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motormouf
Oct 8th 2009, 12:38 PM
This is a topic that interests me- At what age or stage in life do you think a person should be married? I base this on personal observation. I've noticed some older Christian not pressuring but in a way encouraging younger Christians to be married quickly or early. Some even play match make and encourage certain youth to go together, even tho some were a bit young imo- 14/15 yrs old. I'm 25 and a man told me i should have children by now- his logic was its better to get them early so that you can keep up with them as they grow.
However, i see a flip side- i know people who got married early- late teens / early 20's and who told me they are regretting it because they point out that they don't think the person they chose was the right one and now are seeing others out there they preferred which leads to separation,affairs etc. Some also missed out on the freedom of being single and free and then after divorcing went off back to do it (i.e my father). So really when do you think should be the right time. P.S- Some of them were Christians.

Buzzword
Oct 8th 2009, 12:53 PM
I think a great measuring rod is financial independence.

When you're able to pay your own bills, live in your own house/apartment, and generally handle yourself financially, THEN start looking for a mate.
Doesn't mean you can't date in the meantime, but keep it casual until you know for certain that neither you nor a potential mate will use the other as a financial crutch prior to marriage.


...or don't date at all, and just enjoy being your own person for awhile.

If I have any regrets regarding my dating life prior to meeting my wife, it's that I didn't take enough time to really be a whole person on my own as an adult.

Br. Barnabas
Oct 8th 2009, 02:08 PM
There is no right age each couple has to figure that out for themselves. Although I can understand why some Christians suggest couples get married earlier because being engaged for years invites temptation into the relationship. I know when I was engaged the preist doing marriage prep with us suggested we only be engaged for about 3-4 months as opposed to the 8 months we were engaged. Because he did not want us to sin.

We were in our mid 20s when we got married because we didn't find each other until about a year and a few months before hand.

Athanasius
Oct 8th 2009, 03:13 PM
However, i see a flip side- i know people who got married early- late teens / early 20's and who told me they are regretting it because they point out that they don't think the person they chose was the right one and now are seeing others out there they preferred which leads to separation,affairs etc. Some also missed out on the freedom of being single and free and then after divorcing went off back to do it (i.e my father). So really when do you think should be the right time. P.S- Some of them were Christians.

And all of them are imbeciles. To answer the question though, it depends on the people in question.

RabbiKnife
Oct 8th 2009, 03:19 PM
My great grandparents were married when she was 14 and he was 17. They had literally known each other their entire lives up to that point. The families thought it was a good idea. My grandfather had already bought and paid cash for a little piece of bottom land and built a one room house.

They were married for 74 years, I think it was, before she died. He gave up the ghost about 2 months later while in perfect health.

The difference? They understood commitment, integrity, loyalty.

Many young people today only understand "me".

motormouf
Oct 8th 2009, 04:36 PM
And all of them are imbeciles. To answer the question though, it depends on the people in question.

Lets not get judgmental shall we.

-SEEKING-
Oct 8th 2009, 04:44 PM
I can't really put a number to this question. I was 23 when I got married and I felt old enough. I had friends around the same age that said they were too young at that time. Others said it was ok. I think it's more about maturity than anything else.

Buzzword
Oct 8th 2009, 05:00 PM
I can't really put a number to this question. I was 23 when I got married and I felt old enough. I had friends around the same age that said they were too young at that time. Others said it was ok. I think it's more about maturity than anything else.

I too was 23 on my wedding day, and many of my friends from high school had already been married for several years, all to their high school sweethearts whom they'd dated for 5+ years beforehand (one couple had been together since age 14).

Athanasius
Oct 8th 2009, 05:26 PM
Lets not get judgmental shall we.

Funny thing about telling someone not to get judgmental... (is that you're judgmental in the process).
However, i see a flip side- i know people who got married early- late teens / early 20's and who told me they are regretting it because they point out that they don't think the person they chose was the right one and now are seeing others out there they preferred which leads to separation,affairs etc. Some also missed out on the freedom of being single and free and then after divorcing went off back to do it (i.e my father). So really when do you think should be the right time. P.S- Some of them were Christians.
What else would you have me call the attitude described above ("me, me, me, me, me, me, me!!!!!!"), especially as some of those people who hold it claim Christ?

RabbiKnife
Oct 8th 2009, 06:09 PM
Funny thing about telling someone not to get judgmental... (is that you're judgmental in the process).
However, i see a flip side- i know people who got married early- late teens / early 20's and who told me they are regretting it because they point out that they don't think the person they chose was the right one and now are seeing others out there they preferred which leads to separation,affairs etc. Some also missed out on the freedom of being single and free and then after divorcing went off back to do it (i.e my father). So really when do you think should be the right time. P.S- Some of them were Christians.
What else would you have me call the attitude described above ("me, me, me, me, me, me, me!!!!!!"), especially as some of those people who hold it claim Christ?


"What is "Idiots" for $200, Alex."

Firefighter
Oct 8th 2009, 06:45 PM
I had a friend that I counseled prior to her marriage and I asked her why she wanted to marry a deadbeat that she knew she shouldn't. Her reply was "Because all of my friends are married.":o

As much as I tried, I could not talk her out of the impending trainwreck.:B

motormouf
Oct 8th 2009, 07:27 PM
Funny thing about telling someone not to get judgmental... (is that you're judgmental in the process).
However, i see a flip side- i know people who got married early- late teens / early 20's and who told me they are regretting it because they point out that they don't think the person they chose was the right one and now are seeing others out there they preferred which leads to separation,affairs etc. Some also missed out on the freedom of being single and free and then after divorcing went off back to do it (i.e my father). So really when do you think should be the right time. P.S- Some of them were Christians.
What else would you have me call the attitude described above ("me, me, me, me, me, me, me!!!!!!"), especially as some of those people who hold it claim Christ?

Ummmm human? imperfect. But the point is its not neccessarilly about selfishness. They may have made a mistake by rushing into something they may not have been ready for and someone who may not have been for them.But what do u do when your hooked up permanently with someone and urealise that they arent the onesfor you or if both realsie it? im not saying theadultery is right or the divorce but its a tricky place to be

Firefighter
Oct 8th 2009, 08:12 PM
Why else would you rush into things if not for selfish reasons???

Athanasius
Oct 8th 2009, 09:03 PM
Ummmm human? imperfect. But the point is its not neccessarilly about selfishness. They may have made a mistake by rushing into something they may not have been ready for and someone who may not have been for them. But what do u do when your hooked up permanently with someone and urealise that they arent the onesfor you or if both realsie it? im not saying theadultery is right or the divorce but its a tricky place to be

When you marry them, you 'make' them the 'one for you'. This whole 'the one' concept is awfully destructive. As is it's sister concept, the 'soul mate'.

Oh, and when you call them 'human' or 'imperfect,' then you make a judgment call ;)

bambu420
Oct 10th 2009, 11:57 AM
I think you need to understand the concept of marriage first my dear.Once you fully understand and grasp it then you can decide if you're ready for it or not.There are certain things that help a marriage greatly outside of the core requirements.Remember above all else your partner should also be ready and understand marriage as you do.Knowledge is power and there is a time and place 4 everything :cool:

motormouf
Oct 10th 2009, 02:02 PM
When you marry them, you 'make' them the 'one for you'. This whole 'the one' concept is awfully destructive. As is it's sister concept, the 'soul mate'.

Oh, and when you call them 'human' or 'imperfect,' then you make a judgment call ;)

I really dont think so, because as far as i know people really cant be nything else but Human or imperfect. Apart from out Lord and Saviour cant u name any one who isnt??? if i call a human a human am i being judgmental or am i making a simple statement of fact. calling them idiots that would count as being judgmental based on your opinion of them

Athanasius
Oct 10th 2009, 02:56 PM
I really dont think so, because as far as i know people really cant be nything else but Human or imperfect. Apart from out Lord and Saviour cant u name any one who isnt??? if i call a human a human am i being judgmental or am i making a simple statement of fact. calling them idiots that would count as being judgmental based on your opinion of them

Well, who's to say what you know is what I, or someone else knows? Maybe to you humans are imperfect, but to someone else they are good and 'learning'? Whether you're stating a fact or a perception, you're making a judgment call. Regardless of whether or not people are 'human' and 'imperfect,' they can still take an imbecilic course of actions (or idiotic actions, as Rabbi suggested). The actions I described as imbecilic are all spoken against in Scripture. Thus my judgment isn't 'my opinion' but the opinion of Scripture. I'm simply using the seemingly harsh word, 'imbecile' as an umbrella term. You can't say, 'Oh, well they're human!' and expect that to be a good reason for the mistakes they've made.

Any person who claims Christ and takes the attitude I was 'judging' is an idiot. They are a person who care only about the 'I' and they'll use any number of facade's to see to it.

ilovemetal
Oct 10th 2009, 06:50 PM
This is a topic that interests me- At what age or stage in life do you think a person should be married? I base this on personal observation. I've noticed some older Christian not pressuring but in a way encouraging younger Christians to be married quickly or early. Some even play match make and encourage certain youth to go together, even tho some were a bit young imo- 14/15 yrs old. I'm 25 and a man told me i should have children by now- his logic was its better to get them early so that you can keep up with them as they grow.
However, i see a flip side- i know people who got married early- late teens / early 20's and who told me they are regretting it because they point out that they don't think the person they chose was the right one and now are seeing others out there they preferred which leads to separation,affairs etc. Some also missed out on the freedom of being single and free and then after divorcing went off back to do it (i.e my father). So really when do you think should be the right time. P.S- Some of them were Christians.

I think the most important thing now days is to look at why people are getting married, and to me, many seem like selfish reasons. For instance, my cousin got married, and boasted of how good sex was. It wasn't a suprise then he got divorced a couple years later.

Now I'm not saying this is everyone, but, why would I get married? Right now I'm 27 (only allowed to reply to you here). I'm not ready for marrage. I know I'm not. But not in the sence I couldn't get married, just, there is no logical reason for me to be. (I have also yet to find a girl I think God would have me fit for.) Love is not enought for me, frankly.

Which brings me to 'love'. Now I'm not a hater per-say, of 'love', but I find that young people (I've been young too) follow their hearts, which of course is stupid, really.

Jeremiah 17:9
The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?

Something I worte a while ago:

And according to Dr. Gary Chapman (Five love languages) this love generally last around 18 months, hence the brutal divorce rates in the US. According to Jennifer Baker the divorce rate in America is (close to) 50% percent for first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages.[2] And are we wondering why? People are using TV to define what love should be like. Love is a choice not a feeling. C.S. Lewis confirmed this when he said regarding Caritas (agape): "is an unconditional love directed towards one's neighbor which is not dependent on any lovable qualities that the object of love possesses. Agape is the love that brings forth caring regardless of circumstance."

Proverbs 16:2
All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the LORD.

My point is, some people are going into marrage with the resons like 'what can this person do for me?' or 'this makes me happy, I deserve this.' It's all garbage to me. Love is not about yourself, and (as has been said) the younger people seem to mostly only focus on 'me'. It's no wonder marrage is a joke now. Not to mention the watered down approach to sex and sexuality. "everything but sex is ok" is also something I've heard.

I think sex has alot to do with it too, but that's another topic. People need to grow up before they tackle something like marrage. Like I said, maybe, just now, at 27, I could see myslef getting married. I'm not saying everyone is where I'm at in life, but man, any sooner and my motivs would have been 100% selfish.

Friend of Jesus
Oct 10th 2009, 07:03 PM
Well, who's to say what you know is what I, or someone else knows? Maybe to you humans are imperfect, but to someone else they are good and 'learning'? Whether you're stating a fact or a perception, you're making a judgment call. Regardless of whether or not people are 'human' and 'imperfect,' they can still take an imbecilic course of actions (or idiotic actions, as Rabbi suggested). The actions I described as imbecilic are all spoken against in Scripture. Thus my judgment isn't 'my opinion' but the opinion of Scripture. I'm simply using the seemingly harsh word, 'imbecile' as an umbrella term. You can't say, 'Oh, well they're human!' and expect that to be a good reason for the mistakes they've made.

Any person who claims Christ and takes the attitude I was 'judging' is an idiot. They are a person who care only about the 'I' and they'll use any number of facade's to see to it.

They may have taken the wrong course of action, there is nothing wrong with saying that. But it is quite another thing to insult them by calling them 'imbeciles' or 'idiots'- Christ's way is convicting in love not condemning. Scripture teaches that we should think others better than ourselves, even if they do make bad choices. Insults don't help your arguement.

JohnDB
Oct 10th 2009, 07:57 PM
Right age for marriage?

23 3/4

of course...how could it not be?

I don't know of a reason anyone wouldn't get married at that age...granted there are a few good excuses...but in generall that is the only age to get married at.

NOT

get real. LOL

Athanasius
Oct 10th 2009, 09:52 PM
They may have taken the wrong course of action, there is nothing wrong with saying that. But it is quite another thing to insult them by calling them 'imbeciles' or 'idiots'- Christ's way is convicting in love not condemning. Scripture teaches that we should think others better than ourselves, even if they do make bad choices. Insults don't help your arguement.

Where does Scripture teach we should think of others better than ourselves, not to be confused with a servants attitude? As for calling them imbeciles and idiots, you'd very much lose the delivery over this medium.

CoffeeCat
Oct 11th 2009, 02:20 AM
Gentle reminder, here, to all those who are NOT "young" adults to please only respond to the OP. :D

That being said...

You're ready to get married when you love Christ more than your spouse, and your spouse more than yourself. When you're willing to care for and love your spouse, through the roughest patches and the best times, and you've both got your feet firmly planted in the Word and in preparations for the future together, with God at the helm -- THEN go for it, whether you're 22 or 62. There'll never be a "perfect" time, not in the world we live in.... but when we trust Christ in all things, and most of all we trust our marriage to Him, I see no reason not to take that awesome plunge. And I say that as someone, through God's grace, who's taking it this winter.

Friend of Jesus
Oct 11th 2009, 08:03 AM
Where does Scripture teach we should think of others better than ourselves, not to be confused with a servants attitude? As for calling them imbeciles and idiots, you'd very much lose the delivery over this medium.

Well first of all I should point out this:

"29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Ephesians 4)

Calling people rude names doesn't exactly 'build others up according to their needs' neither does it express much in the way of compassion.

Also:

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves" (Philippians 2:3)

Can you give good Biblical teaching which says that we should insult those who are falling

CoffeeCat
Oct 11th 2009, 06:11 PM
Mod cap on for just a sec: For now, folks, let's please keep this thread on the subject of marriage, okay? I see it going into a bit of a derail. :)

Athanasius
Oct 11th 2009, 06:26 PM
Well first of all I should point out this:

"29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Ephesians 4)

Calling people rude names doesn't exactly 'build others up according to their needs' neither does it express much in the way of compassion.

Also:

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves" (Philippians 2:3)

Can you give good Biblical teaching which says that we should insult those who are falling

First things first: show me where I disagreed with you?

Jeffinator
Oct 11th 2009, 07:49 PM
And all of them are imbeciles. To answer the question though, it depends on the people in question.


Agreed.......:D

Friend of Jesus
Oct 11th 2009, 08:06 PM
First things first: show me where I disagreed with you?

Point. Your other post went over my head and I made a presumption.

To the OP- There is no right age for marriage (as many have already stated) but I personally would not want to be married before I know what direction my life is headed (where God is taking me) and know that they (my partner) is happy with the direction.

Athanasius
Oct 11th 2009, 08:37 PM
Point. Your other post went over my head and I made a presumption.

Well, I just was in a bad mood, sorry :P

motormouf
Oct 12th 2009, 06:00 PM
They may have taken the wrong course of action, there is nothing wrong with saying that. But it is quite another thing to insult them by calling them 'imbeciles' or 'idiots'- Christ's way is convicting in love not condemning. Insults don't help your arguement.


Thank you so verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry much. I was a bit put off by the statement. I know these people and it wasnt like ME, ME ,ME, it was more like people who made mistakes in their life and struggling with it.
but anyway its kinda amazing how much emphasis people put on getting married. To me they should encourage them to marry less and focus on rheir spirititual growth first, because some of them have real problems spiritually which should be dealt with asap before they get married.