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View Full Version : Need Advice: Jail



Morganamanda17
Sep 25th 2009, 04:14 AM
So.. I'm dating a guy who has gotten him self locked up in the county Jail.. And I believe I love him.. But the thing is everyone is telling me I am worng for still being with him and I should have broken up with him as soon as he got himself in there... Well.. I feel like Im the reason He is in there cause On my 21 bday I got a bottle of vodka and I didnt want it sitting in my house anymore so I gave it to my boyfriend and we (mostly him) drank the whole bottle that night and I droped him off at his friends house.. and his friend was not home.. and the nighbers called the staties on him and I guess he started to fight with them.. but he was really drunk but I know that doesnt have anything to do with anything.. but if I didnt give him that bottle then he wouldnt be there.. His friend is not pressing chagers on him for being out his house when he was not there.. but Hes being held with bail untill his court date thats nov. 13th I believe.. He has been in Jail 2 other times.. and I knew this.. But for some resone I couldnt just leave him and say I couldnt be with him.. He says that he has had enough and he has a the girl of his dreams and that I make him want to be a better preson he has started to read the bible so he says and I have heard alot of stories about people changing and become strong believers while in jail.. but am I worng for loveing him and wanting to spend the rest of my life with him? I'm really confused about what I should do and would love other thoughts about this.. I keep thinking that I need to treat others how I would want to be treated and I know that If I was the one and jail I wouldnt want him thinking that hes doing the worng thing by listening to all his friends telling him I'm no good.. I know that he loves me with everything that he has.. and I know I love everyone.. but the love I feel for him is not like the others.. and idk.. it scares me a bit I guess.. But yeah.. I guess my main thing is.. Is it worng to be with someone who is and has been in jail? And could he really change if he wanted too?!

Thanks for reading

slightlypuzzled
Sep 25th 2009, 05:12 AM
I don't think it's wrong, in and of itself. But, you have to decide what you want, and what you really think he wants. You need to let your emotions cool and look at them prayerfully. Let God help you to look at them and see if that is where you really want to go.
If he has been in jail before, you have to know that he has some behavioral problems he has to change. How likely is he to be able to change?
As for your guilt, you do need to be careful what you do. This is a case where your actions contributed to some bad consequences for someone you love. However, it seems like he 'took to the bottle' real quick. You have to thin about that. Does he have a problem in handling alcohol?
Do you? It sounds like you don't, but it is an honest question to ask while you think about him.
Lastly, how is your Christian maturity. A mature walk with Christ can give you a perspective to judge things. It won't keep you from making mistakes, but it will give you One you can turn to, and talk with in prayer...

Revinius
Sep 29th 2009, 03:44 AM
Don't go anywhere near a guy romantically until he is the sort of man that is pursuing being like Christ. Support this guy as a Christian sister and encourage him to read the Bible and become a Christian, but anything more than that relies on him being the man the Bible commands him to be. He cannot lead you in Christ if he is not in Christ (which is his job if he marries you).

Moonlit Mourning
Sep 29th 2009, 04:07 AM
Basically what Revinius said; a husband his supposed to hold his household together and be a covering for his wife and this guy can not do that for you outside of Christ; Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? 1 Corinthians 6:14.

I know your feelings for him are deep, but it's a really a relationship that never should have begun in the first place.

JonathanMark
Oct 26th 2009, 06:34 PM
So.. I'm dating a guy who has gotten him self locked up in the county Jail.. And I believe I love him.. But the thing is everyone is telling me I am worng for still being with him and I should have broken up with him as soon as he got himself in there... Well.. I feel like Im the reason He is in there cause On my 21 bday I got a bottle of vodka and I didnt want it sitting in my house anymore so I gave it to my boyfriend and we (mostly him) drank the whole bottle that night and I droped him off at his friends house.. and his friend was not home.. and the nighbers called the staties on him and I guess he started to fight with them.. but he was really drunk but I know that doesnt have anything to do with anything.. but if I didnt give him that bottle then he wouldnt be there.. His friend is not pressing chagers on him for being out his house when he was not there.. but Hes being held with bail untill his court date thats nov. 13th I believe.. He has been in Jail 2 other times.. and I knew this.. But for some resone I couldnt just leave him and say I couldnt be with him.. He says that he has had enough and he has a the girl of his dreams and that I make him want to be a better preson he has started to read the bible so he says and I have heard alot of stories about people changing and become strong believers while in jail.. but am I worng for loveing him and wanting to spend the rest of my life with him? I'm really confused about what I should do and would love other thoughts about this.. I keep thinking that I need to treat others how I would want to be treated and I know that If I was the one and jail I wouldnt want him thinking that hes doing the worng thing by listening to all his friends telling him I'm no good.. I know that he loves me with everything that he has.. and I know I love everyone.. but the love I feel for him is not like the others.. and idk.. it scares me a bit I guess.. But yeah.. I guess my main thing is.. Is it worng to be with someone who is and has been in jail? And could he really change if he wanted too?!

Thanks for reading

Difficult question. The answer may be even more difficult.
1)Your not responsible for him or his feelings. He makes choices that he is 100% responsible for, and your being with him or not has nothing to do with your providing the vodka. You also don't 'make him be a better person'....he chooses or doesnt choose to follow Christ. God calls us to be witnesses, to love others as he loves us to encourage, exhort, reprove, to have patience with each other, ect, ect.. But He does not call us to date someone in order to get them to do whats right.
2)The question you need to ask yourself is not whether or not you should date him, but rather this one: Why did I provide him and myself vodka? Where is my relationship with the Lord? Whats keeping me from walking in His way? Am I abstaining from sexual relations before marriage in order to honor the Lord? In other words, yes, you are responsible, like him, for acting foolishly, but that happened not because of your relationship with your boyfriend, but because of your personal walk with the Lord. He loves you dearly, and wants to walk with you, to provide for you and dwell in you. Give the Lord a chance :)

The Mighty Sword
Oct 26th 2009, 07:07 PM
If you had a sister in the same situation as yourself and she asked you for advice, what Godly advice would you give her?