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crawfish
Sep 15th 2008, 08:20 PM
Humor and the bible have not always walked hand-in-hand throughout the ages. Some have held that to hold scripture in anything but the utmost seriousness is to be disrespectful to the one who inspired it. I am not one who holds to this view; in fact, I think that many bible verses were intended to inspire laughter! To deny this facet of scripture is to deny a God-intended element and makes us lose part of the picture of His word.

What I’d like to do with this thread is to show verses that you think were intended to be funny. Not stories about funny interpretations of scripture, or how scripture was taken out of context in funny ways, but where the scripture itself was meant to be so. Any style of humor is ok.

I’ll start out with a few.

Bill Cosby tells the story about how his 2-year-old daughter built a ladder of items to climb up to the cookie jar. He walks into the room just as she grabs the cookie, at which she turns around and says, “I got a cookie for you!” Being caught unexpectedly while wrongdoing can cause us to utter the most ridiculous, badly-thought-out excuses, and it certainly happened to Aaron when Moses caught the Israelites dancing around the golden calf:

Exodus 32:22-24
"Do not be angry, my lord," Aaron answered. "You know how prone these people are to evil. They said to me, 'Make us gods who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don't know what has happened to him.' So I told them, 'Whoever has any gold jewelry, take it off.' Then they gave me the gold, and I threw it into the fire, and out came this calf!"

I can hear Moses’ reaction (echoing Bill Cosby doing Noah)…RIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!

The scriptures also use sarcasm quite well. Sarcasm can be used in ungodly ways, to put down and insult others, but it can be a quite effective tool to shrink a big head. Consider Job, after being chastised by Zophar the Naamathite:

Job 13:5
If only you would be altogether silent! For you, that would be wisdom.

Ouch! Of course, Job gets his later in the book, from the Almighty Himself! After challenging Job with his insignificance, God gets in this barb:

Job 38:21
Surely you know, for you were already born! You have lived so many years!

Point taken.

The scriptures also aren’t beyond some slapstick. Luke could have documented the events of Peter’s miraculous release from prison in a simple fashion, but he shows the excitement of the house of Mary (and perhaps has a little fun at their expense) by documenting it as follows:

When this had dawned on him, he went to the house of Mary the mother of John, also called Mark, where many people had gathered and were praying. Peter knocked at the outer entrance, and a servant girl named Rhoda came to answer the door. When she recognized Peter's voice, she was so overjoyed she ran back without opening it and exclaimed, "Peter is at the door!"
"You're out of your mind," they told her. When she kept insisting that it was so, they said, "It must be his angel."
But Peter kept on knocking, and when they opened the door and saw him, they were astonished.


The image of the household arguing behind the closed door about if it’s Peter or not, while Peter stands outside knocking, is priceless.

Jesus Himself could be very funny. His favorite mechanism was exaggeration, as shown by these verses:

Matthew 7:3-5
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

Matthew 7:9-10
Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?

Biblical characters are not even above “trash talk”, as Elijah shows as the priests of Baal try to light a fire to meet his challenge:

1 Kings 18: 27
At noon Elijah began to taunt them. "Shout louder!" he said. "Surely he is a god! Perhaps he is deep in thought, or busy, or traveling. Maybe he is sleeping and must be awakened."

…and if the taunting wasn’t enough, a few verses later you see him dumping water on his own altar to make his task appear even more difficult. In this case, it was not good enough to just beat his opponents – he needed to crush them, and he needed to make them (and the rest of the audience) know that the conclusion was never in doubt in his mind.

Finally – this is the scripture that inspired this thread. As a testament to my weird sense of humor, this is one of my favorite verses in the bible – because I think it illustrates better than any other the sheer joy that God takes in His people’s sense of humor. It makes me laugh out loud every time I read it.

Most of us have watched action movies - the James Bond series, or the Schwarzenegger flicks of the 80’s and 90’s – where the action hero delivers a humorous one-liner before or after dispatching an enemy. The original action hero was Sampson; he not only dispatched his enemies in what would be embarrassing ways (a jawbone, torches tied between foxes), but despite his lack of wisdom he did have a knack for a turn of phrase. Just imagine Arnold giving this line before dispatching 30 men:

Judges 14: 18b
"If you had not plowed with my heifer, you would not have solved my riddle."

Absolutely beautiful. :D

Debra R
Sep 16th 2008, 03:00 AM
These are great. :)

This has always brought a smile..........






Luke could have documented the events of Peter’s miraculous release from prison in a simple fashion, but he shows the excitement of the house of Mary (and perhaps has a little fun at their expense) by documenting it as follows:

When this had dawned on him, he went to the house of Mary the mother of John, also called Mark, where many people had gathered and were praying. Peter knocked at the outer entrance, and a servant girl named Rhoda came to answer the door. When she recognized Peter's voice, she was so overjoyed she ran back without opening it and exclaimed, "Peter is at the door!"
"You're out of your mind," they told her. When she kept insisting that it was so, they said, "It must be his angel."
But Peter kept on knocking, and when they opened the door and saw him, they were astonished.


