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xlive_4_godx
Nov 17th 2008, 12:06 AM
I've waited almost 2 years for the girl of my dreams to break up with the guy(s) she's been dating...We've been best friends for over 7 years, and I finally figured out that I wanted to be with her.

Here's what happened:

She broke up with her last boyfriend about a week ago, and I've been talking with her a lot (more than usual). She had told me that she liked me and had just dated him to make me jealous. Well, it didn't make me jealous, but yes, I did like her.

So basically, I've been talking with her about her past relationships, and the subject came up of the worst thing that each other has done before. For me, it was (mind you, in 5th grade) touched a female's breast. For her....well...it was a bit different...she had given oral to her last boyfriend-- and only after two months of going out with him!!

EDIT: I am friends with the guy....

How could this have happened?!?! I prayed for a pure and righteous woman, not...this!!! UGH! I am in such a bind. What do I do? What do I say...how do I react? There's no way that I'm going to see her in the same light again!!!

Fast responses are greatly appreciated...

Thanks,
-William

looking4jesus
Nov 17th 2008, 12:19 AM
I've waited almost 2 years for the girl of my dreams to break up with the guy(s) she's been dating...We've been best friends for over 7 years, and I finally figured out that I wanted to be with her.

Here's what happened:

She broke up with her last boyfriend about a week ago, and I've been talking with her a lot (more than usual). She had told me that she liked me and had just dated him to make me jealous. Well, it didn't make me jealous, but yes, I did like her.

So basically, I've been talking with her about her past relationships, and the subject came up of the worst thing that each other has done before. For me, it was (mind you, in 5th grade) touched a female's breast. For her....well...it was a bit different...she had given oral to her last boyfriend-- and only after two months of going out with him!!

EDIT: I am friends with the guy....

How could this have happened?!?! I prayed for a pure and righteous woman, not...this!!! UGH! I am in such a bind. What do I do? What do I say...how do I react? There's no way that I'm going to see her in the same light again!!!

Fast responses are greatly appreciated...

Thanks,
-William

This may not help you much but no ones ever dies from a broken heart, in fact the heart needs to break a few times to open up more and more.
If you can embrace all those feelings now you will begin to see it is not nearly as bad as you may think it is.

God Bless you
Randy

xlive_4_godx
Nov 17th 2008, 12:24 AM
This may not help you much but no ones ever dies from a broken heart, in fact the heart needs to break a few times to open up more and more.
If you can embrace all those feelings now you will begin to see it is not nearly as bad as you may think it is.

God Bless you
Randy

But the problem is, it isn't my heart in the balance. It's hers also. So what do I do now? Go out/court still knowing the back of my mind all that's happened?

I think when it gets to the deep of the deep, She's the sort of girl I wouldn't expect it from-- that's why I liked her so much! I thought she was so innocent...Now, will I be afraid of being constantly compared to him? Probably...When I kiss her, will I be reminded of where she put her mouth?

It's just not as simple as you make it out to be...

Also, scriptures would be nice.

Thanks,
-William

looking4jesus
Nov 17th 2008, 12:34 AM
But the problem is, it isn't my heart in the balance. It's hers also. So what do I do now? Go out/court still knowing the back of my mind all that's happened?

I think when it gets to the deep of the deep, She's the sort of girl I wouldn't expect it from-- that's why I liked her so much! I thought she was so innocent...Now, will I be afraid of being constantly compared to him? Probably...When I kiss her, will I be reminded of where she put her mouth?

It's just not as simple as you make it out to be...

Also, scriptures would be nice.

Thanks,
-William

Dear William it is really that simple but in no way do I discount the real pain of what is happening to you. Do not compare yourself to no one you are you. Make a choice, pray about it and move on. Do not make up stories in your head and trust God

God said and promised..
I love those who love me,
and those who seek me find me.
Proverbs 8:17

God Bless
Randy

xlive_4_godx
Nov 17th 2008, 12:44 AM
Do not compare yourself to no one you are you.

It's not me comparing myself to him, but rather a fear of her comparing me to him. And yes, it is a rational fear...

