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melpointy
Jul 27th 2008, 07:28 PM
Hi I first am a christian but I struggle daily with bipolar illness, anxiety, depression, bpd, PTSD and others. I struggle to follow the path because of all of the stuff the affects me.

Does anyone else struggle with disorders and have a hard time understanding and following God's word.

I also get alot of confusion I dont know if its from demonic spirits or myillness but I feel depressed and I have no energy. So sometimes I think to myself what is the point. God wont cure me I have had prayers over me many times (My mom also suffered major manic depression and died at 57 and struggled with christianity)

I just feel so numb and confused to the whole life of a Christian and I dont know if a counsler will help, pills help some but not much.

Just would like to relate to any others struggling out there with an illness like this and being a christian.

RoadWarrior
Jul 27th 2008, 08:48 PM
Hi Mel,

Thank you for coming here with your request. It is my prayer that we will be able to support and encourage you.

You are not alone in your struggle. There are others on the board with illnesses which they battle regularly. When you have an illness, whether physical, mental or emotional, the first place to deal with it is with a good doctor. Many issues can be managed with medicines, but it takes working with the doctor and keeping track of your responses to find out what works best for you. Since you already seem to have a diagnosis, then maybe you have a doctor you can trust. How long has it been since you have seen your doctor?

The second front on which to fight this battle, is to establish and maintain balance in your life. I heard a doctor once say that there are four legs to the stool. YOu must have a good diet, the right amount of exercise, the right amount of rest/sleep, and freedom from too much stress in your life. These need to be in balance, not too much of one or not enough of another.

Another way of looking at it is HALT. Never let yourself get too Hungry, too Angry, too Lonely or too Tired. You could also add, not too Excited nor too Depressed, for HALTED.

The spiritual and emotional aspect of your life works hand in hand with the physical/chemical aspect of your life. Do you have a good church, good Christian friends, family support, loving spouse?

You are your own best advocate. No one else knows you as well as you know yourself. What we can do for you here, is to encourage you and to cheer for you, but the work to getting your life back in balance and on track belongs to you.

What is the biggest issue in your life at the moment? And how can we help? If we know more about you, we can pray more specifically. :hug:

RoadWarrior
Jul 27th 2008, 08:50 PM
Mel, I just want to add this, there is a social group here that you might find of interest http://bibleforums.org/group.php?groupid=26. It does not seem to be very active, but you will be able to meet others there who can help you see that you are not alone.

melpointy
Jul 28th 2008, 01:00 AM
Well confusion about salvation mostly because my DH tells me that its easier to loose your salvation then to receive it.

That and I am just dealing with alot of depression. I just started with a new doctor whom I like alot better but for some reason I dont know if its the meds or not but I read something and then sometimes have to reread it.

I cant believe DH tells me its easier to loose your salvation then get it. I'm Lost here. Well maybe its OCD or not really believing anything good can happen to me but I pray the pray of salvation daily but I am still battling alot of things like cutting out of depression and pain and other things like getting angry easily.

And yes I get lonely very easily.

Thanks for caring I wasnt sure if anyone would care to post to this one. (just my depression talking)

God Bless You:saint:

RoadWarrior
Jul 28th 2008, 01:38 AM
Mel, people do care, but not many really know how to work with the problems that you have. That is why I emphasize your relationship with your doctor first of all. You need to let the office know how the new meds are working, if you notice that you have some new thing (like not being able to concentrate) after you start a new med. The doctor can only go by the feedback that you give, so be sure to keep in touch with that office.

Bi-polar is more widespread than people realize, but there is a spectrum, from rather mild to more severe. I can't tell where you are on the spectrum, but what is important to you, is that your doctor knows, and adjusts your meds or other instructions as appropriate.

Some illnesses cannot be cured, but they can be managed. Your condition falls into that category. You can manage it. But you need to know everything you can about the condition. Ask your doctor if there is a support group near you, or how you can get more understanding of your problems. The more you know about it, the better you will be able to help yourself.

I don't know, of course, but I suspect that some of your other problems might come from feeling helpless about your situation. You are not helpless. There are many things you can do to help yourself, and I encourage you to find out what they are.

God loves you Mel, and He cares about having you learn and grow and fulfill your potential that He has placed in you. Do not compare yourself to other people, but only look to Him, and what He has planned for you.

I do not know why your husband talks to you about losing your salvation, maybe he is just frustrated, as you are. But I would encourage you both to think in terms of what God wants for you.

People can argue all day and all night about OSAS and NOSAS, but in the end, what does it matter? What matters, Mel, is that you turn to the Lord and put your trust in Him. When you stumble, (as we all do) that you get up and put your hand in His, and keep moving forward.

Keep your eyes on Him. He has promised that He will never leave you nor forsake you.

Jeremiah 31:3-4 says that He has loved you with an everlasting love, and that He draws you to Himself. That He will re-build your life.

Jer 31:3-4
...
"Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love;
Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.
4 Again I will build you, and you shall be rebuilt,
... NKJV

This was originally written, of course, to Israel. But the principle is the same for us as Christians. Take this verse to heart, and it will give you comfort.

Another verse which I lean on quite heavily when I feel helpless, is what the Lord spoke to Joshua:

Jos 1:9
Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."
NKJV

melpointy
Jul 28th 2008, 02:51 PM
Well thats all good and fine except and this is in all cases doctors psychiatrist spend 15 minutes at the most with you. They are not therapist. The meds I am on are the onlly tolerable ones I seem to handle. I have been down this road a long time and there are sooooooo many med's with bad reactions just trying to stay with the ones that will keep me focused enoughed to get up and take care of my son.

I figure it out on my own somehow I always do. Yes at times I feel helpless but no-one can really help besides yourself.

SO I guess that means no=one else on this board is a Christian that suffers this disorder. Kinda frustrating.

Now I gotta look somewhere else. I wanted to be with a Christian Group.

Mel:giveup:

RoadWarrior
Jul 28th 2008, 03:30 PM
...snip..
I figure it out on my own somehow I always do. Yes at times I feel helpless but no-one can really help besides yourself.

SO I guess that means no=one else on this board is a Christian that suffers this disorder. Kinda frustrating.

Now I gotta look somewhere else. I wanted to be with a Christian Group.

Mel:giveup:

No, Mel, you are wrong. There are others here who have bi-polar. Maybe they just have not yet noticed you. It's a big board with a lot of people, and weekends tend to be sort of quiet. Be patient a little longer, and more sections of the board will open up to you, including the social groups. There is one in particular which you might like.

I know that the doctor is not a therapist, and only gives you 15 minutes. Don't you hate that!? I love attention when I go to the doctor, and it seems like they barely look at me! :lol: Oh well. But they do write prescriptions, so I guess they fill a need.

But you are right, that you do have to help yourself. I can be a friend to you if you want me to. But I am not a doctor or a therapist. Just an old lady who has been down a long journey and has a bit of knowledge. I've not had your particular circumstances, but I've had my own emotional battles to fight. Victory over illness comes in stages. For me it has been like climbing a mountain. I gained a little at a time, then had a "plateau" then gained some more. Some times I slipped back. But I am what some people call stubborn, and I call it perseverance! :rofl:

Without God, I would not have made it. There were many times when I thought I was all alone. But after I made it through hard places, I could look back and see that He was always there.

Looking for another group is fine, you might find that there are others who can be more helpful specifically in relation to bi-polar than we can. It is ok to belong to more than one group, you know. But keep checking in with us, and you might find that you will make some friends here. It takes time.

It is so neat that you have a son to hug and love and play with! My children were sometimes the only bright spot in my life. A child truly is a gift from the Lord.

I hope you will have a better day today. :hug:

servant of Lord
Jul 28th 2008, 07:44 PM
Hello,

I just wanted to say that I had ptsd and depression. I was molested as a child. then about 3 years ago I was in bad car accident..and then the memories surfaced..it was a flash in my head of things that I had forgotten but when I saw them...well, fear would fall on me and I would feel panic and hurt..embrassment..hate..anger..oh, such a dark time in my life..I have three kids. It was really hard cause I had to close my door to them..I could not function. I thought I was never gonna come out of it..

But, Christ did bring me through it..

I understand about the fifteen mintue thing too..
that upset me..I just found a differnet way to get meds..my thearpist recommended a family doctory and he could prescribe the meds I was on....I was being treated for add also..

But, now I am on no meds...I had to take them though at time..and now I am fine..free from it all..thank God..