The image of the household arguing behind the closed door about if it’s Peter or not, while Peter stands outside knocking, is priceless.

:D

I can picture Peter with a smile on his face as he continues to knock on the door. It has made me laugh thinking about it. :D

I have also found this humorous...

John 9:24 So they again called the man who was blind, and said to him, "Give God the glory! We know that this Man is a sinner." 25 He answered and said, "Whether He is a sinner or not I do not know. One thing I know: that though I was blind, now I see." 26 Then they said to him again, "What did He do to you? How did He open your eyes?" 27 He answered them, "I told you already, and you did not listen. Why do you want to hear it again? Do you also want to become His disciples?"

I can picture his face as he is telling them this. Kind of mocking them. :D

crossnote
Sep 16th 2008, 05:01 AM
These are great. :)

This has always brought a smile..........






I can picture Peter with a smile on his face as he continues to knock on the door. It has made me laugh thinking about it. :D

I have also found this humorous...

John 9:24 So they again called the man who was blind, and said to him, "Give God the glory! We know that this Man is a sinner." 25 He answered and said, "Whether He is a sinner or not I do not know. One thing I know: that though I was blind, now I see." 26 Then they said to him again, "What did He do to you? How did He open your eyes?" 27 He answered them, "I told you already, and you did not listen. Why do you want to hear it again? Do you also want to become His disciples?"

I can picture his face as he is telling them this. Kind of mocking them. :D

Yes, isn't it funny how the self righteous tend to lack humor?

Bethany67
Sep 16th 2008, 06:37 AM
I've always found Jonah funny:

He's done all his running, finally given in, delivered the message to Nineveh even though he didn't want to, and is horrified that they repented. He actually moans to God about God being gracious and compassionate, and heads outside the city to sulk under a shelter. While he's still getting his head together, the vine dies - Jonah 4:9.

But God said to Jonah, "Do you have a right to be angry about the vine?"
"I do," he said. "I am angry enough to die."

Classic - like a 2-year-old throwing a temper tantrum. "It's not fair."

The other bit I love is in Acts 9. Paul has come in like a whirlwind and upset all and sundry with his passion in Jerusalem. Eventually the Grecian Jews try to kill him and the other Christians intervene:

29He talked and debated with the Grecian Jews, but they tried to kill him. 30When the brothers learned of this, they took him down to Caesarea and sent him off to Tarsus. 31Then the church throughout Judea, Galilee and Samaria enjoyed a time of peace.

I bet it did; Paul in his youthful enthusiasm was no longer causing such ructions.

seamus414
Sep 16th 2008, 12:20 PM
crawfish
Judges 14: 18b
"If you had not plowed with my heifer, you would not have solved my riddle."

My under standing is that the term "plowed with my heifer" was an ancient euphamism which equates to the modern "f" word.

Also, I like this one:
1 Kings 12:10b: "My little finger shall be thicker than my father's loins." I can see some teenaged guys saying that to each other when teasing each other as boys and guys are want to do.

Emanate
Sep 16th 2008, 12:25 PM
crawfish
Judges 14: 18b
"If you had not plowed with my heifer, you would not have solved my riddle."

My under standing is that the term "plowed with my heifer" was an ancient euphamism which equates to the modern "f" word.

Also, I like this one:
1 Kings 12:10b: "My little finger shall be thicker than my father's loins." I can see some teenaged guys saying that to each other when teasing each other as boys and guys are want to do.


I noticed the 1 Kings reference the other day. That is a fairly bold statement.

amazzin
Sep 16th 2008, 12:31 PM
I love the hilarious account of Ezekiel and the prophets of Baal. I laugh every time in the way he taunted them.

seamus414
Sep 16th 2008, 12:52 PM
I noticed the 1 Kings reference the other day. That is a fairly bold statement.

Bold? I sort of envisioned the scene as a bunch of young guys (late teens or early twenties) being rather stupidly macho (as guys of that agre have a tendancy to be) and saying outrageous stuff typical of such stupid machoness.

Emanate
Sep 16th 2008, 12:57 PM
Bold? I sort of envisioned the scene as a bunch of young guys (late teens or early twenties) being rather stupidly macho (as guys of that agre have a tendancy to be) and saying outrageous stuff typical of such stupid machoness.


To a point. But it was made in a threatening manner regarding how the King of Judah was going to treat Israel.

