View Full Version : Husband angry, said for me to find someone else

Jul 18th 2008, 06:08 AM
It has been with ups and downs for 5 years, with more and more downs.

Currently my husband is so angry with me he can't even talk to me for last week. he is coming home late to avoid me and sleeps on sofa. When i try to communicate he replies by cussing and a lot of anger.

He is very headstrong and it is his way or no way. He relieves his stress by drinking, that I have problem with.
Tonight he said to me "find someone else" because he feels that I do not respect him as I should.
I have very hard time with this, because I feel that it is my fault, since I have been taking care of kids and house , my husband does not take part in kids activities - he spends his time with his drinking buddies or watches tv in his room. I also work full time and have my own business at home; I do a lot of things for the family, he stays withdrawn. His biggest fear is that woman will "wear the pants". I do not care who "wears the pants" or not, things need to be done, he does not get them done, so i have to. Then he feel that I am in charge. I do wait for him to do stuff, and ask, and ask, until he is sick of it and blows up in my face. he's got no time for family and house, but always has time for his buddies.
So far we have been able to work out our big arguments and reconcile, but I am not sure that this time it will happen. I have grown in these past 5 years in Christ because God gives me strength to hang in, but my husband does not know Christ and thinks he knows everything and is always right.
This is my second marriage, and and I realize that it was a mistake to marry this man, but I am determined to stay in there because of my love for God.
Right now I am at my low point, it breaks my heart to see him like this, angry and stubborn, going towards his own destruction. it hurts to realize that i brought this to myself by the bad decisions I have made.
Please pray for me and him, and my family.

Jul 18th 2008, 07:01 AM
Will definitely pray; this is a subject dear to my own heart, being unequally yoked.

Jul 18th 2008, 07:27 AM
hey orange ,your story just hits home because my mum is going through the same thing and seeing her in the state she is in hurts , but what i want to say is praise your way out of the situation rely on God and let him make a way for you , in 2 timothy 4 v 17 the Lord is standing by your side giving you strength all you need to do is recieve his promises and pray on because he answers every prayer.

ps: i wont forget to pray for you

Anastasia J
Jul 18th 2008, 08:36 AM
I have come through the fire that you are now in and in Christ all things are possible. My husband had the same issues, and is now saved and walking with God. I am with you and I will not leave you in prayer I know all to well what you are going though. Know that Jesus loves you so much. May the Lord God pour out the fullness of His strength, love, peace, grace and mercy upon you and your family.

Col 3:19 Husbands, love your wives [be affectionate and sympathetic with them] and do not be harsh or bitter or resentful toward them.

I will begin my prayer for your husband using the word of God in Col 3:19 and ask the Lord to fill your home with peace and joy.

Col 2:2 [For my concern is] that their hearts may be braced (comforted, cheered, and encouraged) as they are knit together in love, that they may come to have all the abounding wealth and blessings of assured conviction of understanding, and that they may become progressively more intimately acquainted with and may know more definitely and accurately and thoroughly that mystic secret of God, [which is] Christ (the Anointed One).

Jul 18th 2008, 11:59 AM
Thank you for your replies. It really encourages me to read that many have been in a situation like mine and have turned out for better - it is like a light at the end of the tunnel.
I am so tired, because I tossed and turned all night long praying to God, and trying to control my anger with the myself. I do not want Satan to win by making me angry, and letting it spill out on everyone around and become like my husband.
This battle is against Satan that has hold of my husband. And with Christ I can win.... I can win...I can win....:pray:
Please keep your comments coming, I will print them out and put them in my Bible.
Thank you for your help!

Jul 18th 2008, 12:47 PM
I've been there - my non-Christian husband would pick a fight at 6am over something in Christianity or the Bible he found objectionable, and really wouldn't let up. He'd get that tightlipped look and the cold glint in his eye, and he'd be off. "Right, this bleep bleep God of yours - why did He order all those Canaanite Pagans killed? What kind of bleep warmongering tyrant is He, and how can you POSSIBLY be so bleep stupid as to follow Him? Does He still bleep want to kill Pagans like me now?". And on and on, for hours - I rarely got to finish a sentence before he'd launch back into the attack.

He'd batter me with words and get more and more angry; meanwhile I got quieter and quieter (which isn't really in my nature but I was utterly shellshocked). I didn't know where it was heading - I thought maybe he'd eventually punch me in his fury (and then I'd have to leave because I couldn't stay if my physical safety was at stake). I used to hate coming home from work, and all I could do was cling to God on a daily, even hourly, basis. I kept a copy of 'Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch in Marriage' by Lee & Leslie Strobel in my desk at work, because I didn't dare bring it home.

It went on daily for about 18 months, until a mutual non-Christian friend stood up to him when he started on me (first time he'd let anyone else see it - the friend was so worried and furious she stepped inbetween us, all five feet nothing of her) and told him to stop it or he would be heading for his second divorce. She made me carry a set of keys to her place in case I needed a bolthole, and really couldn't understand why I wouldn't leave him. He didn't mean to be a bully; he was just scared because I'd changed so much and terrified that I was going to leave him despite me pointing out 1 Cor 7. I think he thought it gave him carte blanche to treat me like poo and I wouldn't be able to leave.

