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ServantofTruth
Nov 22nd 2007, 07:01 PM
I have met people who suggest, however nicely, that if we were better witnesses to our partners they would now be christians/ saved. The worst are the ones that were in our position and now their partner is saved, not the least due to their glowing example! If only it was that simple.
I have also met couples where you can see one is a christian and the other...well i'm not allowed to say they aren't saved, but they don't like joining in study, services etc. It looks like that person knew which side their bread was buttered and got in on the act, without an internal commitment. That's the polite way to phrase it!!!!!
So how long have you been together, how long saved, and are you a good example? - none of us are perfect or even close.
Do you some times feel we could be treated better by happy couples who are both saved?

Lyndie
Nov 23rd 2007, 01:02 AM
I have to agree with much of what you have said. "I" cannot save my husband, only God can. However, I also believe as the Bible says, that God does harden the hearts of some. Does that mean my hubby will never be saved? I certainly hope not. But I don't believe 'guilting' someone into being a better witness helps either. It just makes the saved spouse feel terrible about themselves. I believe that if Jesus came in the flesh again and had a conversation with some people, even then they would still not believe. I don't know, maybe I'm a bit cynical about this. Back to the original question, sorry:rolleyes:- I have been married 11 yrs,(been together 16 yrs all together) saved 6 but hubby is not. I have tried my best to be an example. But much of the time I get 'the look', or am told I'm a prude, or I'm no fun anymore because my views on many things have changed. And yes, I have been treated better by couples who were both saved.

karenoka27
Nov 23rd 2007, 01:53 AM
I have met people who suggest, however nicely, that if we were better witnesses to our partners they would now be christians/ saved. The worst are the ones that were in our position and now their partner is saved, not the least due to their glowing example! If only it was that simple.
I have also met couples where you can see one is a christian and the other...well i'm not allowed to say they aren't saved, but they don't like joining in study, services etc. It looks like that person knew which side their bread was buttered and got in on the act, without an internal commitment. That's the polite way to phrase it!!!!!
So how long have you been together, how long saved, and are you a good example? - none of us are perfect or even close.
Do you some times feel we could be treated better by happy couples who are both saved?

Those people are no different than you or I who suggest if you were a better witness...honestly...:rolleyes: and if their spouse is now saved, it is the Lord that saved them not the spouse.
I have been saved since 1984, my husband was none the happy about it. Through the years,he accepted it and let me raise our children in the ways of the Lord and they in turn accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior. My husband now says that he is saved, but only the Lord knows his heart, let's just say it's a good thing I'm not the Judge of that...
Am I good example? I'm not sure..here is the problem. I do my best to be who I am in Christ..but if we are honest we kind of get comfortable in our home and well you sort of let your guard down. I'm not saying that it's right, I'm saying that if someone from church saw me sometimes, they might wonder about me. I do get frustrated and angry.
But the Lord let me see inside some of these "Christian" marriages and you know what I saw? They are no different than the rest of us. They are sinners saved by grace and though some of them may try to appear that they have something that we don't, they forget that their salvation wasn't anything they got of their own doing..it was by grace they were saved, and I too wish they would show some of that grace when around people like us!
1 Peter 3:1-"Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;"

You know the verse, we all do...but I have come to understand that without the word doesn't mean necessarily quiet but not shoving the Word down their throat. I can't tell an unsaved person how to behave like a saved one..and I think that is what we may do in hopes that they will get it. The Holy Spirit is the One who convicts the heart of sin, not us. We are to share the love of Christ with them, but then it is out of our control.
Just pray. And continue in your walk with the Lord..and above all...know that you are not alone....:hug:

Lyndie
Nov 23rd 2007, 02:29 AM
Those people are no different than you or I who suggest if you were a better witness...honestly...:rolleyes: and if their spouse is now saved, it is the Lord that saved them not the spouse.
I have been saved since 1984, my husband was none the happy about it. Through the years,he accepted it and let me raise our children in the ways of the Lord and they in turn accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior. My husband now says that he is saved, but only the Lord knows his heart, let's just say it's a good thing I'm not the Judge of that...
Am I good example? I'm not sure..here is the problem. I do my best to be who I am in Christ..but if we are honest we kind of get comfortable in our home and well you sort of let your guard down. I'm not saying that it's right, I'm saying that if someone from church saw me sometimes, they might wonder about me. I do get frustrated and angry.
But the Lord let me see inside some of these "Christian" marriages and you know what I saw? They are no different than the rest of us. They are sinners saved by grace and though some of them may try to appear that they have something that we don't, they forget that their salvation wasn't anything they got of their own doing..it was by grace they were saved, and I too wish they would show some of that grace when around people like us!
1 Peter 3:1-"Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;"