Perpetua
Sep 16th 2008, 01:18 PM
Bold? I sort of envisioned the scene as a bunch of young guys (late teens or early twenties) being rather stupidly macho (as guys of that agre have a tendancy to be) and saying outrageous stuff typical of such stupid machoness.

Well they weren't really all that young, though immature. But the Bible tells us that Rehoboam was 41 at the time.

chal
Sep 16th 2008, 02:03 PM
chal> One of my favorites:

Numbers 22: 20 And God came to Balaam at night and said to him, If the men have come to call you, rise up, go with them and say only the thing that I speak to you; it you shall do.
21 And Balaam rose up in the morning and saddled his ass and went with the leaders of Moab.
22 And the anger of God glowed because he went. And the Angel of Jehovah set Himself in the road, as an enemy against him. And he was riding on his ass, and two of his young men with him.
23 And the ass saw the Angel of Jehovah standing in the road, and His sword was drawn in His hand. And the ass turned out of the road and went into a field. And Balaam struck the ass, to turn it back into the road.
24 And the Angel of Jehovah stood in a narrow path of the vineyards, a wall being on this side and a wall on that.
25 And the ass saw the Angel of Jehovah, and she pushed herself to the wall and crushed the foot of Balaam against the wall. And again he struck her.
26 And again the Angel of Jehovah passed on and stood in a narrow place, where there was no way to turn, either to the right or to the left.
27 And the ass saw the Angel of Jehovah, and she lay down under Balaam. And the anger of Balaam glowed, and he struck the ass with his staff.
28 And Jehovah opened the mouth of the ass, and she said to Balaam, What have I done to you that you have struck me these three times?
29 And Balaam said to the ass, Because you have insulted Me. if only there were a sword in my hand now I would kill you.
30 And the ass said to Balaam, Am I not your ass on which you have ridden all your life long to this day? Was I ever known to do so to you? And he said, No.
31 And Jehovah opened the eyes of Balaam, and he saw the Angel of Jehovah standing in the road with His sword drawn in His hand. And he bowed and fell on his face.

crawfish
Sep 16th 2008, 02:10 PM
I've always found Jonah funny:

He's done all his running, finally given in, delivered the message to Nineveh even though he didn't want to, and is horrified that they repented. He actually moans to God about God being gracious and compassionate, and heads outside the city to sulk under a shelter. While he's still getting his head together, the vine dies - Jonah 4:9.

But God said to Jonah, "Do you have a right to be angry about the vine?"
"I do," he said. "I am angry enough to die."

Classic - like a 2-year-old throwing a temper tantrum. "It's not fair."


Good call!

Jonah is rife with satire. It starts off by his being sent to Ninevah - the capital city of Israel's enemies, to save them. That's pretty much like God sending an American into an Al Queda training camp. But Jonah, who should know very well that you can't hide from God, turns and runs...and ends up on a ship sailing in the opposite direction.

If you understand that the sailors of the time were very much like the pirates of yesteryear - not a very moral crowd - then the next sequence becomes amazing. These men, of slight morals and worshiping pagan gods, do EVERYTHING in their power to save Jonah. Even when Jonah says that he is responsible for the storm, and tells them to throw him into the sea, they STILL try to find another method, and ask him to pray for forgiveness when they finally do. Note that everybody in this story desires to do God's will - EXCEPT the prophet of God himself!

The image of Jonah being spit out on the shore, covered in fish vomit and saliva, stomping towards Ninevah, is an image that always goes through my head when I read the story.

And finally, as you mention, when the city turns its hearts towards God and repents of its sins, Jonah is mad, and sulks. Like many dark comedies of our day, the story ends on an ironic note: the hero of the story, the man who God used to save an entire city, sits angry and miserable in the face of the good work he has just done.

crawfish
Sep 16th 2008, 02:13 PM
Bold? I sort of envisioned the scene as a bunch of young guys (late teens or early twenties) being rather stupidly macho (as guys of that agre have a tendancy to be) and saying outrageous stuff typical of such stupid machoness.

He's essentially claiming that he is more of a man than his father.

More "man" than David, in the traditional sense, is not something most of us could brag of. :)

threebigrocks
Sep 16th 2008, 04:41 PM
To my dear pastor sort of friends:

Acts 20

7On the first day of the week we came together to break bread. Paul spoke to the people and, because he intended to leave the next day, kept on talking until midnight. 8There were many lamps in the upstairs room where we were meeting. 9Seated in a window was a young man named Eutychus, who was sinking into a deep sleep as Paul talked on and on. When he was sound asleep, he fell to the ground from the third story and was picked up dead. 10Paul went down, threw himself on the young man and put his arms around him. "Don't be alarmed," he said. "He's alive!" 11Then he went upstairs again and broke bread and ate. After talking until daylight, he left. 12The people took the young man home alive and were greatly comforted.


