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Kelly12345
Sep 14th 2008, 10:08 PM
Hey everyone.

I am new here. First post!

I have a story I'd like to share with you all and hopefully some of you may be able to give me some advice.

I'm 19 years old and In April I started going to a Tech School. Ever since I was 15, my dream always was to find the love of my life and get married. Of course, I want my relationship to be amazing and from God. In high-school I never dated and would tell boys "no" when they would ask me out. I always wanted to wait for the right man.

So, In April I started tech school. There was this young man probably between the ages of 20-22. He spotted me first in the parking lot. I was putting my books in my car, getting ready to head home. As he walked pass me, he said, "Hey." I didn't reply because I was thinking to myself, "No one ever speaks to me! Do I know him?" He got into his vehicle and left. A week later as I was walking out of my class to go to my next one he walked out in front of me, stopped and stared and as I got closer, he started walking right in front of me with his body turned toward me and he was just staring into my eyes for several seconds but he didn't say anything to me. I prayed for God to send him back near to me.

About two weeks later, I was walking out of my tech school to go home on the entrance/exit strip. As I was leaving a young unfamiliar young man was walking into the school zoning me out. He walked past me and finally waved, we had prolonged eye contact but I didn't wave back because I didn't know how to act. As I walked further away, I realized, "That was the same guy who stared at me in the hallway and said hey in the parking lot!" I had seen him from afar talking to military recruiters a few weeks prior. His head was shaved and I guess he was going to withdrawal.

I feel so stupid for not knowing how to act. I haven't seen his since may. I am killing myself at the moment because he was everything I find attractive. He was quiet, he seemed sweet and he had the most beautiful brown eyes and tan complexion. I ask God all the time if my opportunity with this guy is over and if I've totally ruined it. I've asked God to put him back in my life but Friday was my last day at this school. In January I start a University for Journalism.

I always wonder if I've ruined my destiny. I always comfort myself with, "What's meant to be will be." But, I don't know where God is at this moment. I've never been with a guy and I've never been in love. I feel as if my chances are ruined. Will God send him back to me? I know that no situation is too big nor small for our Lord but I don't know if God is mad at me.

Thank you for any advice!

-Kelly

xSTEADFASTx
Sep 14th 2008, 10:12 PM
i wouldnt say that God's mad at you.

Kelly12345
Sep 14th 2008, 10:16 PM
i wouldnt say that God's mad at you.


But, I'm afraid I didn't take advantage of something that could haver been amazing because I was so inexperienced and didn't know how to act...

faroutinmt
Sep 14th 2008, 10:18 PM
Don't worry yourself about it, Kelly. God is much bigger than that. He is able to bring you back together.

But...I hope that nice eyes, tan skin, and quietness at first impression isn't what constitutes all that you hope for in a man. After all, you never even talked to him. Maybe he's a lunatic and God spared you from him. :D

BrckBrln
Sep 14th 2008, 11:50 PM
I'm one of those people who think that what is is your destiny. Meaning if you don't end up with the man then that was your destiny. So don't beat yourself over it, if you see him again you know what to do and if you don't see him then just move on and pray you find another good man. That's my advice anyway.

Revinius
Sep 15th 2008, 02:47 AM
He could have been an non-christian tempting you, you don't know. If God wants it, it will happen.

You are still MUCH younger than many other singles on this forum, so be comforted in knowing you got plenty of time to witness Gods providence.

Kelly12345
Sep 15th 2008, 03:53 AM
He could have been an non-christian tempting you, you don't know. If God wants it, it will happen.

You are still MUCH younger than many other singles on this forum, so be comforted in knowing you got plenty of time to witness Gods providence.

I'm not sure. It just hurts to think that it could have been the answer to my prayers and I didn't take the opportunity. But, I am sooo inexperienced that I didn't even know how to act. One of my family friends (also Christian) said that it could have been "a step towards the goal." And that next time something happens similar to this that I should take advantage of it. I know. It's hard because I feel like I'll NEVER know. I keep Asking God but he seems so silent.

CoffeeCat
Sep 15th 2008, 05:16 AM
Kelly :hug: It's alright. If there's one thing I've learned about loving someone, it's that God steps in and turns our lives around when we least suspect. He's just waiting for us to give our future to HIM.... He'll shape it, and hand it back so much more beautiful than we could ever make for ourselves. All in time. And I understand wanting to be with someone. But if it hasn't happened quite yet, then maybe that's God's response -- "not yet!" I know in the next few years you'll have many chances to meet new people... or run into old people. But please remember.... no need to jump into a relationship JUST to have one. Always make sure that he loves God, and that he's treating you AND others the way a young man SHOULD treat others.