I found it utterly traumatic (didn't sleep properly for months, vomited with stress, begged God to just let me not wake up one night); I'd always thought of persecution as physical danger and happening to the church in places like Russia. Never thought it would happen in my own home. I begged God to let me leave, but He wouldn't let me. We found a way through and are relatively peaceful now, and we have some pretty good discussions. Eventually he was prepared to really talk to me instead of rant at me, and from there we made progress on a human level. But it was hellish while I was going through it, so I do feel for you.

I understand the issue of feeling you have to do everything; food doesn't get made and laundry done by itself, and we're still trying to find a balance in our house (I work much longer hours but still have to do the majority of stuff, although he's getting better with helping if I ask him to do something). What else is going on in his life? Stress at work? If you can get to the point where he sees you as a loving support instead of 'on his back,' you'll have turned a corner. Keep praying for him, even when you want to brain him with a heavy object! You're not responsible for his actions, but you are responsible for yours.

Jul 18th 2008, 07:27 PM
Many of us are in your situation..my goodness, I had to check the name to make sure I didn't write it myself!:hug:

You said some key things..."I have grown in these past 5 years in Christ because God gives me strength to hang in,"
Because you have grown, you see the worldly differences more and more. Yes it is very frustrating. And yes, it is our Lord that gives you the strength and the grace to keep going.
Philippians 4:13-"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

You also mentioned you were tired. I can so relate to that. I tell that to the Lord so often. And there again, He gives me strength to keep going.
I'm glad you found this Bible forum and this place in Unequally Yoked.
We are here to pray for and encourage one another. I will add your husband to the list of husbands we are praying for. You can add him if you would like:

You are not alone.:hug:

Jul 18th 2008, 08:00 PM
For 4 1/2 years my wife has asked me to leave, said the vilest things at times, even in front of our 5 children. She's a non believer.

It's odd because as my faith has grown, my bible knowledge of God's Will and his Holy Spirit's guidance in my life - each time she gets most angry and speaks in the rudest vilest way, i many feel such sorrow for HER. It happened a couple of nights ago and rather than upsetting me, i saw only her pain and need for our Lord Jesus in her life.

I am not a strong person. My wife wants control in the family, house etc. Often she gets it. My focus has changed from satan's world, to the kingdom of God growing in my life. That is my wish as i teach my children also.

God has done wonderful things in my life, in the last same 4 1/2 years. I'm still poor, live in a small 3 bed rented house. But i have started outreach work of my own, with no church/ any help. Bought gospels/ tracts off the internet and handed them out.

I know this is hard daily. But we don't live in a protected bubble as christians, we suffer all the pain non believers do and satan will use those non believers especially close to us to attack. Your protection is SPIRITUAL. Pray for you, your husband and the marriage - anyone else involved, children?

My faith/ walk is stronger now than at any time in my life and growing daily. I am now able to help many other people, believers and non believers a like.

My last comment may seem strange. Your priority is your walk with Christ Jesus. Don't let satan use this against you, WHATEVER happens. Love between believers. The best witness to everyone around you. May our Lord reveal his Will to you. You can really help OTHERS at this moment through this situation. Love Paul/ Servant of Truth. :hug:

Jul 19th 2008, 05:56 PM
Hi Servantotruth, I too am unequally yoke so I understand some of what you are going through.
I will say that I had to learn early on not to rub it in that I knew more or heard from God.
It is a very gentle walk. She needs to 'see' by your walk and not so much talk.
Try to do whatever it takes to keep peace between the two of you. Find extra time to spend with her alone. God's word put the man over the women. Don't be demanding about taking the authority back and don't just turn and walk off and leave it to her.
Spend time working with your children and bringng them to Christ.
It is great that you have a personal ministry. Just don't get so involved in it that you don't make enought time for your children and wife. Maybe there would be something within this ministry that your wife and children could help with....bringing them closer to God.
If she starts to yell or say bad things to you then try to explain that you do not want to offend God, or have the children hearing her. Or for that added surprise grab her and 'really' kiss her. Do anything to keep the mood lite and away from arguements. She just needs to know that you may have found God in your life but that does not mean she is loosing you. Keep finding common ground to draw the two of you together where she can begin to see the change in you without being hit over the head with it if you argue or walk off.
If she does get to the point of yelling or saying anything bad try tell her that you will only sit down and quietly discuss her concerns after she as had time to calm down. ...exit the room.
Pray 'positive' prayers over her that someting exciting will happen to open her eyes and may her ears be sanctified by God to only hear his voice. Pray for patience for yourself and to be molded into the person God wants you to be. Keep praying for your children and your wife to come to know our amazing Lord and Savior.
May God bless all of you. Pat

Jul 22nd 2008, 11:53 PM
My heart goes out to anyone who has suffered through this kind of tribulation. But, I will say that at least the ones I've read about here aren't hypocrites about what they are. Before I was a Christian I was married to a man who claimed to be a "good Christian" but treated me like dirt. I was beaten up, abused, thrown out of a moving car - the list goes on and on. I was afraid to go to sleep at night, for fear I would be killed in my sleep. I escaped one day while he was at work, and divorced him, but it took me a long time before I felt I could trust anything a "good Christian" man said. Several years later I married a real Christian man, (I got saved, too), and we've been married for 25 years. He treats me with love and respect, and the only one he loves more than me is God, and I know I can trust him with my very life.