You know the verse, we all do...but I have come to understand that without the word doesn't mean necessarily quiet but not shoving the Word down their throat. I can't tell an unsaved person how to behave like a saved one..and I think that is what we may do in hopes that they will get it. The Holy Spirit is the One who convicts the heart of sin, not us. We are to share the love of Christ with them, but then it is out of our control.
Just pray. And continue in your walk with the Lord..and above all...know that you are not alone....:hug:

Karen, wow, I was looking for that same scritpure, and couldn't find it. I think the operative word in that verse is "may". It doesn't say they "will." Some of our spouses may never come to Christ, and in no way shape or form is that responsibility all mine. Like you said, I have to be a good witness, but the rest is up to them and God.

Soj
Nov 23rd 2007, 07:21 AM
I know a number of couples where one is saved and serving the Lord but the other is not. Several of the men who come to our church have wives who stay at home and refuse to accompany them, it's very difficult for these brothers, and yet none of us judge them or condemn their situation but rather we pray for them and with them. We all agree that ultimately it's a heart issue and no-one can be forced, or should be, to come to God.

I sincerely feel for all you Christians who have unbelieving spouses, it must be so heartbreaking to not be able to sing of the mercies of the Lord together and praise God in unison for all His daily blessings.

Keep praying earnestly for them, win them to God by your good works in Christ. The Bible does say that they are sanctified by you (1 Corinthians 7:14), which is not salvation but it is a position of advantage for them, for they have a wonderful opportunity to see a true witness of Christ in their everyday life which could lead them to the faith.

Lyndie
Nov 23rd 2007, 05:34 PM
I think though, the issue with this, as I went through it myself with a former Pastor, is when a wife speaks to the pastor or pastor's wife, they give us the 'wives submit, give them affection ;) whenever they want, etc." And with many women like myself who have low self worth or came from abusive backgrounds, it makes it seem like we are either rewarding bad behavior, or we need to be martyr's in a sense. Especially in cases of abuse or unfaithfulness or men who don't take care of thier families. I think the blame needs to be taken off the wife and put on the shoulders of the man, unsaved or not.

ServantofTruth
Nov 23rd 2007, 05:42 PM
I just wanted to say that i am a man, servant of truth, who started this topic. In our house i am certainly not the head! So we start from an unbiblical position. All she says if we disagree is, if you don't like it you can leave. :(

Lyndie
Nov 23rd 2007, 06:04 PM
If I gave the impression that I don't think men should be head of house, forgive me, it wasn't my intent. I know it goes both ways as far as unsaved spouses.

karenoka27
Nov 23rd 2007, 06:35 PM
I just wanted to say that i am a man, servant of truth, who started this topic. In our house i am certainly not the head! So we start from an unbiblical position. All she says if we disagree is, if you don't like it you can leave. :(
my apologizes as well..ok so what do you do being the saved husband with the unsaved wife?

love her...just as she is just love her.

Ephesians 5:25-" 25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it"

It doesn't say love your wives "if" she is a Christian...it says love her.
I would think that possibly the same principle lies to you as it would for a wife in 1 Peter 3:1..not the submissive part, but the part that says by your quiet ways....she may be won over.
What I am suggesting to you is to be careful not to put your faith in Jesus Christ in her face to show her who she isn't..it will only drive her further away...I have done that in the past, and I am so thankful that the Lord has seen fit to not have my husband walk right out the door. I have changed and now I can live godly without showing or pointing out to him that he isn't...
praying for you.

