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Kelly12345
Sep 27th 2008, 04:45 PM
Hey everyone,

I'm nineteen at the moment and I have been a high school gradute for about a year and a half now.

In high-school there was this boy that I liked. He asked me out & I always rejected because I was so afraid and did not know how to handle it. Finally my senior year, I told him, but he was dating his this other girl. During that time, we had arguments and that was that. We stopped talking in November of 2007.

Three weeks ago, this guy found me on myspace. We talked on there for like an hour. I gave him my number and he didn't call for all of those three weeks until last night. He called me and we talked for three hours. He told me about his relationships and his beliefs and such. He said he hadn't talked to someone on the phone this long for about a year.

I really liked this guy and by him calling me, it kind of brings me back to wanting to possibly be with him. It hurts because I don't know how to take this. I didn't ask him if he wanted to be with me or anything. He just finished college and said he didn't want to be in another relationship until he has a good job and is settled.

I pray everynight that God will send me the man I will marry when the time is right. I don't know what this is though. I don't know if this guy is just being random calling me or if God has laid it on his heart to speak to me. I don't know how any of this is going to unfold. I just am so afraid that he may not want to be with me and that I may never find love.

Any advice? Words or hope, encouragment?
thank you!

Athanasius
Sep 27th 2008, 05:53 PM
If you want to pursue it... Pursue it. Pray about it, but I don't see a problem in going after it.

*Hope*
Sep 27th 2008, 10:18 PM
I would say not to force or rush things. It's a good sign that he called you and you guys seem to have a good connection, but it doesn't necessarily mean it's "meant to be". I'd say to just be calm, guard your heart, but seek to be his friend. Talk, listen, share, and see where it goes from there. Be honest and don't play games. He's at a place in his life (it seems) that he is thinking about the future, which is a sign of maturity. The best thing for you to do would be to pray, seek after God's will and just be yourself. Try to be content within yourself and your relationship with God first. If you do that, you won't have to look for Mr. Right...God will lead Him to you.

Revinius
Sep 28th 2008, 01:33 AM
Hey everyone,

I'm nineteen at the moment and I have been a high school gradute for about a year and a half now.

In high-school there was this boy that I liked. He asked me out & I always rejected because I was so afraid and did not know how to handle it. Finally my senior year, I told him, but he was dating his this other girl. During that time, we had arguments and that was that. We stopped talking in November of 2007.

Three weeks ago, this guy found me on myspace. We talked on there for like an hour. I gave him my number and he didn't call for all of those three weeks until last night. He called me and we talked for three hours. He told me about his relationships and his beliefs and such. He said he hadn't talked to someone on the phone this long for about a year.

I really liked this guy and by him calling me, it kind of brings me back to wanting to possibly be with him. It hurts because I don't know how to take this. I didn't ask him if he wanted to be with me or anything. He just finished college and said he didn't want to be in another relationship until he has a good job and is settled.

I pray everynight that God will send me the man I will marry when the time is right. I don't know what this is though. I don't know if this guy is just being random calling me or if God has laid it on his heart to speak to me. I don't know how any of this is going to unfold. I just am so afraid that he may not want to be with me and that I may never find love.

Any advice? Words or hope, encouragment?
thank you!

Mind telling us about this guys character? Is he a solid Christian guy?

Kelly12345
Sep 28th 2008, 01:59 AM
Mind telling us about this guys character? Is he a solid Christian guy?

He believes in Jesus. He's not the best Christian though.

Revinius
Sep 28th 2008, 02:17 AM
He believes in Jesus. He's not the best Christian though.

So, what is your standards of a man? I have always been told the best quality is someone who is on fire for Christ...

Kelly12345
Sep 28th 2008, 02:38 AM
I want someone who is kind, honest, caring, sensitive, responsible.
& believes in Jesus.

Revinius
Sep 28th 2008, 04:05 AM
I want someone who is kind, honest, caring, sensitive, responsible.
& believes in Jesus.

Excuse me for being forward, but i would think the qualities you mentioned (kind, honest, caring, sensitive and responsible) are as a result of the last one you mentioned (following Jesus). I think it's also important to remember when looking for a godly man, to see whether he is actually following Christ. I mean, the Devil believes in Jesus, but he doesnt follow Him, an important distinction between belief and actual faith.

I am male, but i know that if i was to draw but one quality of desire it would be someone with a heart for God. All the other stuff you mentioned happens because God works in peoples hearts to change them. Would you believe i was convicted of a heinous crime? I was. And now? All i am convicted of is the supremacy of Christ in life, that it is only by and through Him that ANYTHING can happen. Not a finger can pull a trigger nor a leaf fall to ground without His allowing it.

