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View Full Version : Attracting Godly Men.... (moved from GIC)



Frecs
Nov 22nd 2010, 03:17 PM
As an off shoot from the "dressing modestly" thread, as a modestly dressed Christian single woman, how am I supposed to get the attentions of a Godly man when he is visually attracted to the lady at the other end of the pew who's showing off her wares? Men are visual, after all, and the nature of the beast is to want to mate with the most attractive mate they can. How can Miss Modest get his attention in a godly way?

RabbiKnife
Nov 22nd 2010, 03:20 PM
What makes you think that someone who is attracted to the lady at the other end of the pew who's "showing off her wares" is a Godly man?

Seems like the evidence would mitigate against that conclusion.

Frecs
Nov 22nd 2010, 03:22 PM
What makes you think that someone who is attracted to the lady at the other end of the pew who's "showing off her wares" is a Godly man?

Seems like the evidence would mitigate against that conclusion.

Not necessarily. Studies have proven that the nature of the beast -- for both men and women -- is to desire the most attractive mate possible. So, even a godly man is going to seek the most attractive woman for a mate.

RabbiKnife
Nov 22nd 2010, 03:24 PM
Not necessarily. Studies have proven that the nature of the beast -- for both men and women -- is to desire the most attractive mate possible. So, even a godly man is going to seek the most attractive woman for a mate.

Patently untrue. Physical attractiveness is highly overrated when seeking a mate. If you believe this myth, then you believe inherently in the theory of evolution, survival of the fittest, and the fact that man in nothing more than a highly intelligent animal that is controlled by his baser instincts.

Godliness is the exact opposite of carnality.

-SEEKING-
Nov 22nd 2010, 03:30 PM
This is going to sound corny but honestly when I fell in love with my wife it started with long conversations. Going out together with friends from church. Yes she is beautiful. But she never felt she needed to show off her beauty just to attract someone. The love she had for Jesus was just really impressive to me.

Frecs
Nov 22nd 2010, 03:33 PM
This is going to sound corny but honestly when I fell in love with my wife it started with long conversations. Going out together with friends from church. Yes she is beautiful. But she never felt she needed to show off her beauty just to attract someone. The love she had for Jesus was just really impressive to me.

I'm not going to let you off the hook quite so easily!! ;) What was it that got your attention? What made you look her way? What made you talk to her so that you had the chance to have those long conversations?

Frecs
Nov 22nd 2010, 03:35 PM
Patently untrue. Physical attractiveness is highly overrated when seeking a mate. If you believe this myth, then you believe inherently in the theory of evolution, survival of the fittest, and the fact that man in nothing more than a highly intelligent animal that is controlled by his baser instincts.

Godliness is the exact opposite of carnality.

Poo.

Now, as I asked Seeking.... what made you look at the woman who is your wife for the first time? What lead you to go up to her and introduce yourself? What was it that you were reacting to that made you think "ummm...nice"? HONEST. No religious bull patties.

RabbiKnife
Nov 22nd 2010, 03:36 PM
I'm not going to let you off the hook quite so easily!! ;) What was it that got your attention? What made you look her way? What made you talk to her so that you had the chance to have those long conversations?

Same for me and my wife. We were dear friends for years before we ever even considered dating. We were introduced in college by a another friend. I didn't "look her way." I was introduced to someone who was smart, charming, honest, and friendly. I did not think "Nice butt. Little flat chested, but 36DDs just droop down to your waste by age 60 anyway. Good legs, too."

Please. You may have been sold a bill of goods by man-hating feminists, man-hating Christian feminists, or carnal lustful men, but believe it or not, every man is not out looking for a sex partner first and a Godly companion second.

It is insulting and pitiful to make that assumption.\

notuptome
Nov 22nd 2010, 03:37 PM
God sends to you the man or woman you desire of Him. If you do the attracting you may attract someone God didn't send. God will put in the heart all the desire necessary when the right one enters your life and in his as well.

For the cause of Christ
Roger

-SEEKING-
Nov 22nd 2010, 03:37 PM
Well we sat next to each other or close to each other a few times after youth service. We all used to go out and eat after the Friday night service. There were quite a few good looking girls in church. I'm not going to deny I didn't notice them. But when we talked about the bible in those groups I could tell that her belief was authentic. It was real to her. It wasn't just a religion. She had been in church for a few years before I showed up and stole her heart. And believe me she was warned about me, since I was so new to the faith. But almost 16 years later, I think we've proved them wrong.

RabbiKnife
Nov 22nd 2010, 03:38 PM
Poo.

Now, as I asked Seeking.... what made you look at the woman who is your wife for the first time? What lead you to go up to her and introduce yourself? What was it that you were reacting to that made you think "ummm...nice"? HONEST. No religious bull patties.

Your God must be weaker than mine.

You believe in humankind that is a rutting animal.
I believe in humankind that is the greatest of all of God's creation.

Guess we won't reach an agreement on this one. If you view all men as you have defined them in this thread, happy hunting.
You generally get what you seek.

TomH
Nov 22nd 2010, 03:42 PM
On the other hand, I'm wondering how this is taking place sitting in the pew.
Isn't the purpose of modest dress for preventing the exact thing that you're suggesting? How to draw attention to you.

If the man seems attracted to another woman while sitting in a pew, he is not Godly. (at least not in this instance).

And at the same time, if your mind is on attracting the attention of this man, while sitting in the pew, are you being Godly?

I would rather you think of how to attract attention in a social gathering, where the purpose is socializing, rather than a church service where the purpose is....?

Frecs
Nov 22nd 2010, 03:45 PM
Same for me and my wife. We were dear friends for years before we ever even considered dating. We were introduced in college by a another friend. I didn't "look her way." I was introduced to someone who was smart, charming, honest, and friendly. I did not think "Nice butt. Little flat chested, but 36DDs just droop down to your waste by age 60 anyway. Good legs, too."

Please. You may have been sold a bill of goods by man-hating feminists, man-hating Christian feminists, or carnal lustful men, but believe it or not, every man is not out looking for a sex partner first and a Godly companion second.

It is insulting and pitiful to make that assumption.\

You are making assumptions. Now, stop being insulted and help the single Christian ladies who are going to read this thread figure out how they can meet that "godly husband" everyone tells her to look for at church rather than out in the world. Be practical. Use scripture if possible. But, rather than call people "man-hating feminists" talk to us like the women worth of respect we are.

Frecs
Nov 22nd 2010, 03:47 PM
God sends to you the man or woman you desire of Him. If you do the attracting you may attract someone God didn't send. God will put in the heart all the desire necessary when the right one enters your life and in his as well.

For the cause of Christ
Roger

That sounds all nice and religious and such....but it doesn't help a 30-something-single woman who feels like no godly men want her because she isn't flashing all she's got.

Frecs
Nov 22nd 2010, 03:50 PM
Well we sat next to each other or close to each other a few times after youth service. We all used to go out and eat after the Friday night service. There were quite a few good looking girls in church. I'm not going to deny I didn't notice them. But when we talked about the bible in those groups I could tell that her belief was authentic. It was real to her. It wasn't just a religion. She had been in church for a few years before I showed up and stole her heart. And believe me she was warned about me, since I was so new to the faith. But almost 16 years later, I think we've proved them wrong.