ServantofTruth
Nov 23rd 2007, 08:40 PM
No one needs to appologise, i wasn't suggesting anyone was saying anything about me. My short story. I met my wife 16 years ago. I definitely wasn't a christian then - but also i lived a quiet life. Very little alcohol, not smoking, one girl friend i'd just split from. After 4 weeks she moved in and we had 2 children before getting married. We got married in a registry office just to make it easier for the children and other people. Then we seperated for 3 years. It was in that time, that i started reading the bible and asking myself questions. Soon after we reunited and now have 5 sons. I've grown in faith in those last 9 years.
In all that time i have discussed every book i have read, whether in the bible or about it. Not that long ago she read the whole New Testament - for me. I urged, but no blackmail. Her usual books are cheep romances 100's probably 1,000's by now. Her reading and tv choices are definitely a block to her realising faith.
So have i been a good example? Well its hard living in the middle and it doesn't help my walk. I'd love the easy life of a saved partner. Someone on this site said they'd love their partner to leave them, so they had a chance to really walk with Christ. Yes we can all see why that kind of thinking is wrong but i've thought it to.
I think my best 'witness' is when my wife is really angry and saying the vilest of things. I just stay calm and let her talk, shout and get it out of her system. I watch her pain and how satan is torturing her. When calm, she admits how horrible she's been and says she doesn't know why. I do i tell her satan is using her and she needs Christ. I think she knows this.
Unfortunately i am a christian alone. Every time i take her to a church, shes told to take the children outside at the slightest noise. She sees every type of terrible behaviour and how shes not welcome. I get her to wanting to go, hear the word of God and other 'christians (i use the term losely/ church goers) spoil any sowing of seed i have done.
Let's not focus on one person though, tell me about all of you.

RoadWarrior
Nov 23rd 2007, 09:46 PM
I have met people who suggest, however nicely, that if we were better witnesses to our partners they would now be christians/ saved. The worst are the ones that were in our position and now their partner is saved, not the least due to their glowing example! If only it was that simple.
I have also met couples where you can see one is a christian and the other...well i'm not allowed to say they aren't saved, but they don't like joining in study, services etc. It looks like that person knew which side their bread was buttered and got in on the act, without an internal commitment. That's the polite way to phrase it!!!!!
So how long have you been together, how long saved, and are you a good example? - none of us are perfect or even close.
Do you some times feel we could be treated better by happy couples who are both saved?

Hi Servant,

You are a man, I am a woman, so our experiences are different, but I think the principles will dovetail nicely, when we use the Bible as our guide. Others have already mentioned the Ephesians 5 scriptures, and I''m sure you are familiar with them also. It was taking these teachings to heart that changed my life. My husband is still not walking with the Lord, but we have a very amiable life together.

I was not walking with the Lord when I met my husband. We lived together for 9 years before we married. Since then we have been married for 18 years. I have grown enormously since we met, and a lot of it is due to his faithfulness and steady approach to life. Even though he is not a Christian by the usual definitions, he is a very good man and is a blessing to me.

Of course I would like it if we were able to do church things together, but that is not the case. He allows me, without grumbling about it, to fully participate in church, in Bible study, and Christian fellowship. If I am away too much, he lets me know that he misses me. So I try to keep it in balance. Early in our relationship, when he realized that I was a Christian, he worried that I would love God more than I love him, and that I would neglect him, or insist that he change for me. I do love God most, but he realized that my love for God does not diminish my love for him, rather it enhances it. Also, early in our relationship, I realized that if I wanted this man, I needed to accept him as he is. So a lot of our relationship has been built on mutual respect and kindness toward each other.

One thing that has developed as time has gone by, is finding some area of mutual interest. In our case, it turned out to be photography which is a passion of his. I did work hard to learn from him, and have turned into a fairly decent photographer in my own right. It gives us a place of joy together.

As to your last question, could we be treated better by couples who are both saved - I think all of us, being a work in progress, could treat each other better than we do. People who are insecure in their own faith for one reason or another, are less likely to be comfortable accepting other people who have different experiences in life.

I am praying for you, Servant.

Road Warrior

99svtgreensnake
Nov 24th 2007, 09:32 AM
Lots of great stuff here thanks.

ServantofTruth
Nov 24th 2007, 03:43 PM
I have concerns for some lady christians married to non believing husbands. Some seem to think submission means letting the husband mistreat them, one even mentioned 'love making.' But if you are walking with our Lord Jesus, that does not mean for example submitting to 'sex' whenever your husband demands it. This would be like rape. It worries me that these women are either wrongly taught/ advised or misunderstand scripture themselves.
If you don't feel like 'sex' at any time say 'no.' Infact if anything is demanded of you and you do not wish to do it say 'no.' This is not disobidience. Jesus and you walk first, then your husbands headship. He can be head of the family only when things don't affect your walk. If you compromise for him, you compromise your walk and that allows satan plenty of room.
We need happily married couples who are both christian to listern and show genuine love, like christ did. Not to say i feel so sorry he's treating you like a doormat, i'll talk to you for 5 minutes to cheer you up and then go back and suffer. These people need to visit the houses and see the situation and if abuse is happening perhaps arrange regular visits at random by church members. Make the partner never know when someone might call. I am tired of hearing women say i'm told i should let my husband have sex whenever HE wants. I ask those people in a saved/ saved marriage. Do you have sex whenever your partner wants, despite how you feel? Or do you talk and say not today i don't feel like it. If so don't tell others to submit every time an unsaved partner feels randy!

