View Full Version : Love is not a Fight - My Testimony

Nov 9th 2008, 05:46 AM
As a teenager, I can remember lamenting that I was upset that I didn't have a good testimony. I loved hearing about former drugs addicts, alcoholics, or gang members coming to know the Risen Lord. But my story - the story of a girl with a seemingly perfect life, a good family with both parents, who was raised in church - didn't do much for me.

I was saved at 12 years old. In my bedroom at home. By myself. Prayed. Accepted. Next day I told my parents. Later that summer was baptized.

Easy story.....kept on being easy. Went to high school, good student did all the right things, everyone loved me, went to a great Christian college. Still did really good, volunteered my time ministering to disadvantaged children/youth and senior citizens.

Yet my actual Spiritual life was mediocre. No real quiet time. No growth truly.

I would go home for the summers and work with youth, encouraging the girls to save their purity for their wedding night. Knew one of my biggest goals was to do that, and I guess I had this idea that once I was married, it would all be set. Life would be great.

That's what I was raised to deserve. Marrying a great man that would equally worship me and bring me down to earth.

And yet when I found him, I worshipped him instead. In theory I loved the Lord with all my heart, all my strength, and all my might. But in reality, I loved my husband more than I loved my God.

And just like God will do, God brought that situation out, and he brought me to my knees. I am reading "The Blessings of Brokenness" right now, and it states that are hardships happen because Satan causes them, and God allows them.

Satan overpowered my marriage. Satan brought things into my marriage that are not supposed to be in a marriage. And my spouse and I allowed Satan to win.

I left my husband on July 8th of this year. 4 months to the day exactly. I wanted a divorce after I realized there was emotional abuse going on among other things. Then God took ahold of me one night....and opened my eyes to the other side. July 21st I began my stand for my marriage. Each day was a struggle. I had so much shame, I couldn't even go to the Grocery store or Wal-Mart without my head being down, praying no one would be in there that I knew.

1 month of seperation came. 2 months. Divorce papers came. Errors were found - papers were null and void. 3 months came. My husband texted me after not hearing from him for so long - gave me hope that God was working by what my husband told me. Today, 4 months.

There are still hard days. Days when the worldly part of me takes over and says to myself "you deserve better than this. There would be tons of guys that could treat you better. Other people have divorced and been fine." And yet there is a holy part of me from deep within that says "Keep on. I already see what is on the other side. If you just don't give up, you will see it too. You will know the glorious future I have for you and for your husband."

I have searched after God with a true heart. Prayed like I've never prayed. Trusted like I've never trusted. Learned about love more than I ever thought possible.

You see. I thought God's blessing for me was going to be the day I got married. And yet, it has turned out that God's greatest blessing has been what he is doing while he rebuilds my marriage. This in-between time. My longing for my Savior is like nothing I have ever known. There is joy when I talk about him and peace when I come to him.

My true testimony began July 8th. When I left my husband. Because it was then, that God scooped me up and held me and carried me. I was in the hole of despair and mire and mud and my God lifted me out.

And the best thing out of it all, is that he is not done with me yet. As he is not done with my husband or my marriage or with any one of us. There is more to my story, that I don't even know yet. And the best part is, this time God is going to be at the fore-front of it all. Because I wouldn't have it any other way.

And oh yeah, God has taken away the shame now too. I can go into any store with my head up high, because my God loves me!

Seeker of truth
Nov 11th 2008, 02:37 AM
Thank you for sharing your testimony :pp

Nov 29th 2008, 10:47 PM
Thanks for that wonderful story and your dedicated life and commitment to prayer . It is good that you bare praying and keeping faith in our LORD . God bless you , John