But, each person is different..what ever is causing this..God only knows...and Only He can be the help..the doctors are good..and we do need them...but we must let God lead us to the right ones..

I pray that God surround you with peace and love. It is hard when going through these things..though some of them I do not know about cause I have never had them or know anyone close who has...but talk about it , I know that helped me alot..
when I was a child my life was threated several times..and as a teen...I found out that through this and the sexual abuse this caused my ptsd...but, now I am free from it..God healed me..

Bless you..I know that HE will take care of you..there is now where you can go that He wont be there..HE loves you very much...

melpointy
Jul 28th 2008, 09:46 PM
Thanks Roadwarrrior and Servant of the Lord (Sorry to hear of your struggles but Glad the Lord delivered you)

Yes I had abuse in my past that I care not to share but it was severe physical abuse that landed me in the hospital thenin foster care. Tossed about until I was adopted by a Catholic family.

I have alot of anger issues, anxiety and the like on top of the bipolar.

I know God helps but I also thinks he gives us these struggles so that we may stay close to him.

I'm not sure what else to do right now we only have 1 car working and with my son its kinda hard to hit support groups but the 12 step thing never really did much for me. If I could find a true christian therapist and could afford I would go. My last therapist was wonderful unfortuneltly his methods arent christian but they seemed to help but again I gained his trust but we just dont have the money.

I just keep praying everyday that everyone that hurts either physically or mentally will have strength to go on. cause sometimes the thoguht of ending your life all the time sounds frustrating cause ya wanna give up. I am not suicidal but it crosses my mind alot because the depression is so bad.

Just to add about the meds the doctor switched me back to wellbutrin and it takes forever to kick in. I think its been 2 weeks. I am also on lamictal, seroqual, ambien, ativan. All the older drugs like Lithium never worked (worked well for my mom but also killed her kidneys and she died at 57) May I mention that she was a very devote cChristian and struggled very badly with Manic depression and maybe some schizophrenia (reason for the abuse) She was in a state hospital back in the 70'w and early 80's and she was raped, had shock treatment (which is not the same it is now) and given numerous hardcore drugs. Somehow she endured and is in heaven so I have that chance too but it will be a struggle at best.

As far as the excercise I did by a machine a few months back just trying to get the nerve to use it since my leg has a pinched nerve (meralgia parasatheica) not sure of the spelling but I cant stand for more then 5-10 minutes without my whole thigh being in severe pain. So that adds to the depression too cause I cant be as active as I once was. I asked a neurologist about surgery but they dont do it in that area and they couldnt even find the nerve when doing that test forgot the name. She did knwo the signs and symptoms. Gave me lyrica helped a little but my body got tolerant to it then I asked her to up it and she refused so I left.

ANyways just mumbling away.

God Bless you both and thanks for the prayers. I pray for all my friends even my internet buddies nightly.:kiss:

RoadWarrior
Jul 28th 2008, 09:59 PM
Mel, if you get to a place with us that you want to talk about some of those old things, remember that you can go into C2M and it will be just the mods who will read your posts. But don't feel that you are obligated to tell us anything. The main thing for you right now is to get comfortable just being here, to find out which parts of the board are "safe" for you and which people will be your friends. This is like any group, you will find all kinds of people here.

With the back problems you have, the best exercise would be a program of gentle stretches. I have 3 areas in my back that have bad discs, and so I see a chiropractor to keep pain free. The stretches strengthen my muscles and then I don't need adjustments so often. Exercise does not have to be strenuous, it just means that you need to be active in accordance with your ability. Sweeping a floor is exercise.

Back to the subjects on the boards, remember that in some areas there is a lot of controversy and people who just love to argue. So if you are in a thread and start getting confused, you can un-subscribe to it and go into another forum that has less stressful activity.

New in Christ, Families in Christ, Maturing in Christ, Women at the Well, are maybe not as exciting, but they are gentle places to hang out.

palmersc
Jul 29th 2008, 03:29 AM
Does anyone else struggle with disorders and have a hard time understanding and following God's word.

I also get alot of confusion I dont know if its from demonic spirits or myillness but I feel depressed and I have no energy.

I am really hard on myself. I see myself falling way short and I forget that the changes I want to see don't always happen overnight. I think having a mental disorder makes us more prone to the enemy's attacks, and if we do not have an understanding of who we are in Christ, we fall for lies which should roll off our backs.

I think when I was unsure about my salvation I had a wrong view of who God is and what faith is.

I really didn't understand that God cares for me more than anybody else in the world ever could. I was in so much pain that I thought he was too busy to ever give me his attention. I also thought that faith was something I had to manufacture instead of a gift from God, so instead of resting in God's grace, I kept trying to convince myself that I believed. I did believe that Jesus was the way, but I didn't really take his words to heart. Verses like the following were not yet truths I could draw on:


John 10:28-29: "I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand."


Romans 8:31-39: "If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died more than that, who was raised who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, 'For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.' No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."


Philippians 1:6: "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."

If I thought that my salvation could be lost, I wouldn't be able to stay positive when being bombarded with pessimistic thoughts from hell. About 4 months ago I was in a manic state with the most hellish thoughts I had ever had running through my mind. There are verses which speak about people falling away from the faith and perhaps losing salvation, but I believe they are there to keep us sober and watchful in our walk with God. He will never forsake us.

My mental problems came about from abusing psychedelic drugs and my heavy involvement in buddhism and the occult. I am not sure if demons are behind the psychotic episodes, but I know that if my world comes tumbling down again, the rock I have decided to build upon in Christ Jesus will keep me from being swept away.

I hope we can encourage eachother to hold fast to God's promises until the storms clear and you feel that acceptance from God which will leave no doubt in your mind.

palmersc
Jul 29th 2008, 04:00 AM
Also music has helped me keep my mind from wandering and kept me in good spirits when I feel down. Here is a link to some of the videos I have enjoyed in the past. I really enjoy Keith Green's music as well as Matthew Ward. I hope you like some of these tunes.

http://www.youtube.com/profile_favorites?user=palmersc

melpointy
Jul 29th 2008, 05:50 PM
If I thought that my salvation could be lost, I wouldn't be able to stay positive when being bombarded with pessimistic thoughts from hell. About 4 months ago I was in a manic state with the most hellish thoughts I had ever had running through my mind. There are verses which speak about people falling away from the faith and perhaps losing salvation, but I believe they are there to keep us sober and watchful in our walk with God. He will never forsake us.

My mental problems came about from abusing psychedelic drugs and my heavy involvement in buddhism and the occult. I am not sure if demons are behind the psychotic episodes, but I know that if my world comes tumbling down again, the rock I have decided to build upon in Christ Jesus will keep me from being swept away.

I hope we can encourage eachother to hold fast to God's promises until the storms clear and you feel that acceptance from God which will leave no doubt in your mind.

I worry about hell alot too and have repetive bad thoughts. Although I am not in a manic state more a mixed depressed state right now. Still with the racing thoughts but no energy.

But I must pray by the Grace of God that those thoughts wont consume me and I will know that I am His Child.

servant of Lord
Jul 30th 2008, 02:21 AM
:hug: Hugs to you :hug:

There is hope ...though it may seem that you are in tunnel and that waves of thoughts are crashing in and you are drowning in the tears of life...let your heart not be troubled for their is a light that is in you..and he is leading you to higher ground..and though the enemy has attacked you cause he trys to keep you from your purpose...but greater is he that is in you then in the world..and you will be a overcomer !!!!

I am prayin for you daily..........

Remeber Jesus loves you..HE cares for your every need.
cast all you cares upon Him...

I command satan and any demonic sprirt to take his plans and flee from you...that God would surround you with peace and the knowing that He cares for you...let His love heal all your wounds...though the scar will always remain...He can place a healing upon them that takes out the anger and pain and any other feeling you are having..though it may take time..cause some wounds can be deep..but He is the great physican..and He has the best bedside manners..

The world can be cruel..they may tell you to snap out of it..and get over it..
But Christ comes as any good solider of God would and He helps His solider up...when it is time..

You are gonna make it..I declare it In JESUS NAME....
praying for you..everday..get use to it.. :hug:

melpointy
Jul 30th 2008, 03:47 PM
:hug: Hugs to you :hug:

There is hope ...though it may seem that you are in tunnel and that waves of thoughts are crashing in and you are drowning in the tears of life...let your heart not be troubled for their is a light that is in you..and he is leading you to higher ground..and though the enemy has attacked you cause he trys to keep you from your purpose...but greater is he that is in you then in the world..and you will be a overcomer !!!!

