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View Full Version : moving on.. not as simple as it sounds



lucyrae
Dec 18th 2008, 05:48 AM
i am having a most difficult time letting go of the first boy I ever loved, we have been together for the majority of the last 4 years & I got my heart broken when after these years together he ended things and is with another girl pretty much immediately... & am finding it impossible to move on ... he is not some lame guy either he is an incredible, annointed, passionate man of God!!!! it really is so painful and I need HELP... over the last 4 years we have just made so many memories, gotten so close with his family... I feel like it would be easier if he was a big jerk or something but he really was the man of my dreams and he truly challenged me and encouraged me in my walk with the Lord... i mean our idea of a date night was walking around the mall praying for people and sharing the love of God!!!! ahhhhh... I need HELP how to move on......... a broken heart is more debilitating that i ever thought it would be..... sometimes i think that quote "it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" is really STUPID because the pain ... i want to let go.......

lucy-rae

CoffeeCat
Dec 18th 2008, 06:34 AM
Lucy-Rae :hug: I feel your pain, and know it all too well, having just come to the end of a four year relationship with a man I loved and still feel love for -- like you, I got very close to him, to his family, and made so many memories..... and what I'm taking out of it all, out of the pain, is this: hang onto God. It's the only thing that makes sense. Just keep praying, keep searching the scriptures, and mostly, stay real with yourself and with God. If you're angry and hurting and confused, it's okay to say it and admit it. God already knows it and He's there to help you.

I know you want to let the pain go. The only way to do that would be to never have made the memories. And like that old Garth Brooks song, "The Dance", "I could have missed the pain but I'd have had to miss the dance".... too true, I think. It's hard to say why God intersects our lives with other lives.... but I firmly believe a few things:

- He's got our lives in His hand and won't let go.
- In our pain, He makes Himself known and can become our only peace.
- It takes a LOT of time to move on, and it's nothing we can or should do overnight. Relationship-hopping would be a big mistake, ignoring it would be a big mistake too.... really, the only way out is right through it.

Keep on hanging on, hon. Just know that Christ is your rock.... and keep being yourself. Express yourself through art, writing, prayer, speech, any way you can. And know that I understand your feelings, and am praying for you. :hug:

Friend of Jesus
Dec 18th 2008, 07:53 AM
:agree: Listen to her, she knows what she's talking about

Also, it is essential that you forgive him, if you don't it will make everything worse.

Tonton
Dec 18th 2008, 09:39 AM
I have seen (and felt) this pain in my daughter who separated from a relationship a year ago. She still has to work at dealing with it.

Critically important is (a) always to keep the relationship Godly - therefore not to let it develop further than what it is, and (b) to stay in Christ, i.e. to let Him be the head of the relationship.

In 1 Cor 10:13 God promises that he will not tempt you beyond your capabilities, and with the temptation will come the outcome (resolve, escape). Please pray that word back to Him, and ask for the outcome.

1 Cor 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.(KJV)

God bless you,
Anton

Romber
Dec 18th 2008, 08:13 PM
hang onto God.

The best advice. It will give you time to get closer to God too.

TexasBeliever
Dec 18th 2008, 08:36 PM
I'm sorry you are going through this. In my experience the only thing that heals a broken heart is time.
I remember somewhere in the scripture that Jesus said, "Even if a mother does not love her child, I will never stop loving you."
The moral of that story is, people WILL let you down. Sometimes they WILL stop loving you. People are flawed creatures.
It may sound trite, but you have to accept the things you cannot change.

I guess the only real way to move on is you have to love yourself. Really, in this life, the only ones we can truly count on to love us is God and ourselves.
Everyone, and I mean everyone else is a gamble at best.
Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.

lucyrae
Dec 19th 2008, 04:30 AM
thanks for the advice everyone- it has really encouraged me to hang onto the Lord and see with his eternal perspective how this is for my good.. learning how to consider it pure joy to endure pain of any kind... :0) its true what yall have said, God's love never fails, He never gives up on me, He has not deserted me... and there is no shadow of change in Him, so he will NEVER fail me and that is a sure thing I can cling too... its so good to be loved by Him, to belong to Him :0)

CoffeeCat
Dec 19th 2008, 04:35 AM
thanks for the advice everyone- it has really encouraged me to hang onto the Lord and see with his eternal perspective how this is for my good.. learning how to consider it pure joy to endure pain of any kind... :0) its true what yall have said, God's love never fails, He never gives up on me, He has not deserted me... and there is no shadow of change in Him, so he will NEVER fail me and that is a sure thing I can cling too... its so good to be loved by Him, to belong to Him :0)

Amen. :hug: I will keep on praying for you. Keep reaching out to God, praying, reading scripture, asking questions, and fellowshipping with others. All of it becomes a lifeline.

EvangMike
Dec 24th 2008, 07:26 AM
Lucyrae - Hi. Certainly it does hurt now, but I do rejoice that you did have a close relationship with a godly man, rather than getting into a permanent relationship with an ungodly one.

Right now, though, there is something you may need to watch out for. When you are hurting, it may be too easy to seek another relationship to fill the void. Be careful of moving too quickly, or of allowing the enemy (Satan) to bring someone into your life that is not what God wants. This could severely hurt your testimony and ruin further service for God.

As others have said - draw nigh to God and let Him be the love of your heart right now. (Ps. 37:4). He can heal. You may never totally get over what you had, but God does know how to heal and direct you.

May God Bless.