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bambu420
Oct 6th 2009, 10:50 PM
Hey all.I'm new and this is my first post.I am a Christian.Lately i've been battling ALOT of inner feelings.I'm 23 years old.
I want to become a man.I want to feel like a man.But I don't.I've been studying God and the bible and have been learning new things to live by.But sometimes living these things out just doesnt feel good enough.I don't know if maybe i'm learning the WRONG things, but they're biblical.

I'm very concerned about my appearance.I've been small bodied since I know myself and have only recently began lifting weights to try and gain some muscle.This is one of the areas in which I feel like less of a man, even if I do follow his commandments.I look like what you would call a "pushover"; I have glasses and aren't the meanest looking of guys.

Another area of my life that has been causing me to think alot is how I relate with women.I've never had a girlfriend before and the closest thing I had to one was this girl that I was dating this year, but she doesn't want,need, or can support a relationship right now.I wanted to having a loving(non sexual) relationship with her.This has me feeling less than adequate and i've been lonely, begging the lord to some someone my way.I've only started taking women seriously within the past 2 years.I fear that I will just be getting older with no chance of meeting a suitable mate.Of the little intimacy I had with this girl, I thoroughly enjoyed it.We didn't have sex,just kisses on the lips and spending time together.Not having a woman also makes me feel like less of a man; family and friends continuously question my love life and I have no doubt that some of them may be thinking im gay, which is NOT the case.

Can anyone offer advice as to how I can overcome these challenges and feel more manly?How can I become God's man?I just don't want to feel the same anymore.I'm 23 but I don't feel like it; I still feel like a teenager.

ScottWoods
Oct 7th 2009, 12:31 AM
I'm not in the position to offer you a lot of advice, but I'll tell you what I can...

Keep praying about it, of course. But don't pray for God to change your appearance or anything; Pray for confidence in yourself. Work towards finding that confidence in you. Instead of looking at yourself and picking out what you don't like, look at all your good qualities. If you dislike your glasses, look into contact lenses. Realize, above all else, that God created you as a unique person and that you will eventually find a woman who appreciates that in you.

You'll find that having confidence in yourself will make you feel different. At least it did for me. I've been really transformed (or, more accurately, molded) in the past 4 years or so. God gave me confidence in myself, and it makes a world of difference.

bambu420
Oct 7th 2009, 12:51 AM
Confidence is definitely a shortfall in my life right now :B I've always been a somewhat, negative person :cry: Thanks for that piece of info :saint:

Jeffinator
Oct 7th 2009, 12:52 AM
Some advice..

1. Living Godly makes you more of a man than anything else. Its hard to live Godly in a temptful and sinful world. Keep strong in this area.

2. Physical Appearance has less to do with it and more to do with confidence. You've probably heard it a million times but seriously no matter how one looks or feels..if your confident and having a good time people want to be around you. (Glasses etc dont make one look less attractive, a lot of people wear them or just have contacts)

3. Stand by Gods word and know that He is looking after you in everything you do and you wont be a "push over". David was not big in stature but lead an undefeated army to victory many times and by no means was a push over.

4. Meeting people, ie girls in your case, can be hard especially if your Christian and dont do the whole going clubbing or to bars thing. Just be confident and Godly and youll attract the right girl for you. Notice I didnt say "a girl" but the right girl. You can act like someone your not and attract a girl but she prob wont be the right girl for you.

5. Finally, dont just read the Bible for comfort but obey His words live His life. God never says be timid and shy. Instead God says for us to be BOLD...Ephesians 3:12 "In whom we have boldness and access with confidence by the faith of him".

God Bless

Friend of Jesus
Oct 7th 2009, 07:57 AM
I highly, highly, highly reccommend you read a book called 'Wild at Heart' by John Eldredge- It answers brilliantly all the questions you have raised.

Dani H
Oct 7th 2009, 08:34 PM
The way to become an adult is to put away childish things.

Being a man has less to do with physique than it does with attitude towards life, and growing up inwardly, having the right priorities, being independent from others, working for a living, and accepting full responsibility for your own behavior.

1 Corinthians 13:11 (http://bibleforums.org/passage/?search=1 Corinthians+13:11&version=NKJV)

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

Friend of Jesus
Oct 7th 2009, 09:27 PM
The way to become an adult is to put away childish things.