I am prayin for you daily..........

Remeber Jesus loves you..HE cares for your every need.
cast all you cares upon Him...

I command satan and any demonic sprirt to take his plans and flee from you...that God would surround you with peace and the knowing that He cares for you...let His love heal all your wounds...though the scar will always remain...He can place a healing upon them that takes out the anger and pain and any other feeling you are having..though it may take time..cause some wounds can be deep..but He is the great physican..and He has the best bedside manners..

The world can be cruel..they may tell you to snap out of it..and get over it..
But Christ comes as any good solider of God would and He helps His solider up...when it is time..

You are gonna make it..I declare it In JESUS NAME....
praying for you..everday..get use to it.. :hug:


Thank you Servant of the Lord I will certainly ""Cast all my Cares upon Him" I have been feeling more of the spirit lately and less like the fleshlynature. Although I still have my moments I think I can break through slowly like you said but it will happen.:kiss:

servant of Lord
Jul 31st 2008, 04:27 AM
Just said another prayer for ya...

Dont let satan beat up on ya...he will tell ya all kind of lies that sound like the truth..but he is liar..

You were created for a purpose. God cares so much for you. Even when you are struggling to understand the 'whys' ...He will give you the answers..He will love you through the battles...

God Bless you..You will make it..In Jesus Name !:hug:

melpointy
Aug 1st 2008, 08:12 PM
Thanks dont know if I am putting too much on myself but my conviction for smoking made me quit today and I am goingnuts. I had to take a few xanax to calm me down. I failed so many times in the past I just pray God gives me the full Spirit to pull through this. I need to do it no matter how hard. Its fleshly killing me but myspirt feels right on it. I have just seen so many people who got saved and never looked back at cigs well i cant stop thinking about one but i pray God takes this off my mind.

So I guess I need a little pray on that.

God bless you all for your prayers.:kiss:

RoadWarrior
Aug 1st 2008, 08:25 PM
Hi Mel,

Praying for you! :pray: That you will find something now to keep your hands busy, some mints or something to use as a temporary substitute for the oral part of the habit. That you will be able to be strong and have endurance for the time it takes to break the ties of habit. That you will look at your baby and smile because you are doing something good for him.

melpointy
Aug 3rd 2008, 07:25 PM
Didnt go so well I went extremly manic and agitated started throwing dishes and I accidently hit my son. I didnt even know he was standed there. I knew quitting is hard but this illness overtakes me. Its not that cigarettes are good but the withdrawal on my part is too much right now. I prayed all day too but I gues I just am a failure for now. i will never quit quitting but I just pt my son in the hospital and i feel like a complete failure as a mother. My husband went after me and hit me and stuff. I give up:giveup::B:B:B:B:B:B:cry::cry::cry:

CoffeeCat
Aug 3rd 2008, 07:36 PM
Melpointy, I am so sorry you're dealing with all this. I can tell you didn't mean to hit your son with a dish, and your husband HAD NO RIGHT to hit you. That was very wrong of him. :( I hope your little one's okay, and I am praying for you and your family. Do you attend church? If you do, please talk to your pastor about family counseling. It can really help. If no pastor is available, then call a local stress/anxiety/depression group, and speak to someone. Please. My dad was diagnosed bipolar/manic depressive YEARS ago, so I know more about it than I should, I guess. I am praying for you, and will keep right on praying for you. I wish I could do more than that, too. :hug:

melpointy
Aug 3rd 2008, 07:52 PM
thanks Coffeecat but I feel so depressed and ashamed to even be on the forums today. I dont know if our church has counseling but I do know we have no money to attend a christian counsler.

We are in between churches. I am still am not sure were GOd wants me to be.

I just feel like crying today:cry::cry::cry::cry:

CoffeeCat
Aug 3rd 2008, 08:04 PM
Hon, if you need to cry, let it all out. :hug: It's okay to cry. And PLEASE know that you are NOT a failure as a mother or a Christian or as anything else. The struggle you've got right now is a debilatating one, and SO hard for you to deal with. I know you feel depressed and alone, and if I were there I'd give ya a hug and help if I could. Please do talk to your church anyways. They will have resources or at least know of resources for people who need counselling and can't pay for it..... NOBODY should be denied help because they can't afford it. You need to talk to someone, and not be alone.

God loves you. So much. And others care for you, too. And you've got an extra friend right here if you want one.

Love,
Laura

melpointy
Aug 3rd 2008, 09:48 PM
Thanks Laura I will send you a friend request.:P

I will check with the church. My scars are so deep though from abuse that I wonder if a private christian counsler would be appropriate. Maybe we can get our incomein order and I can start attending.

melpointy
Aug 3rd 2008, 09:50 PM
Thanks Laura. I will send you a friend request as I sure could use some.

I could check with the church but I dont think they have any but I will check. I do think my issues are so deep from past abuse that maybe a christian counsler weekly or maybe more may be more in order. I hope our finances come together soon.

Thanks for caring God Bless You!:P

servant of Lord
Aug 5th 2008, 02:42 AM
Hi Melpointy.

May I ask , how is your son ? why did they have to put him in the hospital ? I am praying for him.

It seems that you have alot on you right now. To stop smoking is hard. My mom got delievered from smoking pot but she has always smoked since..she can not give it up. But was highly addicted to pot but that came easier for some reason..she never even had the desire...but the cig thing..well she says, hey I just cant do it. I am not saying that you cant..but you have made steps toward healing and the enemy is trying to make you see only the bad and not the good. He is condeming you..God is not gonna do that..God will help you. sometimes it comes quick and sometimes it is over a period of time..so please dont beat yourself up over it...

I still believe that you have a purpose and that you will overcome this struggle..you will testify to the power of the Lord..but, let it be in His time..take one day at a time..please..

I am praying for you to be able to find some counceling that will not cost you anything..that GOd will provide this for you..but you gotta ask for the help..you need to talk with your pastor..let the church pray for you..ask and you shall recive..

I send you a big hug..and so sorry to hear about the dispute between you and husband..and the accident with your son..Praying for peace for your family during this time..that God bring yall closer together..and your wounds be healed..

It is so hard when dealing with past scars of abuse..but GOd can take you through the healing process..it may take time..sometimes a long time..cause sometimes those scars are deep feeled with alot of emotions..but through Christ He can place healing upon them and you can walk free from them..but do not be mad if it dose not happen the way you thought it should..cause HE is the great phyisan and HE knows exactly how to help you..trust Him..

:hug: love. servant of Lord

melpointy
Aug 5th 2008, 03:12 AM
I FEEL REALLY UNLOVED AND HELPLESS RIGHT NOW I COULD SURE USE SOME FRIENDS. EVERYONE HATES ME I DID AN AWFUL THING AND NOW I HATE MYSELF EVEN MORE I WANNA CUT BUT I CANT CAUSE I PROMISED GOD I WOULDNT ANYMORE.

I FEEL SCARED I CANT SHARE WHATS GOING ON BUT IT IS VERY HARD AND I COULD LOSE MY SON.

I AM HURTIN SO BAD RIGHT NOW AND I HAVE NO ONE I NEED A HUG OR SOME INSPIRATION PLEASE:cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:


May I ask , how is your son ? why did they have to put him in the hospital ? I am praying for him.

He is fine he had a cut above his eye which they use this glue now and just a few other nicks. He is running around like nothing happened. Hope I can post this.

servant of Lord
Aug 5th 2008, 04:20 AM
:hug: You are loved and cared about..the enemy is a liar..there is no truth in him..

You are loved. God cares so much for you..

the enemy wants you to think that is all over..that you have gone to far..that you have lost it all..but you have not !!

Call upon HIm...turn your radio on..find some christian music..listen to it..begin to praise Him..stand or bow and just began to thank God for sending you His son Jesus..let the Holy Spirit come to you right now in Jesus Name

I speak healing to you in Jesus Name..that His spirit would fill you with peace and love..that the darkness would flee and the light of the Lord would shine through..

You will be used to help others..You will have a testimony..all them in your life will see the power of the LORd ..you will not be overtaken by this..

Sending you love..and hugs..no one is condeming you..we have all had our ups and downs..and I have personelly had the pstd and the depression...they tried to tell me I was bipolar but I did not accept it..they said i was just on the slight scale of it..you know what I mean..they called it manic depressive..but I was told by God..which one do you want ? I said I want to believe what YOU say about me in the bible...and though I struggle with How he would love me..He chooses to love me and sets my free..though some things take time..

SO. please do not take this to hard..let peace come to you...let the LORd work this out..He can..

servant of Lord
Aug 5th 2008, 04:22 AM
so glad to hear that your son is okay...


I am praying for you right now..

I am here if you want to talk..

RoadWarrior
Aug 5th 2008, 04:49 AM
Mel, I am thinking of a bit of song for you:

Keep your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His mercy and grace.

You are never alone when you have Jesus. If you forget to look to Him, you might feel alone. But close your eyes and turn your thoughts to Him, He is right there with you.

When you accepted Him as your Savior, you became an inheritor of His promise.

Dt 31:6
6 Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you."
NKJV

Dt 31:8
8 And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed."
NKJV

Heb 13:5-6
5 Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." 6 So we may boldly say:
"The Lord is my helper;
I will not fear.
What can man do to me?"
NKJV

Go in peace Mel, and let the Lord lead you and guide you.

Do the things you have already learned in past therapy, to calm yourself and soothe your own emotions. You are not without knowledge and skills. Use what you know is good and helpful.

Lord I give thanks this day for the love that Mel's husband has for her, for his compassion toward her. I ask Lord that your presence will be with both of them as these difficult hours pass by, that when they come out on the other side, they will be able to give praise to You and to say, "The Lord has done this."

Bless that precious baby, that he will be shielded from any harmful memories of this time. Let this day be a turning point and a new beginning for these precious hurting children of yours. Break the generational bonds of the past sins and harm. Grant a fresh start. Provide the helpers that they need as they go along the way.

Thank You Lord for your mercies which are new every morning.

Lam 3:21-26
21 This I recall to my mind,
Therefore I have hope.
22 Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
23 They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
24 "The Lord is my portion," says my soul,
"Therefore I hope in Him!"
25 The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,
To the soul who seeks Him.
26 It is good that one should hope and wait quietly
For the salvation of the Lord.
NKJV

melpointy
Aug 5th 2008, 04:58 AM
Thanks for the song and all the encourgmanet I need to get to bed soon but the one worry i have is if they are going to dig into my past, my hospital stays, past attempts at su..., etc etc, If they go way back my moms is worse. Maybe I am worrying to much but I wish the lady would have done what we needed to do today. Well actually yesterday.

I love my son with all my heart yes I am not perfect but I love him and I know with DH working many hours that I need a break now and then and if there is a way possible I need that childcare partime so I wont be too stressed as stress leads to more symptoms.

Anyways thanks for being such a great friend :kiss:Good Night and if Child Services stops by tomorrow or wednesday please keep us in your prayers. My original family was broken up once and it would kill my dad to see it happen again. :kiss:

servant of Lord
Aug 5th 2008, 05:01 AM
amen to that road warrior..amen I agree with that prayer in Jesus Name..amen

Mel...read Gods word that Mel has posted for you..God is saying this to you..He is telling you that He has not left you..He is with you..This is very annoited..and God is pouring out His love to you..just accept it sister..He loves you..

we love you and we care. Your son loves you..your husband loves you..you have many who do love you..But Jesus loves you more then any of us ever could..let Him share this love with you..

pepsi33
Aug 5th 2008, 05:36 AM
dear melpointy,
I hope you are feeling better. I am so sorry for your illness but I think no matter what you should keep praying and know that even though it feels like a huge burden right now, God will change it for the better, trust in him. He doesn't want bad for you he loves you. I will be praying.

Soulangel
Aug 8th 2008, 11:55 AM
Dear Melpointy
I'm so glad that everyone gave you encouragement to stay and that there would be someone else in your position. I'm sorry I haven't been on the message boards for awhile, but my illness has kept me off. I also have PTSD and Bipolar and had an abusive child on every level, physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and sexual. So anything you need to talk about honey it's not a problem.
I have had positive healing over time with the depression, since I was born again, however the suicidal thoughts are attacks from the enemy, which even though I promised God that I wouldn't have them any more, they still come and I still have to deal with the pain of taking action to get rid of them. I'm learning not to keep them secret anymore. I talk to someone, because they only have power when they're a secret. This Bipolar is hard work, and I've come to understand rather quickly how necessary support is, you literally can't do it alone. I have a husband and three kids. One of the earlier posts which detailed all the healthy things to do is important, but when you're going through hell one day the system goes out the window big style, and having someone pray for you to break the enemies stronghold is so important.
I'm sorry if this sounds a bit clinical honey, it's late at night here!! I'm exhausted from having an over stress filled day, but when I read you were looking for a christian going through the same chaos I just had to reach out and let you know you're not alone. My brother and his fiance are also on the same boat. I have to take the seroquel and prozac and xanax when needed, it's yet to be decided about anything else, where hoping if my husband gives up work to take care of me for awhile that I may not need anything else, that I will heal and be healthy through behaviour management and dealing with what pain is left to deal with.

My love and prayers will be with you constantly.

blessings and dreams ~ Linda:hug::thumbsup:

melpointy
Aug 9th 2008, 06:26 PM
Dear Melpointy
I'm so glad that everyone gave you encouragement to stay and that there would be someone else in your position. I'm sorry I haven't been on the message boards for awhile, but my illness has kept me off. I also have PTSD and Bipolar and had an abusive child on every level, physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and sexual. So anything you need to talk about honey it's not a problem.
I have had positive healing over time with the depression, since I was born again, however the suicidal thoughts are attacks from the enemy, which even though I promised God that I wouldn't have them any more, they still come and I still have to deal with the pain of taking action to get rid of them. I'm learning not to keep them secret anymore. I talk to someone, because they only have power when they're a secret. This Bipolar is hard work, and I've come to understand rather quickly how necessary support is, you literally can't do it alone. I have a husband and three kids. One of the earlier posts which detailed all the healthy things to do is important, but when you're going through hell one day the system goes out the window big style, and having someone pray for you to break the enemies stronghold is so important.
I'm sorry if this sounds a bit clinical honey, it's late at night here!! I'm exhausted from having an over stress filled day, but when I read you were looking for a christian going through the same chaos I just had to reach out and let you know you're not alone. My brother and his fiance are also on the same boat. I have to take the seroquel and prozac and xanax when needed, it's yet to be decided about anything else, where hoping if my husband gives up work to take care of me for awhile that I may not need anything else, that I will heal and be healthy through behaviour management and dealing with what pain is left to deal with.

My love and prayers will be with you constantly.

blessings and dreams ~ Linda:hug::thumbsup:

SoulAngel could I add you to my friend list or send me a request I am still new at this. I have some problems outside the home as well as in the home. We are dealing with financial issues (we built a house last year DH had great union trucking job and lost it 2wks into moving in) anyways its been rough he just got a job and we still cant pay now. So we are thinking of renting the house possibly out. We need to look more into it but I dont want to have to go into foreclosure or anything.

The other reason is it seems that my so called "birth family" (partial family were abuse was severe and started) gaves us this property and our pretty much next door and always in our business. Well to make a long story short an incident happened and we are getting it worked out but my pdoc cleared me upped my meds considered me stable but my "birth family" who I hardly know (long story) took it upon themselves to have a court order to have me evaluated. They dont speak to use (my family DH ME) first they just went behind my back. I wasnt doing anything to deserve that even the psych. at the hospital thought it was ridiclous gave me a note to see my pdoc again the next day and I have a not that says "I am stable any questions contact so and so". Okey probably confusing here but my birth mother had Major manic depression, and Schizophrena and severe abuse she was the 2nd to last of 18 children. She had a rough life and was a very hard case and something bad happened and our family (mostly me was put directly into foster care at 2yrs old) There was neglect before that as well while she was pregnant with my sister only 3 months after giving birth to me.

To shorten this up. I forgave my mom when I moved back in with the family (not by choice my adopted parents wouldnt let me back but another case of abuse and I had no where to live) so here I am all uncomfortable living with this family that all has serious issues and I just played the act but kinda felt there was no attachment because of all the pain. I didnt start having severe depression, PTSD, BPD, and bipolar until after I moved back there at age of 19. I know I was a depressed child but the foster family I grew up with I kinda had to play the role of BIG SISTER hide my feelings (stored them all up somehow probobly hidden in school work I was an obsessive studier and had almost all A's) There was never any attachment in this family neither except maybe my adopted dad who treated more like his own yes we quareled but he worked 70-80hrs a week so I didnt see him much.

