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View Full Version : Is it wrong? (Not gay, not cheating, etc...)



A820djd
Oct 8th 2007, 08:21 PM
My girlfriend gets mad at me cause I'm honest with her... I said (some actress) has a nice figure. Obviously she'd get upset, I'd get upset if she was looking at another guy and saying he's better looking than me... Thats human nature... But I have a goal in my mind set on looking like a body builder, right now I am only 146 lbs, but I want to get up to 190 and have the general lean look of Ryan Reynolds, I think he has a very nice build (not gay.) Now my girlfriend is obsessing with her weight and is trying to look like this actress I think has a nice athletic body. Is it wrong of me to think that her body has a nice shape? I think my favorite actor (Ryan Reynolds) has a good shape as well, that doesn't mean I want to date him, lol. I guess I'm appreciating the way their appearance is...

rchivers
Oct 8th 2007, 08:29 PM
I dont see anything wrong with it.

I think its good that your honest about it.

Otter77
Oct 8th 2007, 08:34 PM
My girlfriend gets mad at me cause I'm honest with her... I said (some actress) has a nice figure. Obviously she'd get upset, I'd get upset if she was looking at another guy and saying he's better looking than me... Thats human nature... But I have a goal in my mind set on looking like a body builder, right now I am only 146 lbs, but I want to get up to 190 and have the general lean look of Ryan Reynolds, I think he has a very nice build (not gay.) Now my girlfriend is obsessing with her weight and is trying to look like this actress I think has a nice athletic body. Is it wrong of me to think that her body has a nice shape? I think my favorite actor (Ryan Reynolds) has a good shape as well, that doesn't mean I want to date him, lol. I guess I'm appreciating the way their appearance is...

chok this up a bit to the differences between men and women. My wife never understood my weight-lifting obsession... for a while she even took it personally as to say things like "don't I love you enough?" and such. Things are better for us now as we communicate our needs and feelings more clearly but it used to be a major problem.

Reassure her that you love her exactly as she is and admiring someone else's body holds no candle at all to the love and passion that you have for HER in particular.

HisLeast
Oct 8th 2007, 08:34 PM
No, its not wrong to think someone else is attractive, but knowing how your girlfriend reacts, I'd think twice about telling her. Her knowing which actresses you think are attractive doesn't add much to anything, and if she's struggling with body image (as it sounds like) hearing you say those things can really bring her down.

DanDMan64
Oct 8th 2007, 09:55 PM
My girlfriend gets mad at me cause I'm honest with her... I said (some actress) has a nice figure. Obviously she'd get upset, I'd get upset if she was looking at another guy and saying he's better looking than me... Thats human nature... But I have a goal in my mind set on looking like a body builder, right now I am only 146 lbs, but I want to get up to 190 and have the general lean look of Ryan Reynolds, I think he has a very nice build (not gay.) Now my girlfriend is obsessing with her weight and is trying to look like this actress I think has a nice athletic body. Is it wrong of me to think that her body has a nice shape? I think my favorite actor (Ryan Reynolds) has a good shape as well, that doesn't mean I want to date him, lol. I guess I'm appreciating the way their appearance is...Being honest is one thing, but it's wiser to know when to be honest and when to hold back an answer that might get you in trouble. I you don't want to lie, just hold back your tongue and don't say anything. And if you do realize you just were brutally honest and said something hurtful, try to follow it up with some kind honest comment about her.

Not that I'm at expert at this, but when you said; "(Some actress) has a nice figure," follow It-up with, "... but too bad for her I met you first sweetheart!". That's sure to bring a smile to her face instead of a frown.

If that's not your style I'm sure you can come-up with someting more original and more believable, but I hope you get the point. :spin:

A820djd
Oct 8th 2007, 10:18 PM
Being honest is one thing, but it's wiser to know when to be honest and when to hold back an answer that might get you in trouble. I you don't want to lie, just hold back your tongue and don't say anything. And if you do realize you just were brutally honest and said something hurtful, try to follow it up with some kind honest comment about her.