(For the record, I'm 22, I dated a non-Christian for over 3 and a half years and he recently gave his life to Christ.... this month will be 4 years for us. It's really, REALLY hard being with someone who DOESN'T share your faith.... I was just very, very blessed that God had mercy on us and turned us both around. Do yourself a favour, though, and start off ANY relationship with God's blessing on it. :) )

Also.... give yourself this time right now to just enjoy being 19! You'll never have this chance again! Get closer to Christ, get involved in a campus ministry at your new university.... this is the time to seize.

And no, I SURE don't think God would be mad at you for anything you described. :hug:

Athanasius
Sep 15th 2008, 06:07 AM
You didn't screw anything up. If God wants it to happen, it will happen. Here's a little snyposis of my relationships and where I'm at now:

(1) Girlfriend --> 3 year relationship
(2) Split up
(3) Single --> 2 years (hated it)
(4) School in the UK --> Alright, English girls! (loves the thought)
(5) [God speaking] Jeremy... I think you should be with this person
(6) Jeremy's in a relationship
(7) Jeremy's going to the UK

Everyone thinks Jeremy is an idiot for getting into a relationship right before going to the UK. Doesn't matter if I say, 'God spo...' I'm going to get flak. From everyone.

Oh, I've rambled. Take the advice of those above: don't worry about what's happened. If God desires it, you'll see it come to pass.

Revinius
Sep 15th 2008, 06:47 AM
I'm not sure. It just hurts to think that it could have been the answer to my prayers and I didn't take the opportunity. But, I am sooo inexperienced that I didn't even know how to act. One of my family friends (also Christian) said that it could have been "a step towards the goal." And that next time something happens similar to this that I should take advantage of it. I know. It's hard because I feel like I'll NEVER know. I keep Asking God but he seems so silent.

The answer to your prayers is Christ, He is your husband. You should be engaging with others and showing them yourself (and Christ), but a man is not the goal of life.

Kelly12345
Oct 13th 2008, 05:25 PM
The answer to your prayers is Christ, He is your husband. You should be engaging with others and showing them yourself (and Christ), but a man is not the goal of life.


I know that a man is not the goal of life. Companionship however is a part of life and I'm afraid I just missed out. I've always prayed to meet a guy and this guy liked me and I feel like I was to dumb to even see and notice it. When humans make mistakes and then show God and pray how does God react?

Revinius
Oct 14th 2008, 02:46 AM
Is God in control? Is the same God that made mountains and breathed stars to life somehow now unable to bring you a husband? Ofcourse not!!! It's preposterous to even think that way (although we do).

We fear the unknown, we fear uncertainty, but what we need to realise is that when we are with God there should be no fear. Any fear that is not fear of Him is irrational if He has our back. :)

Also, you don't even know if this guys is christian, and it is unlikely he is.

Athanasius
Oct 14th 2008, 05:45 AM
I know that a man is not the goal of life. Companionship however is a part of life and I'm afraid I just missed out. I've always prayed to meet a guy and this guy liked me and I feel like I was to dumb to even see and notice it. When humans make mistakes and then show God and pray how does God react?

You're only 19 years old, you have plenty of time left to "find" a guy.

Chimon
Oct 17th 2008, 11:06 PM
I always wonder if I've ruined my destiny. I always comfort myself with, "What's meant to be will be." But, I don't know where God is at this moment. I've never been with a guy and I've never been in love. I feel as if my chances are ruined. Will God send him back to me? I know that no situation is too big nor small for our Lord but I don't know if God is mad at me.

Kelly, I know that feeling. I found girl who was a most wonderful thing since sliced bread. We dated for three years, and had an awesome relationship. I was planning to purpose, and bought a engagement ring. However, as I was preparing to purpose, I noticed she seemed more and more distant from God. We talked about God less, and when I brought up spiritual things, she was uninterested. Over the next few months, our relationship feel apart, and eventually she told me that she didn't think she needed God as long as she had me.