So thus, how does that apply to dating? Rely on Him, rely on the God that is everything. Rely on a godly man that has Christ in Him, that has a passion for Christs work in the world. That is a real man, that is a man worth marrying.

Ayala
Sep 28th 2008, 04:12 AM
Rev is right on here. If there's one thing we need to be searching for in a spouse, it's a true heart for God. I want to be able look to my future wife as a solid support in my faith...Someone I can truly rely on, no matter the circumstance.

*Hope*
Sep 28th 2008, 04:21 PM
I should've asked about his spiritual maturity before I posted. If you can't look at him and see a godly, wise man that you could learn from, then it is not worth your time. He should be a man who can lead you spiritually, that you can follow and respect. If he's not that man, then you're only asking for trouble. You could end up being one of those wives who take their children to church alone on Sundays; spiritually abandoned. Don't set yourself up for heartache. Find a man that loves God more than he loves you, not the other way around.

Kelly12345
Sep 28th 2008, 11:03 PM
He said that he wants to find a church he can get into...he said that in school he started his job and he had to work on Sundays so it got in the way. He drinks and he said he was trying to stop. I told him I was proud and he said "thank you!" and that I was the only one who has said that to him.

Kelly12345
Sep 29th 2008, 01:58 AM
I mean, do you think I should just wait it out now and let him come to me? Call me?

Revinius
Sep 29th 2008, 02:38 AM
He chose his job over church? Pretty indicative of a guy who has odd priorities... no offence.

I think you should wait it out and let him become a Godly man first. Missionary dating generally doesnt work, if you start dating him now the most likely thing that will happen is both of you falling.

Kelly12345
Sep 29th 2008, 02:55 AM
well if you have a job it's a priority.

the inside out
Sep 29th 2008, 02:55 AM
I say develop a friendship and see what happens from there. Get to know him and his walk. He may not be the "man of your dreams", but he may turn out to be a good friend.

You never know...

Revinius
Sep 29th 2008, 03:30 AM
well if you have a job it's a priority.

really? I think God should be number 1. If indeed you agree that that's the difference we live?

*Hope*
Sep 29th 2008, 04:26 AM
He said that he wants to find a church he can get into...he said that in school he started his job and he had to work on Sundays so it got in the way. He drinks and he said he was trying to stop. I told him I was proud and he said "thank you!" and that I was the only one who has said that to him.

It sounds like you are already the spiritual leader in this relationship.

Kelly12345
Sep 29th 2008, 04:44 AM
well, I texted him tonight...and exchanged a few words...then he stopped texting me.

Revinius
Sep 29th 2008, 02:49 PM
you need a Godly man who desires to lead you kelly. Be this guys friend, but no more than that...

I say this in love because i have seen what can happen to women who walk the path of being unequally yoked, it is hard and certainly not something to wilfully desire.

Kelly12345
Sep 29th 2008, 05:11 PM
you need a Godly man who desires to lead you kelly. Be this guys friend, but no more than that...

I say this in love because i have seen what can happen to women who walk the path of being unequally yoked, it is hard and certainly not something to wilfully desire.

I'm afraid he may never find me, or that I have already had the opportunity and did not take action. I'm praying for God to lead me to him...if he has me a man.

*Hope*
Sep 30th 2008, 01:37 AM
I'm afraid he may never find me, or that I have already had the opportunity and did not take action. I'm praying for God to lead me to him...if he has me a man.

Devote yourself to God and to becoming the woman He desires you should be. If you are walking closely with God, there is no way you can miss out on something good He has in store for you. The only way you'll miss it is if you wander away looking for something good on your own...

Revinius
Sep 30th 2008, 01:39 AM
Yeah, the way not to get what God has put aside for you is to start thinking you are the better judge and go off and find some guy who isnt godly.

Kelly12345
Sep 30th 2008, 01:56 AM
There was this guy that I liked when I was still in Tech School. We had no classes together but whenever he saw me, he never took his eyes off of me...he never spoke to me except once in the parking lot...he said "Hey." I didn't respond because I was like, "Who is that?" After that, he just stared at me and never spoke...I feel like it's my fault. I've never had a boyfriend or been in love. I guess it was just my inexperience and not knowing what to do.

See, I've been thinking - What if he was the one? What if I made a mistake? Does God give second chances?

