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Lyndie
Oct 4th 2007, 05:45 PM
Hi everyone. I was speaking with a friend the other day, and told her I have a hard time putting my faith and trust in God because my earthly father wasn't a very good father. I am sure there are many of us who have had the same problem. Even after five years, I still cannot seem to trust God 100%. In my head, I know that God is more than my earthly father could ever be. But I cannot get that into my heart for some reason. I'm just wondering how any of you who have gone through this learned to trust in the Lord.

hootinannie
Oct 4th 2007, 06:47 PM
Yes....although my experience was of a non-existent father, since he died when I was only 6 and my mom never remarried.

I virtually had NO concept of what a father was or should be. The only perception of fatherhood I had resulted from watching my abusive husband with our son, and that was a DISASTER!!!

In my testimony, I recounted how desolate I felt as an eight year old child, so it is no surprise to me that when Jesus felt the time was right for me to get to know my Heavenly Father, the "vision" (mental movie in this case) He gave me reverted me back to being eight years old.

Here's what happened in the "vision". Jesus and I were walking through a beautiful garden and he took me (still an adult) by the hand and grinned real big and said "Today I have a wonderful surprise for you". I asked what it was and He just took me by the hand and began to lead me through the garden, still grinning, but not answering my question. As we walked further, I then saw myself as an eight year old child, holding His hand as we walked.

Suddenly we came around the end of a well-manicured hedge, and there, seated on a golden bench, was Father God. I was terrified, and I hid behind Jesus, unable to speak. Jesus said, "Don't be afraid. You have nothing to fear. You'll see." And He turned and took me by the shoulders and put me in front of Him. At that point, God the Father stood up and approached me, smiling sweetly and gently. He said something to Jesus, which I didn't catch, and Jesus began to walk away, leaving me alone with Father God. The only concept of Him I'd ever had was of a God who was strict and unbending, judgmental, critical, impossible to please, looking for an opportunity to damn my soul to eternal hell.

But Father God took me by the hand and smiled at me, and began to walk me down another path, and then across a meadow. I couldn't BELIEVE where He took me. He took me to a PLAYGROUND, and there He put me on the swings and swung me. He went down the slide with me and pushed me on the merry-go-round. Then we chased each other all over that playground...He'd let me catch Him, and then we'd fall to the ground and roll over and over in the grass, where He would tickle me and I laughed till I cried, and then, sitting on top of Him, I would tickle Him and HE laughed "till He cried". He swung me around and around until we both staggered and fell from dizziness, and He hugged me and kissed me and told me how much He loved me. Then, when I was almost exhausted from fun, He said to me, "Call me Abba" (which means Papa or Daddy).

That day I lost ALL my terror of Abba and He became my wonderful Papa. The hole in my heart that I felt as a little eight year old girl, sitting in the hot Florida sun, in the black dirt, was gone...healed....the desolation of the memory was even gone.

I am very secure in His love for me now. Although I never knew what it was like to have a Father, I do now, because He is constantly nearby and I am aware of His presence. He "implanted" in my heart something that I can't explain, but would never want to be without again. And there is a wonderful Father-daughter relationship there that I never could have known without Him.

Abba's little girl,
Hoot

Saved7
Oct 4th 2007, 06:57 PM
Hi everyone. I was speaking with a friend the other day, and told her I have a hard time putting my faith and trust in God because my earthly father wasn't a very good father. I am sure there are many of us who have had the same problem. Even after five years, I still cannot seem to trust God 100%. In my head, I know that God is more than my earthly father could ever be. But I cannot get that into my heart for some reason. I'm just wondering how any of you who have gone through this learned to trust in the Lord.

Yah, I hear ya. Pray about this, and just try Him. Meaning try doing things His way on something that you are having a hard time trusting Him in. For me it was "not fornicating"....At first it was so hard to trust that God would be able to find a man who would wait. Little did I know that He had already found someone before I even made that decision. He told me He had found a husband for me. I trusted that, but as time went on I began to question whether it was really God or just my imagination. But trusting God won out in the end, and now I am seeing this wonderful man who is such a good godly man that I feel so blessed to be a part of his life. Yes it took years to see my trust in the LOrd come to fruition, but it is sooooo worth it.:pp
TRUST HIM:hug:

karenoka27
Oct 4th 2007, 06:57 PM
I never had a close relationship with my Dad when I was young..but when I came to know the Lord and realized that I had a Father in heaven that loved me more than any earthly father could? I cried. I have loved Him as my Father for over 20 years now and I know for certain He has loved me as His child...