I can just see Peter panicking - oh geeze, I killed him. Quick! Check his pulse - wait - wait - *phfew* - close one! He's okay folks! :lol:

CoffeeCat
Sep 16th 2008, 04:56 PM
Matthew 19:24.

"Again I say to you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."

Classic! It makes me laugh every time. As Ken Davis, my favourite Christian comedian pointed out....(paraphrasing here... "there is some SERIOUS visual imagery going on here! What part of the camel would you put through first? The tail? That'd be one STRUNG OUT camel! And then people say 'well ACTUALLY, the eye of the needle was this little hole in the wall the camel had to kneel down in front of before he could get through and someone would take the items he was carrying off his back...' Does it make it ANY LESS FUNNY?" *davis uses this deep gruff voice* "Get down..... kneel before the hole..... take the stuff off..."

I love that.

Sold Out
Sep 16th 2008, 07:08 PM
I think Peter was so funny. He was presumptious at times and had a foot-shaped mouth!

9Marksfan
Sep 16th 2008, 07:20 PM
Here's one - actually TWO - no, THREE! - of my favourites:-

When they heard this they were enraged and were crying out, "Great is Artemis of the Ephesians!" So the city was filled with the confusion, and they rushed together into the theater, dragging with them Gaius and Aristarchus, Macedonians who were Paul’s companions in travel. But when Paul wished to go in among the crowd, the disciples would not let him. And even some of the Asiarchs, who were friends of his, sent to him and were urging him not to venture into the theater. Now some cried out one thing, some another, for the assembly was in confusion, and most of them did not know why they had come together.

The usual story with rent-a-mob!

Some of the crowd prompted Alexander, whom the Jews had put forward. And Alexander, motioning with his hand, wanted to make a defense to the crowd. But when they recognized that he was a Jew, for about two hours they all cried out with one voice, "Great is Artemis of the Ephesians!"

You can just imagine him trying to make himself heard! And TWO HOURS of that chanting! They must have been hoarse!

And when the town clerk had quieted the crowd, he said, "Men of Ephesus, who is there who does not know that the city of the Ephesians is temple keeper of the great Artemis, and of the sacred stone that fell from the sky? Acts 19:28-35 ESV

It's like he's saying "We all KNOW this - why have you been wasting your breath and making yourselves hoarse for the past two hours?!?!"

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

John146
Sep 16th 2008, 07:21 PM
To my dear pastor sort of friends:

Acts 20



I can just see Peter panicking - oh geeze, I killed him. Quick! Check his pulse - wait - wait - *phfew* - close one! He's okay folks! :lol:A good lesson can be learned from that story. If you are ever speaking to a group and someone is sitting on the windowsill and the window is open, be careful not to talk too long and put the person to sleep, causing them to fall out the window. Especially if you're speaking in a room that is more than 2 or 3 stories high. :D

Imagine if Eutychus had died. Paul would have never been able to live it down. He would be known as the guy who killed someone by talking too much.

John146
Sep 16th 2008, 07:29 PM
Here's one - actually TWO - no, THREE! - of my favourites:-

When they heard this they were enraged and were crying out, "Great is Artemis of the Ephesians!" So the city was filled with the confusion, and they rushed together into the theater, dragging with them Gaius and Aristarchus, Macedonians who were Paul’s companions in travel. But when Paul wished to go in among the crowd, the disciples would not let him. And even some of the Asiarchs, who were friends of his, sent to him and were urging him not to venture into the theater. Now some cried out one thing, some another, for the assembly was in confusion, and most of them did not know why they had come together.

The usual story with rent-a-mob!

Some of the crowd prompted Alexander, whom the Jews had put forward. And Alexander, motioning with his hand, wanted to make a defense to the crowd. But when they recognized that he was a Jew, for about two hours they all cried out with one voice, "Great is Artemis of the Ephesians!"

You can just imagine him trying to make himself heard! And TWO HOURS of that chanting! They must have been hoarse!

And when the town clerk had quieted the crowd, he said, "Men of Ephesus, who is there who does not know that the city of the Ephesians is temple keeper of the great Artemis, and of the sacred stone that fell from the sky? Acts 19:28-35 ESV

It's like he's saying "We all KNOW this - why have you been wasting your breath and making yourselves hoarse for the past two hours?!?!"

:rofl::rofl::rofl:That is good stuff. Those silly Ephesians. :rolleyes: :lol:

Lady Ashanti
Sep 16th 2008, 08:04 PM
Humor and the bible have not always walked hand-in-hand throughout the ages. Some have held that to hold scripture in anything but the utmost seriousness is to be disrespectful to the one who inspired it. I am not one who holds to this view; in fact, I think that many bible verses were intended to inspire laughter! To deny this facet of scripture is to deny a God-intended element and makes us lose part of the picture of His word.