I was crushed. I dated her in the first place because she was an awesome Christian girl. By the end, she was idolizing me. I refused to be her idol, and we ended the relationship. I had prayed the crap out of this relationship, and I had felt sure she was the girl I was supposed to marry. I felt like I had ruined God's plan for my life. I wasn't sure what I had done in the relationship to lead it down such a path, but I had several ideas.



But the thing is, God is way smarter than us, and his plans aren't foiled by the decisions we make. God plans for us to make mistakes, and he has a plan in place to deal with out mistakes and turn them into good things.

God knows everything that will happen. He has no plan B's. God has planned to compensate for every mistake you will ever make in your life. Seek to follow him sincerely, and He will guide you towards the right path. Sincere faith is not enough to be right all the time, but God will use it to slowly correct you where you are wrong.

If God has placed a desire for a Godly man in your life, he will provide for you. If man you are interested in is pulled away from you, it's because God has someone even better. I believe that God orchestrated for me to break up with my girlfriend because he has a better match for each of me AND for her.

Perhaps God has brought this guy and these feelings into your life so that you can be more comfortable with a guy liking you and start working on interacting more comfortably with guys you like, so that, when your future husband comes on the scene, you will be more prepared to have a positive dating experience.

Perhaps God will have you and this man date in order to sharpen each of you in Christ, but will have you break up.

Perhaps he is your future husband. If so, you can't screw up the relationship by being awkward.



Also, I suggest reading the book Boundaries (http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454)by Cloud and Townsend. It will likely help all of your relationships, romantic or otherwise.

Please feel free to PM me or email me if you have questions or want to talk about it further at all.

EaglesWINGS911
Oct 19th 2008, 10:17 PM
Hey hon, don't sweat it. The guy could or could not be "the one". Best thing to do is just be open and friendly to guys..if the guy comes back, talk to him, just be yourself. If he doesn't, no big deal, it wasn't meant to be. I've also been in your shoes before and I know how hard that is. It will be ok though *hugs*

Kelly12345
Oct 20th 2008, 03:15 AM
Kelly, I know that feeling. I found girl who was a most wonderful thing since sliced bread. We dated for three years, and had an awesome relationship. I was planning to purpose, and bought a engagement ring. However, as I was preparing to purpose, I noticed she seemed more and more distant from God. We talked about God less, and when I brought up spiritual things, she was uninterested. Over the next few months, our relationship feel apart, and eventually she told me that she didn't think she needed God as long as she had me.

I was crushed. I dated her in the first place because she was an awesome Christian girl. By the end, she was idolizing me. I refused to be her idol, and we ended the relationship. I had prayed the crap out of this relationship, and I had felt sure she was the girl I was supposed to marry. I felt like I had ruined God's plan for my life. I wasn't sure what I had done in the relationship to lead it down such a path, but I had several ideas.



But the thing is, God is way smarter than us, and his plans aren't foiled by the decisions we make. God plans for us to make mistakes, and he has a plan in place to deal with out mistakes and turn them into good things.

God knows everything that will happen. He has no plan B's. God has planned to compensate for every mistake you will ever make in your life. Seek to follow him sincerely, and He will guide you towards the right path. Sincere faith is not enough to be right all the time, but God will use it to slowly correct you where you are wrong.

If God has placed a desire for a Godly man in your life, he will provide for you. If man you are interested in is pulled away from you, it's because God has someone even better. I believe that God orchestrated for me to break up with my girlfriend because he has a better match for each of me AND for her.

Perhaps God has brought this guy and these feelings into your life so that you can be more comfortable with a guy liking you and start working on interacting more comfortably with guys you like, so that, when your future husband comes on the scene, you will be more prepared to have a positive dating experience.

Perhaps God will have you and this man date in order to sharpen each of you in Christ, but will have you break up.

Perhaps he is your future husband. If so, you can't screw up the relationship by being awkward.



Also, I suggest reading the book Boundaries (http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454)by Cloud and Townsend. It will likely help all of your relationships, romantic or otherwise.

Please feel free to PM me or email me if you have questions or want to talk about it further at all.

Thanks for this post. It really gave me hope and it's just what I needed.



Perhaps God will have you and this man date in order to sharpen each of you in Christ, but will have you break up.

Perhaps he is your future husband. If so, you can't screw up the relationship by being awkward.

Well...