Thank you for not denying that you looked at the available pool of single girls! But, you were attracted to her genuine faith. That's good. Do you think that a majority of Christian men would be attracted to a lady who may not be as physically attractive but who's faith is genuine?

RabbiKnife
Nov 22nd 2010, 03:51 PM
You are making assumptions. Now, stop being insulted and help the single Christian ladies who are going to read this thread figure out how they can meet that "godly husband" everyone tells her to look for at church rather than out in the world. Be practical. Use scripture if possible. But, rather than call people "man-hating feminists" talk to us like the women worth of respect we are.

As soon as you get off your "all men are horn-dog lustful can't control their sinful hearts only looking for hot chicks" mentality I will.

First, as was previously stated, pray. Ask God to send you the mate that you need, not the mate that some church or some world tells you you need.

Second, be genuine. Men hate fakes. Off all kinds. Real men, that is.

Third, get an education and get a job. Be self-sufficient. Real men don't want someone who is a child and wants only to be taken care of. Some slope-foreheaded Cro-Magnon may just want a hot cavegirl to drag back to the cave to keep barefoot and pregnant, but real men want a mate who is intelligent and not waiting on a husband to have a life.

Fourth, don't be desperate. Real men run from desperate clingers.

Fifth, a bikini top and a thong are only a good idea is you've got the wares to support them. (Thought I'd throw that in just to be fair and balanced.)

jayne
Nov 22nd 2010, 03:53 PM
Please. You may have been sold a bill of goods by man-hating feminists, man-hating Christian feminists, or carnal lustful men, but believe it or not, every man is not out looking for a sex partner first and a Godly companion second.

I don't think that's what Frecs was saying - that all men are looking for sexual partners first. She wasn't purposefully being insulting to men. She was expressing a concern about how to find a Christian mate and how difficult it is for women at our age.

I am one of those quasi-feminists who is a Christian. There is not a man on the planet that I hate. I do not despise men, look down on them, nor want to be one. You and I should have a discussion sometime. :)

Frecs
Nov 22nd 2010, 03:53 PM
On the other hand, I'm wondering how this is taking place sitting in the pew.
Isn't the purpose of modest dress for preventing the exact thing that you're suggesting? How to draw attention to you.

If the man seems attracted to another woman while sitting in a pew, he is not Godly. (at least not in this instance).

And at the same time, if your mind is on attracting the attention of this man, while sitting in the pew, are you being Godly?

I would rather you think of how to attract attention in a social gathering, where the purpose is socializing, rather than a church service where the purpose is....?

Good point. What if the church doesn't have "social gatherings"? Then, all the man has to go on is outward appearance, yes? Again, where does that leave the modest but godly woman? She sees all the less modest ladies getting asked on dates and getting married while she sits there being ignored.

jayne
Nov 22nd 2010, 03:58 PM
Good point. What if the church doesn't have "social gatherings"? Then, all the man has to go on is outward appearance, yes? Again, where does that leave the modest but godly woman? She sees all the less modest ladies getting asked on dates and getting married while she sits there being ignored.

Tell some of your married friends that you are looking for a Godly husband. They can help.

I don't think that modesty includes "sitting there being ignored". "Sitting there" might be part of your problem. There is nothing wrong with inviting some single people from church to your house and eventually inviting the man that you are interested in over for dinner.

Why can't you create the "social gatherings"? A modest and Godly woman is not some frump who just sits on the pew in a long tail dress waiting for Mr. Right to come along. You can be highly social, express an interest in a man, and even be the one who wisely pursues the relationship and still maintain Godliness and modesty.

RabbiKnife
Nov 22nd 2010, 04:00 PM
Take club.

Sneak up behind stupid man.

Utilize club in rapid up and down motion directed to man's head.

Drag home to cave.

I'll tell you a little secret. Most men are petrified of being alone, of living alone, of dying alone. Most men are belittled at work, at school, and in the media. Most men in church are so sick of being rejected, being belittled, being called carnal, being accused of only being interested in sex, that they look at women in the church and say "who needs to be rejected again."

If you are looking for a mate, and you have interest in a particular man, invite him to dinner.

Frecs
Nov 22nd 2010, 04:00 PM
As soon as you get off your "all men are horn-dog lustful can't control their sinful hearts only looking for hot chicks" mentality I will.

Since I never said nor suggested any such, I can only wonder where that attitude comes from…it sure doesn’t sound godly nor helpful.

Now, Rabbiknife, I will ask you to either be constructive and helpful or step out of this discussion. This is not Bible Chat nor Contro. This is Growing in Christ and this thread’s purpose is to help Christians discuss a practice aspect of life from a godly perspective.

RabbiKnife
Nov 22nd 2010, 04:03 PM
I've tried to do so, but you won't read what I said.

In your very first post, you stated unequivocally that "Godly men at church don't pay attention to the modest women because they are looking at the women that show their stuff."

I state in return that that is a false premise, that such a man is not Godly, then you turn around and tell me, in essence, that I am lying and that all men are attracted visually first.

Sorry, sister, that dog won't hunt.

And you do need to check yourself.


I have made truthful, helpful suggestions, but they are apparently not getting any traction.

-SEEKING-
Nov 22nd 2010, 04:05 PM
Do you think that a majority of Christian men would be attracted to a lady who may not be as physically attractive but who's faith is genuine?

Well I really can't speak for all men, but I will tell you that I have a few male friends who, to me, I don't think their wives are very physically attractive, but those guys obviously found something they did, which I didn't.

And believe me I"m a lucky guy myself, I wouldn't exactly say my wife picked the most handsome guy in church. But she did get the one that loves her more than anyone EVER could.

RabbiKnife
Nov 22nd 2010, 04:09 PM
I'll jump back in.

Look for a Christian nerd. They have been rejected all their lives and are longing for someone to love them.

They are smart. They know how to learn. They know how to make money. They will not get any uglier with age, and if anything, will actually get better looking. You can clean them up, cut their hair, put them in decent clothes, and get them contact lenses. Each step increases their self-esteem, and the love of a woman makes them devoted to that woman forever.

I should know.

Frecs
Nov 22nd 2010, 04:12 PM
Let me restate the purpose of this thread:

Single women new to Christ…and not so new to Christ…are told over and over to “look for their mate in church rather than bars or other worldly venues”. And, yet, if they choose to dress modestly as scripture tells them, they find that they are overlooked by the single men as those men seem to gravitate toward the ladies who are dressing less modestly/more fashionably (“fashionably” from a world’s perspective). So, they are left with what seems to be two options: dress more worldly and at least get on the men’s radar or continue to dress modestly and be forever the friend of these guys while the guys date and marry the more worldly women.

So, the question of this thread is thus: rather than dressing more worldly, how can a Christian single lady make herself attractive to single Christian men? What do truly godly Christian men find attractive in a godly Christian woman?