What I’d like to do with this thread is to show verses that you think were intended to be funny. Not stories about funny interpretations of scripture, or how scripture was taken out of context in funny ways, but where the scripture itself was meant to be so. Any style of humor is ok.

I’ll start out with a few.

Bill Cosby tells the story about how his 2-year-old daughter built a ladder of items to climb up to the cookie jar. He walks into the room just as she grabs the cookie, at which she turns around and says, “I got a cookie for you!” Being caught unexpectedly while wrongdoing can cause us to utter the most ridiculous, badly-thought-out excuses, and it certainly happened to Aaron when Moses caught the Israelites dancing around the golden calf:

Exodus 32:22-24
"Do not be angry, my lord," Aaron answered. "You know how prone these people are to evil. They said to me, 'Make us gods who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don't know what has happened to him.' So I told them, 'Whoever has any gold jewelry, take it off.' Then they gave me the gold, and I threw it into the fire, and out came this calf!"

I can hear Moses’ reaction (echoing Bill Cosby doing Noah)…RIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!

The scriptures also use sarcasm quite well. Sarcasm can be used in ungodly ways, to put down and insult others, but it can be a quite effective tool to shrink a big head. Consider Job, after being chastised by Zophar the Naamathite:

Job 13:5
If only you would be altogether silent! For you, that would be wisdom.

Ouch! Of course, Job gets his later in the book, from the Almighty Himself! After challenging Job with his insignificance, God gets in this barb:

Job 38:21
Surely you know, for you were already born! You have lived so many years!

Point taken.

The scriptures also aren’t beyond some slapstick. Luke could have documented the events of Peter’s miraculous release from prison in a simple fashion, but he shows the excitement of the house of Mary (and perhaps has a little fun at their expense) by documenting it as follows:

When this had dawned on him, he went to the house of Mary the mother of John, also called Mark, where many people had gathered and were praying. Peter knocked at the outer entrance, and a servant girl named Rhoda came to answer the door. When she recognized Peter's voice, she was so overjoyed she ran back without opening it and exclaimed, "Peter is at the door!"
"You're out of your mind," they told her. When she kept insisting that it was so, they said, "It must be his angel."
But Peter kept on knocking, and when they opened the door and saw him, they were astonished.


The image of the household arguing behind the closed door about if it’s Peter or not, while Peter stands outside knocking, is priceless.

Jesus Himself could be very funny. His favorite mechanism was exaggeration, as shown by these verses:

Matthew 7:3-5
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

Matthew 7:9-10
Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?

Biblical characters are not even above “trash talk”, as Elijah shows as the priests of Baal try to light a fire to meet his challenge:

1 Kings 18: 27
At noon Elijah began to taunt them. "Shout louder!" he said. "Surely he is a god! Perhaps he is deep in thought, or busy, or traveling. Maybe he is sleeping and must be awakened."

…and if the taunting wasn’t enough, a few verses later you see him dumping water on his own altar to make his task appear even more difficult. In this case, it was not good enough to just beat his opponents – he needed to crush them, and he needed to make them (and the rest of the audience) know that the conclusion was never in doubt in his mind.

Finally – this is the scripture that inspired this thread. As a testament to my weird sense of humor, this is one of my favorite verses in the bible – because I think it illustrates better than any other the sheer joy that God takes in His people’s sense of humor. It makes me laugh out loud every time I read it.

Most of us have watched action movies - the James Bond series, or the Schwarzenegger flicks of the 80’s and 90’s – where the action hero delivers a humorous one-liner before or after dispatching an enemy. The original action hero was Sampson; he not only dispatched his enemies in what would be embarrassing ways (a jawbone, torches tied between foxes), but despite his lack of wisdom he did have a knack for a turn of phrase. Just imagine Arnold giving this line before dispatching 30 men:

Judges 14: 18b
"If you had not plowed with my heifer, you would not have solved my riddle."

Absolutely beautiful. :D

I have always known that the Lord has a sense of humor...

I especially loved when Nehemiah told the people he would "lay hands on them", and not in the Spirit if they coninued to sin, after he rebuilt the wall...

Nehemiah 13:21 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=16&chapter=13&verse=21&version=50&context=verse)
Then I warned them, and said to them, “Why do you spend the night around the wall? If you do so again, I will lay hands on you!” From that time on they came no more on the Sabbath. :rofl:

Also, in Psalms where "the haters of the Lord" is mentioned...

Psalm 81:15 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=23&chapter=81&verse=15&version=50&context=verse)
The haters of the LORD would pretend submission to Him,But their fate would endure forever.