His Child and Forever I am (Redeemed by the blood of the Lamb..)

http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/r/e/redeemed.htm

Serve-N-Protect
Oct 4th 2007, 08:02 PM
My dad has several mental disorders. Among them is Paranoia, Schizophrenia, and Bipolar. He is a Christian however. He is intrusive, insulting, manipulative, controlling and judgmental. He uses God as a weapon to persecute others including his family. He pits family members against each other. He blames everyone around him for his problems, and belittles every effort of success in others lives. He is not happy unless your miserable as he is miserable. He is a racist, and a bigot with a filthy mouth. He constantly complains about the weather, and all of his physical pains. He smokes 3 packs of cigarettes a day, and is at least 150 lbs overweight most of his life because he eats like a pig.

He has this control over every member of my 7 member family, meaning brothers, sister, and his ex-wife my mother.

Ad to that an IQ of about 150.

When he was in his early 20's he was shot in the belly in a gang fight. The bullet traveled, puncturing his lung and rendering it unusable, nicked his heart, and still has it lodged in his shoulder today. 2 years ago, one of my brothers stabbed him in the head 17 times with a special forces knife. That brother is now committed to a mental ward for life. 12 years ago he had a heart attack with a triple bypass. 5 years ago he had a stroke that drooped his face and completely wiped out his mind. Today... it is like it never happened. His face is back to full recovery, his speech is clear, and his mind is sharp as ever. 3 years ago, he had another stroke. It knocked him down. The stroke is obvious on the MRI. It had no effect on him other than knocking him out for an hour, and two days of headaches.

He has skin cancer and occasionally has to drop by the VA to have a chunk cut off of him. He has congestive heart failure with a heart that only operates at 23% of what a normal heart would operate at in a man of his 62 years. The heart failure caused him to only be able to take 3 steps before he had to catch his breath let alone the excessive weight the edema was causing. Thanks to modern medicine, a pace maker has cleared all of that up.

So with all of that and more.... My question is what God can compete with all of that. In my life the question is God who?

I know God in wrote and in intellect only. The touchy fealy lovey dovey daddy crap about God that everyone speaks of I have no clue about. My earthly Father has singlehandedly manipulated, demanded, and forced all of my emotions regarding that stuff for himself.

Sorry this all sounds harsh, but it is all very real, and very true. I gotta say that when I saw this thread, it was like a Godsend, as this is what I'm dealing with right now in my life and it is effecting me and my relationship with God huge.

I have no solution, and the guy (did mention he never knew his dad as he was the result of a one nighter) just won't die.

I gotta say though... 3 months ago, I think he finally let me go.

Saved7
Oct 4th 2007, 08:15 PM
hmmm, your dad sounds like my outlaws (inlaws) and my dad combined.
All I can say is to seek God on this, seriously seek Him on your "father issues", on your view of who God is. Your dad sounds more like a man who God is trying to humble.
There is a scripture that someone posted that I had forgotten...but I want you to pray on this scripture, that God would reveal it to your heart.
I know it seems pretty obvious, but your heart needs to receive it.:saint:

Mal 3:16 (http://www.blueletterbible.org/cgi-bin/popup.pl?book=Mal&chapter=3&verse=16&version=kjv#16)¶Then they that feared the LORD spake often one to another: and the LORD hearkened, and heard [it], and a book of remembrance was written before him for them that feared the LORD, and that thought upon his name.

Mal 3:17 (http://www.blueletterbible.org/cgi-bin/popup.pl?book=Mal&chapter=3&verse=17&version=kjv#17)And they shall be mine, saith the LORD of hosts, in that day when I make up my jewels; and I will spare them, as a man spareth his own son that serveth him.

Serve-N-Protect
Oct 4th 2007, 08:20 PM
hmmm, your dad sounds like my outlaws (inlaws) and my dad combined.
All I can say is to seek God on this, seriously seek Him on your "father issues", on your view of who God is. Your dad sounds more like a man who God is trying to humble.
There is a scripture that someone posted that I had forgotten...but I want you to pray on this scripture, that God would reveal it to your heart.
I know it seems pretty obvious, but your heart needs to receive it.:saint:

Mal 3:16 (http://www.blueletterbible.org/cgi-bin/popup.pl?book=Mal&chapter=3&verse=16&version=kjv#16)¶Then they that feared the LORD spake often one to another: and the LORD hearkened, and heard [it], and a book of remembrance was written before him for them that feared the LORD, and that thought upon his name.