As for making a choice, praying, and moving on, it could be that simple, but I'm so lost. Every part of me is screaming in disgust from it, yet I still don't want to just "drop" her and say, "alrighty, well, that's it-- cya!"

If right now, I had to make a choice, I would say that's it, it's done, sorry, but I'm not the one for you...but how do you tell someone who's been an awesome friend that?

looking4jesus
Nov 17th 2008, 12:56 AM
It's not me comparing myself to him, but rather a fear of her comparing me to him. And yes, it is a rational fear...

As for making a choice, praying, and moving on, it could be that simple, but I'm so lost. Every part of me is screaming in disgust from it, yet I still don't want to just "drop" her and say, "alrighty, well, that's it-- cya!"

If right now, I had to make a choice, I would say that's it, it's done, sorry, but I'm not the one for you...but how do you tell someone who's been an awesome friend that?

It does not mean you will loose the friendship but it will means a change, which will happen anyway so you might as well be the change yourself, being proactive and doing what your heart tells you, but before you do anything really pray about it. I know it is hard but try to keep yourself out of the picture while you pray and just ask God to show you his will not yours.
I will pray for you
God Bless
Randy

xlive_4_godx
Nov 17th 2008, 01:09 AM
I think I need to look at it like this:

If I have doubts because of that, then maybe it isn't love? If me being this uncomfortable is outweighing the supposed love for her, then maybe she isn't the one?

beckisted2004
Nov 17th 2008, 01:14 AM
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." - Matthew 7:6-8

First, ask God. He'll answer you. Pray, pray, and pray some more.


"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. " - Matthew 7: 1-5

Maybe I misinterpreted what you were saying, but it sounded like you both confessed these particular sins to each other and you've decided that hers is much worse than yours. Sin is sin, brother. It sounded like this changed your perspective of her so much, but everyone has sin. Some sins are more visible at times, but we all have sin.


"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

You never said if you loved this girl or not, but if she's the girl of your dreams, then it sounds like you've at least thought of loving her. There will be consequences for her actions. Christians are called to forgive. If you love this girl, you are called to keep no record of her wrongs. I'm not saying it'll be easy, but that would have to be your goal. Even your fear of her comparing you to this other guy is you not completely forgiving her.

I'm not saying one way or another whether you should pursue this relationship or not. That has to be something you figure out in your own heart. There will be ramifications either way you go. Just trying to give you some Scripture to dwell on. :)

looking4jesus
Nov 17th 2008, 01:14 AM
I think I need to look at it like this:

If I have doubts because of that, then maybe it isn't love? If me being this uncomfortable is outweighing the supposed love for her, then maybe she isn't the one?

Good point..it is worth looking at for sure..
God Bless
Randy

EaglesWINGS911
Nov 17th 2008, 01:54 AM
Everyone makes mistakes,and her doing what she did is no worse than things you have done. After dating a guy who was not a virgin at all, I know how you feel about being compared, and he could've cared less about making me feel insecure about that. If she really does love you, she wont make you feel like you are "less than him". BUT, be careful of any woman who does stuff "to make you jealous" In my book, you don't go that far with a guy you are just dating to make another jealous. That's just my two cents.

BrckBrln
Nov 17th 2008, 03:15 AM
I think you may be making too big a deal out of this. Everybody slips up and if she's repentant of it (is she?) then I would suggest trying to put this behind you and not to dwell on it. I'm not minimizing what she's done but it could have been worse.

xlive_4_godx
Nov 17th 2008, 03:55 AM
After much prayer, headache, and arguments with myself and God...

Maybe it's a bit early to be deciding on someone. I'm just so wrapped up in trying to find the "perfect one" that I'm missing out on the ONLY perfect one-- God.

My solution: I'm letting her know that it isn't my heart to be giving away-- It's Gods. It isn't time yet for me to be searching for a girlfriend. When He tells me that it's time, and only then, I can be at peace with a dicision.

Athanasius
Nov 17th 2008, 06:41 AM
How could this have happened?!?! I prayed for a pure and righteous woman, not...this!!! UGH! I am in such a bind. What do I do? What do I say...how do I react? There's no way that I'm going to see her in the same light again!!!

Fast responses are greatly appreciated...