This generation is not the first ones to experience "haterade"...:rofl:

Thank you, Good Post!!!:lol:

Lady Ashanti
Sep 16th 2008, 08:10 PM
To my dear pastor sort of friends:

Acts 20



I can just see Peter panicking - oh geeze, I killed him. Quick! Check his pulse - wait - wait - *phfew* - close one! He's okay folks! :lol:

:rofl: This is hilarious!!!:rofl:

Debra R
Sep 16th 2008, 11:22 PM
To my dear pastor sort of friends:

Acts 207On the first day of the week we came together to break bread. Paul spoke to the people and, because he intended to leave the next day, kept on talking until midnight. 8There were many lamps in the upstairs room where we were meeting. 9Seated in a window was a young man named Eutychus, who was sinking into a deep sleep as Paul talked on and on. When he was sound asleep, he fell to the ground from the third story and was picked up dead. 10Paul went down, threw himself on the young man and put his arms around him. "Don't be alarmed," he said. "He's alive!" 11Then he went upstairs again and broke bread and ate. After talking until daylight, he left. 12The people took the young man home alive and were greatly comforted.



I can just see Peter panicking - oh geeze, I killed him. Quick! Check his pulse - wait - wait - *phfew* - close one! He's okay folks! :lol:


That is funny :D

Joe King
Sep 17th 2008, 04:59 AM
I was literally laughing out loud during the LORD's speech to Job. After all of that grumbling and lamenting, he really let Job have it.

1 Then the LORD answered Job out of the storm. He said:
2 "Who is this that darkens my counsel
with words without knowledge? :rofl:

It only got worse from there.

I do love this verse from Isaiah

6 "This is what the LORD says—
Israel's King and Redeemer, the LORD Almighty:
I am the first and I am the last;
apart from me there is no God.
7 Who then is like me? Let him proclaim it.
Let him declare and lay out before me

The LORD is basically challenging the other "gods", which there are none.

Ashley274
Sep 17th 2008, 05:47 AM
I am glad to know I am not the only one to lol reading the Bible...Jonah makes me lol every time....I also lol when I read where David pretended to be insane ..I love all the posts above mega funny

joztok
Sep 17th 2008, 02:46 PM
Ezekiel 4:9-15

"Take wheat and barley, beans and lentils, millet and spelt; put them in a storage jar and use them to make bread for yourself. You are to eat it during the 390 days you lie on your side. Weigh out twenty shekels of food to eat each day and eat it at set times. Also measure out a sixth of an of water and drink it at set times. Eat the food as you would a barley cake; bake it in the sight of the people, using human excrement for fuel." The LORD said, "In this way the people of Israel will eat defiled food among the nations where I will drive them.


Then I said, "Not so, Sovereign LORD! I have never defiled myself. From my youth until now I have never eaten anything found dead or torn by wild animals. No unclean meat has ever entered my mouth."
"Very well," he said, "I will let you bake your bread over cow manure instead of human excrement."

Ezekiel: Thanks!!! I guess...

Amen! Jehovah Jireh! Our provider?
What the???

Postmodern shock art eat your heart out!

Jew: Hey Ezekiel! What ch'ya doin'?
Ezza: Just... Um... Making bread with paddies.

crawfish
Sep 17th 2008, 03:05 PM
Ezekiel 4:9-15

"Take wheat and barley, beans and lentils, millet and spelt; put them in a storage jar and use them to make bread for yourself. You are to eat it during the 390 days you lie on your side. Weigh out twenty shekels of food to eat each day and eat it at set times. Also measure out a sixth of an of water and drink it at set times. Eat the food as you would a barley cake; bake it in the sight of the people, using human excrement for fuel." The LORD said, "In this way the people of Israel will eat defiled food among the nations where I will drive them.


Then I said, "Not so, Sovereign LORD! I have never defiled myself. From my youth until now I have never eaten anything found dead or torn by wild animals. No unclean meat has ever entered my mouth."
"Very well," he said, "I will let you bake your bread over cow manure instead of human excrement."

Ezekiel: Thanks!!! I guess...

Amen! Jehovah Jireh! Our provider?
What the???

Postmodern shock art eat your heart out!

Jew: Hey Ezekiel! What ch'ya doin'?
Ezza: Just... Um... Making bread with paddies.

Good scripture!

And a good point. I don't think this scripture, among other scripture in the Prophets (particularly Ezekiel), was meant to be laughed at; but it was meant to shock. And for a good purpose; have you ever heard something presented so shocking and crude that it jolted you back into attention?

What do you think ancient Israel and Judah thought the first time they heard Ezekiel 23? Shock? Outrage? It was a hard lesson to hear, but the language had to make it crystal clear how the Lord felt about their actions.

crawfish
Sep 17th 2008, 03:13 PM
I think Peter was so funny. He was presumptious at times and had a foot-shaped mouth!

No question, we love Peter in part because he often spoke before he thought. His heart was big and he always had the best intentions.

teddyv
Sep 17th 2008, 03:27 PM
I am glad to know I am not the only one to lol reading the Bible...Jonah makes me lol every time....I also lol when I read where David pretended to be insane ..I love all the posts above mega funny

I assume you are referring to this passage:


1 Samuel 21
10 That day David fled from Saul and went to Achish king of Gath. 11 But the servants of Achish said to him, "Isn't this David, the king of the land? Isn't he the one they sing about in their dances:
" 'Saul has slain his thousands,
and David his tens of thousands'?"
12 David took these words to heart and was very much afraid of Achish king of Gath. 13 So he pretended to be insane in their presence; and while he was in their hands he acted like a madman, making marks on the doors of the gate and letting saliva run down his beard.
14 Achish said to his servants, "Look at the man! He is insane! Why bring him to me? 15 Am I so short of madmen that you have to bring this fellow here to carry on like this in front of me? Must this man come into my house?"
I can picture the Philistine king rolling his eyes and the sheepish look of the king’s servants.


2 Kings 9:20 The lookout reported, "He has reached them, but he isn't coming back either. The driving is like that of Jehu son of Nimshi—he drives like a madman."
This always made me smile. Complaining about other driver’s abilities seems to be a very human trait.

turtledove
Sep 17th 2008, 04:57 PM
I just love this story about Zacchaeus and how Jesus reacts when he sees him up in that tree. :saint:



Zacchaeus the Tax Collector


1Jesus entered Jericho and was passing through. 2A man was there by the name of Zacchaeus; he was a chief tax collector and was wealthy. 3He wanted to see who Jesus was, but being a short man he could not, because of the crowd. 4So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore-fig tree to see him, since Jesus was coming that way. Can't you just picture a tax collector climbing a tree to get a look at Jesus? ;) 5When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, "Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today." 6So he came down at once and welcomed him gladly. (Luke 19:1-6) Jesus sees him up there and tells him that he must stay at his house that day. I would guess the Lord had a smile on his face when he caught a glimpse of Zacchaeus up in that tree. :spin:

Gulah Papyrus
Sep 17th 2008, 04:57 PM
SOS 4:1(NIV) How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh how beautiful!
Your eyes behind the veil are doves. Your hair is like a flock of goats
decending from Mt. Gilead

Proverbs 21-19(NLT) "It is better to live in the desert alone than with a crabby, complaining wife"

Deuteronomy 23:1 'He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the Lord'.:rofl:

9Marksfan
Sep 17th 2008, 06:08 PM
Postmodern shock art eat your heart out!

Er, is that a comment on what the heart of postmodern shock art is in reality?!?! ;)

threebigrocks
Sep 17th 2008, 10:24 PM
Postmodern shock art eat your heart out!

Er, is that a comment on what the heart of postmodern shock art is in reality?!?! ;)

Okay, now that's funny! :rofl: The whole paddy thing was hysterical, but oh man... Wonder how much it would sell for?

9Marksfan
Sep 17th 2008, 10:40 PM
Okay, now that's funny! :rofl: The whole paddy thing was hysterical, but oh man... Wonder how much it would sell for?

Damien Hirst would get several £1,000,000s I'm sure! He got £70 million in ONE DAY for selling a bunch of his stuff recently! :eek:

RoadWarrior
Sep 17th 2008, 11:50 PM
In the land of the Garden of Eden people use cow patties for fuel. This picture shows some that have been shaped and left in artistic rows to dry in the sun.

http://i277.photobucket.com/albums/kk69/RoadWarrior_bucket/Cute%20stuff/CowPattiesforfuel.jpg (http://i277.photobucket.com/albums/kk69/RoadWarrior_bucket/Cute%20stuff/CowPattiesforfuel.jpg)

turtledove
Sep 18th 2008, 12:11 AM
In the land of the Garden of Eden people use cow patties for fuel. This picture shows some that have been shaped and left in artistic rows to dry in the sun.

http://i277.photobucket.com/albums/kk69/RoadWarrior_bucket/Cute%20stuff/CowPattiesforfuel.jpg (http://i277.photobucket.com/albums/kk69/RoadWarrior_bucket/Cute%20stuff/CowPattiesforfuel.jpg)

:hmm:with rising energy costs not a bad idea. I love the photo! :spin: My husband says that in the Mid-West USA some of his ancestors used to burn cow pucky in wood stoves for fuel. Yes, they were farmers and ranchers with cattle.

RoadWarrior
Sep 18th 2008, 12:16 AM
You will need a lot of cows!

We saw stacks like this everywhere that people had homes! Notice the vast open treeless plains behind.

