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OneTime
Sep 18th 2008, 06:01 AM
Hey all, long story short. According to everything biblical I could find, I and one of the pastors of my church confronted an individual who last week took me out to lunch for a couple of hours so that he could basically tell me in a million and one ways that I'm a disrespectful, big mouth jerk and that I'm ruining the group that we're both in and another one that I'm not.

Well, he freaked out when he saw the pastor, and it went pretty much the way I thought it would. He denied some things and shaded all the other issues with the "I love you as a brother and did it for you benefit" thing. Makes me sad.

After the lunch last week I went to the leaders of all the groups (these were HEAVY accusations) to make sure I wasn't blinded to myself and truly hurting them, and thank God, they all said it was quite the opposite. I kept the man's name to myself, and again, kept it straight biblical.

I'm glad this is over with but still sad. This man is in his 60's and he's despised my presence since day 1 for no other reason than I live a pretty wild Christian life and some people are naturally drawn to it. But it's not me they're drawn to, it's His power. So in a way I feel as if he's attacking God and what God made and has done, and that saddens and concerns me.

But I'm also sad that once again, somebody has been able to abuse another under the banner of Christ, get away with it, and is loose to do it again.

Just though I'd vent a bit. Anyone else have experiences like this and maybe some words of wisdom for a brother?

Blessings,

cdo
Sep 18th 2008, 07:17 AM
Hey all, long story short. According to everything biblical I could find, I and one of the pastors of my church confronted an individual who last week took me out to lunch for a couple of hours so that he could basically tell me in a million and one ways that I'm a disrespectful, big mouth jerk and that I'm ruining the group that we're both in and another one that I'm not.

Well, he freaked out when he saw the pastor, and it went pretty much the way I thought it would. He denied some things and shaded all the other issues with the "I love you as a brother and did it for you benefit" thing. Makes me sad.

After the lunch last week I went to the leaders of all the groups (these were HEAVY accusations) to make sure I wasn't blinded to myself and truly hurting them, and thank God, they all said it was quite the opposite. I kept the man's name to myself, and again, kept it straight biblical.

I'm glad this is over with but still sad. This man is in his 60's and he's despised my presence since day 1 for no other reason than I live a pretty wild Christian life and some people are naturally drawn to it. But it's not me they're drawn to, it's His power. So in a way I feel as if he's attacking God and what God made and has done, and that saddens and concerns me.

But I'm also sad that once again, somebody has been able to abuse another under the banner of Christ, get away with it, and is loose to do it again.

Just though I'd vent a bit. Anyone else have experiences like this and maybe some words of wisdom for a brother?

Blessings,

Hi and Welcome !!!
I've never as yet come across this situation, maybe a little similar but ,still to a difference.I don't think I could give you a (take it like this) or (take it like that).I do think that is was very rude what this man did.That's not how Jesus taught us by His example at all.If it had been a Christian difference he should have welcomed the pastor in the conversation. Since this was a personal (thing) with him, he seemed to want you alone to hurt you in words or whatever he said.You are allowing this man to take your joy and give you sadness. in what he set out to do.So now you must get your joy back~~Jesus said "let no man steal your joy"If you are holding a grudge and it sounds like you are. Ask God to help you forgive this man and then pray for him.
Sometimes are a lot of times~~~ as generations grow up ......the way they praise and worship God in a new way. A new generation of whom lots of people of age and are set in their way and will not accept a different one.Anything we do we worship God.

Sorry,I got carried away.God bless you :hug:
in Christ,Darlene

OneTime
Sep 19th 2008, 08:14 AM
I appreciate the kind words. I have no grudge against this man, but I am saddened that there are so many that bully in the church. I feel for him as I believe that happy people never try to make others sad through pain.

Blesings,

IMINXTC
Sep 19th 2008, 09:49 AM
I've read your post about a zillion times, one time, and have not found the words adequate to console you about this. But just to let you know, you are not alone, and very few of us (even here at forums) have not run into the problem of rudeness and even bullying within the church and among believers, at one time or another.

What I personally do is take it to the Lord and try to leave it in His hands and try not to sweat it to much, because the person who did this might in fact be struggling with some enormous problem(s) or something that is causing this erratic behaviour.

This is that kind of advice that is easier to give than to apply, I know.

I can certainly identify with the pain that such behaviour causes.

Steps
Sep 19th 2008, 11:00 AM
OneTime,

To start with, you are not alone. I assume you are a leader in this ministry so, to be honest, these things should not surprise. But am guessing you have not had it like this.

Then again, take a step back for a minute. This brother did not slander you. He didn't go behind your back to say these things about you and then smile at your face. This is a worse scenario. (Slanderous hypocrisy, I hate it.) He took you to lunch and told you how he felt. Now whether he was right or wrong, is an entirely different matter. I don't know your personality or your age, but you should know that the fact that those groups, even your pastor, gave you the thumb-up doesn't necessarily mean that its true either. They may do it for reasons other than telling you the truth. That a wife does not tell her husband that he defecated on himself depends on the relationship and the man's persona. I also cannot determine the kind of confrontation you and your pastor had with this brother, but was it necessary?

Dearly beloved, I speak this way because I've been in that situation. What I think you should do is to NOT doubt yourself and feel tired. Instead Look a little inward and sincerely, with open heart, pray to God to heal your heart (cos you are hurt obviously) and ask him to reveal your weak points. Ask him to make you better and equip you for the work He has put in your hand. Understand that if you fail at it, it is you who will be responsible to God...not the like of this brother or your pastor.

Another thing, which is extremely important, is that you should not alienate this brother. He is a better friend than many sycophants. I for one will befriend him. For whatever the motive, he did things rightly. We are christians, beloved, but we are still in this flesh of this death.

Remember, looking unto Jesus [taking the example of Jesus], the author and the finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him, endured the cross. Endure pain as a good soldier of Christ. You cannot afford to be distracted from your calling in Christ. Prayerfully look inward a bit. It may not be what he said that you'll find. It may be something completely different but equally important in helping you fulfill you ministry.

May the good God prosper you as you serve him through it all. Lots of Love:hug: