PDA

View Full Version : Could use some clean clear what to do advice.



Jeffinator
Sep 16th 2008, 04:17 PM
My ex fiance has gone through a lot and has been stressed and depressed and the other week i found out she has turned to achohol and other forms of temporary relief. This is the reason shes my ex now but i still talk to her and try to help her. But no matter how much i try to lead her to go to God for all her problems she still turns to her friends cuz they are her security blanket yet she doesnt realize they can not do anything for her and God will not just hear what she has to say but change her heart and make it lighter and make her happier. He did it for me. When it comes to her friends though its like the blind leading the blind and I cant convince her other wise. And when I try to help her she just thinks that I think I am so great and I have all the answers and that im a know-it-all.

Honestly i just want her to hear the word of God and have it speak to her and for her to change and not go to temporary solutions or friends for her problems. Its frustrating talking to her cuz she doesnt always want to hear what i have to say and then she thinks that im just tryin to control her and she points fingers at me telling me i screw up too. Thats true i do mess up and sin too but she doesnt get the point of what im tryin to do for her. I have dropped a lot of my friends and her bc i felt God was tellin me too and i am happier for it. But i dont think she would even consider doing the same. She doesnt want to hear what is right she just wants to be comforted by her friends who will never tell her shes wrong in fear of offending her and bc they themselves dont know the difference. Sometimes i feel like i am fighting this battle alone with her it is sometimes more than i can bare. She thinks her opinions and friends will get her by but i ask where were they when she hit depression? They were in the same boat as she was, the blind leading the blind like I said. I tlk to God about this all the time and i just want to know what you guys think i should do. This isnt a relationship question, i just really want her to be happy in the end and I Know it can only come from a pure personal relationship with her everlasting Dad.

Theophilus
Sep 16th 2008, 04:37 PM
I understand you don't want to "abandon" your ex...but when you've presented the Gospel, there comes a time when you have to quit, as Matthew 7:6 says, casting your pearls before swine. IOW, if she continues to reject the Gospel you're trying to present to her, the time may come for you to distance yourself...either until she seems more prone to listen and act on what she hears, or for all time.

There's always the risk that she may start dragging you down, if you're not careful...check out Jude, where he warns believers about becoming stained with the very sin they're trying to rescue others from.

I commend you for caring, as it speaks well of your character, and of your desire to help keep others from sin. However, you must consider whether what you're doing is helping her...and if what you're doing could even pose a risk to you.

Regardless, be careful, and pray much.

Sold Out
Sep 16th 2008, 07:09 PM
Jeff....I couldn't tell from your post whether or not she is a Christian?

Jeffinator
Sep 17th 2008, 01:07 AM
Not really...I can sense she has a deep down need to go to God but she will not loosen her grip on the things of this world and the people of this world. I just wished she understood how important he is. He is more than just a great being who created us but an actual caring Dad who would do anything for his kids. And i believe it hurts him to see his kids not turn to him for their problems and to watch them go down in flames like my ex did bc they looked for answers here on earth where there are none.

Sold Out
Sep 17th 2008, 04:23 PM
Not really...I can sense she has a deep down need to go to God but she will not loosen her grip on the things of this world and the people of this world. I just wished she understood how important he is. He is more than just a great being who created us but an actual caring Dad who would do anything for his kids. And i believe it hurts him to see his kids not turn to him for their problems and to watch them go down in flames like my ex did bc they looked for answers here on earth where there are none.

If you are not sure she is saved, then really all you can do is just give her the Gospel and let the Holy Spirit do His work in her heart.

If she is a Christian, then I feel for ya....because I have friends and loved ones who have headed down the self-destructive path. I know you want to rescue and fix her...I'm that way too. At some point you have to let that person become the prodigal son/daughter. They belong to God and while there's nothing wrong with loving them, it's up to God to fix them. One of the hardest things to do is to step back and let God be God.

HisLeast
Sep 17th 2008, 04:35 PM
There's an expression I heard once that always rings true to me, especially in these situations.

"The last time one person changes another, is the last diaper change a parent does for baby."

There's very little advice we can give you, if she's not at the point of repentance. If she doesn't want to listen. If she's closed her heart off to God, that's her decision, and should not have any reflection on YOU.

BroRog
Sep 17th 2008, 07:48 PM
Hi Jeff,

You said you wanted some "clean, clear, what to do" advice. Take it or leave it, here goes.

Send her 12 Yellow Roses. Attach a note that says, "I am here if you want me to listen."

Tell me how things turn out.

Jeffinator
Sep 18th 2008, 07:44 AM
Well she sometimes seems like she is sorry for all the things she had done when she is around me. When she visits me she acts like she would do anything to change and fix herself and wants to go to God and everything, but once a few days go by and she starts hangin around her fam or friends again its like she puts God and everything i said to her in the far back of her mind. I try to help her and tell her to gaurd her mind from all things that could cause her to fall but i think the things i say sometimes go in one ear and out the other. I just wish she took the things i say about God to heart and would actually turn to God. But like i said earlier she turns to friends who arent christian so they dont care if she sins or turns to bad things as long as she doesnt get hurt doing the bad thing. She thinks thats what makes a good friend. But a real friend, christian friend for that matter, would not just make sure they dont get hurt but would try to stop or help them and tell them theres a better way and not to throw their life away. Thats a real friend. I had to learn that the hard way which is why i had to stop talking to a lot of my close friends. I just want her to give her heart to God..soooo much do i want that. I want to see her happy for once. Thats all.

Sold Out
Sep 18th 2008, 02:47 PM
I just want her to give her heart to God..soooo much do i want that. I want to see her happy for once. Thats all.

It's her choice. Just pray that God will prick her heart.