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Equipped_4_Love
May 19th 2010, 01:53 AM
Hi all;

Next week I have a court date for mediation with my husband (soon-to-be ex). This will be the first time I have seen him since he took my beautiful and precious daughter out of the country behind my back and set up residence in another state. This past year has been one of the hardest of my life. I have had absolutely no contact with her, and had no idea if she was even okay.

It's only by the grace of God that his wife (yes....the one he married while he and I were still married/separated) tracked me down and E-Mailed me, telling me where he lives. Anyhow, I was able to serve him, and this next week will be the first time I have seen him inover a year.

I am a pretty strong person, but even so, I get so intimidated by him. I just know he is going to try and paint me as a completely unfit mother, mentally unbalanced, and get me completely revoked from her life....even though I have been working at the same job for almost 7 years and have been stable since the separation, part of me is just expecting the worst. I am just so afraid he's going to con his mom into hiring some high-priced lawyer again, and he will have the upper-hand...AGAIN. The last time we were in court, he made me look like a complete mental case, used my manic depression against me, and basically got my visitation rights taken away.

This separation from my daughter has been some of the most intolerable pain that I have ever been through, and there isn't a day that goes by that I do not think about her, and wish I could talk to her. I am just so afraid that I am going to go to court and he is going to make me look like a completly horrible mom....even though he is the one who took her out of the country without telling me, and went into court about 3 years ago behind my back and tried to get my maternal rights taken away, by completely lying to the judge.

Anyhow, this is the situation in a nutshell. PLEASE pray for me in this, as I am trying with everything in me not to worry, but to put it in God's hands.

Thank you

moonglow
May 19th 2010, 03:14 AM
Wow..I had no idea you had a child. How old is she? Do you have a lawyer? You can bet I will be praying for you! I pray this judge tosses him in jail too...I don't see how what he did be legal at all...:( I am so so sorry you have had to endure this.:cry:.I couldn't image not being able to see my son for a year.

May the Lord watch over you and calm you and give you the steady heart and mind and strength you need to get through this...and most of all..give you peace as you go through this storm.

In Jesus Name I pray
Amen.

I want you to do this...sounds a little flaky but it helps me in difficult situation. Image Jesus walking next to you as you go to the court room...image Him sitting with you...standing by your side when you stand. Image His comforting hand on your shoulder when you speak. And truly...He is there.

God bless

Equipped_4_Love
May 19th 2010, 04:02 AM
That's awesome, moonglow. I hadn't even thought of that. Thank you. :hug:

It's been hard, for sure. I have concrete evidence on paper that shows that he bold-faced lied to the judge last time he was in court, by telling him that he didn't know where I was, when he knew exactly where I was. I am hoping that this will upset the judge enough to give me a real advantage.

I do not have an attorney. Can't afford one. :(

As far as what he did being illegal, I'm not sure. Anyone out there familiar with family law know for sure? Isn't purjury illegal?

Firefighter
May 19th 2010, 12:26 PM
Perjury is in fact illegal.

Prayin' for you Sis.

daughter
May 19th 2010, 12:30 PM
Praying for a speedy result, and your daughter to be returned to you. Thank God that his new wife had the sense to contact you.

Vhayes
May 19th 2010, 12:33 PM
Beautiful advice from Moonglow. And yes, I will be praying for you as well.
V

moonglow
May 19th 2010, 01:46 PM
That's awesome, moonglow. I hadn't even thought of that. Thank you. :hug:

It's been hard, for sure. I have concrete evidence on paper that shows that he bold-faced lied to the judge last time he was in court, by telling him that he didn't know where I was, when he knew exactly where I was. I am hoping that this will upset the judge enough to give me a real advantage.

I do not have an attorney. Can't afford one. :(

As far as what he did being illegal, I'm not sure. Anyone out there familiar with family law know for sure? Isn't purjury illegal?

Most towns have what is called legal aide for low income...something you might still want to check into if you don't get right to visitation to your daughter back. They go by a sliding scale and depending on your income, you might not be charged at all.