-SEEKING-
Nov 22nd 2010, 04:14 PM
Ok everyone. I believe the OP is asking a genuine question. Let's be helpful and stay on topic.

TomH
Nov 22nd 2010, 04:14 PM
Good point. What if the church doesn't have "social gatherings"? Then, all the man has to go on is outward appearance, yes? Again, where does that leave the modest but godly woman? She sees all the less modest ladies getting asked on dates and getting married while she sits there being ignored.

There are many, many social gatherings where good Godly men congregate that are not church affiliated.
Let's try a few. The best choices are the ones that a woman can enjoy also. It's best to pick one that you could enjoy being involved in also, so you don't need to show a false interest in something just to attract their interest.

Bird watching
Historical society
Gardening club
Bike club
Golf
Bowling
Horseback riding
Symphony
Book clubs
Ham radio
Night school
Hospital volunteer

Get the idea?

Any of these are of interest to Godly men. And you can dress appropriately for each event and attract that Godly man because of a common interest.

RabbiKnife
Nov 22nd 2010, 04:15 PM
I've already stated that in some detail.

But you being with a great false presupposition, which is, that any man that would seek a woman in church because she was dressed immodestly is a man that you would ever want to be married to.

Better to be alone forever than married to a man with a wandering eye and heart.

Oh, and never, EVER, marry someone who is not your best friend in the entire world. Anything short of that level of friendship is doomed for failure in a marriage.

Let me give you another example, one that is not pleasant.

I have a dear friend who is female, Godly, smart, intelligent, great job. Owns her own home free and clear. Very creative. Wanted a husband. A guy in her church that owned his own home, a couple years older than her, very witty, creative. Good job. Wonderful Christian guy. But a nerd. Nowhere near the level of nerd that I was when my wife started working on me, but a nerd.

He asked her out on numerous occasions. She kept finding excuses because he was not her "dream boat."

Fast forward 10 years later. She's now 50, still single, no prospects. She is the one that chose physical appearance over Godliness, and she'll die alone.

Marriage is about covenant and commitment and struggle. About nothing else.

Ninna
Nov 22nd 2010, 04:15 PM
What do truly godly Christian men find attractive in a godly Christian woman?

This is a question that needs to be answered by godly Christian men....I know I can't answer.

Ninna
Nov 22nd 2010, 04:21 PM
Oh, and never, EVER, marry someone who is not your best friend in the entire world.

This is an absolute truth!! Since my husband and I did not meet in church and we were both far from godly, this statement proved to be true. After we became Christians, this is still true...and we have aged together and not as thin and attractive as we once were, but we are still the best of friends first.

TomH
Nov 22nd 2010, 04:27 PM
Let me restate the purpose of this thread:

Single women new to Christ…and not so new to Christ…are told over and over to “look for their mate in church rather than bars or other worldly venues”. And, yet, if they choose to dress modestly as scripture tells them, they find that they are overlooked by the single men as those men seem to gravitate toward the ladies who are dressing less modestly/more fashionably (“fashionably” from a world’s perspective). So, they are left with what seems to be two options: dress more worldly and at least get on the men’s radar or continue to dress modestly and be forever the friend of these guys while the guys date and marry the more worldly women.

So, the question of this thread is thus: rather than dressing more worldly, how can a Christian single lady make herself attractive to single Christian men? What do truly godly Christian men find attractive in a godly Christian woman?

The red highlighted quote caught my eye.

This is bad advice, unless it is directed totally to church social functions. Never in the pews. That is not what pews are for.

If there are no church social functions (which I find hard to comprehend) then any social function (other than your bar options) are excellent choices.

Suggestion.

You meet a man (anywhere) and begin a conversation. If it's a normal conversation, it will very quickly turn to "So, what do you do, or like to do?"
Answer, "Well, I'm really involved in a lot of my church functions."

The rest is history.

Frecs
Nov 22nd 2010, 04:38 PM
The red highlighted quote caught my eye.

This is bad advice, unless it is directed totally to church social functions. Never in the pews. That is not what pews are for.

If there are no church social functions (which I find hard to comprehend) then any social function (other than your bar options) are excellent choices.

Suggestion.

You meet a man (anywhere) and begin a conversation. If it's a normal conversation, it will very quickly turn to "So, what do you do, or like to do?"
Answer, "Well, I'm really involved in a lot of my church functions."

The rest is history.

That’s good. So, do I understand you to say that first option is to be active in church social activities (or perhaps even ministries within the church) but barring that (or in addition?) a godly woman can search outside the church through social activities of mutual interest to her and potential godly single men? The church does not need (and perhaps is not the best venue???) for the kinds of social activities that lead to mate selection?

Ta-An
Nov 22nd 2010, 04:40 PM
Do you think that a majority of Christian men would be attracted to a lady who may not be as physically attractive but who's faith is genuine? Well , may I jump in here??
Years ago, before internet, Hubby and I met on a "Pen-pal" forum in a magazine. His friend played a trick on him by submitting his name, and I was on holiday totally bored, reading this magazine.... and I thought....Ah-ha let me have some fun :lol: :o

So we started corresponding with one another... for about a year before we went for coffee one day..... but by that time, we knew one another through-and-through and it did not matter what we looked like, we knew what made the other one tick.... his/her love for God!!

Hubby had hippie-long-hair :o but he had brains ;) :idea:
I had skew teeth and a long nose and I was anorexic-skinny :D
Yet there was something that drew us together..... :pp

Not the looks, because he could do much much better ...... :D
Yet 30 yrs later,, here we still are..... sharing the same thing that drew us together... our individual relationships with God.


I'll jump back in.

Look for a Christian nerd. They have been rejected all their lives and are longing for someone to love them.

They are smart. They know how to learn. They know how to make money. They will not get any uglier with age, and if anything, will actually get better looking. You can clean them up, cut their hair, put them in decent clothes, and get them contact lenses. Each step increases their self-esteem, and the love of a woman makes them devoted to that woman forever.

I should know. That is what I did :D...... I married my hubby for his brain :pp and he just became so so attractive .... just like a TEDDY-BEAR.


IT IS INNER BEAUTY THAT COUNTS.

The rest is just a bonus :yes:

miepie
Nov 22nd 2010, 04:41 PM
I met my husband Charles here on the site...... he was attracted by my faith in God and I was attracted to his faithfulness and his knowledge about the Christian religion and we were both poets so we used to pm each other in rhyme...... with much fun! :D I was attracted to his jokes and we had much fun together....... we were both on the modsteam but never really "met" each other as we were both in different sections..... we both prayed for a godly spouse and the next day we met! :pp
I am not the most attractive girl (although I know that Charles will disagree with that) and I am handicapped too and he just wanted me like I was, so that made me love him even more...... He is older than me, but I still think he's the most beautiful man in the world........ but the most important thing is that we have such a friendship I never had with anyone....... if I can't sleep he stays up all night talking and finding music we like on youtube....... we did that last week...... because there is such an age difference between us (15 years) we come from different time periods and he's been educating me about the music in his days..... :) but the most wonderful thing about us together is that he's a Bible teacher and I am eager to learn...... slowly I am understanding difficult concepts of the Bible that no one could explain to me before........ Daddy has been really good to me by sending me Charles and I love being with him! :pp

Love you lots,
Mieke :kiss:

RabbiKnife
Nov 22nd 2010, 04:44 PM
Most churches are a horrible place to meet Godly potential mates. Not only is the environment in most churches artificial, most people coming to a local congregation behave much differently than they are the rest of the week. We've been taught to be on our best behavior, to dress in our best, to be non-offensive...in short, to be phony.