Thanks,
-William

Rule #1 - there is no such thing as "the one"
Moving on...

Her past sin, you can do one of two things with it:

1. If she's repented of that sin, God has washed it away and that means you can to - make the conscious effort not to dwell on it. (I would be weary of this as from the rest of your story this girl doesn't sound like she'd be a good thing for you).

2. It bothers you, you want a girl that's as pure as possible (nothing wrong with that) then look for another girl.

Speaking from experience (the relationship I'm in right now, actually), past sexual sin can be a difficult thing to not let bother you. You really have to make a conscious effort... Especially when that person doesn't see what the big deal is, hasn't repented of it and really doesn't understand why or how it could bother someone. I know I've always (and still do) maintain an attitude where even in my relationships now I hold myself to a responsibility to (1) God and (2) my future wife. As a result I'm very much pure and would expect the same of my girlfriend / fiancee / wife... The girl I'm with now, however, lived a very much worldly life and is no where near pure. It's not something I let bother me, though I will admit that at times - especially when she says things she shouldn't - it can get to me and I have to deal with that, it's a consequence of ill thought out action and sin.

I was going to say more but I'll just say this: it's a hard thing and you may just need God:hmm:
...I know I do.

Ekeak
Nov 26th 2008, 12:12 AM
Dear William,
Jesus wouldn't want us to be deceptive. However, if this is the real thing, do whatever it takes to forgive and forget, and just get closer to her. This advice is coming from someone who doesn't want to get married.


Sincerely,
ekeak

ChristianKnight
Nov 26th 2008, 10:57 AM
I've waited almost 2 years for the girl of my dreams to break up with the guy(s) she's been dating...We've been best friends for over 7 years, and I finally figured out that I wanted to be with her.

Here's what happened:

She broke up with her last boyfriend about a week ago, and I've been talking with her a lot (more than usual). She had told me that she liked me and had just dated him to make me jealous. Well, it didn't make me jealous, but yes, I did like her.

So basically, I've been talking with her about her past relationships, and the subject came up of the worst thing that each other has done before. For me, it was (mind you, in 5th grade) touched a female's breast. For her....well...it was a bit different...she had given oral to her last boyfriend-- and only after two months of going out with him!!

EDIT: I am friends with the guy....

How could this have happened?!?! I prayed for a pure and righteous woman, not...this!!! UGH! I am in such a bind. What do I do? What do I say...how do I react? There's no way that I'm going to see her in the same light again!!!

Fast responses are greatly appreciated...

Thanks,
-William

She made a mistake, we all do.

ChristianKnight
Nov 26th 2008, 10:58 AM
After much prayer, headache, and arguments with myself and God...

Maybe it's a bit early to be deciding on someone. I'm just so wrapped up in trying to find the "perfect one" that I'm missing out on the ONLY perfect one-- God.

My solution: I'm letting her know that it isn't my heart to be giving away-- It's Gods. It isn't time yet for me to be searching for a girlfriend. When He tells me that it's time, and only then, I can be at peace with a dicision.

how old are you, may I ask?

Calmador
Nov 26th 2008, 06:17 PM
After much prayer, headache, and arguments with myself and God...

Maybe it's a bit early to be deciding on someone. I'm just so wrapped up in trying to find the "perfect one" that I'm missing out on the ONLY perfect one-- God.

My solution: I'm letting her know that it isn't my heart to be giving away-- It's Gods. It isn't time yet for me to be searching for a girlfriend. When He tells me that it's time, and only then, I can be at peace with a dicision.

Yeah.. thats a fine solution.. but I want to say something to you...