Okey so now I am in this mess with my husband, child, myself and my birth family took it upon themselves to not come talk to me but just go get a so called "court order". Honestly I pretty stable right now considering the times I have had in the past. Its just after an incident that is being taken care of my birth family is treeating me like I am MY MOTHER (which I am no where near that like my cousin explained when we talked in the hospital because I dont recall alot but I know I lived in many homes even before being permantetly removed) SInce we have moved closer and DH and I have our own child they seem to want to control us even my own sister (who I though was my friend:cry:) anyways they would come over and say I am not taking the right meds (like they know anything about) or you are acting just like your mom did. Just stupid little things or that we are helping you out financially just to keep this place. This is where it needs to end. I think DH and I for our own peace of mind finincially we need to move, rent, sell whatever. Economy is bad we wont ask much just enough to cover the pmt. Then I figured we would move closer to DH real mom and my husband can find a job in TN, we can start over. No mess around. Both of my families (I never really felt a connection and they both keep hurting me). I just feel for my peace of mind I need to get away or I will always feel like they will try to take my son, do whatever they like (getting court orders without knowing anythng), or keep on attacking me about my condition. Total opposite of when we agreed to build here it was so they could help out but instead they are trying to rule over me and DH and start all of this mess.

Theres other stuff too but this needs to end here. I need to think about "My family" now and I asked DH since he suggested it anyways how he would feel leaving his dad behind and other few relatives (Most of his live south). He said he would miss them but there is an only 8hr difference in drive, we would visit etc. I just need to pray that I am doing this for the sake of my family and that its not just out of hurtfullness or anger (I'm more hurt then angry). This will never end. My adopted mother did her darndest to keep me away from that family all those years then she sends me back to them. Honestly I am so hurt and I dont wanna hurt anyone by leaving but for once in my life I need to think FOR MYSELF and not let anyone manipulate me or make me feel like a bad person for leaving. I just pray that God will take care or lead me in the right direction. We would have a temprory place to stay with his mom although tight cause its a trailor till they get there house set up until we can find a place to rent, or buy more or less rent cause its easier then buying right now because of the mortgage we have here its not even 1yr old yet but next month will be.

I'm sorry this is long and I havent been on in a few days but I have been really really feeling hurt. I need to move on, OUR FAMILY needs to move on, I need not let others manipulate me over this! DH being the head of the house as the bible would have it has decided. Yes its a big chance with the job situation, renting, etc and being so far away from everyone. I just want you guys to understand that right now I am scared and I dont trust too many people. Some might say we are runnning away but I see it as starting over. Let our family start over without all the chaous. Theres phone, internet, vacations, dvd videos home, and pic, plus vacation or whatever. If we have two cars working again I can take a trip whenever I feel the need.


Sorry so long but the confusion I am having in my heart is am I doing this to hurt someone or am I doing what best for my family. I know this decision is are's but I do not want God thinking I am trying to purposely hurt my family here but the distance my give a chance for healing.:pray::pray::pray::pray::pray:

melpointy
Aug 9th 2008, 06:33 PM
Not real relevant but MI, OH has a worse economy along with CA, so I am believing DH has a better chance of finding a driving job down in TN hopefully local or home a few days a week. The cost of living down there is much cheaper and I know we would be able to make ends meet alot better. This is one of the main reasons besides not being able to afford where we live. We cant sell the house because the market is so bad we are looking into more of a land contract/rent/lease/lease to buy etc. DH is going to talk to his old boss who has 30 years experience with this stuff so we know what we are getting into. I know the renting rates even around my area are low right now but for our 2330 sqft home, with full basement, 1.7 acres (no grass completely done yet I am hoping we can at least get what are mtg pmt is plus a little extra to pay the taxes). I dont want to be greedy we just need a way out of this mess. I pray God leads us in the right direction.;)

scourge39
Aug 9th 2008, 06:35 PM
This book should really minister to you:

Darkness Is My Only Companion: A Christian Response to Mental Illness by Kathryn Greene-McCreight

RoadWarrior
Aug 9th 2008, 07:28 PM
Hi Mel,

Good to see you. We have been praying for you! I'm glad you got the help you needed, two doctors helping you, that is good. In spite of the family insecurity, you are still doing the right things for yourself.

About moving, you need to do some planning. Can your doctor give you a referral to a doctor in that area where you will be going? You will need someone to evaluate your progress, you might need the meds adjusted from time to time.

:hug:

melpointy
Aug 9th 2008, 08:50 PM
This book should really minister to you:

Darkness Is My Only Companion: A Christian Response to Mental Illness by Kathryn Greene-McCreight


Thanks for the suggestion is it new or can it be found at the library. Kinda broke.:confused


Hi Mel,

Good to see you. We have been praying for you! I'm glad you got the help you needed, two doctors helping you, that is good. In spite of the family insecurity, you are still doing the right things for yourself.

About moving, you need to do some planning. Can your doctor give you a referral to a doctor in that area where you will be going? You will need someone to evaluate your progress, you might need the meds adjusted from time to time.



My new pdoc and even my old one (one cleared me at the hospital are both great) I choose to go with the newer one when the older one wouldnt change my meds they were not working at all and i wasnt sleeping, he wouldnt give me anythign for panic attacks etc.

anyways yes my new dr. is very friendly he is concerned alot about the past abuse and always ask me if i wake up frightened or have nightmares. usually i tell him no but now that i think about it i do wake up angry, or fearful at times just from naps or in the morning. In fact when the accident happened i was half asleep from napping and i just remember waking up in a rageful state of mind. it all happened so fast that i do wish to be back with my original therapist which cost a fortune but i wont take money from my parents anymore cause they rub it in etc. he really helped me with alot of rage issues that go way way way back before 2yrs old and after that. Major abuse, neglect, even after being adopted I was neglected emotionally. Yes this doctor understands spends a little more time then the other one but they are mainly for meds but he seems to delve a little deeper which is nice. I sure will when it gets closer to that time see if he can check around that area which we arent sure of yet as DH would have to get a job in the surrounding town by his mom since they kinda live in the boonies but major towns are only 12-20 minutes away. He has done more for me than any other doctor in just 5 months. He listens, he cares, its not like how are you....goood...okey see ya next month..seriously. I would probobly ask him to fax a copy of my meds so I can keep on my regimen and at the same time when we get down there which wont be for a while yet at least a couple months. DH told me and I agree to keep the moving to ourselves right now for good reason if you knew my two families. Like I mentioned I trust no one but God and my DH right now. THe trust I learned to build up under my therapist and DBT therapy has been broken. I have trust issues and I am right back to being guarded again.

Yes hun I am going to stay on my meds but the therapy is really more helpful then the meds ever are. I think its the PTSD that is more affecting me then the bipolar. Thats why they released me from the hospital because I was not manic, nor depressed, a little mad but I kept cool. I know alot of christians would disagree with the type of therpay my old therapist did because we did rage work, temper tantrums, chair work. It wasnt just talk therapy. Feelings in his opinion are stored in ever cell of our body even if our mind blocks out horrible memories we act them out sometimes in our current life the stuff we was holding back then.

But yes I am on SSDI that requires me to be at least with a Pdoc but its the therapy I need the most. I am looking for a DBT and got shot down when I went to the govt agency last Feb. It would have been free but I forgot there reason. The place has gone down hill. They have the therapy that would benefit me greatly but yet I was denied it. So I left that. Thats the place that treated my "birth mother" and they didnt do such a good job. She was diabetic and no one knew it so she ended up dying young at 57. I started out at that place when I was first forced to move in with my "birth dad" and "birth moms" house. I felt very uncomfortable but as before just played the act to get by. Thats when the feelings really started coming out and I couldnt work anymore I used to be a very good bank teller at a very busy credit union and all the sudden i couldnt do my work, messing up (which I was one of the fastest and friendliest, balanced daily) not trying make myslef look great but I was given many compliments. When I broke down at work it just kept getting worse and worse, they didnt know I was bipolar at the time and I was being switched from med to med to med I was really messed up. I had no choice but to get on disability thru my work. Later as things got worse even after my DH first got married I was hospitalized for 3 weeks. DH stood by my side the whole time. It just continued and I finally recommended by my therapist applied for disability and got it on the first try because I was so unable to work from complete breakdowns.

