spousal abuse or childhood abuse issues, I would be glad to offer to share with you anything the Lord has taught me, so maybe you won't have to learn things the hard way, as I did. The only support I really had was the Lord, with the exception of a couple of long-distance friends, one of which passed away 7 years ago. So, I know what it is like to feel like you are all alone out there, too.

Sue

[hdt]

Your testimony was awesome!

Not to many people feel comfortable talking about abuse issues in church.

From alot of the stories I have heard that is one area they have a long way to go in.

[Christsfreeservant]

I agree! It is a sensitive issue, but one that needs to be addressed. God has taken me through so much and through that he has given me a heart and a passion to speak out on these issues and to comfort and encourage others who have gone through or are going through abuse of any kind.

Thank you so much for your thoughts.

Sue

[miepie]

My first marriage was mentally abusive. Although I am now married to the most wonderful sweet man in the world, sometimes I am still reacting like I was when I was under the abuse. It has made me very uncertain in certain areas. Slowly I am coming out of that, but it takes a long time...... In that way I am almost glad that we both have healthissues..... it means that we have to rely on each other and that helped me through the most problems in the beginning......

Love you,
Mieke

[Christsfreeservant]

miepie,

Our minds are like computers - everything is stored there, even if we don't purposefully go to it. And, our emotions remember what our minds try to forget. I shared my testimony under the testimonies section and then I added an additional post on the same thread under Jonah & The Big Fish. It is the story of how the Lord brought to surface a lot of my memories of past abuse and how he began healing them. I have learned over the years that things in my present life will trigger emotional memories from my past, and I will react to the present situation as though I am reacting to the past. It is then that I allow that memory to surface, that I cry it out to God, that I ask for forgiveness for wherever I failed and that I forgive others, and then I release it into the hands of the Lord. The next thing I do is ask the Holy Spirit to be my interrupter if I start to react like that again, and I begin to put off my old reactions and put on new ones in place of them. Eventually I don't react with that old memory-based behavior again. It is just a matter of retraining our minds and our emotions to react differently and to allow God to heal those past hurts. And, he does - and what freedom!!

Thanks so much for sharing!! The Lord bless you on your journey!!

Sue

[miepie]

Thanks Sue....
The thing that helped me out a lot was to truly forgive my eshusband in my heart instead of just saying it..... It took me quite a while but then I felt like a load fell off me..... One thing that comforted me too, how strange it may sound, is that he said I was never good enough..... and that he never loved me at all and that he only needed someone to keep the house clean....... the last remark made me cry for 7 hours....... I know that he has now a relationship with a man...... so my "not being good enough" simply means that I was the wrong kind..... I was not a man....... and I did not allow him to have a relationship with a man besides our marriage.... when I refused that, the abuse started..... I stayed with him for 6 more years, where he made me believe that killing myself was the best thing to do. It resulted in more than 4 suicide attempts and when I promised God never to do it again and to follow Him instead of my abusive husband, he became even more abusive. I got out of the marriage just before the serious physical abuse started...... after a few bruises I thought it was enough and I filed for divorce..... but my marriage was gone at the time he told me he wanted that man.......
He says he still does not know why I wanted to leave him...... he thinks I was the one to blame.... just because God led me to the right man this time that makes me very happy and is as supportive and sweet and caring as he should have been........
But I am able to let it go....... and God has helped me in many ways to forgive him....... I never want him back in my house again...... but I have no problem talking to him when we meet (he lives across the street)...... It is like you said...... reactions that go back to the past, are replaced by ones that belong here and now..... and having a good husband does help a lot!

Love you,
Mieke

[A None-Y-Mouse]

Hello Sue.

I also grew up with abuse. Since I'm sort of anonymous on this forum I guess I can say a little.

As a child I was abused by an uncle, by young boys (two), by my step father, both sexually, mentally, physically. while in those circumstances I went to Catholic school and was taught in the traditional roles (although I didn't accept Christ till in my twenties). I believed them many more years until Christ showed me differently. As a young adult there were seven different men who raped me. Interestingly abusers look for certain signs and types of submissiveness in women in order to effectively abuse them. Since I had my personality beaten down as a child I was the perfect victim.

It took many years for God to heal me and change or release my personality for who He made me to be. It is impossible really to fully express my gratitude to God for healing me, for saving me, for taking me into His kingdom.

As a result of all this, I am extra perceptive to abusive situations and very empathetic to those caught in them.

[Christsfreeservant]

Mieke,

I am so glad to hear that you are finding healing for your past abuse and that God has provided you with a loving relationship now. Forgiveness is so important, too. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am certain it will be an encouragement to others.

Sue

[Christsfreeservant]

A None-Y-Mouse,

I truly empathize with what you shared. Although our stories vary, they also parallel each other in many ways. I feel the same way as you about abuse situations, and I am also highly sensitized to those. The Lord has been talking to me much lately about the end of days and how he is going to deliver those who have been oppressed from those who oppress them. Sometimes he takes us out of the situation, and sometimes he just teaches us how to know who we are in Christ despite our circumstances. I know that if it had not been for what I went through, I would not be who I am. This does not excuse my abusers, but it demonstrates the Sovereignty of God in my life. I am glad I am me. I could not always say that.

Sue

[A None-Y-Mouse]

A None-Y-Mouse,

I truly empathize with what you shared. Although our stories vary, they also parallel each other in many ways. I feel the same way as you about abuse situations, and I am also highly sensitized to those. The Lord has been talking to me much lately about the end of days and how he is going to deliver those who have been oppressed from those who oppress them. Sometimes he takes us out of the situation, and sometimes he just teaches us how to know who we are in Christ despite our circumstances. I know that if it had not been for what I went through, I would not be who I am. This does not excuse my abusers, but it demonstrates the Sovereignty of God in my life. I am glad I am me. I could not always say that.

Sue

Being highly sensitized to it can have it's problems. We see what many have no clue about. and then when we make attempts to point it out, they just scratch their heads and cannot figure out where we get our ideas from. Sometimes, that is really offensive, which is difficult because the other person didn't mean it to be.

I know I'm a very patient person, but I have seen and heard so much from other women on this that it really tries my patience. A personal friend (a Christian) had a sister who just a couple months ago committed suicide because of her abusive husband. Don't know if they had any children. she just saw no way out. Too often Christians unaware of the depth of these problems give no way out to the victim. Not everyone is strong enough to deal with daily abuse 24/7. If I remember correctly I think he did beat her some, but the majority of it was other types of mental emotional abuse. so sad.

I'm on a Christian Abuse List which offers support to men and women in abusive situations. they have a Christian counselor that is great. And there are many who just offer support, understanding, and prayers. I don't offer much. sometimes it overwhelms me. I'm just so shocked to still see so much happening that so few are aware of.

[hdt]

http://bibleforums.org/showthread.php?t=61587

There is a thread about abuse others may be interested in here.

[hdt]

I'm on a Christian Abuse List which offers support to men and women in abusive situations. they have a Christian counselor that is great. And there are many who just offer support, understanding, and prayers. I don't offer much. sometimes it overwhelms me. I'm just so shocked to still see so much happening that so few are aware of.

Would you mind sharing?

[A None-Y-Mouse]

Would you mind sharing?

what would you like to know?

[hdt]

I'm sorry.....dahhhhhhhhh! The website you mentioned!

[hdt]

http://bibleforums.org/showthread.ph...d=1#post921787

Here is another thread that is going on.

I think I need to leave - some of these threads are really triggering me! I am going to pray on this some, because something tells me running isn't going to help. LOL but its in my mind!