First its illegal to be married to two different women at the same time...more then likely his second marriage isn't going to be considered legal at all...in other words through the laws eyes, they aren't married. Second yes lying to a judge is illegal too. Sneaking your daughter out of state where you can't even find her I would think would be illegal too.

I was praying for you last night and I kind of wonder if he will even show up in court because he has done alot of bad things here that I don't think even a high price lawyer could get him out of...:rolleyes:

Since he got the judge to stop your visitation rights to her..did he get your parental rights cut off completely? If he didn't...you still have rights as a parent. You really need to get a lawyer. I would check your local phone book or google legal aide for your town or city and see what you can find out.

I will be thinking about you today and holding you in my prayers! :pray:

God bless

miepie
May 19th 2010, 04:44 PM
We will pray for you too here..... what day are you going to court? Is it in the morning or afternoon? :hug:

Love you lots,
Mieke :kiss:

miepie
May 19th 2010, 04:45 PM
PS If you get visitation rights, I'll make a nice card for your daughter and you can write something nice in there for her...... :idea:

Equipped_4_Love
May 19th 2010, 08:48 PM
Most towns have what is called legal aide for low income...something you might still want to check into if you don't get right to visitation to your daughter back. They go by a sliding scale and depending on your income, you might not be charged at all.

First its illegal to be married to two different women at the same time...more then likely his second marriage isn't going to be considered legal at all...in other words through the laws eyes, they aren't married. Second yes lying to a judge is illegal too. Sneaking your daughter out of state where you can't even find her I would think would be illegal too.

I was praying for you last night and I kind of wonder if he will even show up in court because he has done alot of bad things here that I don't think even a high price lawyer could get him out of...:rolleyes:

Since he got the judge to stop your visitation rights to her..did he get your parental rights cut off completely? If he didn't...you still have rights as a parent. You really need to get a lawyer. I would check your local phone book or google legal aide for your town or city and see what you can find out.

I will be thinking about you today and holding you in my prayers! :pray:

God bless

Hi, Moonglow;

Getting an attorney is simply out-of-the-question. Looked into it numerous times.....too expensive. There's no way.

I already went through legal aid. That is how I got all the paperwork done and everything. Now all I need to do is show up to court.

Thanks for the responses, everyone...and the prayers.

Equipped_4_Love
May 19th 2010, 08:50 PM
Perjury is in fact illegal.

Prayin' for you Sis.

That's what I thought

Dani H
May 20th 2010, 01:32 AM
You have to present facts.

Facts that your emotional and mental state is under control (maybe a doctor's note?).

Facts that your husband removed your child across state lines without you knowing about it (that's illegal if there is an open court case in the state that has to do with custody).

Can you prove that he is a bigamist?

Can you prove that he is a perjurer? It's not about what you know. It's about what you can prove in court. It's not about getting an emotional reaction out of a judge, it's about what you can prove and what you can't and where he actually committed illegal actions that you can use to prove that what he is doing is not in the best interest of your daughter.

You can do your own research about custody laws in your state through the Internet and checking your county's clerk of courts web site. That's what you would pay a lawyer for. To do the research for you and to tell you what's presentable in court and what isn't. The people who win court cases are usually the ones that are the best prepared and can show the facts, not according to subjective feelings of right and wrong, but according to their state's ordinances and statutes. Show what qualifies you for visitation and a say-so in custodial matters by digging up your state's statutes and then telling the judge how they apply to your situation.

You got a week. Go research.

moonglow
May 20th 2010, 03:18 AM
Hi, Moonglow;

Getting an attorney is simply out-of-the-question. Looked into it numerous times.....too expensive. There's no way.

I already went through legal aid. That is how I got all the paperwork done and everything. Now all I need to do is show up to court.

Thanks for the responses, everyone...and the prayers.

Ok I am glad legal aide was able to help you...but I guess I am surprised they don't have lawyers there to help out people that can't afford a lawyer...I thought that was part of what they did.