I think the premise that you should "search for a mate at church" is a false premise destined for failure. Finding a mate is not like shopping for a car. Finding a mate is about being who you are, all the time, going where God leads you, doing what God has created you to be. If you seek a mate, which is perfectly fine and honorable, then you should not limit the pond you fish in to a local congregation.

Put it another way. Any male you come into contact can be a potential mate. Then, you simply start filtering.

Married? If yes, stop, do not pass go.
Christian? If no, stop, do not pass go. (No such thing as "dating evangelism.")
After those two issues are settled, then it is a matter of compatability, friendship, trust, etc.

TomH
Nov 22nd 2010, 04:50 PM
That’s good. So, do I understand you to say that first option is to be active in church social activities (or perhaps even ministries within the church) but barring that (or in addition?) a godly woman can search outside the church through social activities of mutual interest to her and potential godly single men? The church does not need (and perhaps is not the best venue???) for the kinds of social activities that lead to mate selection?

Yes, to all of the above.

Frecs
Nov 22nd 2010, 04:56 PM
Most churches are a horrible place to meet Godly potential mates. Not only is the environment in most churches artificial, most people coming to a local congregation behave much differently than they are the rest of the week. We've been taught to be on our best behavior, to dress in our best, to be non-offensive...in short, to be phony.

I think the premise that you should "search for a mate at church" is a false premise destined for failure. Finding a mate is not like shopping for a car. Finding a mate is about being who you are, all the time, going where God leads you, doing what God has created you to be. If you seek a mate, which is perfectly fine and honorable, then you should not limit the pond you fish in to a local congregation.

Put it another way. Any male you come into contact can be a potential mate. Then, you simply start filtering.

Married? If yes, stop, do not pass go.
Christian? If no, stop, do not pass go. (No such thing as "dating evangelism.")
After those two issues are settled, then it is a matter of compatability, friendship, trust, etc.

That I totally agree with. Church is very artificial in terms of how people interact with each other. We need to get out and into situations where we can more honestly assess the person and how well they do or do not fit with our own personality, goals, etc.

I also strongly agree with your point about dating/considering non-Christians. There may be the occasional example of it working but 99.99999% of the time it is a huge mistake to assume you can "save him" while dating or after marrying him.

Frecs
Nov 22nd 2010, 04:59 PM
I met my husband Charles here on the site...... he was attracted by my faith in God and I was attracted to his faithfulness and his knowledge about the Christian religion and we were both poets so we used to pm each other in rhyme...... with much fun! :D I was attracted to his jokes and we had much fun together....... we were both on the modsteam but never really "met" each other as we were both in different sections..... we both prayed for a godly spouse and the next day we met! :pp
I am not the most attractive girl (although I know that Charles will disagree with that) and I am handicapped too and he just wanted me like I was, so that made me love him even more...... He is older than me, but I still think he's the most beautiful man in the world........ but the most important thing is that we have such a friendship I never had with anyone....... if I can't sleep he stays up all night talking and finding music we like on youtube....... we did that last week...... because there is such an age difference between us (15 years) we come from different time periods and he's been educating me about the music in his days..... :) but the most wonderful thing about us together is that he's a Bible teacher and I am eager to learn...... slowly I am understanding difficult concepts of the Bible that no one could explain to me before........ Daddy has been really good to me by sending me Charles and I love being with him! :pp

Love you lots,
Mieke :kiss:

Mieke, you and Charles are such a wonderful example of how God can bring two people together that are perfect for each other. :)

Frecs
Nov 22nd 2010, 05:04 PM
Well , may I jump in here??
Years ago, before internet, Hubby and I met on a "Pen-pal" forum in a magazine. His friend played a trick on him by submitting his name, and I was on holiday totally bored, reading this magazine.... and I thought....Ah-ha let me have some fun :lol: :o

So we started corresponding with one another... for about a year before we went for coffee one day..... but by that time, we knew one another through-and-through and it did not matter what we looked like, we knew what made the other one tick.... his/her love for God!!

Hubby had hippie-long-hair :o but he had brains ;) :idea:
I had skew teeth and a long nose and I was anorexic-skinny :D
Yet there was something that drew us together..... :pp

Not the looks, because he could do much much better ...... :D
Yet 30 yrs later,, here we still are..... sharing the same thing that drew us together... our individual relationships with God.

That is what I did :D...... I married my hubby for his brain :pp and he just became so so attractive .... just like a TEDDY-BEAR.


IT IS INNER BEAUTY THAT COUNTS.

The rest is just a bonus :yes:

Of course you can jump in!

Okay, so that is two couples two met each other via either "penpal" or "www" rather than meeting face-to-face. This makes me wonder what the general thoughts are on this form of "dating"? I know there are some serious potential for pitfalls but that exists in life in general. Seems that such "distance meeting" opportunities allow for learning about a person's personality, interests, etc while filtering out any potential bias about appearance. What do ya'll think?

miepie
Nov 22nd 2010, 05:05 PM
Mieke, you and Charles are such a wonderful example of how God can bring two people together that are perfect for each other. :)

Thanks my friend.... :hug: We are both not perfect, and never will be, but you're right that we're perfect for each other! :pp I hope you'll find your perfect man soon too! :hug: :hug:

Love you lots,
Mieke :kiss:

TomH
Nov 22nd 2010, 05:08 PM
I think most relationships, and especially marital relationships, began by accident.

It was God's bringing them together, and not them searching for each other.

Jeanne D
Nov 22nd 2010, 05:15 PM
I first saw my husband and decided he was for me at the age of 10, he was 11 years old so I can't really answer your question, Frecs.
A few years later we became the best of friends.

Now remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Pray about it and continue to pray. God knows you better than you know yourself. He knows the best person suited to You and vice versa.
He isn't going to put you with someone you aren't attracted to or someone you don't love.

He is the best matchmaker there is.

Jeanne :hug:

karenoka27
Nov 22nd 2010, 05:16 PM
Most churches are a horrible place to meet Godly potential mates. Not only is the environment in most churches artificial, most people coming to a local congregation behave much differently than they are the rest of the week. We've been taught to be on our best behavior, to dress in our best, to be non-offensive...in short, to be phony.

This is so sad..and yet true in many cases.
My sister met her husband online through a Christian dating service. He was from Arkansas, she from Rhode Island. They made each other laugh, and they both loved the Lord. As they became friends through the internet, the met and not long after were married.