RoadWarrior
Nov 24th 2007, 04:22 PM
I have concerns for some lady christians married to non believing husbands. Some seem to think submission means letting the husband mistreat them, ...

We need happily married couples who are both christian to listern and show genuine love, like christ did.

There are many ways for a Christian to show love. I recommend to any person whether married to a believer or an unbeliever, to meditate on 1 Corinthians 13 in order to comprehend what love is, what does it look like, how can I show love.

I don't always cook, we sometimes eat out, fast food maybe a few days in a row because I don't feel like cooking. My husband does not cook. But when I am in the mood to cook, I find joy in knowing that I have made a nice meal for him. It is a way of showing love. Cleaning the house is another way of showing love. Truly it is the simple things we do all day for each other that show the other person what Christian love really looks like.

I laugh at his jokes, I show interest in his hobbies, I listen when he tells me something he heard or read in the news. These things show that I am interested in him.

I'd like to agree with you about Christian couples helping out the unequally yoked ones, but I don't know very many such couples who are qualified to do so. Just being Christian doesn't guarantee that they know any more about it than you do.

I personally know a couple (both Christians) who are on the verge of divorce because they have not learned how to do the little things for each other. Do not look to other Christians, but look to Jesus alone. Only He can help you walk through the hard places. If He chooses to send someone alongside, it is His choice, but that is not the place for us to look. We are to look to Him.

Imagine a triangle, with God at the top. On the two bottom corners, one is the husband, one is the wife. If they both move closer to God, they will naturally be moving closer to each other. In my own experience, it has been true for me even though my husband is not a practicing Christian. The closer I get to God, the more compassion I have for my husband, and the less I think it is all about me.

Blessings,

Road Warrior

ServantofTruth
Nov 24th 2007, 07:13 PM
My parents were supposedly both christians, my father a lay preacher to this day, and divorced. I've tried to ask my mother why they didn't live as christians, why they abused eachother in front of us children. I simply say, 2 people walking as christians couldn't divorce! Because one christian wants the best for another follower of our Lord, and this would be shown in the closest frienship marriage. She disagrees and fails to understand the basics of our faith to this day. Only picks up a bible after weeks of me saying she should.

karenoka27
Nov 24th 2007, 07:49 PM
I have concerns for some lady christians married to non believing husbands. Some seem to think submission means letting the husband mistreat them, one even mentioned 'love making.' But if you are walking with our Lord Jesus, that does not mean for example submitting to 'sex' whenever your husband demands it. This would be like rape. It worries me that these women are either wrongly taught/ advised or misunderstand scripture themselves.
If you don't feel like 'sex' at any time say 'no.' Infact if anything is demanded of you and you do not wish to do it say 'no.' This is not disobidience. Jesus and you walk first, then your husbands headship. He can be head of the family only when things don't affect your walk. If you compromise for him, you compromise your walk and that allows satan plenty of room.
We need happily married couples who are both christian to listern and show genuine love, like christ did. Not to say i feel so sorry he's treating you like a doormat, i'll talk to you for 5 minutes to cheer you up and then go back and suffer. These people need to visit the houses and see the situation and if abuse is happening perhaps arrange regular visits at random by church members. Make the partner never know when someone might call. I am tired of hearing women say i'm told i should let my husband have sex whenever HE wants. I ask those people in a saved/ saved marriage. Do you have sex whenever your partner wants, despite how you feel? Or do you talk and say not today i don't feel like it. If so don't tell others to submit every time an unsaved partner feels randy!

Ephesians 5:22-"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord."

Submit- hypotassō (Greek)
1) to arrange under, to subordinate
2) to subject, put in subjection
3) to subject one's self, obey
4) to submit to one's control
5) to yield to one's admonition or advice
6) to obey, be subject



Today we make so many excuses why we shouldn't have to submit to our husbands. God's Word never changed..but we desperately try to change it. How many wives are being raped by their husbands? Not many. If a husband wants to be intimate with his wife and for some reason she doesn't want too, she can tell him. And if he is understanding, he may leave her alone. Don't make a marriage relationship sound like bondage..it isn't. There is a very good reason why the Lord tells us not to neglect each other. So much is found in 1 Corinthians 7.
1 Corinthians 7:1-5-"Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

There are so many temptations out there leading to sin..the tv, the computer, the stores you can't go anywhere without some kind of temptation being available to you.

