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steffie23
Sep 21st 2008, 08:31 AM
There's nothing wrong w/ it right? People say it leads to other things, but what if it really is just cuddling? Is it okay? I feel like it is...if you actually like the person and you aren't leading them on.

graceforme
Sep 21st 2008, 11:09 AM
There's nothing wrong w/ it right? People say it leads to other things, but what if it really is just cuddling? Is it okay? I feel like it is...if you actually like the person and you aren't leading them on.


I see lots of young people "cuddling" in many different places - stores, malls, theaters, restaurants, etc. And what they are telling you is true - cuddling can easily lead to other things. When we were teenagers, (in the ancient 60's) we weren't exposed to so much sexual activity on TV or in movies. Now, it's everywhere and kids are much more mature at earlier ages. Cuddling so easily leads to much more intense feelings and emotion. I don't know how old you are, but be very cautious - you might give the other person the wrong idea - the "green light" so to speak, which can lead to another problem.

Be very careful of your behavior, how it presents you to the other person, and how it makes you feel at the time.

Keep looking up.
God Bless.

Athanasius
Sep 21st 2008, 12:33 PM
From personal (and I would say wise) experience, cuddling will lead to other things, either today, tomorrow, or the day after.

Revinius
Sep 21st 2008, 01:57 PM
hugging is fine, just don't prolong it.

Coptichristian
Sep 21st 2008, 02:08 PM
Pay no attention to the Puritans. Cuddling is a good thing. What is not good, however, is this irrational fear concerning physical contact.

Buzzword
Sep 21st 2008, 02:13 PM
Pay no attention to the Puritans. Cuddling is a good thing. What is not good, however, is this irrational fear concerning physical contact.

AMEN!

Cuddling is one of those great forms of physical intimacy couples share that can be shared ANYWHERE, home, the mall, the movies, eating dinner, etc etc.

ENJOY IT!
It's a great way to feel romantic without shelling out $$, you won't get arrested for public indecency, and it's FUN!

steffie23
Sep 21st 2008, 03:49 PM
I don't know how old you are...


I am a freshman in college, so it's not like I don't get it, lol...I get it. I have just lead a pretty sheltered life, haha.

Revinius
Sep 21st 2008, 04:28 PM
Pay no attention to the Puritans. Cuddling is a good thing. What is not good, however, is this irrational fear concerning physical contact.

Hey... the Puritans were a godly people, it's trashy liberals that have no idea what giving ones life for Christ is all about (because they probably arent truly Christian). When the hottest topic in todays church is sex we should be treating the whole genre very seriously and not flippantly throw off the topic of pre-marital physical contact as 'irrational'. It is incredibly rational and important to discuss and achieve truth on the issue, bearing close in mind that this situation is one in millions happening globally (many people of whom have access to this thread). From my perspective, 99% of all men struggle with sexual sin in some form or other and eliminating temptation for them (as for women) is an important part of showing respect to both, the man showing respect for the woman in keeping her pure for marriage, and the woman respecting the man and his desire for her.

Cuddling is a beautiful part of relationship but there is a line that we all know is there (especially after we have crossed it) and it would be an evidential lack of respect for the other party (your gf/bf) and for the desire of God to wilfully go past that line. In fact, that is pretty much the definition of sin: "i know better than God, i am my own master."

graceforme
Sep 21st 2008, 10:33 PM
Hey... the Puritans were a godly people, it's trashy liberals that have no idea what giving ones life for Christ is all about (because they probably arent truly Christian). When the hottest topic in todays church is sex we should be treating the whole genre very seriously and not flippantly throw off the topic of pre-marital physical contact as 'irrational'. It is incredibly rational and important to discuss and achieve truth on the issue, bearing close in mind that this situation is one in millions happening globally (many people of whom have access to this thread). From my perspective, 99% of all men struggle with sexual sin in some form or other and eliminating temptation for them (as for women) is an important part of showing respect to both, the man showing respect for the woman in keeping her pure for marriage, and the woman respecting the man and his desire for her.

