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View Full Version : Trying to understand... single people spending time together



*Living~By~Faith*
Sep 20th 2008, 08:54 PM
I know those in ministry have to be careful about being seen alone with someone of the opposite sex, but what I don't understand is why. I would understand if one of them were in a relationship or married, but I can't understand the big deal if two people that are single are seen together? Is it because it may look like they are dating or something? Is it also because others may start rumors? I would just like to have a better understanding of this because I'm heard a few people mention this and it was mentioned at the church meeting today.

Nyoka
Sep 20th 2008, 10:28 PM
They need to be careful as being in a relationship or marriage doesn't protect you from accusations. A married medical doctor I know was put in this exact position. He had a patient who was Bi Polar. This patients wife frequently had to get the doctor to their home to deal with her husband. After about 3 months of this the patient succeeded in committing suicide. Within a week of the patient dying it was round town that the doctor was having an affair with the patients wife and the affair had driven the patient to suicide. The doctor had to leave town and it nearly cost him his own marriage.

I was a friend of the patients wife and she told me what really happened, they were also my next door neighbors. The patient had tried to commit suicide numerous times in the past - from about age thirteen onwards. Unbeknown to her the patient had already told me this. In the year that I knew them the patient had tried 20 times that we knew of. The patients final success at suicide happened to coincide with the doctors visits. The town drew their own conclusions without knowing the facts.

This shows how easy it is for accusations to be made about someone even when there is no truth to those accusations.

thestarofthesea
Sep 21st 2008, 12:00 AM
I think the idea behind warnings like this is that it could be damaging to the reputations of the individuals involved, and also that it could create a perfect setting for sexual temptation. It doesn't take that big of a leap from being "just friends" to getting involved romantically, and once those feelings are present, even subconsciously, being alone together may encourage them to be expressed through sexuality.

Most of my friends are male, I love them to death and would never want to give them up or remove them from my life, but I've also had the experience of a great friendship turning into an awkward romantic relationship, complete with heavy temptation. I'm not very concerned with what the general public thinks about me having boys/men (that sounds so old!) as friends, what concerns me is the possibility of a friendship becoming distructive and immoral. If someone perceives us as dating, I don't particularly care, but I also don't do the overt flirtation or touching that usually leads someone to those conclusions. So, while I don't have any problem hanging out with guy friends alone in public or in a group in public, I've learned my lesson about being cloistered in private with a guy, even if he is just a friend. The friend I had, who things got "complicated" with - I used to go to his house, which he shared with three other guys and hang out there at all hours. Sometimes his friends were there, sometimes they weren't, but they weren't chaperones at the best of times. He was a Christian, and we both shared the same views, but temptation was too much. So, I wouldn't be someplace private with a male friend, but public, I don't see the problem. It's even easier with Christian "men friends" because we can both pray and keep God at the center of our friendship.

Literalist-Luke
Sep 21st 2008, 12:10 AM
I know those in ministry have to be careful about being seen alone with someone of the opposite sex, but what I don't understand is why. I would understand if one of them were in a relationship or married, but I can't understand the big deal if two people that are single are seen together? Is it because it may look like they are dating or something? Is it also because others may start rumors? I would just like to have a better understanding of this because I'm heard a few people mention this and it was mentioned at the church meeting today.The issue is not whether or not they're seen together. (Unless you're talking to some radically fundamentalist judgmental nut who probably thinks that husbands and wives are sinning when they see each other nude.) The issue is how they are seen together. If they're out in public, like having a meal at a restaurant, no problem. If they're out in full view of others at church, again, no problem. If they're seen coming out of a windowless office where the door was closed and they've been in there for a while, well, then that would probably not be the smartest way to handle it.

I just hope that somebody in your church hasn't appointed themselves as the staff's moral watchdog. That's a job that nobody is qualified for in any church.