I have come a long way and I owe my therapist (whom I still trust) a lot of thanks. He may not be a christian (well that I know of) but he methods by some considered controversal by the christian community helped me tremendously. He has dropped past bills to help us out, cut his pmt, etc. I know he can only do so much so I dont want to ask for free therapy because that isnt right. Right now we are flat broke. I need him the most now and I am sure I can call him but he is a busy man and I hate to take up his time. I called him a month or so ago and he returned my call even after a 1.5 from seeing him. he talked to me on the phone for over 1/2 hr. I said I would love to come see you again he said he could reduce his fee to 125.oo I thought at the time DH could get the pay like he did before and we could squeeze it in but unfortunetly it didnt work out that way.

I never trusted many people and it took maybe 3 months to gain this mans trust. I will never forget him and I hope God blesses him for the help he did give me.
He was a gift from God for me:cry:I prayed for the Lord to send someone in my life to help me and He did although i had to not be prideful and my adoptive parents (mostly my dad paid my mother complained although they are hardly poor) i felt shameful asking for the money but God made it possible for a reason. This therapist plans on training other therapist in his methods for those with severe trauma in there lives it helped out tremdously. I'm crying as I am writing this because I just remembered I do TRUST someone else besides just DH.. I wanna call him but i feel like i am intruding. DH said maybe he can let you see him and pay later but I dont feel i could ask him to do that even in this hard terrifying time.

All I can say is I hope God leads me to someone when we move and that I can find a good therapist, somebody willing to do dialetical behavior therapy DBT also fairly new out there but effective. Teaches coping skills. I took his class (well his wife taught it twice and him once) so a total of three times. My binder is filled with notes of this stuff. I should go over them but I feel like that would be putting that in Front of God.

I ask God's forgiveness but in the last week or few days I havent read the bible much. I know I should but I feel so ashamed. cant concentrate on anything but my son and my family. I am crying as I am writing this because I know I will never find another therapist like him:cry::cry::cry::cry::cry: I pray he trains many and is laid back and not snotty like most therapist or they just tell you what to do etc..

Sorry cant talk about this anymore:cry::cry::cry:

RoadWarrior
Aug 9th 2008, 09:18 PM
Mel, take your time, you don't have to write or tell us anything at all, that you don't feel like saying.

There are many kinds of new therapies out there, I agree that if someone teaches you coping skills that is a good thing. You need that, because it puts the power in your own hands to take care of yourself. The more you know, the more you can try things out, see if they work, if not move on.

Going back over your notes from your therapy is not bad, don't worry, God can use the therapist and his knowledge to help you heal. If he gave you some good ideas, then go back to the notes and use them.

Sure you have a lot to overcome, but you can do it. Just keep on praying and trusting God, when you look at the notes, ask God to show you what He wants you to understand.

If you had a broken leg, you'd see a doctor to get it fixed. If you were diabetic (like your mom) then a doctor could help you learn how to manage the illness. My mom was diabetic, so she had to be careful how she ate, had to lose weight, etc., But she did what the doctor told her, and she lived to 92.

Same with a psych doctor or therapist, they specialize in the brain, so they can help you in dealing with all that.

If people here say things that seem wrong to you, just remember that everyone is in a different place. You have your own walk with Jesus, and you need to do what is right for yourself and helps you to grow.

:hug:

melpointy
Aug 9th 2008, 09:42 PM
Thanks yes I will try to go over my notes not quite the same as being in a group but I will ask God to point out the important parts.

Sorry its just DH had to work today he's been off all week and right now he is my main support. I hope he makes it home soon but I know its a long run so it wont be till 10pm or so:cry:

My "birth mom" passed away early 57 major heart attack, then she had um conjestive heart failure, then from the doctors mistakes she was put on the wrong heart meds and her kidneys just shut down. That was in 2000 when my problems broke out the most.

My adoptive mom is still alive but I cant talk to her I never could there is no attachment whatsoever. I visit but I am very guarded at what I say. They are good people but she was never very loving she came from Ireland and my dad said her parents were that way too. I was the Big sister to my other adopted siblings so I felt I had to stay tough for them. they still thank me for that.

I have split families and it all is too much anymore. the first time they met since DH decided to elope down south got married small wedding in baptist church. The wedding plans were too much and mom didnt want to help at all. I had a breakdown and DH understood but I got a lot of heat from my real sister.

What I need to ask God to help me with is the 2 people my SIL and my real sister that when we leave they wont have major breakdowns because they will think I am taking their nephew away out of revenge and I'm not the both have bipolar also and other disorders. I feel like I would blame myself if something happened but I hear my therapist saying that everyone is responsible for their own feelings. You cant make someone feel a certain way that is their choice. So I must remember that cause that is one of my worries.:confused

RoadWarrior
Aug 9th 2008, 09:55 PM
.... I hear my therapist saying that everyone is responsible for their own feelings. You cant make someone feel a certain way that is their choice. So I must remember that cause that is one of my worries.:confused

This is true, Mel, and it goes both ways. You have to make the choices that are good and healthy for yourself, only you and your hubby can make those decisions. I agree with him, not to talk about the possibilities of a move with your families until you know for sure what you are going to do. At this point, you don't yet know where God will lead, and you need to be "safe" in your planning, not have the interference of other people telling you what to do.

You can always stay in touch with your sisters, by phone, by internet. I live 3000 miles from my family, and I have one sister that I stay in touch with, every day we talk to each other. Sometimes I really miss my family, but I know that it was better for me when I made this move (almost 50 years ago!). Actually, it was God who worked things in my life to move me out here, but He knew what was best for me.

The very best thing you can do for your sisters and for the whole family, is to keep on working on your own health and well-being. As they see the growth in you, it will be a testimony and an example to them.

melpointy
Aug 9th 2008, 10:34 PM
This is true, Mel, and it goes both ways. You have to make the choices that are good and healthy for yourself, only you and your hubby can make those decisions. I agree with him, not to talk about the possibilities of a move with your families until you know for sure what you are going to do. At this point, you don't yet know where God will lead, and you need to be "safe" in your planning, not have the interference of other people telling you what to do.

You can always stay in touch with your sisters, by phone, by internet. I live 3000 miles from my family, and I have one sister that I stay in touch with, every day we talk to each other. Sometimes I really miss my family, but I know that it was better for me when I made this move (almost 50 years ago!). Actually, it was God who worked things in my life to move me out here, but He knew what was best for me.

The very best thing you can do for your sisters and for the whole family, is to keep on working on your own health and well-being. As they see the growth in you, it will be a testimony and an example to them.

You are so sweet and loving and I understand the distance issues yes that will be tough but like me and DH said most of the family travel back and forth anyways to kentucky and tennnesee for family renuions etc. Mostly on DH side though. So we plan on traveling up this way at least twice a year if not more depending on DH work cause we wont know yet.

This may sound funny and its just a joke but can you be my new mom...LOL:bounce:Sorry but you have meant alot to me and I never really had a Mom in so much as attachment or for advice. I think thats why I love DH family so much because I can talk to here and she doesnt judge me. She has a major fear of bugs and I believe she tells me the truth about her abusive past with DH father (he turned away from that though) he became a preacher but I believe her why lie about something like that. I think that may be where DH gets his anger he says he doesnt remember but we block things out. i do believe he is going to do some counseling if his work gives him the time..:rolleyes: Truck drivers work lots of hours:rolleyes:

PS: I was just kidding but your very nice and its nice to have someone to talk to about things. BTW I am 31...so you can laugh if you want me asking that. I'm just joking trying to cheer up.:kiss:

melpointy
Aug 9th 2008, 10:36 PM
Not really relevant but DH mom is divorced I think from like i said even though the truth gets twisted depending on who I talk to like his step mom. He was 12 or 13 when they divorced so I am sure that was hard on him even though he wont admit it.:rolleyes:

Sherrie
Aug 9th 2008, 10:40 PM
I found this website that discuss's some of the things you are mentioning.



Effective treatment is available for bipolar disorder. Without treatment, marital breakups, job loss, alcohol and drug abuse, and suicide may result from the chronic, episodic mood swings. The most significant treatment issue is noncompliance with treatment. Most individuals with bipolar disorder do not perceive their manic episodes as needing treatment, and they resist entering treatment. In fact, most people report feeling very good during the beginning of a manic episode, and don't want it to stop. This is a serious judgment problem. As the manic episode progresses, concentration becomes difficult, thinking becomes more grandiose, and problems develop. Unfortunately, the risk taking behavior usually results in significant painful consequences such as loss of a job or a relationship, running up excessive debts, or getting into legal difficulties. Many individuals with bipolar disorder abuse drugs or alcohol during manic episodes, and some of these develop secondary substance abuse problems.

http://www.psychologyinfo.com/depression/bipolar.htm

RoadWarrior
Aug 9th 2008, 11:16 PM
Mel, that is such a compliment about wanting me to be your mom, thank you! My children are older than you are, you are in between my children and my grandchilden, so age is no issue.

