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Lady Ashanti
Sep 8th 2008, 08:11 PM
We, as Christians, may need to re-examine our foundational beliefs because any time you are building something, if the foundation is flawed, the whole structure will eventually crumble.

There are many ways that the foundation of marriage can be faulty, and we can look at some of these, but right now I would just like to look at some of what we have been taught in the church that causes the foundation to be flawed.

In some churches, we have been taught, [directly, or indirectly, it doesn’t matter], that the role of the husband is to dominate his wife. We have been taught that the wife has a natural proclivity to try to rule her husband. We have been taught that they are to both “leave father and mother” in order to “cleave” to one another. We have been taught that the woman caused the fall of mankind by eating the fruit. And we have been taught that only the wife has to submit. Saints, none of these myths are completely accurate!

Now, the reason it is important to break up this false foundation because it causes the couple, [especially the man], to enter into a marriage on shaky ground, guarded, without complete trust for one another other.

If he believes these teachings, he will enter the marriage warring against his wife. He will not respect her judgment, therefore ignoring her opinions, and advice. He will feel he is the only one she is to get counsel from, while thinking that adhering to her warnings is allowing her to control him, and to set him up for a fall. He will value the advice from all others regarding his decisions in life, while not consulting with the one he is sharing his life with. This is a trick of the enemy!!! Also, many wives have been abused in the name of submission.

Since we all agree that Jesus came to deliver us from the curse of the law…Galatians 3: 13, and to bring us back into our original intent in God, then we must look at the Lord’s original intent in Genesis 1: 27-31.


Correcting Myths

Let’s break these teachings down and look at each one individually:

1-the woman caused the fall of mankind by eating the fruit…
2-the husband is to dominate the wife...
3-the wife has a natural proclivity to try to rule her husband…
4-they are to both “leave father and mother” …
5-we have been taught that only the wife has to submit…
6-the Lord will give you a mate when you no longer need one…

“The woman caused the fall of mankind by eating the fruit”…first of all, the Lord never gave the commandment not to eat of the tree of good and evil to the woman, He gave it to the man before the woman was created…Genesis 2: 15-18. In verse 16, the Lord commanded the man, and afterwards He said it was not good that man should be alone.

The woman was nowhere around when the commandment was given. Also, nowhere in scripture does the Lord attribute the fall of mankind to Eve, only to Adam…Romans 5: 12, 18-19, and I Corinthians 15: 21-22. Scripture teaches that Eve was deceived…I Timothy 2: 14, but Adam disobeyed…Romans 5: 19. So Eve has gotten a “bad rap” for generations.

“The husband is to dominate the wife”… Now in order to completely understand this scripture…Genesis 3: 16, we must look at the original meaning of the word “rule”. The Hebrew word rule means to govern- [to direct, influence, guide], to lead, but it also means to shepherd, to be first in rank.

The husband is to be a servant-leader, as well as, the first in rank, in the marriage. His role is one of governing, guiding, directing, having influence, and shepherding his wife, and family. There is nothing in these definition that suggests domination. And for the privilege of leadership comes responsibility, which we will see in I Corinthians.

In order to fully understand this scripture, we have to couple Genesis 3: 16 with I Corinthians 11: 4-6…where we are told the man is the “head“, of the woman, and her “covering”. Now, we have taken this word “head” to mean leadership, but that is not quite accurate in this scripture. The actual definition in the Greek means “the part most readily taken hold of, or seized as in battle”. This word actually means first line of defense.

Then the word “covering” in this scripture means “to wholly/completely cover, conceal, protect, or hide…to be covered daily by relationship or joining“. The Lord has ordained for women to have a natural male covering in this earth realm, to symbolize the covering authority set up by God. But remember the word “covering” also means to hide, [as a shield]. So part of the husband’s covering is to protect her, as well as, to govern, and shepherd her.

These scriptures have nothing to do with husbands dominating their wives, or wives being so incompetent that they shouldn’t have any involvement in the making of decisions in a marriage. They were both created to dominate, but not each other.

“The wife has a natural proclivity to try to rule her husband”… This is the most damaging “myth” as I see it, because it causes division. Genesis 3:16 doesn’t appear to say this at all, and even in a stretch, I couldn’t see how anyone came to believe that this scripture is saying that a woman would desire to rule men, or her husband.