You see I don't think you should've lost it like that when you found out she sinned... honestly I think you were being VERY superficial when you acted that way. Thin about it, before that sin, you said yourself, "I thought she was so innocent" and that's what you cared about.. her appearance... her innocent appearance, hope that makes sense. I think you were perhaps (MAYBE) even proud of liking such a girl, innocent, pure to the last fiber. Yeah.. but when you found out of the sin, that's it you don't like her anymore. That's not good and it's definitely not love man. You really gotta focus on who she is as a person, nobody's perfect, I made and keep making mistakes (SINS) myself and I have pretty high achievements that I can say that probably none of the guys who posted here have... but ya know what? I don't want to be judged (by a girl) on my sins and the same goes for my high acheivements, my social appearnece (innocence....) but instead who I am.. does she like my serious, mellow, pounderous, and hardly talking side? Does she like how much I'm into my native american roots? Does she like when I make that wierd face when someone makes a joke that I didn't think was funny yet I give a polite smile and tiny laugh. Does she like me? I alot of times, girls like me for what I give them.... and it doesn't feel good when they find out more about me and discard me just because that comes with the package... yes I can be a funny guy, but why the hell do they like only that ... because theyre selfish, they get laughs, and that's what they cared about, not me. Just like you cared about her innocence... you cared about just that... her social appearance and what you would look like with her...not her. Selfish and Superficial, think about it, I know some of what I said, at least SOME, applies to you.

I meet a girl.. she was the most sinful person I ever knew, she was a witch, had sex a lot, liberal, drinked, drugs and perhaps she wasn't that bad, I think I say she was the most sinful because I loved that girl and I guess my view on what she did was x10 of other people, hope that makes sense. Ya know I would've married her if she would've changed her ways. And I think she loved me to but she didn't change... the point is, you can love someone that has sinned... is struggling with sin.. and is sinning right now.


Just look for what's real in G-d, your solution was fine, your not ready to make a decision on having a girl friend. Talk to your Pastor/Youth Pastor about it.

yeah... that is all, hope it helped

MOTC7
Dec 3rd 2008, 01:12 PM
To the OP

When I began dating who is my now wife, I knew she was a virgin and I most definitely was not after years of riotous living. However, I believed that Jesus restored my spiritual virginity but that what had happened in the past may make a difference come courting.

I told my girl when I was ready to court that I was not a virgin because I respected her and I wanted to give her the option of either continuing to date, or ending it right there. I didn't want to waste her time nor mine. It sounds to me that you should be thanking God that she was that honest and up front with you, and that if you truly love her, and this is a woman God has placed for your life, you should be on your knees asking God to help you forgive and show mercy towards her, because the Bible says "If you forgive, you will be forgiven...."

renthead188
Dec 7th 2008, 05:42 PM
OP

We are to love our wives as Christ loves the church.
We (all) have commited adultery (for he who looks at a woman with lust has commited adultery with her in his heart) so you are just as dirty as she is.

When we repent of our sins, what does God do with them? He doesn't see them and He removes even the memory of them. If we are called to love our wives as Christ loves the church and Christ will no longer even see our remember our sins (when we repent) I have to ask you a question. Are you loving her the way that God calls you to?

God compares the worship of other gods to marital adultery all throughout Scripture. You might want to read through the book of Hosea.

I feel your pain, although my own past falls more towards her side (in fact... far far beyond it) I understand what it's like to look at someone afterwards and put bad thoughts out of your mind.

Ask God, specfically, about this.

your brother
Chris

Revinius
Dec 8th 2008, 05:49 AM
Being unable to forgive someone has its root in pride. When you feel someone has done you wrong and you are unable to forgive them is because you hold yourself, your morality, as higher than them. That is sin. Repent of it and forgive them as your Lord forgives you.

lucyrae
Dec 18th 2008, 05:11 AM
hey william.. to me the thing that sticks out in your post is that she was dating another guy to make you jealous... that, to me, is a sign that maybe yall should wait before any dating/courting (I know you have been waiting a long time for her it sounds like) however maybe the best thing for her would be to find herself in Christ on her own, without a guy... letting Jesus shed light into the insecurities in her heart that would lead her to try and make you jealous ya know?? ... i could be reading this wrong but I think that if this is the case, it would really honor the woman she is and honor God to not jump into anything. Also, this will give you time to pray through her past and your feelings toward it and seek God on if this is what he has for you. If you have prayed for a righteous and pure woman that could still be her... if she has repented before God her sin is truly completely removed and forgotten... no matter how dirty it seems if she has repented she is white as snow completely.... anyway honor your future wife even now (whether it is this girl or not) by using wisdom in this friendship/relationship.