I don't attend Tech School anymore and It's cool to think that he possibly could be my future husband but since I am not around him at all...it's kind of hard to believe. Unless God does perform a miracle and we end up at the same place at the same time. I wonder if God would do that?

Also - the last time I saw him and didn't recognize him...I new he was leaving for the military. I was at tech school for four more months...I prayed every night and he was a no-show. I thought my prayers would have been answered. I guess God didn't want it to happen.

any more advice?

Revinius
Oct 20th 2008, 03:39 AM
my advice is to: work for God until he gives you someone, time is short and His mission is big.

Chimon
Oct 20th 2008, 08:21 AM
I don't attend Tech School anymore and It's cool to think that he possibly could be my future husband but since I am not around him at all...it's kind of hard to believe. Unless God does perform a miracle and we end up at the same place at the same time. I wonder if God would do that?

Also - the last time I saw him and didn't recognize him...I new he was leaving for the military. I was at tech school for four more months...I prayed every night and he was a no-show. I thought my prayers would have been answered. I guess God didn't want it to happen.


Well, firstly, I think it's important pray for God to do his will not ours, and for God to reveal his will to us. For a long time this semester, I have been praying that if God wants me to be in a relationship, that he show me who it is he wants me to pursue. The girl God seems to be leading towards is quite an unusual pick, but God is mysterious like that.

I think it is important to focus on 1. being content with yourself and depending on Christ for your fulfillment, contentment, and acceptance in life and 2. focus on your own development.

What do I mean by this? Okay, think of it this way. If the kind of guy you want to be with met you tomorrow, are you the kind of girl that would attract him? I hear a lot of guys say that they, for example, really want a girl that loves prayer, and yet, they aren't cultivating their spiritual life so that someone who loved prayer would be attracted to them. They don't pray. They talk about prayer. Why would that kind of girl be attracted to them?

You can tell what someone cares about by what they spend time doing, and by what they talk about.

I would say that if you focus on developing your own spiritual life and your personality, when the right guy comes into your life, 1 you will be able to recognize him and 2 he will be attracted to you. Praying for him and about this whole subject is also important, because God usually doesn't give us what we want until we surrender it to him.

Focus on growing yourself and pray actively for God to bring the right someone into your life and give you discernment into his will in that matter, and you can trust he will take care of you.

God's timing is perfect. If you aren't with someone now, it's because it is better for the kingdom and your life that you be single right now. Perhaps God has something to teahc you through this period of lonliness (such as leaning on him and being strong in your faith when other don't support you.)

Even though God has brought you to a place where you are lonely, that doesn't mean you should seek strong believers for friendships. Perhaps God wants you to reach out to other believers in order to reassure them. Consider building a couple close friends. A few platonic friendships with the oppisite sex can be very beneficial as well as same sex friends.

"A man of many companions may come to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." -Proverbs 18:24

I would like to point out that many people say that the 'friend who sticks closer than a brother' is God (or Christ.) While Jesus certainly is our friend, and closer than a brother, I don't see any evidence that that is what THIS passage teaches. I think instead, it is best to understand it as say that building a close friend or two is better than having many friends, and that these close friends will be closer to you than a brother.

I think developing healthy, close, platonic friendships (especially with males) will help you a lot in understanding yourself and who you want in a significant other and it will prepare you for when that person comes into your life.

Chimon
Oct 20th 2008, 08:24 AM
my advice is to: work for God until he gives you someone, time is short and His mission is big.


as opposed to afterwards...?

I understand what you are saying, and it's a good point, to focus on God, but finding a mate is a part of working for the glory of God's kingdom, and it's not something that I feel should be dealt with passively (God, I'm going to sit here and live my life the way I do until you drop an available bachelor in my lap) but actively.

Revinius
Oct 20th 2008, 02:28 PM
in working for God you will be placed with godly people who are elligible for marriage. To say God will bring you someone is to not say one is being passive. I myself require a wife in my future ministry, but that ministry is not dictated by my need for one. So i will do what i can till that person comes into my life.

Athanasius
Oct 20th 2008, 03:07 PM
as opposed to afterwards...?

I understand what you are saying, and it's a good point, to focus on God, but finding a mate is a part of working for the glory of God's kingdom, and it's not something that I feel should be dealt with passively (God, I'm going to sit here and live my life the way I do until you drop an available bachelor in my lap) but actively.

I would say focusing on God is being pretty active ;) Uhm, I really hate to say it, but "it'll happen".