So what do we who are in an unequally yoked marriage? Be obedient to Scripture...

1 Corinthians 7:10-16-"To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?"


I pray out of all that Scripture someone doesn't pull out the part that says, "but if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so." I've been there too...hmmm...maybe if I 'Help' him to want to leave so I can walk my walk with the Lord..if you think that then you are being disobedient to the rest of Scripture. We don't know if the Lord will use us to bring them to Him.

Equally yoked marriages have just as many problems as the rest of us. I hear it all the time. The wife wishes the husband would read Scripture more or get involved more. The husband wishes the wife would be obedient to Scripture and be quiet more. We are all but sinners saved by the grace of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. My point is the grass is not greener on the other side. Yes I would love for my husband to be walking with the Lord, but he isn't. But I am called to obedience..to my God.


I am keeping all of us in prayer as I know it is frustrating. Keep your eyes on the Lord..be obedient to Him in all that He requests of us.



1 Samuel 15:22-"And Samuel said, Hath the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams."

Lyndie
Nov 24th 2007, 08:00 PM
I think part of the problem is though, that many who have usaved husbands are assumed to be nags, selfish, etc. So many times I have heard and read that in some way it is our fault we have unsaved husbands. For me, that is so not the case. I stopped asking long ago, because I realised it doesn't help. However, hubby still forgets to take out the trash every week, and is generally irresponsible. My hubby does what he feels like, when he feels like doing it, regardless of the outcome, because he knows eventually I will step in to fix things. It's been a vicious cycle. So I'm sure you can imagine how hard it is to be the doting, submissive wife when all responsibilty falls on me.

RoadWarrior
Nov 24th 2007, 08:03 PM
My parents were supposedly both christians, my father a lay preacher to this day, and divorced. I've tried to ask my mother why they didn't live as christians, why they abused eachother in front of us children. I simply say, 2 people walking as christians couldn't divorce! Because one christian wants the best for another follower of our Lord, and this would be shown in the closest frienship marriage. She disagrees and fails to understand the basics of our faith to this day. Only picks up a bible after weeks of me saying she should.

That is sad, Servant. :( I do understand, at least on some level, how it feels. I commend you for not following that example but seeking with all your heart to be obedient to the Lord.

My parents were both Christians, but I have vivid memories of Sunday mornings. We would all be getting ready for church, and they would have a fight. Then only one would go to church, taking the children. The other would stay at home and pout or be angry. It wasn't always this way, but often enough to hurt us as children. It was confusing.

My father had a stroke and was partially paralyzed for 8 months, while my mother was his caregiver. All my life I had heard her complain about him. After he died, I mentioned something to her that she had frequently complained about. She was quiet for a moment, and then said, "I don't remember any of the bad stuff any more. I only remember the good things." She also told me that if he had died on the day he had the stroke, she would not have missed him so much. But 8 months of caring for him as an invalid had renewed their love for each other. I thought that was very sad. All those wasted years of being angry at each other!

karenoka27
Nov 24th 2007, 08:07 PM
I think part of the problem is though, that many who have usaved husbands are assumed to be nags, selfish, etc. So many times I have heard and read that in some way it is our fault we have unsaved husbands. For me, that is so not the case. I stopped asking long ago, because I realised it doesn't help. However, hubby still forgets to take out the trash every week, and is generally irresponsible. My hubby does what he feels like, when he feels like doing it, regardless of the outcome, because he knows eventually I will step in to fix things. It's been a vicious cycle. So I'm sure you can imagine how hard it is to be the doting, submissive wife when all responsibilty falls on me.

Can I remind everyone that I too am in an unequally yoked marriage?
And I think you bring out something very important here. We think that our being nags or that they don't take out the trash is due to the fact that one is saved and the other isn't...Does that mean that Christian husbands and wives are perfect? The husband never does what he wants just because he wants and the wife never nags? My goodness no...but for the saved wife she may be more aware of when she is sinning than the unsaved husband..and the saved husband the same when he didn't feel like taking out the trash knows he probably should have.
We think that saved couples do things differently than the rest of us..so I say again..they are "sinners saved by grace.." they aren't different and they certainly don't live on a bed of roses. I have many saved couples for friends and to be honest? Many times I'd rather be in the situation I'm in.