Not that I'm at expert at this, but when you said; "(Some actress) has a nice figure," follow It-up with, "... but too bad for her I met you first sweetheart!". That's sure to bring a smile to her face instead of a frown.

If that's not your style I'm sure you can come-up with someting more original and more believable, but I hope you get the point. :spin:



Yes awesome, thank you ahha

JIML
Oct 8th 2007, 10:21 PM
My girlfriend gets mad at me cause I'm honest with her... I said (some actress) has a nice figure. Obviously she'd get upset, I'd get upset if she was looking at another guy and saying he's better looking than me... Thats human nature... But I have a goal in my mind set on looking like a body builder, right now I am only 146 lbs, but I want to get up to 190 and have the general lean look of Ryan Reynolds, I think he has a very nice build (not gay.) Now my girlfriend is obsessing with her weight and is trying to look like this actress I think has a nice athletic body. Is it wrong of me to think that her body has a nice shape? I think my favorite actor (Ryan Reynolds) has a good shape as well, that doesn't mean I want to date him, lol. I guess I'm appreciating the way their appearance is...

No its not wrong, but you have to realize that most women are extremely insecure when it comes to this kind of stuff, especially their weight!!!

rchivers
Oct 8th 2007, 10:22 PM
No its not wrong, but you have to realize that most women are extremely insecure when it comes to this kind of stuff, especially their weight!!!

Yep, it keeps them on their toes! :)

Tennis Guy
Oct 9th 2007, 01:52 AM
Being honest is great! But I'm wondering...did you volunteer your opinions about this actress, or were they requested? If your girlfriend didn't ask what you thought about the actress' figure, but you just blurted it out, I can see why she'd be a little upset...inversely, if she asked you if you thought the actress was pretty, she really doesn't have any right to be upset.

My $0.02

TrustingFollower
Oct 9th 2007, 02:06 AM
Scott,

This thread brings to mind Matthew 5:27-28

27"You have heard that it was said, 'YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY';
28but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Are your intentions pure when you look at the actress and tell your girlfriend. Her reaction may be an indication for you to examine yourself here.

Quickened
Oct 9th 2007, 01:59 PM
My girlfriend gets mad at me cause I'm honest with her... I said (some actress) has a nice figure. Obviously she'd get upset, I'd get upset if she was looking at another guy and saying he's better looking than me... Thats human nature... But I have a goal in my mind set on looking like a body builder, right now I am only 146 lbs, but I want to get up to 190 and have the general lean look of Ryan Reynolds, I think he has a very nice build (not gay.) Now my girlfriend is obsessing with her weight and is trying to look like this actress I think has a nice athletic body. Is it wrong of me to think that her body has a nice shape? I think my favorite actor (Ryan Reynolds) has a good shape as well, that doesn't mean I want to date him, lol. I guess I'm appreciating the way their appearance is...

A classic situation. Is it wrong? No its not. Your eye is going to find various body styles pleasing.

The trick here is that girls are self conscious. By saying what you did (while it may have been a harmless comment) may have set the standard of what is physically pleasing to you. In essence it may have left her feeling poorly about herself.

This kind of thing happens. Its one of those little things about girls that you learn about as you grow.

The thing here is to reinforce how beautiful she is to you. Find characteristics that you really enjoy about her and let her know. Maybe you find her eyes pleasing or perhaps another part of her (both physically and personality wise). This strengthens the perception that you enjoy her as much (if not more) then these celebs.

Trust me when i say that the best thing to do in this situation is only tell your girl what you think of her and not other girls. Its really not important to tell her that Jessica Alba has great abs... save that for guy talk ;)

rchivers
Oct 9th 2007, 02:00 PM
haha, you know when I read this post the first person I thought of was Jessica Alba.... lol

A820djd
Oct 9th 2007, 04:12 PM
I can't stand Jessica Alba, shes atheist I believe and arrogant.