Cuddling is a beautiful part of relationship but there is a line that we all know is there (especially after we have crossed it) and it would be an evidential lack of respect for the other party (your gf/bf) and for the desire of God to wilfully go past that line. In fact, that is pretty much the definition of sin: "i know better than God, i am my own master."


Well said! It has nothing to do with being Puritan. It only has to do with good common sense. This generation of young people are so tuned in and turned on to sex at an early age, in many cases, they are ready to go any time and experience what TV and movies describes as being so great. And it is - IN THE PROPER PLACE OF MARRIAGE AND COMMITTMENT. Being so close physically can and will lead to even more intimate contact. It's just a question of time. My advice to steffie is to back off and eliminate any prolonged physical contact before it's too late.

God Bless.

Coptichristian
Sep 22nd 2008, 01:42 AM
Hey... the Puritans were a godly people....

Godly? Burning people at the stake considered godly? Persecuting people with different beliefs is godly? Hmmm.

,
it's trashy liberals that have no idea what giving ones life for Christ is all about (because they probably arent truly Christian).

Like Jerry Falwell and Ted Haggart? :hmm:


When the hottest topic in todays church is sex we should be treating the whole genre very seriously...

Agreed.

BrckBrln
Sep 22nd 2008, 02:13 AM
Being so close physically can and will lead to even more intimate contact. It's just a question of time. My advice to steffie is to back off and eliminate any prolonged physical contact before it's too late.

This is what I hate. Generalizations. All people are not the same and some will cuddle all day long and not go any farther til marriage. So to say that if you cuddle you will fall into more intimate contact before marriage is just wrong in my opinion. I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm with Buzzword on this one.

graceforme
Sep 22nd 2008, 02:22 AM
This is what I hate. Generalizations. All people are not the same and some will cuddle all day long and not go any farther til marriage. So to say that if you cuddle you will fall into more intimate contact before marriage is just wrong in my opinion. I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm with Buzzword on this one.


That's your opinion and you're certainly entitled to it. I stand firm on my advice - one thing leads to another and these kids need to be careful.

Many blessings to you.

koriemo
Sep 22nd 2008, 04:05 AM
I think it depends what the level of cuddling is. Sitting next to each other on the couch with an arm on each other's backs? Not so bad, but could be. Sitting on laps, or a girl's head on a guy's chest, or rubbing backs while this close, a hand on a knee- all of these things are dangerous territory.

Lust is wrong. Does doing this things cause sexual arousal, even in the littlest bit? Does it cause you to want more, to be closer? Does it cause EITHER of you to lust?

If it does, then it's wrong. Sin is not excusable.

CoffeeCat
Sep 22nd 2008, 04:33 AM
Here's something I'd add in. People who are tempted to go further when they're cuddling are PROBABLY at the beginning of a relationship, or not too far into one, when EVERYTHING is kicked into high gear and you're constantly aware of the other person and they're all you can think about. If you'd be tempted to go further.... then THAT'S the time. When you've been in a relationship for a while, chances are.... cuddling really can just stay cuddling. Everyone's different and it might pose a real challenge to some people. But in my own experience, I honestly can sit on a couch and cuddle with my boyfriend and we'll be talking about this, that and the other and that's ALL that happens.... and that's four years in. It's just where we are, though. We're not at the "infatuation" stage, we're at the "I'm really just sitting here, gabbing and reading a book, enjoying your company" stage. It works for us. I have no problem with cuddling. In fact, I love it. Neither of us are tempted by it, but that's just us. He's my best friend, I love him, and I'm thankful cuddling DOESN'T tempt us that way.