Also, when I looked up the original interpretation, the definition was completely different from what I had been taught, so at first, I couldn’t figure out where it came from. Then I heard something on the radio that helped me see the confusion.

A pastor was quoting Genesis 3: 16, and he translated the definition of the word desire from the Arabic, when it is not from that language, but should be translated from the Hebrew/Chaldean!!!

The Hebrew word desire in Genesis 3:16 means “to long, to crave, to stretch out after, to delight in”, [which is also similar to the definition for worship], but it also means to choose. The Lord said a wife’s desire, [longing, craving, stretching out for, choosing], will be for her husband, in a sense, her “worship” will be for her husband. This is why Paul could tell wives in Ephesians 5: 22, submit as unto the Lord, and in I Peter 3: 6...calling him lord. According to God, a wife’s desire toward her husband should be second only to her worship of Him.

“They are to both leave father and mother” …This is not what the scripture teaches. Genesis 2: 24 reads…“Therefore shall a man leave his father, and mother, and be joined to his wife, and they two shall become one flesh. [Also in Matthew 19: 5, and Mark 10: 7-8]. First of all, the scripture is gender specific, [the references to “man”, and “his”], and we know this because a woman cannot have a wife, she is the wife.

The purpose of this separation is loyalty, the man cannot have anyone over him any longer except the Lord, [I Corinthians 11: 3], so he can properly lead his family. Also, the wife has to be able to take her proper place in her own family, and with her own children, [because of the wife’s desire for her husband according to Genesis 3: 16, generally there is not a problem with her loyalties to her immediate family].

How many have disobeyed this scripture? How many times do we have mothers running their son’s household, and husbands putting their mother, and her advice before that of their wives? How many times have wives separated from their parents, while the husband has incorporated their mother into the marriage. Out of order…people…poor foundation, which will crumble.

“We have been taught that only the wife has to submit” … Scripture teaches that ultimately the husband does make the final decisions in the family, and if the wife disagrees then her stance should be one of submission. Scripture also teaches that we are to “submit one to another”…Ephesians 5: 21.

We should also understand what the definition of submission is, it means to yield. Submitting does not mean that one cannot voice an opposing, or different opinion in a situation. It means in the case of varying views, one person yields to the authority of another, allowing his view to prevail, without conflict. Also, no one can force another person to submit, because then it is not submission, but oppression. Submission is voluntary…and should be equally shared. No one is absolutely correct all the time, and this is where humility comes into place in a marriage.

“The Lord will give you a mate when you no longer need one“… Now, why would the Lord do that? Why would the Lord give you anything you do not need, especially a human being? How do we “handle” things we feel we do not need? To my knowledge, we do not value anything we do not feel we need, at the very least; we neglect it, [or them]. So we are taught that the Lord will put someone in a lifelong relationship with a person that they feel they do not need anyway. Hmmm…

In Genesis 2: 18, when the Lord said it is not good for man to be alone, Adam was perfectly made, [a living soul], he was complete within himself, [the Lord took the woman out of Adam], and he had perfect fellowship with the Lord, [everyday the Lord would walk with him in the cool of the day], and still the Lord felt Adam needed a mate, someone outside of himself, and apart from the Lord Himself, to companion with.

Scripture teaches that “woman was made for man”…I Corinthians 11: 9, and in I Timothy 2: 15, it teaches that the woman shall be saved “through childbearing”. Then why is it that women are thought of as unspiritual if they desire marriage, and children? In the Old Testament, when women desired marriage, and family, the Lord didn’t rebuke them as unspiritual, but granted their request.

In Philippians 4: 9 reads…“God shall supply all your needs“…, He supplies needs, saints!

Although Jesus said in Matthew 5: 20 that our righteousness had to exceed that of the scribes and Pharisees, we totally disregard their views on certain topics, [such as marriage], and lean more toward the beliefs of other religions, and society, in relation to Christian marriages. Marriage is a natural manifestation of a spiritual union, which is to represent Christ, and His church in this earth realm.

Now, this is not an attempt to debate the beliefs of anyone’s doctrine, leader, or the Lord’s Divine order. I just want to destroy some of the myths that keep the people of the Lord from becoming one in a union that is to represent the “face of God” in this earth realm.

Grace, and Peace...