Lyndie
Nov 24th 2007, 08:23 PM
I know you have an usaved hubby too. And I think its awesome you have come to the place where you seem to have alot more peace about it than us other folks. I do know no marriage is perfect, we all have our faults. My main concerm is the most of the time the blame falls on the wife, whether hubby is saved or not. I don't think that's fair. Maybe it bothers me more because my father was very irresponsible and selfish, and now I'm living it again with my husband. Sorry if I wasn't clear. My brain goes faster than my fingers sometimes.

RoadWarrior
Nov 24th 2007, 08:23 PM
Can I remind everyone that I too am in an unequally yoked marriage?
And I think you bring out something very important here. We think that our being nags or that they don't take out the trash is due to the fact that one is saved and the other isn't...Does that mean that Christian husbands and wives are perfect? The husband never does what he wants just because he wants and the wife never nags? My goodness no...but for the saved wife she may be more aware of when she is sinning than the unsaved husband..and the saved husband the same when he didn't feel like taking out the trash knows he probably should have.
We think that saved couples do things differently than the rest of us..so I say again..they are "sinners saved by grace.." they aren't different and they certainly don't live on a bed of roses. I have many saved couples for friends and to be honest? Many times I'd rather be in the situation I'm in.

This is well said, Karen. I'd love to have a husband who would pray with me. But I don't.

I am very happy in my marriage, I have a good husband. Yes, I would like to have a husband who reads my mind and offers to move the furniture when I am vacuuming, and takes out the trash without a reminder, but I am very grateful for so many things about him. How can I complain about the little details?

Men are men. They tend to do things that they want to do, which can seem to us like a waste of time. But are not we women the same, don't we tend to do the things that we want to do? It so happens that we have different preferences and priorities, just by being who we are.

karenoka27
Nov 24th 2007, 09:46 PM
I know you have an usaved hubby too. And I think its awesome you have come to the place where you seem to have alot more peace about it than us other folks. I do know no marriage is perfect, we all have our faults. My main concerm is the most of the time the blame falls on the wife, whether hubby is saved or not. I don't think that's fair. Maybe it bothers me more because my father was very irresponsible and selfish, and now I'm living it again with my husband. Sorry if I wasn't clear. My brain goes faster than my fingers sometimes.
:hug: I think you are a sweetheart. It doesn't seem fair..and yes I grew up much like you did and have often felt like I married into the same situation. But the poster above mine makes a good point. There are good qualities about our men...look at them. Thank the Lord for them..


Servant of Truth...? the same goes for your wife...she must have things that she does or makes home feel like home...let's count our blessings and pray for our spouses.

Whispering Grace
Nov 27th 2007, 02:10 AM
I am very happy in my marriage, I have a good husband.

I am wondering, in all honesty, is it truly possible to be happy in an unequally yoked marriage?

I love my husband dearly, but I can't say I am happy having a husband who exists on an entirely different spiritual plane than I do. I can't say I am happy having a husband who is lost and who will spend an eternity in hell if he dies right now. I can't say I am happy spending the bulk of my time with an unbeliever who sees absolutely no point in going to church, obeying the Lord, studying Scripture, praying, etc.

As I said, I love my husband dearly and strive to be a godly wife, but I can't imagine being truly happy in a marriage where the other spouse does not love and honor Jesus Christ. It is more often heart-wrenching than happy.

RoadWarrior
Nov 27th 2007, 02:39 AM
I am wondering, in all honesty, is it truly possible to be happy in an unequally yoked marriage?

I love my husband dearly, but I can't say I am happy having a husband who exists on an entirely different spiritual plane than I do. I can't say I am happy having a husband who is lost and who will spend an eternity in hell if he dies right now. I can't say I am happy spending the bulk of my time with an unbeliever who sees absolutely no point in going to church, obeying the Lord, studying Scripture, praying, etc.

As I said, I love my husband dearly and strive to be a godly wife, but I can't imagine being truly happy in a marriage where the other spouse does not love and honor Jesus Christ. It is more often heart-wrenching than happy.

Grace, I am very sad for you. You must be grieving over the state of your husband. That is very hard.

Perhaps happiness is a relative term. Maybe it depends on what you had before you had your husband. My life was terrible before I met mine. My DH has provided a place of stability and security that I never had in all the 40 years I had lived before I met him. He has never demanded that I not attend church, and he accomodates my church commitments even when it means he must adjust or forego something he wanted us to do together. He is a good man. God will judge his heart, not me.