Going back to the OP's statement: "how am I supposed to get the attentions of a Godly man when he is visually attracted to the lady at the other end of the pew who's showing off her wares? Men are visual, after all, and the nature of the beast is to want to mate with the most attractive mate they can. How can Miss Modest get his attention in a godly way?"
May I suggest not by showing what you got? It's absurd to think a Christian woman would lure a mate in through her cleavage.

Church is where the body of Christ meets, phony or not. It's a place to use our gifts and encourage one another in our faith. It's a place where we join together for communion in remembrance of our Lord and Savior. It's not a dating service.
However, while you are busy serving the Lord, The Lord Himself just might place your mate in your path in church. Then it's His doing, His blessing.

Ta-An
Nov 22nd 2010, 05:23 PM
He is he best matchmaker there is.


Indeed so :)

If Hubby and I met face-to-face first.... we never would even have given a second look at the other one

May God reveal to you, at the right time, the perfect partner for you. :pray:

tango
Nov 22nd 2010, 05:25 PM
As an off shoot from the "dressing modestly" thread, as a modestly dressed Christian single woman, how am I supposed to get the attentions of a Godly man when he is visually attracted to the lady at the other end of the pew who's showing off her wares? Men are visual, after all, and the nature of the beast is to want to mate with the most attractive mate they can. How can Miss Modest get his attention in a godly way?

Honestly, that would depend on whether you want a man who is more interested in good looks or a man who is more interested in something more lasting.

Men are visual creatures but at the same time the fact a woman is showing her wares doesn't immediately make her more attractive as a long term proposition. For all the testosterone in me is drawn to the kind of woman who does show more flesh I'd rather have a long-term relationship with someone who didn't flaunt what she had for all to see.

I've known several women who were stunningly attractive but as friendly as a hungry sabre-toothed tiger and several other women who weren't anything special to look at but who had an inner beauty that was far more attractive. That inner beauty is the kind of thing you only get to see if you take the time to talk to someone and spend a little time with them (in any kind of situation). If a man isn't going to even talk to you because you are less physically attractive than Some Other Female the chances are he's going to turn out to be the shallow kind you're probably better off without.

Frecs
Nov 22nd 2010, 05:30 PM
Thanks my friend.... :hug: We are both not perfect, and never will be, but you're right that we're perfect for each other! :pp I hope you'll find your perfect man soon too! :hug: :hug:

Love you lots,
Mieke :kiss:

He's coming. God's already giving me the heads up and let me know that I would feel very comfortable with him. God also showed me that he would have "a past" but that I was to remember to leave the past in the past. :) I figure it this way: I'm to just keep doing what God leads me to do as far as ministry and breaking free of some of my own past (that "leave the past in the past" has been God's mantra for me over the last four months) and at the right time, the right guy will show up. I could allow the Enemy to make me dispair of attracting this guy's attention because I'm not a pretty woman with a suave figure. But, I know it won't matter to him anymore than his physical appearance will matter to me.

I'm 47 and never married. So, I've spent a lot of time in Singles Groups in various churches over the years. I have seen women and a few men get so desparate for marriage that they make foolish choices they later regret. I also know that the church often adds to the single's desparation by emphasizing the importance of marriage and focusing most ministry focuses on the family (husband, wife, kids). Such pressure can lead to despair and desparation and even a feeling that God has rejected them because God has not brought them a mate.

Equipped_4_Love
Nov 22nd 2010, 05:33 PM
As an off shoot from the "dressing modestly" thread, as a modestly dressed Christian single woman, how am I supposed to get the attentions of a Godly man when he is visually attracted to the lady at the other end of the pew who's showing off her wares? Men are visual, after all, and the nature of the beast is to want to mate with the most attractive mate they can. How can Miss Modest get his attention in a godly way?

You can wear clothes that are cute and fit nicely, without showing off too much. You can wear a light bit of make-up and do your hair really nice. Not all guys are attracted to women who just show everything they have -- and those who are, would you REALLY want to be with that kind of a guy?

miepie
Nov 22nd 2010, 05:35 PM
God also showed me that he would have "a past" but that I was to remember to leave the past in the past. :)

It's indeed better to leave "the past in the past"...... Charles has a difficult past but I trusted him to be over it when we got together, and he is....... sometimes we talk about our past, especially I had some healing to do from the past, but we're both very understanding towards each other and that helped us a lot...... the past doesn't matter, the future does!

Love you lots,
Mieke :kiss:

Frecs
Nov 22nd 2010, 05:35 PM
You can wear clothes that are cute and fit nicely, without showing off too much. You can wear a light bit of make-up and do your hair really nice. Not all guys are attracted to women who just show everything they have -- and those who are, would you REALLY want to be with that kind of a guy?

Nope. Surprisingly, there seems to be a lot of women who would....or would settle for such so that they are not alone. It seems that being alone is deemed far worse than being married to the wrong guy.

Ta-An
Nov 22nd 2010, 05:41 PM
Honestly, that would depend on whether you want a man who is more interested in good looks or a man who is more interested in something more lasting.

Men are visual creatures but at the same time the fact a woman is showing her wares doesn't immediately make her more attractive as a long term proposition. For all the testosterone in me is drawn to the kind of woman who does show more flesh I'd rather have a long-term relationship with someone who didn't flaunt what she had for all to see.

I've known several women who were stunningly attractive but as friendly as a hungry sabre-toothed tiger and several other women who weren't anything special to look at but who had an inner beauty that was far more attractive. That inner beauty is the kind of thing you only get to see if you take the time to talk to someone and spend a little time with them (in any kind of situation). If a man isn't going to even talk to you because you are less physically attractive than Some Other Female the chances are he's going to turn out to be the shallow kind you're probably better off without.

I agree with tango here.....
Hubby said, he'd rather marry the "Ugly-duckling" and have her to himself, than to marry a very visually "attractive" woman after whom other men lusts.

For some women ,,looks is the only asset they have, and that is why they flaunt it :D .... ;)
..... but you need more than just looks, because when gravity becomes your enemy .... you need to have the 'glue' to keep the marriage together,and men knows that
. :hug:

karenoka27
Nov 22nd 2010, 05:45 PM
Since this is in the Growing in Christ forum....what should a woman do while waiting for her man?

Ta-An
Nov 22nd 2010, 05:48 PM
Since this is in the Growing in Christ forum....what should a woman do while waiting for her man?

:pray: .

teddyv
Nov 22nd 2010, 05:49 PM
Several years ago, while still single, and when I moved to my current church I was introduced to a was befriended by a group of people in and around my age group (late 20's early 30's).

I had a pretty good choice of prospective women in my circle of friends. I got to know my eventual wife during many hikes that a group of us would do through out summer. In fact I was usually the only guy with up to 6 women on these hikes. Hiking in the mountains generally does not lend to 'showing the wares'. But it does lend to getting to know someone.

What probably interested me the most in my wife was the easy conversations we could have about a wide range of subjects. She is very smart. She also laughed at my jokes and easily engaged in that as well. She has always dressed modestly and won't win any beauty pageants but really, at the end of the day, I have someone that I can talk to.

FWIW, my wife has told me what really attracted herself to me was also on display during these hikes.