I believe my ex-husband has passed away, and I can only hope that he found the Lord before it was too late. It took me a long time to forgive him for what he did to me, but I can honestly say that my heart is clear now. Having someone who truly loves and respects me has healed me and allowed me to move on with my life.

So, orange, I will be lifting you and your husband up in prayer. Keep praying for him and don't give up.

Many blessings to you.

Jul 23rd 2008, 02:29 AM
Thank you everyone who is giving me your support with your prayers, and encouragement, and sharing your stories.
It makes it easier to realize that there are people who have had or have similar situation.
Today on the way home from work I tuned in on a Christian radio station, and God had a message there for me:

Philippians 1:6
And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. (NLT)

Host of the program went into detail that anything that we encounter is part of God's plans for us and not to get discouraged when going gets tough, because God will finish what he started, and it will be great as long as we let God work and stick with Him.

God is the one who does all the work not us, so we need to relax, and take it easy, not stress out (easy said... :hmm: )

I needed to hear that, and maybe someone else here needs it , too.

Jul 23rd 2008, 04:31 AM
Hi Orange, I hope you are doing better. Remember that your husband has some sanctification through you, the believer. Happy you are listening to Christian radio...it really helps and Christian music is all I play in my car.
Leaving a quick verse for you: Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth, burst into song, O mountains! For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones. Isaiah 49:13
Jesus is a comforter and our healer and our All and All...he is the great I AM
Hugs to you in Christ Jesus, Pat

Jul 25th 2008, 02:33 AM

do not break yourself to pieces, you're only human. What i mean is, do everything you can to keep the peace, and try to keep having compassion for your husband, and try to be a silent witness.

You keep on doinmg what has to be done if he won't do it, and don't ask and ask either anymore, but rather ask him once, and if he doesn['t get it done within a certtain amount of time do it yourself without grumbling.

I've been in your shoes, and i tried, and i was at the beginning of my walk, and my anger grew, and grew, because my husband kept on getting worse and worse with his behavior coming home, going straight to bed, ignoring me, and not coming home til late. He had no time for the kids, and he avoided me and my calls on his cell.

He was always grumpy and unbearable to be around. Finally i had to leave for my anger burned and i knew i needed distance before it burned me up as well.

If it gets to that point leave, but remain ready to reconcile... this is a hard road to be on and i was there and prayed and confusion was abounding in those days as to what God had in mind. Being young in my walk, i was seeking solace in an internet relationship which eloped romantically. Once i realized God didn't want that and that it was not in my heart, i dropped all of that, and God made His move and straightened everything out.

It was truly glorious, and how amazed i was at this.

It was the beginning of my deep relationship with God.

Hang in there, and continue to seek Him and His will through it all, and you will do fine and be provided for.


Jul 25th 2008, 11:33 AM
I am reading everyones posts several times, thank you!
You all are amazing and God sent!

Jul 25th 2008, 12:36 PM
I am reading everyones posts several times, thank you!
You all are amazing and God sent!
Good Morning Orange! I have my favorite new verse I want to share this AM

Continue to stand strong in Jesus. Pat

Jul 25th 2008, 01:56 PM
You know Orange, I had some more thoughts on this:
With your husband telling you to leave and find someone esle, he likely recognizes himself as a looser, and does out of his misery not feel he deserves you.
On the other hand he may also have said that to evoke guilt in you and therefore to manipulate you into staying.

If you feel compelled and you cannot take it anymore, he really gave you license to remove yourself. Staying around may actually only make him more angry at you, and hopefully it won't get to that point but he may get physical. With addicts you really never know what's in their heads, and it shouldn't be your problem to sort them out, because you can't.

I'm in my 3rd marriage and like you i came to God in and during this one, and therefore i like you did not want my marriage to end. We still have some issues, but nothing quite as severe as it was before.

I would suggest you take a few days out, and be on your own to have time with God and examine your own leanings and feelings and see how they fall in line with God.

Back when i separated from my husband i was confused mainly because i could not see God wanting our marriage to end, though things looked so horribly wrong, and they were. I was distraught, because i saw my shortcoming in not being able to stay or get rid of the anger i had. And i wasn't sure how God would fix everything again. I just couldn't see it.
Having known from the beginning that my husband and i were meant for each other through His will, it really created a dilemma for me. And i wondered if God hand changed His mind.

I couldn't seem to find a tangible answer through the scriptures, though everything indicated i was to wait for reconciliation. And i simply could not see that happening at that time. So i did lean unto my own understanding, until i realized the new relationship was not in my heart, all that it was, was a fantasy.
Once i leaned unto His understanding, things very quickly fell into place, talk about in a matter of three days.

Anyways, i hope that gives you courage to take whatever steps necessary. Know that God knows beforehand what you do, and no matter what you do, He will use it for the best of you. He understands your limits, but He will not cease teaching you through life.