Being a man has less to do with physique than it does with attitude towards life, and growing up inwardly, having the right priorities, being independent from others, working for a living, and accepting full responsibility for your own behavior.

1 Corinthians 13:11 (http://bibleforums.org/passage/?search=1 Corinthians+13:11&version=NKJV)

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

Well said, but there's much more to becoming a Man than responsibility. It's about standing up for the weak, facing risk head on, loving a woman with all you can give and trusting God all the way.

If all a man is, is mature and responsible, dutiful. Then being a man must be a very boring person.

Athanasius
Oct 7th 2009, 11:33 PM
Mark Driscoll (www.marshillchurch.org (http://www.marshillchurch.org)) has a few good sermon series on what it means to be a godly woman or man. Both the Song of Solomon series and the Trial series.


Hey all.I'm new and this is my first post.I am a Christian.Lately i've been battling ALOT of inner feelings.I'm 23 years old.
I want to become a man.I want to feel like a man.But I don't.I've been studying God and the bible and have been learning new things to live by.But sometimes living these things out just doesnt feel good enough.I don't know if maybe i'm learning the WRONG things, but they're biblical.

I'm very concerned about my appearance.I've been small bodied since I know myself and have only recently began lifting weights to try and gain some muscle.This is one of the areas in which I feel like less of a man, even if I do follow his commandments.I look like what you would call a "pushover"; I have glasses and aren't the meanest looking of guys.

Another area of my life that has been causing me to think alot is how I relate with women.I've never had a girlfriend before and the closest thing I had to one was this girl that I was dating this year, but she doesn't want,need, or can support a relationship right now.I wanted to having a loving(non sexual) relationship with her.This has me feeling less than adequate and i've been lonely, begging the lord to some someone my way.I've only started taking women seriously within the past 2 years.I fear that I will just be getting older with no chance of meeting a suitable mate.Of the little intimacy I had with this girl, I thoroughly enjoyed it.We didn't have sex,just kisses on the lips and spending time together.Not having a woman also makes me feel like less of a man; family and friends continuously question my love life and I have no doubt that some of them may be thinking im gay, which is NOT the case.

Can anyone offer advice as to how I can overcome these challenges and feel more manly?How can I become God's man?I just don't want to feel the same anymore.I'm 23 but I don't feel like it; I still feel like a teenager.

If you're learning the wrong things, then how are they biblical? I'd say that chances are you have an incorrect conception on what it means to be a man. Being a man has very little to do with your appearance or whether or not you've been in a relationship with a member of the opposite sex. From this, it seems to me you have a very worldly conception of 'manliness'. If you think you look like a pushover and what to start lifting weights, then go ahead! However, that isn't going to make you any more of a man than you are now. You can go get a girlfriend, but that also won't make you any more of a man than you are now.

As good as resources are (books, sermons) for telling you what a man should be, biblically, I think probably the best thing you can do is go to church and hang out with Godly men. This probably has more to do with what you think a man is (incorrectly), than whether or not you actually fit the definition of a man, biblically.

Big Heart
Oct 8th 2009, 12:13 AM
Dude, I know just how you feel because I used to be there.
When I was growing up, I would have to say my father wasn't exactly the manliest of men and so a lot of his traits were passed down to me. Fortunately, God blessed with the brains to realize what was happening. But I still didn't know how to overcome it, and I didn't even know the exact root of the problem.
The root of the problem was that I was never taught how to be a "real man". You must be a really smart guy though, since you already know you need to seek out how to become a true man of God.
Thankfully God brought me to a christian group on my college campus where there were true men of God, seeking after Him everyday and learning and growing in the nature of Christ.