Anyway..for some reason I had it in my head you were going to court today..:rolleyes: So I was anxiously waiting to see how it turned out. Then I reread your post..and saw I somehow missed the next week part..:rolleyes: Anyway I am very relieved about that actually...cause you need to give us time to pray for you! :) :pray:

God bless

JesusMySavior
May 20th 2010, 04:56 AM
You've got the best Judge in the world on your side. You've also got the best Advocate on your side. You've also got a jury on your side.

You've got people praying for you, you've got angels on your side who have witnessed everything, and you've got God and Jesus.


Pray, and then take Dani's advice and then pray, pray, pray again. :)

Equipped_4_Love
May 20th 2010, 05:01 AM
Ok I am glad legal aide was able to help you...but I guess I am surprised they don't have lawyers there to help out people that can't afford a lawyer...I thought that was part of what they did.

God bless

Yes, but even so, lawyers don't work for free. Even a low-cost one is more than I can afford right now.

Equipped_4_Love
May 20th 2010, 05:03 AM
Show what qualifies you for visitation and a say-so in custodial matters by digging up your state's statutes and then telling the judge how they apply to your situation.

You got a week. Go research.

What quaifies me for visitation?

I am her mother.....that's what qualifies me for visitation!!!!!!

daughter
May 20th 2010, 10:06 AM
That doesn't just qualify you for visitation... that qualifies you for full parental rights. I've been praying Welder, and will continue to do so, as I'm sure everyone else on this board will.

Dani H
May 20th 2010, 02:19 PM
What quaifies me for visitation?

I am her mother.....that's what qualifies me for visitation!!!!!!

Yes, but if you don't know what your rights are, given to you by the state in writing through their statutes ... Of course being her mom qualifies you, but evidently he and his lawyer were able to manipulate the judge into having your visitation rights taken from you.

Again, knowledge is your best weapon when it comes to going to court. Know what your rights are, print them out, present them, and proof along with it. Pull your feelings out of it, and address it with your head and logically.

You should have full parental rights. You should have full custody, and he should pay you support. That's what should be. You know it, I know it. BUT ... you have to present your case because no judge out there is going to do your work for you. They're just going to listen to who can present the best arguments, backed up by the facts that make the most sense according to the written statutes.

moonglow
May 20th 2010, 02:27 PM
What quaifies me for visitation?

I am her mother.....that's what qualifies me for visitation!!!!!!

I would say proving you are a fit mother..you said he got your visitation taken away by taking about your bipolar..you didn't give details on that, but you can show you have been at the same job for seven years (I think that is what you said) which says a great deal! It shows you are stable and able to hold down a job. If you need to show you are on medication..or get a statement by any doctor or therapist that shows you are mentally stable too..I would do that. Of course any proof he left the state with your daughter and never informed you and how you have not been able to see or talk to your daughter in a year. The court could have ordered at the very least, supervised visitations...whatever he told the judge to stop all visitation much have been very damaging...you need to prove that is wrong. You also need to tell the judge how fearful you are off him...of how you lose your nerve and find it very difficult to communicate yourself...do that at the beginning...so if you start to struggle the judge will be more understanding and not take it as you have problems...

If I were you, I would put as much information on paper as possible...let the paperwork, the evidence speak for you. I would be a nervous wreck too. Judges want proof...not alot of talk anyway.

Showing proof he was/is married to two women at one time...which is illegal...proof he lied to the judge about knowing where you were...proof he took your daughter out of state and you have had no contact...is going to make him look very, very bad. It will put him on the defensive, rather then you. He is in the wrong here..not you.

God bless

Dani H
May 20th 2010, 02:32 PM
You're not going before your ex-husband. He isn't the judge. So as far as you're concerned, pretend he isn't even in the room.

It's between you and the judge. Who isn't going to consider your feelings nor your ex-husband's feelings. Judges only go by what the written laws say and by facts and proof. Feelings don't matter to them. Your personal sense of right and wrong don't matter to them. Which is why you have to approach the situation logically and methodically in legal context. The people who win these cases are the ones who can build arguments and show proof and show how the law grants them what they're asking for, all things considered.