Mal 3:17 (http://www.blueletterbible.org/cgi-bin/popup.pl?book=Mal&chapter=3&verse=17&version=kjv#17)And they shall be mine, saith the LORD of hosts, in that day when I make up my jewels; and I will spare them, as a man spareth his own son that serveth him.

Show me the God who can humble that man and I will show you the God I will call father.

Brother Mark
Oct 4th 2007, 08:22 PM
Hi everyone. I was speaking with a friend the other day, and told her I have a hard time putting my faith and trust in God because my earthly father wasn't a very good father. I am sure there are many of us who have had the same problem. Even after five years, I still cannot seem to trust God 100%. In my head, I know that God is more than my earthly father could ever be. But I cannot get that into my heart for some reason. I'm just wondering how any of you who have gone through this learned to trust in the Lord.

It's all grace! Take it to the Lord and tell him you desire to trust Him more. Just keep asking him. Your heart will be quickened in certain areas and you will learn more about God in your studies, in church, etc. God will guide you to learn those things that will help you trust him more.

I love the NT example "I believe, help Thou my unbelief". Ask Him to change your heart. I am sure he will. ;)

Saved7
Oct 4th 2007, 08:28 PM
Show me the God who can humble that man and I will show you the God I will call father.


Then why do you call yourself a christian if you doubt God's power? :saint:
It's not a failing on God's part, but on your fathers part. You'll notice that your dad has many problems but instead of crying out to God he is just getting angrier. Maybe you need to be praying for you dad, as it would seem that instead of mental illnesses, he may just have a demon. Maybe he is not truely a christian after all. We cannot truely judge his heart, but his fruits tell us that he desperately needs your prayers.
My dad is an opinionated alchoholic harsh, angry, know it all *%^*^%*. My outlaws are meanspirited, physcotic liars who are obsessed with my daughter and have done everything in their power to steal her away from me. But I still pray for them...they are humans who Jesus died for too.:hug:

BTW, God is your creator, making Him your First father, your TRUE Father.:saint:

Amazedgrace21
Oct 4th 2007, 08:30 PM
Show me the God who can humble that man and I will show you the God I will call father.

Well..from what I have seen of the Holy Spirit's progress under such tough circumstances in your mind and heart, I suspect if you take a look in the mirror, you will find him..you are very much becoming this man of God.:hug:

Serve-N-Protect
Oct 4th 2007, 09:02 PM
Then why do you call yourself a christian if you doubt God's power? :saint:
It's not a failing on God's part, but on your fathers part. You'll notice that your dad has many problems but instead of crying out to God he is just getting angrier. Maybe you need to be praying for you dad, as it would seem that instead of mental illnesses, he may just have a demon. Maybe he is not truely a christian after all. We cannot truely judge his heart, but his fruits tell us that he desperately needs your prayers.
My dad is an opinionated alchoholic harsh, angry, know it all *%^*^%*. My outlaws are meanspirited, physcotic liars who are obsessed with my daughter and have done everything in their power to steal her away from me. But I still pray for them...they are humans who Jesus died for too.:hug:

BTW, God is your creator, making Him your First First father, your TRUE Father.:saint:

Thanks saved. You have a harsh yet sweet way of putting things.

Like I said, in wrote, I know God is my creator, I know Jesus died, I know...

Remember my dad is a Christian who also knows Jesus died so he might b saved. I grew up with the word of my dads interpretation of the bible pounded into me, and lorded over me. There is virtually no aspect of the bible that I haven't spoken about, asked about or dealt with regarding my dad. Our arguments sound like a theological philosophers convention and when it comes down to it we are both just a couple of idiot know nothings.

My doubt and my tests of faith are directly related to my dad. HE WON"T DIE! I struggle with doubt at times because somewhere in my mind, my dad has me convinced that he might be God. Or even, God cannot kill him. I know that sounds childish... but look at the evidence. BTW, the brother that stabbed him has an even higher IQ according to my mother. Unfortunately for him, LSD and Crystal Meth wreaked havoc on his emotions. Or was it the constant belittling of my father that did it? I guess we will never know.