I don't know about being your mom, that is a really big responsibility! But I can surely be your friend. I am very glad if my posts have been helpful to you, I have been deeply touched by what you are going through. I tend to think that I "know enough to be dangerous" because I might give advice that is not right for the person. That is why I always like to encourage people to see their own doctor, establish a good rapport with the doctor so that if you start going out of balance, it only takes a phone call for him to correct meds in between visits if necessary.

When you are on meds, it is very important for someone to be able to watch what is happening, and give you feedback. You might not be able to tell when you are going into a manic phase or a depressive phase, but someone who sees you everyday will be more likely to see it. In your case, your hubby is proably the one who will learn to "see it coming" when you start to shift. So it is good that you have him, and he loves you, and you trust him.

As you get better, you will feel that you don't need the meds (like in the article Moonglow referenced) but it is not safe to drop them. When you feel like a change is needed, call the doctor if it is for less, or for more. Gradually you will learn how to stay on an even keel. He can tell you how to step down safely, if you feel you are getting too much of something.

Just like a diabetic needs the right amount of insulin, you also need the right amount of medicines that you take. Your doctor will be the best judge of that, but he will go a lot by what you tell him.

I can tell when my friend starts into a manic phase because she starts putting lots of !!! in her emails to me. Then I ask her about how she is feeling. Over time, she has learned to listen to her feelings. There are also things she knows that she needs to do, in order to stay in the middle of the road. You might have some of these things in your notes.

Here are the "four legs of the stool", which a stool needs all four legs or it will fall down.

1. Eat right.
2. Get the right amount of exercise. (vacuuming, dusting, making beds is all exercise, walking or swimming is good, hand weights are nice to keep near your TV-watching chair.)
3. Get enough sleep. You need to have one day out of seven that is a rest day, just like the Lord gave the Sabbath to the Israelites, we also need a Sabbath. The meaning is to have rest. Get all your housework or whatever done before that day, so you can spend it just enjoying your family and worshipping together.
4. Eliminate as much stress out of your life as you can do. Some stress we all have, but learn how to say no to things that won't be emotionally healthy for you, and learn how to walk away from tense situations.


You mentioned that you were joking, trying to cheer up. That is good, find things to laugh about. I love my husband so much, and what first attracted me to him was that he liked to laugh, and he makes me laugh. Laughter is good and healthy for us. Put on a funny cartoon and laugh with your baby. He is so cute! And nothing is greater than a little kid for making you laugh when they do cute things.

melpointy
Aug 9th 2008, 11:54 PM
I found this website that discuss's some of the things you are mentioning.




http://www.psychologyinfo.com/depression/bipolar.htm

Thank you but yes I am well informed of all that stuff.
BTW I am bipolar II which is less serious I have a mixed episode which requires different treatments but thanks for mentioning.:hug:

melpointy
Aug 10th 2008, 12:10 AM
Mel, that is such a compliment about wanting me to be your mom, thank you! My children are older than you are, you are in between my children and my grandchilden, so age is no issue.

I don't know about being your mom, that is a really big responsibility! But I can surely be your friend. I am very glad if my posts have been helpful to you, I have been deeply touched by what you are going through. I tend to think that I "know enough to be dangerous" because I might give advice that is not right for the person. That is why I always like to encourage people to see their own doctor, establish a good rapport with the doctor so that if you start going out of balance, it only takes a phone call for him to correct meds in between visits if necessary.

When you are on meds, it is very important for someone to be able to watch what is happening, and give you feedback. You might not be able to tell when you are going into a manic phase or a depressive phase, but someone who sees you everyday will be more likely to see it. In your case, your hubby is proably the one who will learn to "see it coming" when you start to shift. So it is good that you have him, and he loves you, and you trust him.

As you get better, you will feel that you don't need the meds (like in the article Moonglow referenced) but it is not safe to drop them. When you feel like a change is needed, call the doctor if it is for less, or for more. Gradually you will learn how to stay on an even keel. He can tell you how to step down safely, if you feel you are getting too much of something.

Just like a diabetic needs the right amount of insulin, you also need the right amount of medicines that you take. Your doctor will be the best judge of that, but he will go a lot by what you tell him.

I can tell when my friend starts into a manic phase because she starts putting lots of !!! in her emails to me. Then I ask her about how she is feeling. Over time, she has learned to listen to her feelings. There are also things she knows that she needs to do, in order to stay in the middle of the road. You might have some of these things in your notes.

Here are the "four legs of the stool", which a stool needs all four legs or it will fall down.

1. Eat right.
2. Get the right amount of exercise. (vacuuming, dusting, making beds is all exercise, walking or swimming is good, hand weights are nice to keep near your TV-watching chair.)
3. Get enough sleep. You need to have one day out of seven that is a rest day, just like the Lord gave the Sabbath to the Israelites, we also need a Sabbath. The meaning is to have rest. Get all your housework or whatever done before that day, so you can spend it just enjoying your family and worshipping together.
4. Eliminate as much stress out of your life as you can do. Some stress we all have, but learn how to say no to things that won't be emotionally healthy for you, and learn how to walk away from tense situations.


You mentioned that you were joking, trying to cheer up. That is good, find things to laugh about. I love my husband so much, and what first attracted me to him was that he liked to laugh, and he makes me laugh. Laughter is good and healthy for us. Put on a funny cartoon and laugh with your baby. He is so cute! And nothing is greater than a little kid for making you laugh when they do cute things.

U are a friend for sure. Yeah I meant it as a joke..:lol:

I always take my meds and that is the one reason I switched doc's in the last few months because my seroqual just quit I was up there and I couldnt sleep. I begged him to change my meds I also took trileptal (tegretol revised) but I felt it made me worse. He wouldnt listen. So I went looking. Went to my sisters pdoc...LOL the lady told me I was too bad of a case for her to take. I took it personally but she said you need a case managment meaning govt mental health facility so since DH was unemployed I tried there. It really changed its literally a joke and the one thing they had going there I asked my case-manger (so called therapist) if I could get into the DBT Dialetical Behavior Therapy. I cant remember the reason but it was NO. I am like look this stuff really helped me I took the course with my therapist like 3 times. The psychiatrist there was nice but I knew it wasnt going to work when she said she doesnt prescribe more then 2 meds. Both of them didnt work.

Long story short. Went back to the Center I was at talked to one of my girlfriends that works there and she highly recommended the doctor I am currently with so I really praise God as he seems to listen to me. DH met him and really likes him too. Like you mentioned earlier hopefully he knows a referrel down that way so when we do move that I can stay on my current medication. (wellbutrin,lamictal,seroqual,ativan,ambien) Good combo so far especially since monday he doubled the lamictal which is really good for bipolar depression (which I mostly get) I only go hypo manic maybe 1-3 weeks or at most a 2 months a year. Usually around Christmas with spending.:o

God has been good to me when I pray and ask for the right help. If my friend wouldnt have recommended that doctor then I was going to stick with the one I had. Who wasnt bad but more like stick with what your on. etc...No anxiety meds, etc (I get panic attacks at time and got one in church one day i was so embarassed) so he has been helpful and listening especially regarding the PTSD. HE always asks me about nightmares??? Most the time I sleep so deeply I dont remember my dreams but I do get them occassionally. I thought that was weird at first but then I knew he was a good doc cause PTSD and nightmares go togther in some cases.:eek:

About eating: I am overweight but I dont eat much Insulin Resistance from my PCOS plus we are really tight so I stick to protein shakes, cheese, all the wrong foods just to make ends meet right now. It will get better once we get back on track. I just make sure the baby gets the best food cause he is still growing. DH agrees (he literally could eat mac and cheese daily LOL)

About Stress: Well money wise we only did good last year. then the union laid my husband off from a good job. This was 2 weeks into moving into our new home. DH used up all his unemployment (lost another good job hauling fuel because I was having a bad day he couldnt find a babysitter in time and he said he would be there as soon as he could he explained the situation) the guy literally told him its your family or your job. DH said heck with you! He still got unemployment after that because of the situation it was unlawful under medical act to fire him. But he was new. (Now his friend is getting fired over one mistake there been there 6 yrs one mistake) terrible.
The job he has now if fairly new and they have really been working with him. His boss is a lady and she understands the whole thing. We are sure since its by the mile that he wont make 1/2 what he did before but that is another reason we may have to move with this economy. With the baby when I need help I ask for it. I usually know but most of the time if I get a break I am fine. My son is a funny and laughable, energetic, little 17 month old. (so there's my excercise...lol)

I did by a nordic track eliptical but have yet used it. Procrastination I guess. Just waiting for the right time as I know I will need to start of slow cause of the meds, being out of shape, my pinched nerve in my thigh thats why i bought that machine cause it wont pinch that nerve case its up and down some instead of just flat on my feet where the nerve goes thru the pelvis. I used to swim since I was 8 thru high school I would love to again when I get the chance. I fear public because scars.