Jeanne D
Nov 22nd 2010, 05:49 PM
Since this is in the Growing in Christ forum....what should a woman do while waiting for her man?

She should : seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto her. (paraphrased according to Jeanne :) )

Jeanne

teddyv
Nov 22nd 2010, 05:50 PM
Since this is in the Growing in Christ forum....what should a woman do while waiting for her man?

Practice her cooking?

(Ducking and running!) :)

TomH
Nov 22nd 2010, 05:51 PM
Attract.

Seems as though that's ingrained in women as a necessity.

It would seem to me, that it would be best for a woman to be who she wants to be. Satisfy yourself first.
Then, the right man will be attracted to the right woman, for the right reason.

Attract is becoming synonymous with entice, or tempt.

Is this really what you women are thinking?

Ta-An
Nov 22nd 2010, 05:58 PM
Maybe another question could be : What are men looking for a woman they'd like to marry ::hmm:

Frecs
Nov 22nd 2010, 05:59 PM
Honestly, that would depend on whether you want a man who is more interested in good looks or a man who is more interested in something more lasting.

Men are visual creatures but at the same time the fact a woman is showing her wares doesn't immediately make her more attractive as a long term proposition. For all the testosterone in me is drawn to the kind of woman who does show more flesh I'd rather have a long-term relationship with someone who didn't flaunt what she had for all to see.

I've known several women who were stunningly attractive but as friendly as a hungry sabre-toothed tiger and several other women who weren't anything special to look at but who had an inner beauty that was far more attractive. That inner beauty is the kind of thing you only get to see if you take the time to talk to someone and spend a little time with them (in any kind of situation). If a man isn't going to even talk to you because you are less physically attractive than Some Other Female the chances are he's going to turn out to be the shallow kind you're probably better off without.

Very wise words! Thanks for sharing!

-SEEKING-
Nov 22nd 2010, 06:04 PM
Maybe another question could be : What are men looking for a woman they'd like to marry ::hmm:

Good looking, good in the kitchen, treats her husband like a king. The basics.

(Runs for cover)

Jeanne D
Nov 22nd 2010, 06:05 PM
Good looking, good in the kitchen, treats her husband like a king. The basics.

(Runs for cover)

Thanks for the laugh! :lol:

Actually I think I meet that criteria, ask my husband! :D

Frecs,
You sound like a woman with many talents. Any man would be blessed to have you as his wife!

Jeanne

Ta-An
Nov 22nd 2010, 06:07 PM
Good looking, good in the kitchen, treats her husband like a king. The basics.

(Runs for cover)

I see you..... even in your disguise :rolleyes: come out and smell the roses :P

Frecs
Nov 22nd 2010, 06:09 PM
Attract.

Seems as though that's ingrained in women as a necessity.

It would seem to me, that it would be best for a woman to be who she wants to be. Satisfy yourself first.
Then, the right man will be attracted to the right woman, for the right reason.

Attract is becoming synonymous with entice, or tempt.

Is this really what you women are thinking?

I think experience (rightly or wrongly) teaches us that we have to do something to get a man's attention (whether positive or negative). Perhaps, this is the first misconception that needs to be dealt with for single women. If we change that mindset to one of "I will live my life for God and a mate will come when God ordains it", then a whole other attitude comes out. And, in all likelihood, will make the woman more attractive to the kind of godly men she is praying for.

The other misconception that women struggle with is the idea that a man/husband makes us a whole person--that our life begins only after we are attached to a man. I think it is an idea that is a holdover from past generations in which it was pretty much a truism. But, clearly it is not as true today. But, it still infests the thinking of many women.

Ta-An
Nov 22nd 2010, 06:10 PM
Frecs,
You sound like a woman with many talents. Any man would be blessed to have you as his wife!


Frecs is my twin sister from another Mother, I never met,,,,, so she is perfect :idea: :D

Frecs
Nov 22nd 2010, 06:13 PM
Good looking, good in the kitchen, treats her husband like a king. The basics.

(Runs for cover)

(getting my water balloon ready) Come on out, no one is going to hurt you!

I'm a pretty good cook. Not a baker...but a good cook. And, I think the treating like a king comes when you treat her like a queen! ;)

Frecs
Nov 22nd 2010, 06:15 PM
Frecs,
You sound like a woman with many talents. Any man would be blessed to have you as his wife!

Jeanne

I'm very talented at being opinonated, stubborn and bull-headed! ;) Not so talented at auto maintenance...power tools are iffy...

miepie
Nov 22nd 2010, 06:23 PM
Frecs is my twin sister from another Mother, I never met,,,,, so she is perfect :idea: :D

And here I thought I was your twin sister....... :cry:

Love you lots l.j.,
Mieke :kiss:

-SEEKING-
Nov 22nd 2010, 06:24 PM
And, I think the treating like a king comes when you treat her like a queen! ;)

[COLOR="blue"]Indeed. I wouldn't treat her any other way. Good point.

Frecs
Nov 22nd 2010, 06:26 PM
And here I thought I was your twin sister....... :cry:

Love you lots l.j.,
Mieke :kiss:

We're triplets!!! :lol: Love you, my sisters!!! :kiss:

Ta-An
Nov 22nd 2010, 06:39 PM
We're triplets!!! :lol: Love you, my sisters!!! :kiss:

Quadruplets perhaps...... we have to count Karenoka in :D

Frecs
Nov 22nd 2010, 06:42 PM
Quadruplets perhaps...... we have to count Karenoka in :D

Heavens, yes! Sorry...it was a total blonde moment! :eek: We're quadruplets...sisters with different mothers! :lol:

Jeanne D
Nov 22nd 2010, 06:45 PM
I've mentioned this before in another thread, but teaching young woman about how to conduct themselves would make a good Sunday school class.
Do any of you have anything like this in your churches?

I think this is something all churches need to address. Many of our young women don't know how to dress in a way that is pleasing to God, they need the older women to teach them these things, and things to prepare them for the possibility of relationships and marriage.

Jeanne

*Living~By~Faith*
Nov 22nd 2010, 07:05 PM
I've mentioned this before in another thread, but teaching young woman about how to conduct themselves would make a good Sunday school class.
Do any of you have anything like this in your churches?

I think this is something all churches need to address. Many of our young women don't know how to dress in a way that is pleasing to God, they need the older women to teach them these things, and things to prepare them for the possibility of relationships and marriage.

Jeanne

That is a very good idea. My church offered a Sunday School class for women about building character. I went to it a few weeks and enjoyed it, but then I started teaching Sunday School so I didn't get to finish out the class. I still have the book they used and hope to do a study on it with some women sometime.

Jeanne D
Nov 22nd 2010, 07:07 PM
MOD NOTE I am moving this thread to Bible Chat, where all of you may continue this discussion.

Thank you,

Jeanne :)

Jeanne D
Nov 22nd 2010, 07:10 PM
That is a very good idea. My church offered a Sunday School class for women about building character. I went to it a few weeks and enjoyed it, but then I started teaching Sunday School so I didn't get to finish out the class. I still have the book they used and hope to do a study on it with some women sometime.

