PDA

View Full Version : The Grass Really Wasn't Greener...



bullet_tooth_tony
Oct 3rd 2008, 11:51 PM
Hey, new to these boards...

Just want to share my story a bit so you have an idea where I came from.

I grew up in a Christian home. I'm quite familiar with the stereotypes of the dysfunctional family often seen on TV, but this was not my family. My parents were loving and supportive, and very good Christian role models. I was shocked more than once by just how good of an example they provided of Christ's unconditional love. They are a huge reason why I have come back to the Lord.

Each of us three older kids have wandered from God at various times in our lives. My older sister has come back, I am in the process of getting my life back on track, and my older brother, well, he's fighting but I really have no idea where he's at (more on him some other time perhaps).

My wayward journey began when I made the decision to attend bible college. I applied at a local bible college, and managed to successfully gain entry into their youth program. I felt that God was leading me into a career ministering to youth like myself when I was a teen (in other words, kids with oodles of potential but zero confidence. Kids who were so overcome with their own problems that they couldn't even see how gifted they were.) I also felt that it was a great way to grow spiritually and, hopefully, to meet some good Christian young people.

I'd rather not get into the details of what happened - and that's a pride thing because I feel that I let a lot of crap get to myself more than I should have - but I ended up dropping out early. I essentially lost my faith.

Around this time, I met someone, a non-Christian, and it would be lying to suggest that she didn't contribute to my decisions to leave the college as well as God. It's not like she held a gun to my head, but she was a loud voice encouraging me to go away from God, something that I felt made a lot of sense after my disappointment with my experiences at college.

During this time I got quite friendly with the bottle, and fully embraced smoking cigarettes, which up to that point, had been more of a curious experimentation than an actual addiction. Did a little bit of dabbling in the lighter drugs as well.

Yes, I did this WHILE at bible college. I feel stupid admitting it but the scary thing is that it is more prevalent than one might think...

A couple of months later, I had hit rock bottom. My relationship with this girl had derailed as quickly as it had begun. It was a brief but pairly emotional relationship during which we both saw the best and worst of each other. I took it hard. I climbed into a bottle one particular evening and wound up passing out outside while going for a smoke. My parents, who are normally home and in bed by around 10pm, came home late that night to discover me.

They thought I was dead.

I'm not normally overly emotional but I nearly cried when I heard that. I realized that something had to change. I was headed towards becoming an alcoholic, something I had told myself I would never become after I lost an aunt to alcoholism.

I haven't touched hard liquor since, and have recently essentially stopped drinking altogether.

I've come to realize through events such as this one just how much God has had my back. I was so blown away by how much he cared about me even when I was blatantly living for myself that I began to consider whether or not I had made the right decision when I walked away.

Other things about me have begun to change.

I am a more relaxed individual after the stresses of bible college got to me.

I am less judgmental after making some of the choices I made. After all, what right do I have?

I began to develop my own beliefs and my own views on who God is. To me, one of the biggest traits of God is grace and unparalleled optomism. He stuck by my side even when I had given up on him!

I have my own story now. My faith walk is stronger having experienced what I experienced. I wouldn't necessarily recommend it but I guess I'm thankful that I did because it gave me a faith that is more real than any faith I've had in my life. No pain, no gain, right?

I dealt with my drinking, and now I'm dealing with the smoking. I realize that it isn't necessarily a thing that is outrightly prohibited by the Bible but it is something I personally desire to be free from because I want to have my own family someday - and want to be around for them too! - and I still have some desire to be in ministry. It's hard but with God's help, I can overcome it.

Like my title suggests, the grass really wasn't greener...

loredojam
Oct 4th 2008, 04:16 PM
Hey Bullet,

It's obvious that your parents did a good job training you up to know God. Bless your heart, after testing the different directions in life, you have chosen to return to the path that leads you to God. Thank you for being candid and sharing your story.

YSIC
Julie

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." - Proverbs 22:6