Everyone knows their own line, and when they'll get too close to crossing it. I can't tell you what that is for you; I can only tell you to be careful. Now, from the way the OP is worded, that doesn't sound so much like a dating relationship to me... and definitely not a long term one being described. The word "like" rather than "love" was used, and the worry was present about making sure they knew they weren't getting "led on" (in a longer relationship, I figure both people would take it for granted they weren't getting led on). That's the thing I'm a TAD wary of, if I'm reading that correctly. I don't think we need to be, or should be, sitting and cuddling with people we merely "like". Maybe the OP actually meant a boyfriend/girlfriend scenerio; in that case, my apologies. But I'd encourage anyone who is younger to know their own boundaries, and to show affection only in a relationship you've been in for more than a little while. Don't just "like" the person. Get to the point where you know you love them before you bother settling in and cuddling and getting all close. I think it makes things much less messy..... and it makes cuddling WITH someone you LOVE that much more enjoyable.

Revinius
Sep 22nd 2008, 06:24 AM
Godly? Burning people at the stake considered godly? Persecuting people with different beliefs is godly? Hmmm.

Have you read the OT? God is very serious about how we treat all sin and the inadequacies of a group of people (the puritans) that acknowledged that and raised up laws regarding it is not evidence of their lack of godliness. Anyway, this isnt a thread on the puritans, if you want to talk on it further you are welcome to start another thread.


Like Jerry Falwell and Ted Haggart? :hmm:

I don't know these guys...

Revinius
Sep 22nd 2008, 06:26 AM
This is what I hate. Generalizations. All people are not the same and some will cuddle all day long and not go any farther til marriage. So to say that if you cuddle you will fall into more intimate contact before marriage is just wrong in my opinion. I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm with Buzzword on this one.

That is why i prefer the 'you know when you have crossed that line' point i made. We all have that line, you just gotta work out where it is and don't go anywhere near it.

Friend of Jesus
Sep 22nd 2008, 04:10 PM
I know it sounds simple, but you've got to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit. If he says stop, then stop. If your head is clear and you aren't hearing objections from him, don't push the line, but there probably isn't anything wrong.

As Revinius says, know your line. How do you know your line: be sensitive to the Holy Spirit.

Revinius
Sep 23rd 2008, 02:55 AM
I know it sounds simple, but you've got to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit. If he says stop, then stop. If your head is clear and you aren't hearing objections from him, don't push the line, but there probably isn't anything wrong.

As Revinius says, know your line. How do you know your line: be sensitive to the Holy Spirit.

I think it is more than that, if you are getting aroused in any way shape or form then stop.

Literalist-Luke
Sep 23rd 2008, 03:21 AM
There's nothing wrong w/ it right? People say it leads to other things, but what if it really is just cuddling? Is it okay? I feel like it is...if you actually like the person and you aren't leading them on.OK, can we all just calm down??? Good grief, steffie23 asks a perfectly simple question and we wind up having a political/historical/theological free-for-all. http://i172.photobucket.com/albums/w40/litluke/tsk.gif

steffie23, you present as if you are fully aware of the risks involved. I can respect that. The best thing to do would be to very simply discuss it very candidly with the other person and the two of you simply agree exactly where you're going to draw the line and promise each other that you absolutely will not cross the line - and then don't.

There's no need to make a congressional debate over this, it's very simple. Good grief. http://i172.photobucket.com/albums/w40/litluke/doh.gif

Jane Lane
Sep 23rd 2008, 07:50 AM
I can cuddle without feeling a need to do anything sexual. Some people probably can't, and they should do what they can to stay away from temptation.

For me though, I feel I can partake in some intimacy without hurting myself spiritually.

<3

the inside out
Sep 23rd 2008, 01:25 PM
I can cuddle without feeling a need to do anything sexual. Some people probably can't, and they should do what they can to stay away from temptation.

For me though, I feel I can partake in some intimacy without hurting myself spiritually.

<3
:agree: If you feel like you can't handle it, then don't do it.

Friend of Jesus
Sep 23rd 2008, 02:05 PM
I think it is more than that, if you are getting aroused in any way shape or form then stop.