During the time that I have lived with him, God has worked on me, cleansing me from so much. Early in my Christian walk (1973), I prayed that God would restore to me the years that the locusts have eaten, and just a few weeks ago I realized that it had happened. I am living in the restored years. God used this dear kind man to give me a safe place. I trust that God will do what is right and just.

Yes, it is possible to be happy as a Christian woman married to a non-believing husband. If Paul could say that he had learned in whatsoever state he was in, therewith to be content, then why not I? Paul suffered greatly and counted it all joy. I am living in peace and safety, why not count that all joy?

Whispering Grace
Nov 27th 2007, 04:08 PM
Grace, I am very sad for you. You must be grieving over the state of your husband. That is very hard.

Truth be told, my husband's lost condition is one of the most agonizing burdens I have ever carried, even more so than the burden I carry for my own children. I have spent countless hours before God weeping and pleading for his soul. Just typing this right now brings me to tears.

What is happiness when someone I love deeply is bound for the pit of hell for eternity? I'd give up a lifetime of happiness if God would save his soul.


Edited to add....RoadWarrior, I don't mean to say there is something wrong with being happy in an unequally yoked marriage. I am glad you are happy. My marriage is not a miserable one. But any happiness I experience is bittersweet, to say the least.

RoadWarrior
Nov 27th 2007, 04:26 PM
What is happiness when someone I love deeply is bound for the pit of hell for eternity? I'd give up a lifetime of happiness if God would save his soul.


I once prayed a prayer for my son, with deep intensity, and used the words, "whatever it takes". I "gave God permission" to do the hard things, as opposed to "God I want this, but do it my way."

The almost immediate result was that my son went to prison for DUI. One go-round was not enough, he had two bouts in prison. But today he is alcohol-free.

We as Christians do not want to suffer nor to have our loved ones suffer; but it seems that to accomplish the big things, big suffering is necessary, in God's economy. No one suffered more than Jesus did on the cross, but at the end, He said, "It is finished."

I've had to learn to pray and then leave my prayers at the foot of the cross. They are too heavy for me to carry, but Jesus said "my burden is light ..." - so I let Him carry them.

A pastor in my area once preached a message, in the middle of which he took off his shirt, revealing a t-shirt with the words,

"I have no problems!"

Then he turned around so the congregation could see the back of the shirt.

"God has a lot of problems, and I am praying for Him!"

That is my approach to my husband's spiritual condition, and my sons', and others in my life. When I am grieving over something, I take it to the Lord. I pray until the burden lifts. Then I get up and rejoice that God is in charge and I'm not. If the thought comes back to me again, I pray, "Lord I thank you for what You have done, what You are doing, and what You will do in this situation."

Kingsdaughter
Nov 27th 2007, 08:26 PM
Truth be told, my husband's lost condition is one of the most agonizing burdens I have ever carried, even more so than the burden I carry for my own children. I have spent countless hours before God weeping and pleading for his soul. Just typing this right now brings me to tears.

What is happiness when someone I love deeply is bound for the pit of hell for eternity? I'd give up a lifetime of happiness if God would save his soul.


Edited to add....RoadWarrior, I don't mean to say there is something wrong with being happy in an unequally yoked marriage. I am glad you are happy. My marriage is not a miserable one. But any happiness I experience is bittersweet, to say the least.

I understand what you are saying Whispering Grace, sometimes when I think about my husband dying without the Lord, I'm filled with grief, but I have to get that thought out of my mind and trust God. The bible says that if we ask anything according to His will with a pure heart, He hears us and when I intercede in prayer over my hubby that the Lord open his heart to receive Christ I believe that the Lord will some day do it. The bible says that He is not slow in His coming, but is patient, NOT WILLING THAT ANYONE SHOULD PERISH, but that all should come to repentence.
I'm not saying that everyone will be saved, just saying that my husbands salvation IS according to God's will.