RabbiKnife
May 20th 2010, 04:37 PM
OK, I have to be careful here. I am an attorney, but I am NOT giving you legal advice. I do not represent you. I am not practicing law in your jurisdiction. I don't know the totality of the facts and circumstances, and I haven't seen any of the orders from the court related to this issue.

This is a serious matter, and what happens in court will affect your legal rights. You should consult an attorney. You need to contact your church and have them support you financially to at least have an attorney present for this hearing. Walking into a courtroom without a lawyer is not a good move.

That being said, Dani is right. The court really doesn't care to hear all of your heartache and pain, no matter how real it is. The court just doesn't care. The court, at this point, only cares about a few things.

1. Is there an alimony or separate support order. If yes, then the next question is "is the former husband paying."
2. On the custody issue, the court is required to consider ONLY the best interest of the child. The father's interest is irrelevant, as is the mother's. If the court has previously changed custody to the father only, then you will have to present substantial evidence that there has been a material and permanent change in the circumstances since the last hearing to make the court change custody arrangements.
3. The court will only be evidence in FACTS. It doesn't care about opinions or feelings. If papers are presented to the court, then the person who signed the paper or made the paper will need to be present to testify. If people have things to say, they have to be present to testify. A written statement won't be admitted.

I cannot emphasize enough how seriously you need to get with your church and have them find $1000 to hire a lawyer to represent you in the matter.

Equipped_4_Love
May 20th 2010, 10:56 PM
Okay.......there is no way I can afford to hire an attorney, people, so what I am basically hearing is that I am completly screwed, even if I am in the right (which I am, God knows I am, and it appears most of you here do, as well).

Wow. Why even bother, then?

Equipped_4_Love
May 20th 2010, 11:10 PM
I cannot emphasize enough how seriously you need to get with your church and have them find $1000 to hire a lawyer to represent you in the matter.

You can emphasize all you want, but there is no way I am asking my church for that kind of money. If I lose, I lose. Whatever. Its in God's hands, but seriously, what judge in his right mind would keep me from even being able to talk with her?

Oh, and Moonglow, just so you know, there were orders for supervised visits, but I had a lot of problems getting my husband to comply. He would always say that he couldn't make it, and a lot of times, I did not have the money to pay the monitoring facility. Of course, my husband at the time would not even help me....he would rather I not bve able to see my child. Its pretty hard to get that kind of money when you're living in a homeless shelter!!!


I wasn't even allowed to call her, because he made the judge believe that I was threatening him and was so incredibly dangerous. There was no evidence to back up his claims, so it was basically my word against his -- and the judge took his word. He had an attorney and I didn't. I was screwed from the beginning.

moonglow
May 20th 2010, 11:56 PM
Okay.......there is no way I can afford to hire an attorney, people, so what I am basically hearing is that I am completly screwed, even if I am in the right (which I am, God knows I am, and it appears most of you here do, as well).

Wow. Why even bother, then?

Welder..please, please don't throw in the towel ok? If things don't work out...one day your daughter is going to contact you and will ask if you even tried. Do you want to say no, you got discouraged and gave up? Of course you don't want to say that to her...you want to say you did every thing you possibly could. Besides that you do have God on your side. Your husband is in alot of trouble....he broke the law on several fronts..like I said, I don't think even a high priced lawyer is going to be able to talk him out of that...that right there does give you a very good chance.

Praying for you!

God bless

Equipped_4_Love
May 21st 2010, 12:05 AM
Welder..please, please don't throw in the towel ok? If things don't work out...one day your daughter is going to contact you and will ask if you even tried. Do you want to say no, you got discouraged and gave up? Of course you don't want to say that to her...you want to say you did every thing you possibly could. Besides that you do have God on your side. Your husband is in alot of trouble....he broke the law on several fronts..like I said, I don't think even a high priced lawyer is going to be able to talk him out of that...that right there does give you a very good chance.

Praying for you!

God bless

Thank you so much for your prayers. No, of course I don't want to tell her that. I do know that she wants to live with me.....she told me that before my husband took up and moved without telling me. I think her dad ignores her.

moonglow
May 21st 2010, 12:09 AM
Thank you so much for your prayers. No, of course I don't want to tell her that. I do know that she wants to live with me.....she told me that before my husband took up and moved without telling me. I think her dad ignores her.