I wish more churches would do this sort of thing. I think it would be so helpful.

Jeanne

The Mighty Sword
Nov 22nd 2010, 07:11 PM
I'm right here........................:saint:

Frecs
Nov 22nd 2010, 07:11 PM
I've mentioned this before in another thread, but teaching young woman about how to conduct themselves would make a good Sunday school class.
Do any of you have anything like this in your churches?

I think this is something all churches need to address. Many of our young women don't know how to dress in a way that is pleasing to God, they need the older women to teach them these things, and things to prepare them for the possibility of relationships and marriage.

Jeanne

We don't have such classes (unless the Youth Pastor is addressing this need in the youth group). Definitely something that would be very beneficial....a class covering various aspects of being a godly woman and including discussion of preparing to be a godly wife/mother. ummmm...good idea indeed...

Frecs
Nov 22nd 2010, 07:11 PM
I'm right here........................:saint:

yes, but you are already taken. :(

-SEEKING-
Nov 22nd 2010, 07:12 PM
I'm right here........................:saint:

When you set out a magnet, you just can't tell what you'll attract. :P

christseeker
Nov 22nd 2010, 07:14 PM
As an off shoot from the "dressing modestly" thread, as a modestly dressed Christian single woman, how am I supposed to get the attentions of a Godly man when he is visually attracted to the lady at the other end of the pew who's showing off her wares? Men are visual, after all, and the nature of the beast is to want to mate with the most attractive mate they can. How can Miss Modest get his attention in a godly way?

That's a good question. A beautiful women can dress modest and still be very attractive, as a man I'd say don't forgo the makeup. It's said the one who shares her goodies is good for a night but the one who doesn't is the one guys want to take home to mom.

Most man aren't honest and will say they are not visual but if that were the case they would not have to turn away when a visual image is in front of them. They will notice the other gal first but she is a temporary distraction, once she is out they will notice the well dressed girl. I be an honest male and tell you that meeting my wife was visual, I saw here and she was wearing a brown outfit which was very appealing and I thought her out of my league because she was and is so beautiful but I braved it and talked to her and now we are married. But I won't lie and say it wasn't visual it was and she was modestly dressed.

ProjectPeter
Nov 22nd 2010, 07:14 PM
let's do something very novel here! Biblically speaking... how do you attact godly men? :)

ProjectPeter
Nov 22nd 2010, 07:15 PM
When you set out a magnet, you just can't tell what you'll attract. :P

Perhaps to a degree. But you do know that you will weed out paper, plastic, glass, etc. So even that narrows down the field. ;)

Slug1
Nov 22nd 2010, 07:15 PM
As an off shoot from the "dressing modestly" thread, as a modestly dressed Christian single woman, how am I supposed to get the attentions of a Godly man when he is visually attracted to the lady at the other end of the pew who's showing off her wares? Men are visual, after all, and the nature of the beast is to want to mate with the most attractive mate they can. How can Miss Modest get his attention in a godly way?I haven't read the thread but to answer this... just be yourself. The man that God leads to you will be attacted to "you". Not any made up you, not any acting you do, not the way you fit in with those around you... God will place "you" in his heart and anything you do that isn't yourself, will make him wonder if you are the one he has in his heart and is looking for the one who fits the space God put there in his heart.

Ta-An
Nov 22nd 2010, 07:16 PM
We don't have such classes (unless the Youth Pastor is addressing this need in the youth group). Definitely something that would be very beneficial....a class covering various aspects of being a godly woman and including discussion of preparing to be a godly wife/mother. ummmm...good idea indeed... At our church the minister's wife is the culprit :o she is the one who wears the see-thru dresses :o

Caleb
Nov 22nd 2010, 07:17 PM
Maybe another question could be : What are men looking for a woman they'd like to marry ::hmm:

Someone who can do the:

Washing
Ironing
Food
Ect: :D

ProjectPeter
Nov 22nd 2010, 07:17 PM
You see that more and more sad to say.

The Mighty Sword
Nov 22nd 2010, 07:19 PM
When you set out a magnet, you just can't tell what you'll attract. :P

Did you call me a magnet???

-SEEKING-
Nov 22nd 2010, 07:21 PM
Did you call ma a magnet???

LOL. Yeah sure. Why not. We'll go with that. So how did your wife nab you my stylishly smooth friend?

Ta-An
Nov 22nd 2010, 07:22 PM
Someone who can do the:

Washing
Ironing
Food
Ect: :D
But is that not what Prov. 31 is about??? be real !!

-SEEKING-
Nov 22nd 2010, 07:23 PM
Someone who can do the:

Washing
Ironing
Food
Ect: :D

I guess my wife didn't get that memo. With the exception of ironing, cuz I burn things, I do all the other stuff.

RabbiKnife
Nov 22nd 2010, 07:23 PM
No, Proverbs 31 is about a Godly woman not being a lazy, slovenly bum.

Household chores are cultural issues, not Godliness issues.

ProjectPeter
Nov 22nd 2010, 07:24 PM
No, Proverbs 31 is about a Godly woman not being a lazy, slovenly bum.

Household chores are cultural issues, not Godliness issues.

Hmmm... perhaps it is time for the Proverbs 32 woman! Let me see if I can hunt that down. :)

Ta-An
Nov 22nd 2010, 07:28 PM
Household chores are cultural issues, not Godliness issues.What is the difference ..:hmm:

ProjectPeter
Nov 22nd 2010, 07:31 PM
The Godly Wife... and I dare add... woman.

Proverbs 31:10 ¶An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good and not evil All the days of her life.
13 She looks for wool and flax, And works with her hands in delight.
14 She is like merchant ships; She brings her food from afar.
15 She rises also while it is still night, And gives food to her household, And portions to her maidens.
16 She considers a field and buys it; From her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She girds herself with strength, And makes her arms strong.
18 She senses that her gain is good; Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff, And her hands grasp the spindle.
20 She extends her hand to the poor; And she stretches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household, For all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for herself; Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them, And supplies belts to the tradesmen.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future.
26 She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:
29 "Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all."
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
31 Give her the product of her hands, And let her works praise her in the gates.