Quickened
Oct 9th 2007, 04:19 PM
haha, you know when I read this post the first person I thought of was Jessica Alba.... lol

You know what they say about great minds! :idea: ;)

amazzin
Oct 9th 2007, 06:09 PM
My girlfriend gets mad at me cause I'm honest with her... I said (some actress) has a nice figure. Obviously she'd get upset, I'd get upset if she was looking at another guy and saying he's better looking than me... Thats human nature... But I have a goal in my mind set on looking like a body builder, right now I am only 146 lbs, but I want to get up to 190 and have the general lean look of Ryan Reynolds, I think he has a very nice build (not gay.) Now my girlfriend is obsessing with her weight and is trying to look like this actress I think has a nice athletic body. Is it wrong of me to think that her body has a nice shape? I think my favorite actor (Ryan Reynolds) has a good shape as well, that doesn't mean I want to date him, lol. I guess I'm appreciating the way their appearance is...

Dude,..listen up

Never say that another women is beautiful in front of your girl. Automatically she will compare herself to that person. It is how she is built. Her appearance, her looks, her weight, etc are all part of the emotional build of a women. You have a huge task in front of you now, to tell her you love her, tell her why you want to be with her, tell her how beautiful she is.

Leaqrn to this now and quick and for the love of God don't do this ever again!!!!

Brother Mark
Oct 9th 2007, 06:15 PM
Well, keep in mind the scripture about what we say should always be edifying to the hearer. I am not sure your comment edified your girlfriend. OK to think it but not to say it. ;)

Serve-N-Protect
Oct 10th 2007, 07:51 AM
I say things like that to my wife all the time. I always tell her about both the men and women I find attractive and why. For us... that is just some of the things best friends talk about.

Toolman
Oct 10th 2007, 04:39 PM
I say things like that to my wife all the time. I always tell her about both the men and women I find attractive and why. For us... that is just some of the things best friends talk about.

Same here.

The OP, IMO, is mostly accountable to youth and immaturity which are breeding grounds for insecurity. Which is completely normal at certain ages.

But my wife, who is quite attractive (high school cheerleader and home coming queen), is completely aware of the fact that men (myself included) are attracted to women and she is not insecure knowing that I like the shapes/looks of certain women.

Same for me. It would be absolutely ignorant of me to try to pretend that my wife is not attracted to male bodies. Or certain personalities, etc.

But we are both VERY secure in our relationship, knowing that we love each other (for more than physical appearance) and that our identities individually and our marriage together is founded in the person of Jesus Christ and His grace.

Which means we don't have to pretend to be something we are not but can lovingly accept each other in His grace.

onewon
Aug 9th 2008, 05:52 PM
I NEVER tell my wife that so-and-so is good looking. Women dont want to hear that(most women). The more you think about how well someone is "built" the more likely you are to indulge in lustful thoughts.

Hollywood and the media have given the world unrealistic physical expectations that no God-fearing Christian should buy into,

MyRock
Aug 15th 2008, 07:35 AM
I'm always telling my wife how beautiful she is.

Occasionally she may ask me what I think about a woman who appears on the telly. I would just say something like "She's not a patch on you sweetheart" Because I always tell her this anyway she's very happy with that answer. ;)

Marc B
Aug 22nd 2008, 03:30 AM
Scott,

This thread brings to mind Matthew 5:27-28

27"You have heard that it was said, 'YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY';
28but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Are your intentions pure when you look at the actress and tell your girlfriend. Her reaction may be an indication for you to examine yourself here.

Which brings up an interesting point, where do you draw the line between lust and appreciation of beauty? I believe the line is crossed when the person deliberately thinks sexual thoughts towards the other. Not random passing flashes of "wow, she's hot!" instinctive reactions. Those are physiological and can't be helped but can tempt you into sinning in your heart. Letting it grow into sexual fantasizing is what gets you in trouble.
What do you think?

TrustingFollower
Aug 22nd 2008, 04:21 AM
Which brings up an interesting point, where do you draw the line between lust and appreciation of beauty? I believe the line is crossed when the person deliberately thinks sexual thoughts towards the other. Not random passing flashes of "wow, she's hot!" instinctive reactions. Those are physiological and can't be helped but can tempt you into sinning in your heart. Letting it grow into sexual fantasizing is what gets you in trouble.
What do you think?
Read on a little further from the scripture I quoted in my first post and tell me what you think Jesus was teaching there.

Matthew 5

29 "If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.
30 "If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.

Revinius
Aug 28th 2008, 05:07 AM
the issue is, some people stumble more from some things than others. On one hand you might find it quite easy to simply acknowledge beauty and move on, whereas she might have some sort of complex built up (maybe from experience) that says: "he thinks that person is attractive, he doesnt love me!".

I guess in the end that's the girl you married.... live with it.

Semi-tortured
Sep 3rd 2008, 04:18 PM
For me, commenting on another woman in front of my wife is fine in some situations and not OK in others. If we’re sitting there watching a movie and a beautiful woman walks on screen and I blurt out, “WHOA. That chick is HOT!” I’m gonna get a nasty look. But we were watching Smallville the other day and we started having a joint conversation about who the best looking people on the show were. I said the chick…err….woman… wait, this is Solomon’s Porch…the chick that plays Lois Lane is definitely the “hottest.” I used the same word to describe the woman, but did it in the course of conversation. Besides, we neither one have delusions of grandeur that we are on the level of some people in a aesthetic sense. We’re both attractive people, but in no way shape or form is she Kate Beckinsale, and I’m no George Clooney.

Marc B
Sep 7th 2008, 01:06 AM
Read on a little further from the scripture I quoted in my first post and tell me what you think Jesus was teaching there.

Matthew 5

29 "If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.
30 "If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.


Hmmm, well, all I can say is don't stumble or else sharpen up that Ginsu. :eek:
Seriously, better to cut yourself off completely from whatever it is that makes you stumble and ask God for help to overcome whatever it is that makes you stumble. Wouldn't you agree? If booze made you stumble what would you have to cut off to save yourself? Your liver, stomach, tongue? Easier to give up the hooch instead.

XianGothDude
Oct 20th 2008, 01:49 AM
My girlfriend gets mad at me cause I'm honest with her... I said (some actress) has a nice figure. Obviously she'd get upset, I'd get upset if she was looking at another guy and saying he's better looking than me... Thats human nature... But I have a goal in my mind set on looking like a body builder, right now I am only 146 lbs, but I want to get up to 190 and have the general lean look of Ryan Reynolds, I think he has a very nice build (not gay.) Now my girlfriend is obsessing with her weight and is trying to look like this actress I think has a nice athletic body. Is it wrong of me to think that her body has a nice shape? I think my favorite actor (Ryan Reynolds) has a good shape as well, that doesn't mean I want to date him, lol. I guess I'm appreciating the way their appearance is...

Geeze buddy, did you ever make one of the worst statements in your lifetime, sorry but I have to disagree with it being "okay" you're not being honest, you only wish you were, what you really are is being insincere to the woman you profess to love, the standard of beauty (you so fervently threw out the window) is the woman you love, she has every right to worry (because you worried her man, you don't say stuff like that EVER EVER.)

Chimon
Oct 20th 2008, 10:48 PM
I think it's all about how you commicate it and how she takes it. Make sure she isn't torn down by it, and make sure you guys focus on being like Christ, and the being attractive isn't that important. I suggest reading Romans 14.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

A820djd
Oct 23rd 2008, 05:12 PM
Geeze buddy, did you ever make one of the worst statements in your lifetime, sorry but I have to disagree with it being "okay" you're not being honest, you only wish you were, what you really are is being insincere to the woman you profess to love, the standard of beauty (you so fervently threw out the window) is the woman you love, she has every right to worry (because you worried her man, you don't say stuff like that EVER EVER.)

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