Oh yeah definately, but in my experience the Holy Spirit will say no before you do something. Generally arousement would happen during, which as you say is definately a stop point.

The only trouble is if you get to that point, the body is going to be much less willing to stop.

Revinius
Sep 23rd 2008, 02:10 PM
I can cuddle without feeling a need to do anything sexual. Some people probably can't, and they should do what they can to stay away from temptation.

For me though, I feel I can partake in some intimacy without hurting myself spiritually.

<3

Men are often the ones who are most at issue, so be wary of that. :)

Revinius
Sep 23rd 2008, 02:12 PM
Oh yeah definately, but in my experience the Holy Spirit will say no before you do something. Generally arousement would happen during, which as you say is definately a stop point.

The only trouble is if you get to that point, the body is going to be much less willing to stop.

Yeah but, given many experience the spirit differently and are at different stages of spiritual relationship with God, it's prolly safer to give solid physical points at which they know they are too far. :)

jonjon11
Sep 27th 2008, 07:04 PM
[QUOTE=Revinius;1796622]Have you read the OT? God is very serious about how we treat all sin and the inadequacies of a group of people (the puritans) that acknowledged that and raised up laws regarding it is not evidence of their lack of godliness. Anyway, this isnt a thread on the puritans, if you want to talk on it further you are welcome to start another thread.

The OT is from another time period, the puritans are not justified for burning people, because of serious sin. In the OT Killing people for God was "Good". After the Cross and Jesus took all sin upon him, killing people for God is not "ok". So really the puritans would be in the wrong for burning the people and not counseling and teach them. We are called to "Love", not take the situation into our own hands.

Athanasius
Sep 27th 2008, 08:46 PM
The OT is from another time period, the puritans are not justified for burning people, because of serious sin. In the OT Killing people for God was "Good". After the Cross and Jesus took all sin upon him, killing people for God is not "ok". So really the puritans would be in the wrong for burning the people and not counseling and teach them. We are called to "Love", not take the situation into our own hands.

Even in the OT, killing people for God was not good, so please don't say that it was.

Revinius
Sep 28th 2008, 01:06 AM
The OT is from another time period, the puritans are not justified for burning people, because of serious sin. In the OT Killing people for God was "Good". After the Cross and Jesus took all sin upon him, killing people for God is not "ok". So really the puritans would be in the wrong for burning the people and not counseling and teach them. We are called to "Love", not take the situation into our own hands.

In addition to what Xel said: God said up the theocracy of Israel with many facets, the notable one for this thread is the judiciary. He set up His law with the purpose of propagating right governance among the Israelites. Law's such as stoning for offences the Lord finds abhorent were effective in holding God's truth above the sinful desires of men. We as Christians are still called to exist under right governance, this includes laws that may echo those of our Judaic past. In fact, when i think back on much of the law i am reinforced as to it's purpose: to give God the glory. In fact Paul himself mentioned in Romans that: Romans7:7 'What shall we say, then? Is the law sin? Certainly not! Indeed I would not have known what sin was except through the law. For I would not have known what coveting really was if the law had not said, "Do not covet."'

The puritans were keenly aware of sin and they raised up laws to keep there society aware of it.

f00dl3
Apr 28th 2010, 08:12 AM
What confuses me is how in the start of the Bible it says Man is not to be alone and God created Woman for man, but how in the rest of the Bible it drives how the desire for sex (lust) is evil, and thus in my opinion you should NEVER date anyone, and all females should be friends. Dating means you have a sexual interest in another, and this is LUST. Without lust, your just friends.

Athanasius
Apr 28th 2010, 03:18 PM
What confuses me is how in the start of the Bible it says Man is not to be alone and God created Woman for man, but how in the rest of the Bible it drives how the desire for sex (lust) is evil, and thus in my opinion you should NEVER date anyone, and all females should be friends. Dating means you have a sexual interest in another, and this is LUST. Without lust, your just friends.