How old is she? I will be praying for her too.

Equipped_4_Love
May 21st 2010, 12:16 AM
Almost 13.

I'm so sorry if I'm sounding agitated, but it just seems like everytime I try and do something, I get shut down. Its like the only way you can get justice in this country is if you have money. If you're poor, you're out-of-luck!!!!!

moonglow
May 21st 2010, 12:28 AM
Almost 13.

I'm so sorry if I'm sounding agitated, but it just seems like everytime I try and do something, I get shut down. Its like the only way you can get justice in this country is if you have money. If you're poor, you're out-of-luck!!!!!

I know..and we certainly see it in the news don't we? Rich and famous people don't seem to have to serve the time us regular folks do. :( The bible has alot to say about that..God is very much against injustice done to the poor. You did do the right thing but asking us to pray for you because that is more powerful then money..more powerful then what any lawyer can do. I truly do believe that.

How old is your little girl may I ask?

God bless

Equipped_4_Love
May 21st 2010, 01:53 AM
She's almost 13.

I am just sort of disgusted with the legal system at this point.

moonglow
May 21st 2010, 02:21 AM
She's almost 13.

I am just sort of disgusted with the legal system at this point.

I understand. But it doesn't always fail! Justice is suppose to be blind..meaning blind to who has money or lawyers, etc...and sometimes the underdog does win.

RabbiKnife
May 21st 2010, 01:46 PM
Welder, why can't you ask your church for help?

Do your brothers and sisters in the congregation not care?

I urge you to talk to your pastor, or deacons, or elders, or whoever is the leadership of your local congregation. I also urge you to call the local bar association and ask for a referral for someone who does child support/custody work. Many times, you can get a free 1/2 hour meeting with a lawyer for free through the local bar association. You may even find someone so outraged by the story that they represent you pro bono.


Other than that, you must have all of your ducks in a row. You must have all of your papers in good order. Make a copy for you, for the judge, and for your husband/husband's lawyer. Write down what you want the judge to know.

The justice system is difficult, but it is not unjust.

karenoka27
May 21st 2010, 02:58 PM
Keeping you in prayer. Trusting the Lord is with you and is going before you into that court room. May He be the judge of all of this.:hug:

Equipped_4_Love
May 22nd 2010, 01:30 AM
Welder, why can't you ask your church for help?

Do your brothers and sisters in the congregation not care?

I urge you to talk to your pastor, or deacons, or elders, or whoever is the leadership of your local congregation. I also urge you to call the local bar association and ask for a referral for someone who does child support/custody work. Many times, you can get a free 1/2 hour meeting with a lawyer for free through the local bar association. You may even find someone so outraged by the story that they represent you pro bono.


Other than that, you must have all of your ducks in a row. You must have all of your papers in good order. Make a copy for you, for the judge, and for your husband/husband's lawyer. Write down what you want the judge to know.

The justice system is difficult, but it is not unjust.

It's just that its so much money, and I simply wouldn't feel right asking them for it.

Equipped_4_Love
May 22nd 2010, 01:31 AM
Keeping you in prayer. Trusting the Lord is with you and is going before you into that court room. May He be the judge of all of this.:hug:

Thanks you so much, karenoka. One good thing is that I know that He knows the truth in all of this, and He has promised me that He is working it all out for good..

RabbiKnife
May 24th 2010, 05:09 PM
It's just that its so much money, and I simply wouldn't feel right asking them for it.

If you were drowning in a river, and the church sent a boat out to look for victims, and you saw the boat but they didn't see you, would you keep your mouth shut because you wouldn't feel right asking them for it?

You are drowning! YELL!!!! The church can't help with a need they don't know about.

What if God has provided them with funds to help "someone," and those funds sit in the bank and don't help you because you are too proud to ask for help? You deny them the blessing.

They may say "no." But can you really not ask?

Equipped_4_Love
May 25th 2010, 12:51 AM
If you were drowning in a river, and the church sent a boat out to look for victims, and you saw the boat but they didn't see you, would you keep your mouth shut because you wouldn't feel right asking them for it?