Firekitty
Sep 18th 2008, 12:59 AM
:rofl:Those are all good!
Matthew 7:3-5 and 1 Kings 18:27 are some of my favorite verses; I actually did a paper on Matthew 7:3-5 for confirmation, and I heard 1 Kings 18:27 on a Bible study.

1 Kings 18:27 About noontime Elijah began mocking them. “You’ll have to shout louder,” he scoffed, “for surely he is a god! Perhaps he is daydreaming, or is relieving himself. Or maybe he is away on a trip, or is asleep and needs to be wakened!” - NLT

The 'relieving himself' part makes me lol every time :lol:


Hmm... and there was also a good one in Proverbs, but I don't remember it. :/
I'll have to search for it. :D

9Marksfan
Sep 18th 2008, 11:05 AM
1 Kings 18:27 About noontime Elijah began mocking them. “You’ll have to shout louder,” he scoffed, “for surely he is a god! Perhaps he is daydreaming, or is relieving himself. Or maybe he is away on a trip, or is asleep and needs to be wakened!” - NLT

The 'relieving himself' part makes me lol every time :lol:

Yep - me too! I love the way most translations euphemistically say "busy" - he was having a dump!!!!!! :eek:

crawfish
Sep 18th 2008, 02:17 PM
SOS 4:1(NIV) How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh how beautiful!
Your eyes behind the veil are doves. Your hair is like a flock of goats
decending from Mt. Gilead

This one is funny to us because it's quaint; but the original intent was quite serious.


Proverbs 21-19(NLT) "It is better to live in the desert alone than with a crabby, complaining wife"


I'd considered a lot of Proverbs to put in my post; some of them are as close as the bible gets to a traditional joke. They are meant to be funny and poignant at the same time.


Deuteronomy 23:1 'He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the Lord'.:rofl:


Again, this one seems funny to us, but was quite serious.

scourge39
Sep 23rd 2008, 01:33 AM
A foolish son is his father's ruin,
and a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping.
(Proverbs 19:13, NIV)

34 You will be like one sleeping on the high seas,
lying on top of the rigging.

35 "They hit me," you will say, "but I'm not hurt!
They beat me, but I don't feel it!
When will I wake up
so I can find another drink?"
(Proverbs 23:34-35, NIV)

13 The sluggard says, "There is a lion in the road,
a fierce lion roaming the streets!"

14 As a door turns on its hinges,
so a sluggard turns on his bed.

15 The sluggard buries his hand in the dish;
he is too lazy to bring it back to his mouth.
(Proverbs 26:13-15, NIV)

15 A quarrelsome wife is like
a constant dripping on a rainy day;

16 restraining her is like restraining the wind
or grasping oil with the hand.
(Proverbs 27:15-16, NIV)

crawfish
Sep 25th 2008, 06:49 PM
A foolish son is his father's ruin,
and a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping.
(Proverbs 19:13, NIV)

34 You will be like one sleeping on the high seas,
lying on top of the rigging.

35 "They hit me," you will say, "but I'm not hurt!
They beat me, but I don't feel it!
When will I wake up
so I can find another drink?"
(Proverbs 23:34-35, NIV)

13 The sluggard says, "There is a lion in the road,
a fierce lion roaming the streets!"

14 As a door turns on its hinges,
so a sluggard turns on his bed.

15 The sluggard buries his hand in the dish;
he is too lazy to bring it back to his mouth.
(Proverbs 26:13-15, NIV)

15 A quarrelsome wife is like
a constant dripping on a rainy day;

16 restraining her is like restraining the wind
or grasping oil with the hand.
(Proverbs 27:15-16, NIV)

Yes, I love the Proverbs! As far as I know there is not a traditional "joke" in the bible, with a setup and a punch line, but these are as close as it gets. The humor - sometimes biting - makes the target of the proverb seem pathetic or extreme, and makes the wisdom of the proverb that much more poignant.

Thank you all for your input to this thread! I'm putting together a lesson plan for a class I'm going to teach, and I will use some the material above in addition to my own. God bless you all, and keep laughing! Never forget that Joy is also a fruit of the spirit.

joztok
Nov 28th 2008, 02:27 PM
Good scripture!

And a good point. I don't think this scripture, among other scripture in the Prophets (particularly Ezekiel), was meant to be laughed at; but it was meant to shock. And for a good purpose; have you ever heard something presented so shocking and crude that it jolted you back into attention?

What do you think ancient Israel and Judah thought the first time they heard Ezekiel 23? Shock? Outrage? It was a hard lesson to hear, but the language had to make it crystal clear how the Lord felt about their actions.

Well... I am an artist, and my art is to intend to shock, both on canvas and in music. My latest exhibition raised a controversy and got banned from a few churches. However, it's on show next year in a few churches and non-christian art galleries coming up. it speaks to a lot of people and communicates the gospel message. :P
The old testament prophets inspire me.