View Full Version : Deathly Afraid - my way to Jesus

Dani H
Oct 27th 2008, 03:00 AM
I grew up in Germany, in a Protestant/Catholic environment. Which was the status quo at the time, because other denominations were few and far between (this has since changed). I was very involved in my church, and in my youth group, but God always seemed distant. I would pray and sometimes He would answer, and other times He wouldn't. And so I lost interest, and distanced myself from all things church (and God, unfortunately, because to me, then, those two were synonymous) for a number of years.

The one thing that always beset me during my teenage years, and later, was a fear of death. The thought of not existing anymore made me break out in cold sweats and have anxiety attacks, just like the Bible says that the enemy torments people with fear of death and holds them in bondage. That was me. But God used that torment to keep me going and searching.

I've always been spiritually sensitive (which now, as an intercessor, comes in handy) and I would get the sense of a presence being there, and it would make me afraid, because I did not know God nor that I could have authority over the enemy. I was one of those "much afraid" people the Bible talks about. Fear used to run my life, in every way. But God used that, too.

I was searching for relief, anywhere, and have always been a spiritual seeker. I would research things like Buddhism, and Edgar Cayce, Erik van Daniken, New Age, and so forth. Nothing ever gripped me. And looking back, that's a good thing. Because even being stuck in religion in Germany, my Grandmother had a solid faith in God, and I know that she was praying for me. It's always the praying grandmas, isn't it? http://www.christian-forum.net/style_emoticons/default/smile.gif

Anyway, after I moved to the States, a couple from a local church would stop by once in a while and we'd have discussions about God and they would invite me to church. I did actually go at one point but never went back. I know they prayed for me, too.

Then I befriended a Jehovah's Witness, and what they presented sounded interesting to me, so I invited them over to talk further. However, the morning they came to my house and knocked on the door, something made me run into my bedroom and hide and not answer the door. At the time I didn't understand why I was hiding, now I do.

A few months later, I was working at a hotel with a woman who would also talk about God. She struck my interest because of the things she had to say, and because she never seemed to be fazed about anything. I know now that she was also praying for my salvation.

She gave me a book called "I Saw Heaven" by Roberts Liardon. You can say what you want, but this man and his ministry are the catalyst that God used to save me. The more I read about Heaven, the more my fears went away, and the more I longed to go there, because it became real to me, for the first time.

At the end of that book was a sinner's prayer. So I sat down and prayed it.

There was an immediate change, I knew someting was different, and that Jesus heard me, and saved me. It was real.

I immediately called the lady who gave me the book, and she asked if I prayed the prayer at the end, and I told her what happened, and she began to mentor me. I went to church with her, and was prayed for to receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit, and my journey with God has been onwards and upwards since that night I was saved. I bought myself a Bible, and read it through several times in a matter of weeks, I was so hungry for God and His Word. I listened to every sermon and teaching tape I could get my hands on, and devoured any book I could find that taught me more about Jesus. I learned about prayer and fasting and spiritual warfare and grew and grew, and became involved in our children's ministry and other things. That was in 1992. I also called the above-mentioned church couple to thank them for praying for me and for not giving up, and told them of my salvation, and there was much rejoicing. http://www.christian-forum.net/style_emoticons/default/smile.gif

A few years after I was saved, in 1996, God started dealing with me about authority and total surrender and dying to self and embracing the cross and the power of true repentance. He showed me my highest calling and the price there was to be payed, and after some deliberating, I completely surrendered and gave up all rights to myself and my life, and became a bondslave of Jesus. I did have to unlearn a lot of things, as He taught me anew and pulled me away from man-made doctrines, into the purity that is life in Christ alone. I now enjoy the relationship with God I used to only dream about, and there is nothing in the universe that would ever make me go back. There is nothing to go back to, once you have tasted that kind of life, where Jesus Himself becomes your life. I have lost everything, to gain Jesus. And He is all I need. I am so completely in love with Him, there are no words to begin to describe it.

I'm also happy to report that fear no longer runs my life. Because Jesus moved in with His perfect love, and perfect love casts out all fear. I am safe in His arms and my feet are on solid ground. Praise be to God!

Oct 27th 2008, 06:19 AM
I really enjoyed reading your testimony.

Thank you so much for sharing!!!

Seeker of truth
Oct 27th 2008, 03:27 PM
Thank you for sharing this :hug:

As I read the testimonies in this forum I feel so inspired and filled with His love :cry: He is truly amazing :pp

Richard H
Oct 27th 2008, 08:43 PM
Great testimony, Dani.
Iím so glad that He brought out of fear and into boldness.
Thanks for giving us a glimpse into why your posts carry wisdom and clarity.


Apr 13th 2009, 04:15 PM
I have been reading through these posts to see if there were any that I could really connect with and hold onto. Yours has stood out. Right now I am that person that you once were...overcome with fear of death; in bondage. I hope that I can eventually become the person that you describe yourself as at the end of your post--without fear. At this point, I can't imagine it being possible, but it's worth trying.

Apr 13th 2009, 09:37 PM
thats awesome. i came from a diehard roman catholic family. statues of Mary wearing crowns and magnets of popes all over my grandma's fridge.

to me, i always felt like a man was always sitting between me and Jesus.

need someone to praise?...watch the pope on tv.

need to repent?...tell a priest and he'll convey the message for ya.

not knocking the catholic people...i love them, but i need to say this to illustrate how lukewarm it always kept me. i left the religion and now refer to myself as simply "christian."

i read the Bible, incorporate IT'S laws. learned the truth about certain holidays, and began listening to passionate Jesus followers like dave hunt and jack van impe. my life is changed FOREVER.

my family wars with me to this day, but i let it roll and continue to build myself into what Jesus wants me to.

i share your joy. God Bless..