About sleep. Doing lot better now I am a bit of a night owl but thats from years of not working. When I need to get up for my son I make sure I take my meds at 12pm so I can lay down at 1am. Doing better now thanks to the new doctor.

servant of Lord
Aug 10th 2008, 01:26 AM
:hug: Hi Mel :D


Girl I am so glad to see you today..I have missed you very much.

I have missed alot since you have been back with us.
I see that you are praying about some decisons to be made. I will pray with you on that..that you know that you know what the will of God is..

May I say that Please, if you ever need anyone to talk to..please feel free ..I am not a proffessional..but I can listen. I care . I want you to know this. you have been in my prayers and on my mind sinse the day I met you on here..Road Warrior cares so much about you..and God does too..and your husband sounds like a very nice loving husband who loves you very much..so, please know that we are here..

I declare that you are a overcomer..that you and the dh will be restored to wholeness in finaces..and that you will know that you know what the will of God is for you all..and that healing is taking place..and that you will be set free from all pain that others have caused by their sickness..and that forgiveness would breakthrough all..and that you will continue to walk in the power and annoiting of the Holy Spirit..that Your son would be raised for the call of God and that peace would be abounding all the days of your life..In Jesus Name..

love, christiana

Soulangel
Aug 10th 2008, 06:02 AM
Hi Lovely Lady:)
The time zone from down under to where you are makes a big difference to when I can post! I've sent a friends request, I'm new to all of that too, but worked it out and sent a private message, so I hope it all worked out. I just caught up on all the other messages and concur that keeping your business private is so important. I understand how difficult that can be when you love the Lord and you have the heart of God because you tend to trust and love really easily, only to find that others do not reciprocate that love and trust - a.k.a. your family taking all the action that they did against you. Yes, the Lord has us forgive them, however He also teaches us to be as gentle as dove and as cunning as fox - also be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves. Also Matthew 9:18-22, Mark 5:21-34 (same story more detail) The point being made here is that if we go to Jesus we will be healed.
You are most correct that the PTSD brings nightmares, but that is the enemy attacking you in your sleep. I found when I started the seroquel and I gained self confidence that in my nightmares when I am going through a manic stage I stick up for myself in the nightmare i.e. become confident and take charge instead of being afraid. I think this stems from taking time to journal each day and read my bible a bit at a time, but it takes time to build that strength and I've no doubt you will understand exactly what I mean. I'm nowhere near having this as a consistent as yet.
You are doing a fantastic job in seeing where you need to be and have a wonderful supportive husband. My husband looked up the scripture references for you, he also is very supportive of me. Helped me through all the crisis I went through with my family.
Talk soon, love and hugs, blessings and dreams ~ Linda xoxo

melpointy
Aug 12th 2008, 01:09 AM
I will have to PM you Soulangel as I just typed along post and lost it:mad::mad: hit a button wrong. Dumb computers.

melpointy
Aug 12th 2008, 01:11 AM
Now why I now I am OCD cause usually I copy and paste to my notepad so I dont loose post's but i didnt this time..shucks.

Well I gotta eat. Be back soon.;)

HyPhYlUyA
Aug 12th 2008, 03:22 AM
Hi Mel,
I found this site is encouraging and informative:
http://www.allaboutprayer.org/

God bless you!

melpointy
Aug 12th 2008, 11:21 AM
Pleae prray for me as i havnet sleep in days,. I cnar og manic or else i will loose him.

TOO MUCH sress: heck didnt even email my mmo a bdy card

Okeymwya opills

Pills kicking int going to lay donw.

I gotta find a way to relax, even the hard core anixiety med sarent working. So pelase pray:pray:

RoadWarrior
Aug 12th 2008, 03:05 PM
Mel, you need to get your Bible out and start focusing on the Lord. Are you depending on meds to calm you, instead of Him? Go to Him in prayer, ask Him to give you peace in the middle of the situation.

There are many places in the Bible where it says to REJOICE in the Lord but the one most of us know best is Philippians 4.

Read this and memorize it, say it over and over again to yourself when you feel the stress. Don't let the stress win, Jesus is LORD over your situation. He will see you through it, but you have to keep your eyes on Him and not on the situation.

Php 4:4-9
4 Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!
5 Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand.
6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy meditate on these things. 9 The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.
NKJV

melpointy
Aug 14th 2008, 03:21 AM
Mel, you need to get your Bible out and start focusing on the Lord. Are you depending on meds to calm you, instead of Him? Go to Him in prayer, ask Him to give you peace in the middle of the situation.

There are many places in the Bible where it says to REJOICE in the Lord but the one most of us know best is Philippians 4.

Read this and memorize it, say it over and over again to yourself when you feel the stress. Don't let the stress win, Jesus is LORD over your situation. He will see you through it, but you have to keep your eyes on Him and not on the situation.

Php 4:4-9
4 Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!
5 Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand.
6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy meditate on these things. 9 The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.
NKJV

Thanks for the passages God is there. I feel HIM. Today I went outside briefly and looked at the sky and thanked him for the coming rain as we need it. I thanked him for bringing me to meet my mom and that I know she is looking over me.

This is my healing time. I have the bible in my heart. Yes I do read but I do need to keep calm. Can you read if you are crying, I am lead to listen to worship music.

Probably didnt mention I have music running through me head constantly so I turn a worship station on. It helps me stay calm. It heals my soul too. God speaks in many ways....David rejoiced and danced before the Lord.

I do appreciate the scriptures right now my heart is broken i am doing what it take to keep myself healthy and sane....:pp

I have heard Michael W. Smith today and cried as I grew up with his music.........Friends are Friends forever if the Lords the Lord of them........My Place in this world...I like newer christian. I do like the oldies too but the newer stuff touches my heart. I am only 30;)

God bless. I get my son friday. Pray please for me:kiss:

melpointy
Aug 14th 2008, 03:23 AM
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.


I'm praying for release of anxiety but why attack the meds again. Right now I missed my pills today my ativan and i am going to take one cause I have chest pains.

I'm stressed why doesnt anyone understand. I write I biography but I trust no one but THE LORD

Real easy to say i am not worshipping. Are you not in my home?? My chest hurts.....in fact I think thanks yu just reminded me to take my pills nightime..LOL the Lord works in misterous ways.

Be Kind I'm doing my best. Only the Lord Knows My Heart right now. He know's it's breaking...think of what my mom went through for 16 years of not seeing her daughter.....She is looking down on me saying good job daughter....you may just do this better then me....We are alike though we didnt know each other long......The Lord knows the heart not anyone else.

I may read some tonight. I like Job i used to read it in the hospital. He went thru all the trials but still loved the lord.

melpointy
Aug 14th 2008, 03:30 AM
Hi Mel,
I found this site is encouraging and informative:
http://www.allaboutprayer.org/

God bless you!


thanks i bookmarked it.;)

RoadWarrior
Aug 14th 2008, 03:33 AM
I'm praying for release of anxiety but why attack the meds again. Right now I missed my pills today my ativan and i am going to take one cause I have chest pains.

I'm stressed why doesnt anyone understand. I write I biography but I trust no one but THE LORD:cry:

Mel, take the pills as you need them. No one is telling you not to take the meds that you need, at least I sure hope they are not because that would be wrong. I understand that you are stressed. What can I do? Only pray for you, and trust in the Lord.

And I pray that you also will do the same. Find Bible verses like these and memorize them. Take the meds when you need them, and take the Bible verses at the same time. Play the Christian music that you love best, do that which is good and helpful for you.

It is very late for you now, I hope you can get to bed and sleep well tonight. :pray:

Sherrie
Aug 14th 2008, 03:52 AM
Are you taking the Ativan for insomnia or for aggitation?

Still praying for you Sis.