I trust that the Lord has a master plan as to why my hubby isn't saved yet, but I will continue to trust Him and let Him be my REAL HUSBAND! If that makes any sense...I know its difficult.:hug:

havana16
Jan 18th 2008, 11:41 PM
Hi this is Havana16 I just joined the fourm a few days ago and I came across this today. I know this thread is dated from November 2007 but I thought I would reply to it anyway. I am the wife of an unsaved spouse as well. I have been a born-again christian for 4 years now however I was raised Catholic so I have always believed in God but never had a relationship ith Him like I do now. My children,8 and 16 yrs old are christian but my husband is not We attend a Assembly of God church and my brothers and sisters in Christ are always helpful and supportive about my qiestions on my situation My Pastor and his wife have often listened to me about what to do so many times and have always given me good and Godly advice simply let go and let God and it is not an easy thing to do! We have been married 5 years but together 12yrs total. My husband is from Havana Cuba where there isnot much about Jesus in their culture especially when my husband was growing He says he believes in God He came to my church for a short time but then stopped and said it was not necessary to go anymore. I love my husband greatly and he knows this. I try to be the kind of wife described in the Bible and a good wife to him It is not always appreciated by him with his actions and words sometimes but I always forgive and try to sahow Christ love in the home and everywhere and everyway I can to him. I sometimes see little changes in him for the good so maybe God is working in him So I continue to pray for him daily and I ask for your prayers and advice too. thank you!

pamela
Jan 24th 2008, 05:16 PM
Just answering the initial question me and my husband have been married 4 years and have been together about 6 years. He is not saved and I was saved 4 years ago.

torazon
Apr 19th 2008, 03:15 AM
I think though, the issue with this, as I went through it myself with a former Pastor, is when a wife speaks to the pastor or pastor's wife, they give us the 'wives submit, give them affection ;) whenever they want, etc." And with many women like myself who have low self worth or came from abusive backgrounds, it makes it seem like we are either rewarding bad behavior, or we need to be martyr's in a sense. Especially in cases of abuse or unfaithfulness or men who don't take care of thier families. I think the blame needs to be taken off the wife and put on the shoulders of the man, unsaved or not.

The wife is never supposed to be a doormat. Any man saved or not that treats his wife less than equal is no man in my book. You can be loving without compromising your faith or rewarding bad behavior. Our first priority is always the Lord, not our spouse, kids or anything else. Believe me I know this is tough because my wife is not a believer and neither are my kids.

trustingHim
May 9th 2008, 02:49 AM
It's wonderful to see how so many are maturing in Christ by honoring their commitment to their unsaved spouse's. My wife does not believe. I have been married 19 years and I can't imagine what our lives would be like together any other way. I have accepted that I can make myself available to be used by Christ so I can love her with Gods love, just the way she is. Naturally, I what her to be set free, and I trust Jesus will decide when that will be. I just continue loving her unconditionally as I give away what Christ has given me. Gods timing is perfect and He gives me strength, understanding and peace when I face marital trials. If I wasn't with my wife she may never come to know who the Lord is. All of my faith is in trusting the Father to draw her to Himself. He's already at work lol. I don't think she knows what really happening though. My life completely changed when I genuinely began to love my relationship with Jesus, on a deep personal level. Know matter what good or bad this life my bring, through it I grow closer to God and she is right their next to me.

brakelite
May 10th 2008, 11:50 AM
Hey there, my wife and I married just over 30 years ago. We were both youth leaders in the church at the time, and we had 3 children before moving to another city. There, we became disillusioned with the church and after 5-6 years of the Christian life, we both fell away. 10-11 years ago now, and after 3 more children, I woke up. My marriage was falling apart and 5 of my 6 children were in the world doing all the same things that I had been doing before I became a Christian. My heart broke and I came back to Jesus. My wife though, despite coming to church every now and then, has not yet recommitted herself. She knows who the Lord is, has experienced salvation, knows she is wrong. But she is addicted to the world, and at this time too many things are occupying her interest.
As for me, I have learnt much about myself over the past 10 years. God has used our situation to test my faith, to show me my failings, to revealt to me those areas in my life that were not right. And although for many years I concentrated on trying to get my wife's life in order, I was really the one out of order. I was the Christian, and yet was behaving in certain instances worse than my wife.
I have discovered since that the closer I am to Jesus, the closer He brings my wife to me. My marriage now is better than it has ever been, yet my wife is still not saved. So there is hope. And by the way, 5 of my 6 children have been baptised, although they too are having their struggles. But I've read the book of Revelation, and guess what. Jesus wins in the end.

God bless you all who struggle in this, my heart goes out to you all. It is not easy, but remember,Jesus loved us when we were yet sinners and died for us. In His strength, we can do the same for our spouses. That is all He asks, and He will do the rest.. We are to reflect His love to our unsaved partners, and they will respond to that, just as we responded to our Lord.
God bless.

trustingHim
May 10th 2008, 02:56 PM
I have discovered since that the closer I am to Jesus, the closer He brings my wife to me.

Well said Brakelite. God bless you for sharing this. There is so much power in those words.

God Bless you my friend.