*Hope*
Sep 30th 2008, 02:01 AM
There was this guy that I liked when I was still in Tech School. We had no classes together but whenever he saw me, he never took his eyes off of me...he never spoke to me except once in the parking lot...he said "Hey." I didn't respond because I was like, "Who is that?" After that, he just stared at me and never spoke...I feel like it's my fault. I've never had a boyfriend or been in love. I guess it was just my inexperience and not knowing what to do.

See, I've been thinking - What if he was the one? What if I made a mistake? Does God give second chances?

What if he was just a guy who thought you were attractive? What if he was a predator who was planning on a way to take advantage of you? What if? You can't play the "what if" game. You HAVE to trust God. Frankly, I think you're way too worried about having a boyfriend and too worried that you've missed "the one". Even IF you have already met him, you clearly weren't ready or you would've realized it. Like we keep saying, you just need to concentrate on your own relationship with God. Find satisfaction in God FIRST or you'll never be satisfied with anyone or anything else.

Revinius
Sep 30th 2008, 02:15 AM
Don't hold up some guy as a functional savior (a false idol we raise up to make us 'happy') when there is a real and genuine savior desiring you to know Him more. Work on that and then the blessings may come, if it's His will.

If God wants it to happen there is nothing you can do to stop Him.

Kelly12345
Sep 30th 2008, 04:05 AM
I understand. Maybe I am just impatient. I can only pray.

Revinius
Sep 30th 2008, 02:35 PM
Yeah, i can understand that, i am much older than you and still waiting. :(

Kelly12345
Oct 3rd 2008, 04:31 PM
Sometimes I also feel like If I am not in the right place I wont ever meet anyone...
For instance: I plan on going to college in January, but what if something happens in my life that prevents me to go to college?

I was told today by someone that college is a good place for meeting mates because you have a wide selection... what If I plan that I don't want to go there...and then never meet anyone?

*Hope*
Oct 3rd 2008, 10:30 PM
Sometimes I also feel like If I am not in the right place I wont ever meet anyone...
For instance: I plan on going to college in January, but what if something happens in my life that prevents me to go to college?

I was told today by someone that college is a good place for meeting mates because you have a wide selection... what If I plan that I don't want to go there...and then never meet anyone?

Do you believe God is Sovereign or not?

Nyoka
Oct 3rd 2008, 11:45 PM
The best advice I can give you Kelly12345 is to wait and have patience. Get your relationship with God right first. I did exactly what you are doing now. I looked for God to send me someone then saw most of the men I met as that someone. I ended up with children and on my own due to not having the patience to wait for God to bring me the right man. At 28 I had enough and I finally stopped looking at every guy as 'the one' that God was going to give me and started looking to God and my relationship with Him. I started studying the bible, praying to God, treating God as if He was right next to me every moment of everyday. In other words I started putting Him first and anything else second.

When I was 35 I moved house. I had a friend get me some help to move my furniture. There was one guy who helped who I thought was really nice. All I knew about him was he had just broken up with a girl. When he finished helping and said he was going home. Imagine my surprise when he jumped the fence and went next door. For the next eight years this guy and I became very good friends who could talk to each other about anything and everything. That guy is now my hubby and we have a fantastic relationship. My hubby and I both put God first. He loves God more than he loves me and I love God more than I love my hubby. Because of this love for God our love for each other is deeper and stronger than it would have been if we didn't put God first.

I don't know how long it will take for God to bring you someone but I do know you won't get the person until you are focused on God and not on the person He is sending you. Please learn from my mistakes and focus on building your relationship with God.

Revinius
Oct 4th 2008, 12:26 AM
Sometimes I also feel like If I am not in the right place I wont ever meet anyone...
For instance: I plan on going to college in January, but what if something happens in my life that prevents me to go to college?

I was told today by someone that college is a good place for meeting mates because you have a wide selection... what If I plan that I don't want to go there...and then never meet anyone?

I am going to have to reiterate what *Hope* said and ask whether you believe God is sovereign and in control?

Kelly12345
Oct 4th 2008, 12:39 AM
Thank you guys for all of the replies! It means a lot. :hug:

I DO believe that God is sovereign and in control. Absolutely. I think we all have our doubts from time to time however.

It's just hard for me. When I meet people and they ask, "Have you ever dated, do you have a boyfriend?" And I reply with "No." They look at me weird and ask, "Why?"

Lately, I've been talking to God trying to get a hold of what it is I really need to do.

Revinius
Oct 4th 2008, 02:42 PM
I understand you are worried. But listen to who you are referring to as those who are judging what is right and wrong. People, the same people that fell from the garden, the same people that get divorced and mess up lives because of it. Listen to God and only God regarding such things as dating and you will be well rewarded.