I'm just tired of depending on my father for my relationship with God. And that is it in a nutshell. In many ways I never matured emotionally or spiritually because my relationship with our creator depended only on the opinions of my mind controlling religious psycho dad.

BTW, my dad has plenty of opinion about demon possession as well. He has very grand stories about his exorcism as a young man. I have also seen him dispel demons out of people and speak in tongues. You thought your dads stupid black socks and Bermuda shorts were embarrassing, try going out in public with with the fat guy who is smoking a cigarette and ranting in ancient languages... with black socks and Bermuda shorts.

But here is the kicker... I think this is all coming up now because recently, I think God has forced him to let me go.

Serve-N-Protect
Oct 4th 2007, 09:21 PM
:cry:

I'm so sorry.

:cry: I'm a jerk.

:hug:

hootinannie
Oct 4th 2007, 09:53 PM
:cry:I'm so sorry. :cry: I'm a jerk. :hug:

No problem, my friend. I understand. It is most often that our earthly fathers provide our only concept of our Heavenly Father, and when the relationship is as bad as yours has been, I can understand. But please don't project the sins of your earthly father onto your Heavenly Father, because He is not like that at all, and He so deeply wants to show you what He is REALLY like and how much He loves you. If you can bow your heart before Him and tell Him that you want to know Him in His capacity as your Heavenly Father, I believe you will find Him to be the exact opposite of your earthly father.

The fact that your father knows who Jesus is and what He did, doesn't convince me that he is a Christian. The Bible says "even the demons know, and tremble". The word "Christian" means "Christ-like" or "like Christ". I don't think that your father's actions are in any way like Christ, and the word also says a tree is known by its fruits...an apple tree won't bear lemons, and if it does bear lemons, it's not an apple tree, it's a lemon tree. There are some fruit trees that I can't tell what they are without their fruit because their leaves are very similar. But when they are bearing fruit, I can immediately tell.

One of the errors that modern Christians make has to do with the use of the word "judge". We take that one word to always mean condemn. But there is another meaning of the word judge, and that is to "discern" one thing from another. We are not to "judge", meaning condemn, but we ARE to judge, meaning discern. I can judge whether a tree is an apple tree or a lemon tree by looking at the evidence....its fruit. A judgment in this case is looking at the evidence (citrus smell, small ovoid shape, yellow color, sour taste) that the fruit is a lemon, thus the tree is a lemon tree.

Your father needs God desperately. I know it must be VERY HARD indeed to even want to pray for him, much less actually pray for him. I would suspect that there is quite a bit of demonic influence operating in him.

As you know, you cannot make your father's choices for him. But you can make your own. Abba says, "If you seek me, you WILL FIND ME, when you seek for me with ALL YOUR HEART." And another place He says, "If you seek me, I will be found of you." Set your heart to seek Him with all that is in you, and allow Him to show you what He is like, apart from any preconceived notions or conceptions. He's waiting and He wants desperately to show you who He is as your TRUE Father...the one who created you before time began...before your earthly father was even born.

No apologies needed, my friend. I hurt for you because now I know what He is REALLY like, and I so long for EVERYONE to know Him that way. And HE wants YOU to know Him that way also. I'll tell you what Jesus told me. "Don't be afraid. You have nothing to fear. You'll see." :hug: :hug: :hug:

Your sis in the Lord,
Hoot

Saved7
Oct 4th 2007, 10:10 PM
Thanks saved. You have a harsh yet sweet way of putting things.




:lol: uh yah. Sorry about that, but I try to tell the truth in a way that makes people go...:idea:... and I try to do it with love.:hug:

And for the same reasons that Hoot stated that she doubts his christianity, is the same reason that I commented on his faith as well.;)

And maybe all this is coming up now, because God is about to bring you to that "FAther relationship" by making you deal with all of this. It would seem that it is time for you to deal with your own emotional struggles so that you can continue to grow in faith in the Lord.

WonderWoman4Jesus
Oct 4th 2007, 10:11 PM
I've never had a father or father-figure, so I have no idea how a Father is supposed to ask. I've always had difficulty because I cannot reach out and physically touch the Father. I've always craved protection and love from a male figure, but God isn't physical in body like we are. He is, but He isn't solid. I have always wanted to feel the warmth and the protection of the Father, but it's difficult because I'm not sure what spiritual protection and love is.