No. Probably not.


You are drowning! YELL!!!! The church can't help with a need they don't know about.

They do know about my need. They just haven't offered me any money to meet it....and I'm not about to ask them.


What if God has provided them with funds to help "someone," and those funds sit in the bank and don't help you because you are too proud to ask for help? You deny them the blessing.

They may say "no." But can you really not ask?

No. I cannot ask. Is it even typical for a church to help with attorney expenses? I mean, I know that they help with food and sometimes utilities and rent, but an attorney? I'm thinking thats a bit extreme.

Thanks for your concern, though. I appreciate you taking the time to respond. I'll let you know how it goes.

RabbiKnife
May 27th 2010, 01:10 PM
Our church has assisted with attorneys fees, child care costs, medical costs, transmission repairs, roofs, and tooth extractions.

I don't understand why any financial need is different from any other.

steelerbabe
May 27th 2010, 01:53 PM
Does your church have a weekly bullentin? Maybe they could put something in there about a need for free legal service. I understand your frustration. It is hard to find services, hard to ask and sometimes there is no help at all. I will be praying for you and asking the Lord for justice to prevail.

Vhayes
May 27th 2010, 02:06 PM
i know that Welder is coming up to her court date soon, so it may be too late even if she found some help today.

I would like to add this for future thought/use.

A thousand dollars.

To some, it's a lot. to others it's not much. It's all about perspective and where you are in the mix. There was a time when I would have happily sent you a thousand dollars to assist you. Right now is not that time simply because we have been struggling as well. I don't have a thousand dollars to give.

Also - there may be an attorney at your church who takes on the needs of people who cannot afford legal services as a part of his gift offering. But he can't help if he doesn't know. Both my husband and I offer our various skill sets to people who cannot afford what we do. It's part of our way of giving back to God what He has so greatly given to us.

there may be a person who has struggled for years with holding on to money because they think that's the key to happiness and God is working on their heart so they will know He is the only One who brings true peace and happiness, true security. He may be using your situation as the catalyst to show that person giving is indeed more blessed that receiving - but there has to be a person on the receiving end for that to work. God can and does use ALL things for the ultimate good os His children, even our tough times.

I'm praying for you and your daughter, Welder.
(((((Hugs)))))
V

steelerbabe
May 28th 2010, 08:32 PM
Excellent reply V:hug: I know first hand what it feels like to go to the church and ask for help and basically get back handed:( I also know first hand that perfect strangers will give out of the goodness of their hearts and ask for nothing in return. I am praying that the Lord provides for all your needs and that you will prevail.

Equipped_4_Love
May 29th 2010, 10:12 PM
Hi, all;

Vhayes -- I do appreciate your heart, but honestly I was not staring this thread with the intention of getting money from you or anyone here. I surehope that is not how I came off.

I believe you when you say that you would help me if you could, and I appreciate that. Really though, I was just looking for some encouragement and Christian counsel.

Good ideas, though, from you and stelerbabe. Thanks for your reply :)

Equipped_4_Love
May 29th 2010, 10:14 PM
Excellent reply V:hug: I know first hand what it feels like to go to the church and ask for help and basically get back handed:(

Wow, that's messed up. Were they rude to you?

moonglow
May 29th 2010, 10:29 PM
Hey I am wondering...did you go to court yet? You started this thread on the 18 and said it was next week when you would go to court..the next week has passed...so did you go? How did things turn out? Been anxiously waiting for some news and continuing to pray for you.

God bless

steelerbabe
May 29th 2010, 10:33 PM
No, the pastor wasn't rude but he also make it clear that the "church" doesn't help people with their mortgage payment. He asked what our greatest need was and that was it. Of course he did not offer the food pantry even after I mentioned that my children were putting water on the last of the cereal because I did not have milk:confused he did give me numbers for other organizations that might help. He also told me I should put every penny of disposal income towards my mortgage. I explained that I brought home less then $600.00 a month from my part time job and my husband was out of work waiting on unemployment but I would do that:rolleyes:

Equipped_4_Love
May 29th 2010, 11:19 PM
No, the pastor wasn't rude but he also make it clear that the "church" doesn't help people with their mortgage payment. He asked what our greatest need was and that was it. Of course he did not offer the food pantry even after I mentioned that my children were putting water on the last of the cereal because I did not have milk:confused he did give me numbers for other organizations that might help. He also told me I should put every penny of disposal income towards my mortgage. I explained that I brought home less then $600.00 a month from my part time job and my husband was out of work waiting on unemployment but I would do that:rolleyes:

Oh, my gosh!! How heartless!!!

See, I also heard another pastor saying that churches do not help wth mortgage payments, as that is not the church's place, and so that is why I was wondering if asking for money for an attorney is such a hot idea (even though it wasn't my pastor who said that, but still - same denomination). If they won't help for mortgage, then why would they help with attorney's fees?

I really wonder -- if that pastor needed help with his own mortgage, I suspect he wouldn't have any problem using church funds.

I also don't understand why he wouldn't offer you assistance from the food pantry. If you need food, then why not? Why else would they have it there, if not to help people in need?

Equipped_4_Love
May 29th 2010, 11:23 PM
Hey I am wondering...did you go to court yet? You started this thread on the 18 and said it was next week when you would go to court..the next week has passed...so did you go? How did things turn out? Been anxiously waiting for some news and continuing to pray for you.

God bless

Hi, moonglow;

I'm sorry about that. I've been slow.

We went to mediation, and my husband had the court date pushed back. It's now on the 19th of July.....so hopefully I'll be able to get an attorney by then.

I'll ask my church, but truthfully, I'm not sure what they'll say. If they say no, I may be too humiliated to continue attending.

Vhayes
May 29th 2010, 11:31 PM
Hi Welder -

No - I didn't think you were asking for money but I appreciate what you are/were saying.
I'm really glad they have pushed the date back and I thank you for the update. You and your daughter have been in my prayers.

Do you have a Children's Defense League in your area? They may help you if you have your "case" written out in a chronological and cohesive fashion. It would be worth a try. I would also go to the Family Services folks and see what they have to say. They may freak clear out when you tell them about the bigamy and the taking your daughter and not letting you even know where they were. That's a big no-no.

I would also ask your pastor for help - if not money, if he knows someone who is an attorney who can help you and will maybe take payments. I doubt an attorney will do that but you never know. After he hears what you have to say, the attorney may take the case at a way reduced cost because he will be so angry.

At any rate, do whatever you need to do and swallow your pride. Your daughter and the relationship the two fo you are missing out on is FAR more important than your pride.

Please keep us updated!
V

Equipped_4_Love
May 29th 2010, 11:38 PM
Thanks, Vhayes -- Yes, you're right. I just don't want to be made to feel bad by my own church.

Vhayes
May 29th 2010, 11:47 PM
Thanks, Vhayes -- Yes, you're right. I just don't want to be made to feel bad by my own church.

If they make you feel bad, you should be in another church. But I DO understand what you are saying.
(((((Hugs)))))
V

Equipped_4_Love
May 30th 2010, 12:27 AM
Yes....that is why I'm saying that if they say no, I hope they do it in a compassionate way, and not make me feel bad for asking.

I have actually gone in for pastoral counseling before, and felt worse when I came out than when I went in.

Equipped_4_Love
Jun 1st 2010, 11:35 PM
Okay.....I know you guys suggested that I ask my church, but after the scathing reply that I just received from a fellow ministry partner when I asked if she could help me out with rent this month ($35 -- not that much), there is no WAY I am going to my church now. If this is how Christians act when you ask them for help.

I feel like crap now!!!!! I really regret even asking

daughter
Jun 2nd 2010, 12:30 AM
Hey Welder, PLEASE don't feel like crap... I know what that's like, but please don't accept it as a thing you deserve to feel. Recently I asked for help because I was having problems (not for rent, but still, urgent and personal) and the response I got really shook me.

teddyv
Jun 3rd 2010, 05:25 PM
Okay.....I know you guys suggested that I ask my church, but after the scathing reply that I just received from a fellow ministry partner when I asked if she could help me out with rent this month ($35 -- not that much), there is no WAY I am going to my church now. If this is how Christians act when you ask them for help.