The bible doesn't say that the desire for sex is evil.

soli_deo_gloria
May 5th 2010, 08:08 PM
Mmm.. I am cuddling with dogs, with my friend and her daughters, with my mother with...
and certainly none of these situations ever let to "more"

If a child is never cuddled it will die. Maybe adulds can survive but certainly there is something missing.

but if I am not carefull even alone in the room I could commit adultery by thaught alone.

GitRDunn
May 14th 2010, 01:46 AM
AMEN!

Cuddling is one of those great forms of physical intimacy couples share that can be shared ANYWHERE, home, the mall, the movies, eating dinner, etc etc.

ENJOY IT!
It's a great way to feel romantic without shelling out $$, you won't get arrested for public indecency, and it's FUN!
Very well stated. You just need to know yourself, and if you can cuddle and be fine, then do it, it is quite enjoyable to share your company with someone you love in that way.


Well said! It has nothing to do with being Puritan. It only has to do with good common sense. This generation of young people are so tuned in and turned on to sex at an early age, in many cases, they are ready to go any time and experience what TV and movies describes as being so great. And it is - IN THE PROPER PLACE OF MARRIAGE AND COMMITTMENT. Being so close physically can and will lead to even more intimate contact. It's just a question of time. My advice to steffie is to back off and eliminate any prolonged physical contact before it's too late.

God Bless.
How can you say that for everyone it will lead to more intimate contact? I cuddled with my ex-girlfriend and we never did anything more than kiss. You can't know each and every person so you shouldn't claim that you know what will happen for everyone.


I think it depends what the level of cuddling is. Sitting next to each other on the couch with an arm on each other's backs? Not so bad, but could be. Sitting on laps, or a girl's head on a guy's chest, or rubbing backs while this close, a hand on a knee- all of these things are dangerous territory.

Lust is wrong. Does doing this things cause sexual arousal, even in the littlest bit? Does it cause you to want more, to be closer? Does it cause EITHER of you to lust?

If it does, then it's wrong. Sin is not excusable.
If the individuals involved can control themselves then I see nothing wrong with anything in your first post. I have some close female friends that have sat on my lap before if there is not enough seating somewhere or something, and there was nothing more to it that her sitting on my lap. And is it not important that you want to be with the person you are going to marry before you marry them? In your book though, that would be a sin, so how should two people decide they are right for each other and should get married? Should they just get married and see what happens and then if it doesn't work get a divorce?

gringo300
May 14th 2010, 08:00 PM
It should be kept in mind at all times that sexual sin is very much a real thing. It DOES exist.

Jesus said very clearly that sexual sin can be committed in the mind.

I'll say right now I've committed A LOT of sexual sin in my mind. I'm not proud of it, but if I said I haven't often done it, I'd be telling a lie.

My advice is BE VERY CAREFUL.

NOTICE:

I HOPE I haven't violated the rules of this forum. If I understood what I read correctly, I don't think I did.

JesusCulture
May 31st 2010, 03:19 PM
I think it is situational. You know yourself, and you (should) know the person you are cuddling with.
If you both have the same intentions and you know you have the will power to ONLY cuddle then I don't see anything wrong with it personally.
If, however, you have struggled with it before, or are unsure or don't have set boundaries I think it is personally better to not tempt yourself or put yourself in a situation where you would have to make a hard choice.

lovex
May 31st 2010, 09:54 PM
Hm... cuddling is sin when your thoughts are impure of course... but I definitely feel that you need to know your limits. For me, I want to go no where that I am able to even risk the chance of me sinning. Fortunately, Cuddling to me is not an issue of sin... but also, if I were, (I think they call it spooning..) with my boyfriend and things started becoming too much.. I'd quickly rethink the situation and get out as soon as I can. Now, If I'm sitting on the beach, looking at the sunset and feeling completely humbled by God's creation, and my boyfriend is sitting beside me... Of course I'd want to be close to him and cuddle...