I always felt really odd and left out on Father's Day as a kid, although my mom is the greatest mom on Earth. In general, most of my expierances with men have not been very good, and so it's difficult to grasp God as my Father without seeing or hearing Him. I hope that makes sense.

God bless

HopeFaithLove
Oct 5th 2007, 12:55 AM
I just wanted to add a post, if I can be of any help? :hmm:

I have to say that I'm almost 40 and am just now learning to trust in God as my Father (instead of bio.dad) I recite to myself over and over Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding."

I've never had an example of a "father figure", sure, my dad is still around. But, he left, when I was 5.....didn't pay any child support, is a horrible alcoholic. He was never there for 'emotional support'.....the only thing I could count on him to do was to call me drunk at 2am.....or ask for money. :rolleyes:

All thru my 20's, I always looked for comfort in men (bf's) to be my 'protector/nuturer'......but, I always chose the wrong guys. I never learned to seek God to fill up my heart.

It's not an easy 'overnight' process....because I had to learn to give up control of my life & turn it over to God. And trust in Him that His love is all I need. And in doing that, I'm very content with how my life is.

God bless.....I'll send up prayers to those who need them. :pray:

nebula_omega
Oct 5th 2007, 03:36 AM
Unfortunately, that's a problem for a lot of people, including me. My dad was mostly absent for me when I was a child, having to work two jobs to support us. When my parents got divorced, he turned bitter and vindictive over his life, and turned most of his vile toward me.

My problem with God is convincing myself that He really does want to hear from me and that He's always there. It's really hard, and I haven't had a whole lot of success with the convincing. God's pretty patient with us though. He doesn't care how fast we move, as long as we're moving toward him.

Sold Out
Oct 5th 2007, 12:18 PM
Hi everyone. I was speaking with a friend the other day, and told her I have a hard time putting my faith and trust in God because my earthly father wasn't a very good father. I am sure there are many of us who have had the same problem. Even after five years, I still cannot seem to trust God 100%. In my head, I know that God is more than my earthly father could ever be. But I cannot get that into my heart for some reason. I'm just wondering how any of you who have gone through this learned to trust in the Lord.

I attended the Revolve Tour a few weeks ago with my daughter, and they touched on this subject with the girls. Girls need a positive male influence in their lives growing up, and if they don't get the needed attention from 'daddy', they will seek out other males for affirmation.

I was like this growing up. I never met my biological father, and my adopted father was a horrible alcholic, who my mother divorced when I was 8. I grew up very insecure because of the lack of a father figure. And like you said Lyndie....it's hard to trust your Heavenly Father when you didn't have a good example in your earthly Father.

A few years back, I tried to find my biological dad...to no avail. Then I was reading in scripture where God says He is a Father to the fatherless. He spoke to me at that moment and told me to stop looking...that He had always been there for me and that I had to be content with him being my Father, in the absence of an earthly father.

I do still struggle with trust at times....but I have a wonderful husband who is helping me. I understand your struggle.

Lyndie
Oct 5th 2007, 05:19 PM
Wow, I'm grateful for all who have responded, those who have offered advice and those who also have this problem. My dad was an alcoholic, and always at the bar, and when he was home he was mean. I was always told I'm not good enough, why can't I be more like my brother, etc. It's taking a long time for me to understand the difference between my earth dad and my Father God. I have a tendancy to think "Well, I must be doing something wrong, not good enough, etc, and that's whay I am in this crisis, situation, etc." Sometimes I get angry and wonder if he hears me at all.

Pleroo
Oct 5th 2007, 05:43 PM
May I strongly suggest a book for those struggling with this issue? It is fiction, and it's a quick read, but it deals with this very subject in a most profound way. I believe it may be a blessing to you. It's called, "The Shack" and you can read about it here:

The Shack (http://www.theshackbook.com/)

You can even read the first chapter or so at the site.

(Make sure you read the forward here:

Forward (http://www.theshackbook.com/pages/page6.html) )

Equipped_4_Love
Oct 8th 2007, 05:38 AM
Hey, Lyndie;

I completely empathize with your plight. For much of my childhood, my father was absent. I never had much contact with him...my parents were divorced, and I would visit him a couple of months during the summer. I don't ONCE recall him saying "I love you"....but I sure recall the drunken episodes and belt-whippings.
Even when I was a young teenager, and my mom was sick with cancer, he wasn't in the picture, so I always saw him as a distant, intimidating, and unreliable figure, whom I hadn't a shred of confidence in.

We all know the saying that trust must be earned. In human terms, I believe this to be true....if someone offends us, or doesn't live up to his/her obligations, then a certain level of trust is breached, and the offender must re-supplant that trust within the relationship. I believe that the same thing applies to parents, perhaps on a deeper level, because a father is someone whom we EXPECT to nurture and protect us.
The problem is, as Christians, we tend to project that same criteria on God. If our earthly father hurts us in some way, we subconsciously expect our Heavenly Father to do the same, and we tend to expect God to "earn that trust" before we completely surrender to Him.

The thing of it is, though, that God ALREADY earned that trust....by sacrificing His one and only begotten Son for us. Many times, we fail to recognize this, and demand that the Lord earn our trust by blessing us in some way, or coming through for us a certain number of times, before we fully and completely trust Him.

The Bible commands that we trust the Lord UNCONDITIONALLY, which indicates that we CANNOT fall into that trap of expecting God to "prove Himself" to us before we trust Him.
Because He is merciful and gracious, He will often do so...because He loves us so much, and wants us to trust Him completely...BUT, there comes a point when we must come to terms with our own issues, and trust God IN SPITE OF what our circumstances or history may have entailed.
Basically, we are commanded to trust in the Lord....It is not an option, but a requirement. We must put aside our human expectations of His "earning" our trust and trust Him, in spite of what our emotions may tell us.

hootinannie
Oct 8th 2007, 05:59 AM
The Bible commands that we trust the Lord UNCONDITIONALLY, which indicates that we CANNOT fall into that trap of expecting God to "prove Himself" to us before we trust Him.

This is SO TRUE!!! One of the most important things the Lord has taught me, in teaching me the difference between God's ways and man's ways, is that for man, the "trust" sequence is "prove your faithfulness and trustworthiness so that I can SEE that I can trust you." But God's way is "Trust Me when you don't KNOW that you CAN trust Me, and you will soon SEE that you CAN trust Me."

Lyndie
Oct 8th 2007, 06:05 PM
Cloudburst, thanks for that post. I never really thought of it that way. Gives me alot to think about.

DanceswithGod
Oct 8th 2007, 07:36 PM
I come from a similar background as you, and I learned to only trust myself to take care of my needs and to reach my goals. I still struggle with some control issues related to this. I can share later.
But, I was saved in 8th grade. My parents were re-married to each other at the time, and were constantly fighting. There was never peace at home. After I surrendered to Christ, the first thing I noticed different within me, was my lack of fear for my future (near and future) which was not like me at all. Still for years I struggled with giving up control of my life for God to take care of. I was the only one that could be trusted.
At some point in college I read Dancing in the Arms of God by Connie Neal. In her book, she is approached by a person meaning to do harm to her and her response was "You must not know who my father is!" And she was not referring to her earthly father. She proceeds to lead the man to Christ, but the words she used have stuck with me. I must not even know who MY father is. He's perfect. He's never failed me, yet I treat Him like He has by not trusting Him. This has made all the difference. Do I still struggle, yes. Just recently. But I KNOW who my father is now. And He will not fail me. He "knows the plans He has for me" and they are better than anything I can do for myself.
I will pray for you as you go through this struggle.
Remember, your father is greater than all others.

Lyndie
Oct 10th 2007, 03:20 PM
I was at a recovery meeting last night and spoke about this. Then, this morning in prayer, I told my Father, "I'm afraid my life will never change, but I'm also afraid to trust You." Basically, I know my life is out of my control, but I'm afraid to turn it over to Him. So, kind of an oxymoron of sorts huh? However, once I said it, I actually felt a bit more at peace. So that's where I am now. Thanks for all your prayers, its much appreciated!!:hug:

Mograce2U
Oct 10th 2007, 03:38 PM
Show me the God who can humble that man and I will show you the God I will call father.I am curious what your dad thinks about death. You didn't mention his age but if he is over 50 I am sure he has considered it - even though he has come thru a lot. Someday he will die and leave his "legacy" behind him. What does he think the fruit of that will be? Does he know there is a judgment to face?

The command to honor one's parents assumes they are honorable. You need not dishonor him in order to leave him alone in his misery.