I feel like crap now!!!!! I really regret even asking


Hey Welder, PLEASE don't feel like crap... I know what that's like, but please don't accept it as a thing you deserve to feel. Recently I asked for help because I was having problems (not for rent, but still, urgent and personal) and the response I got really shook me.

What on earth is going on here? I cannot understand how members of your respective churches can blow off people like this. I don't know how every church runs but our deacons (I currently serve as one) try to keep informed, monitor, and assist people in need in our congregation and the immediate neighbourhood.

RabbiKnife
Jun 3rd 2010, 08:38 PM
And many will say to me in that day, "Lord, we preached and prophesied and danced in the choir loft in your name. We had a nice building, a budget, and didn't let no riff raff hang around. We were good respectable Christian folk and didn't let anyone that did not meet our cultural or economic expectations soil our pews...

And the Lord will say to them...Who are you?"

:(

daughter
Jun 3rd 2010, 09:26 PM
Hi Rabbi,
I know what you mean. Mine wasn't financial, it was to do with personal health and issues that arose from it. Locally I've found some good support you'll be glad to hear, but the first people I came to made me feel tiny.

steelerbabe
Jun 4th 2010, 02:26 AM
I am sorry your church treated you that way. I told you what happened when I went to my church and the response I got:( It took all the courage I had to ask for help and then I get the door slammed in my face. I also forgot to mentioned, the pastor actually dozed off while I was spilling my guts. I had stayed up until 3:30 a.m. with my daughter who was feeling borderline suicidal and got up at 5:45 and went to work. Gee, I wasn't the least bit tired. When I walked out, part of me was deeply hurt but another part of me kept hearing the words, "Forgive them father, for they know not what they do". The next day, a beautiful christian blessed me and answered my prayers. God does work in mysterious ways. I am praying for you:pray::hug:

Vhayes
Jun 4th 2010, 02:41 AM
And people wonder at my signature line.

Equipped_4_Love
Jun 4th 2010, 02:45 AM
Daughter and steelerbabe....oh my gosh, that is dreadful. I am so sorry that the both of you got treated that way.

I guess one way to look at it is God showing us who our real friends are. Steelerbabe -- I still dont understand why your church wouldn't even offer you their food pantry. Do you have any idea why?! The pastor dozing off.....unbelievable!!!!! Did you continue attending that church?

Oh, and in my own situation, I can't really blame my church as it was just one particular individual that I approached. Perhaps I am too sensitive.

moonglow
Jun 4th 2010, 03:31 AM
I guess I have been lucky in this. One time I went to my pastor for help to get some stomach medication I needed..it was very costly..a 100$. I had gotten an ulcer and just didn't have the money to get it. the doctor had helped me as long as he could and gave me samples and did other things to get it free or low cost but finally all that ran out. The pastor was very kind and gracious. As he said, you have never asked for anything before..what can we do for you? It was very hard to ask and that put me at ease and I didn't feel guilty about asking for it. After that months supply I was able to switch to over the counter medication to keep the acid down in my stomach then eventually wean off of that all together.

In our new church, I wasn't able to pay for Nate's full payment to go to youth summer camp last year or this year...but they offer help on that for parents that can't pay the full amount. Other members donate money for this cause so youth can go to camp. The youth pastor just says, pay whatever you can and don't worry about it. Its hard...I know and embarrassing when we need help but gosh, that is part of the church's duty...its right there in scripture. Shame on any of them that don't help their own. If either of these churches had treated me badly, you bet I would leaving them.

God bless

steelerbabe
Jun 4th 2010, 10:50 AM
I did not ask outright about using the food pantry, though I did mention the kids putting water on the last of the cereal. I honestly don't think he was listening. Maybe it was between zzzzs. My husband has not stepped foot inside the church since then and is looking for another church. I continue to go, though I feel uncomfortable. I am their to worship God, not the pastor.