Here are a few characteristics of a leader. (this is off the top of my head by the way)
1. Confidence. Treat others with kindness and respect, but do not feel like you continually need to apologize to them, stand up for yourself and your God and they with accept you for who you are.
2. Leadership. I always keep this word in the back of my mind. It takes a lot of work to be a leader. It involves initiating the next step in whatever the task may be and coming up with your own ideas. Once you begin to take the lead over others, you'd be surprised how willing others are to follow; and don't be afraid to ask for help.
3. Strength. Don't give up for the things you believe in. In contrast, be willing to back down when you can clearly see you're should not proceed. Sometimes backing down takes a stronger person.
4. Always compliment people and look at their positives. Others will learn to look for your compliment.
5. Intentionally spend time with other men. Guys' nights out are a great way to have male bonding. Male bonding is vitally important in the process of learning to be a real man. Be careful though, any group of real men will be willing to accept you into their group. If they don't, then they are not the best group of guys to get involved with. You shouldn't feel like you have to "earn" your way in.
6. Don't show sensitivity. If you can laugh off foolish remarks from other men or women then it shows confidence. If you get defense over them, then people will think something is wrong with you. Be careful with this one too though. Do not let people abuse you or your God verbally or physically. Tell them verbally when they are over stepping their bounds. Make sure you do not repeat or mimic foolishness.
7. Show sensitivity. A man who isn't afraid to express how he is feeling to others is considered genuine. A man who can rejoice with others in their success or morn with them in their grief is a good friend.
8. Fear only God. Do not let fear control you but rather you need to control fear. If you have a problem with fear and it is adversely effecting your life, then you need to find a way to over come it. I can explain more later.

Well I have to run. I hope some of this helps. I'd love to chat with you more later if you like.

Peace

Firefighter
Oct 8th 2009, 06:54 PM
I have been; a soldier, a bodyguard, a bouncer, a cop, and a firefighter. All of them seem like very MANLY things. Most of them were done @ 6' and 140 pounds soaking wet. I used to have to run around in the shower just to get wet.

The hardest (and most manly) thing I have ever done is to stand up for Christ every day, be the Husband that I am supposed to be and be the Father that I am supposed to be. Being a man has nothing to do with your size, or what you do, or how many women you date. Do you stand with Christ in the good AND the bad and are you responsible to those you are called to care for and be an example for? THAT, my friend, makes you a man.

bambu420
Oct 9th 2009, 07:12 PM
Thanks for all the good information guys :D It makes me see things a little differently now.I'm already beginning to feel different!! Thank god! I'm trying to incorporate these things into my day everyday.This is the beginning of something great

Col 2:9-10
Dec 19th 2009, 05:12 AM
Well I hope you don't mind if I reply (though I be a woman).
I can tell you in all honesty that a godly character and sincere, deep relationship with Christ is the most attractive thing - to the right sort of woman.
I once met a skinnier somewhat shorter man. I think at first I wrote him off for that reason because I was being shallow. Anyways, after spending time with him and seeing his character in different ways - I began to really respect him. He was selfless, intelligent, deep, secure, and above all else loved Jesus. When I got over myself I realized his appearance meant nothing, he was truly amazing because Jesus lived through him.
I pray that if that man desires it, that God will provide him an equally awesome spouse to love and support him.

So please do be encouraged, the whole cliche answer that it's really all about loving Jesus - is in fact true. I have seen it.

IsItLove?
Dec 19th 2009, 08:20 AM
To be as you where meant, you must be like God.

Love what God loves! Hate what God hates! (with all you heart mind and strength)

Be wholehearted and don't hold back! (be true!)(Act!)

Trust in God, in His correction and direction, do not fear being wrong but rather do all you know to be right, then afterward seek His correction.

Hate your life and abandon it so you might live after Him.

Do not seek your protection in word or deed, do not calculate your words, but speak plainly, directly from the heart. (God is your everything if you don't try and do it for your self)

Sacrifice for the sake of others, for the sake of Love.

Be Angry continually at sin, like a simmering pot, yet do not sin.

Put away Anger that is temporary, passing and self serving.

You will become a threat, a fearful thing, a beautiful thing, someone who loves and inspires others to love, someone rejected by the fearful and ungodly, someone who gets thrown out of churches because he will not tolerate what is false. Humble and gentle yet powerful.

Even your countenance will change to match your spirit.

Its yours for the asking, and God is willing to create in you the fullness of the stature of Christ Jesus.

So reach out for what is beyond you and grab on in faith and don't let go.

Glory to God!!!

AMEN?

bambu420
Dec 19th 2009, 02:23 PM
Amen to that ;)