The modern day wife and I also dare say... woman. ;)


Proverbs 32:1 ¶An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. And she will remind you of that worth every day until death do you part.
2 The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain. If he does she will remind him of how worthless he is or has become.
3 She does him good and not evil All the days of her life. That is unless she is scorned and then all bets are off.
4 She looks for wool and flax, And works with her hands in delight. But you must tell her how much she is appreciated and daily is recommended. Otherwise delight turns into bitterness.
5 She is like merchant ships; She brings her food from afar as long as it isn't too far and takes too much of the day.
6 She rises also while it is still night, And gives food to her household, And portions to her maidens. So when she is cranky by the time you get home... you need to understand.
7 She considers a field and buys it; From her earnings she plants a vineyard. Then she will make sure others know that it is her labor and has nothing to do with you.
8 She girds herself with strength, And makes her arms strong as long as she doesn't have anything physically wrong with her. Then this isn't applicable.
9 She senses that her gain is good; Her lamp does not go out at night. Not until she is good and ready to turn it off.
10She stretches out her hands to the distaff, And her hands grasp the spindle. She then realizes that she's forgotten how to sew and gets upset because she hasn't the extra money to buy that outfit she saw in the store the other day.
11 She extends her hand to the poor; And she stretches out her hands to the needy. As long as they aren't too poor and needy. That would require adding another entree and one might have to wait a whole 20 minutes for something to thaw in the microwave.
12 She is not afraid of the snow for her household, For all her household are clothed with scarlet. But if it rains and they don't wipe off their shoes and track mud in the house... they just don't care.
13 She makes coverings for herself; Her clothing is fine linen and purple. She just needs a lot of linen and looks like Barney because she has just let herself go over the years and now she can't get rid of the weight at all.
14 Her husband is known in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the land. They will never forget the "ON STRIKE" sign that was in the front lawn.
15 She makes linen garments and sells them, And supplies belts to the tradesmen. Then gets with the women and complains about how she has to do all of this because the dear husband isn't cutting the mustard.
16 Strength and dignity she does not know, And she cries loudly at the future.
17 She opens her mouth in folly, And the teaching of bitterness is on her tongue.
18 She looks to the ways of her household, shakes her head and then lies down.
19 Her children rise up and can't wait to find the door; Her husband only likes the door from the inside and trembles when he sees it from the outside, and he avoids her, saying:
20 "Many daughters have done nobly, But you... what can I do to please you."
21 And beware of the hissy fit. No man likes it when that happens.

RabbiKnife
Nov 22nd 2010, 07:32 PM
In some cultures, men do the cooking. In others, women do the cooking. In others, both share in the cooking.
Same can be said of child rearing, cutting the lawn, and changing the oil in the car.

In Proverbs, the culture was a very specific, primarily agrarian society.

If you are waiting on my wife to get up early in the morning and spin wool and flax and make garments and sell them in the marketplace, then she will never be a Godly woman.

But she is a great nurse, manages our household accounts and investment portfolio, and has a mean backpack leaf blower.

Culture, not Godliness. Godliness is about character, not specific activity that a culture defines.

Ta-An
Nov 22nd 2010, 07:35 PM
In some cultures, men do the cooking. In others, women do the cooking. In others, both share in the cooking.
Same can be said of child rearing, cutting the lawn, and changing the oil in the car.

In Proverbs, the culture was a very specific, primarily agrarian society.

If you are waiting on my wife to get up early in the morning and spin wool and flax and make garments and sell them in the marketplace, then she will never be a Godly woman.

But she is a great nurse, manages our household accounts and investment portfolio, and has a mean backpack leaf blower.

Culture, not Godliness. Godliness is about character, not specific activity that a culture defines.
Okay, thank you :)
yet I suppose .... it works like this..... good works will follow when a woman is godly...:hmm:

RabbiKnife
Nov 22nd 2010, 07:37 PM
The Godly Wife... and I dare add... woman.

Proverbs 31:10 ¶An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good and not evil All the days of her life.
13 She looks for wool and flax, And works with her hands in delight.
14 She is like merchant ships; She brings her food from afar.
15 She rises also while it is still night, And gives food to her household, And portions to her maidens.
16 She considers a field and buys it; From her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She girds herself with strength, And makes her arms strong.
18 She senses that her gain is good; Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff, And her hands grasp the spindle.
20 She extends her hand to the poor; And she stretches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household, For all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for herself; Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them, And supplies belts to the tradesmen.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future.
26 She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:
29 "Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all."
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
31 Give her the product of her hands, And let her works praise her in the gates.



The modern day wife and I also dare say... woman. ;)


Proverbs 32:1 ¶An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. And she will remind you of that worth every day until death do you part.
2 The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain. If he does she will remind him of how worthless he is or has become.
3 She does him good and not evil All the days of her life. That is unless she is scorned and then all bets are off.
4 She looks for wool and flax, And works with her hands in delight. But you must tell her how much she is appreciated and daily is recommended. Otherwise delight turns into bitterness.
5 She is like merchant ships; She brings her food from afar as long as it isn't too far and takes too much of the day.
6 She rises also while it is still night, And gives food to her household, And portions to her maidens. So when she is cranky by the time you get home... you need to understand.
7 She considers a field and buys it; From her earnings she plants a vineyard. Then she will make sure others know that it is her labor and has nothing to do with you.
8 She girds herself with strength, And makes her arms strong as long as she doesn't have anything physically wrong with her. Then this isn't applicable.
9 She senses that her gain is good; Her lamp does not go out at night. Not until she is good and ready to turn it off.
10She stretches out her hands to the distaff, And her hands grasp the spindle. She then realizes that she's forgotten how to sew and gets upset because she hasn't the extra money to buy that outfit she saw in the store the other day.
11 She extends her hand to the poor; And she stretches out her hands to the needy. As long as they aren't too poor and needy. That would require adding another entree and one might have to wait a whole 20 minutes for something to thaw in the microwave.
12 She is not afraid of the snow for her household, For all her household are clothed with scarlet. But if it rains and they don't wipe off their shoes and track mud in the house... they just don't care.
13 She makes coverings for herself; Her clothing is fine linen and purple. She just needs a lot of linen and looks like Barney because she has just let herself go over the years and now she can't get rid of the weight at all.
14 Her husband is known in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the land. They will never forget the "ON STRIKE" sign that was in the front lawn.
15 She makes linen garments and sells them, And supplies belts to the tradesmen. Then gets with the women and complains about how she has to do all of this because the dear husband isn't cutting the mustard.
16 Strength and dignity she does not know, And she cries loudly at the future.
17 She opens her mouth in folly, And the teaching of bitterness is on her tongue.
18 She looks to the ways of her household, shakes her head and then lies down.
19 Her children rise up and can't wait to find the door; Her husband only likes the door from the inside and trembles when he sees it from the outside, and he avoids her, saying:
20 "Many daughters have done nobly, But you... what can I do to please you."
21 And beware of the hissy fit. No man likes it when that happens.

I would laugh if, unfortunately, the caricature was not so accurate of many relationships, both from men and women.

miepie
Nov 22nd 2010, 07:40 PM
Well, I can't do all them things out of Proverbs 31 either, but I am certainly NOT a Proverbs 32 woman at all! :no:

Since my miracle and I can walk somewhat again, I am doing household chores again with much pleasure I may add, but the fact is that Charles is a much better cook than me! Also he works with heavy pans that I can't lift with my arms..... those are definitely not healed (yet)..... I do some cutting and preparing work for supper but that's it...... I don't think he'd want it any other way..... I do help him any way I can, but he's clearly the leader, and that's the way it's supposed to be in my book...... :)

Love you all lots,
Mieke :kiss:

Frecs
Nov 22nd 2010, 07:42 PM
No, Proverbs 31 is about a Godly woman not being a lazy, slovenly bum.

Household chores are cultural issues, not Godliness issues.

I think when we look at Proverbs 31, it goes against many of the old ideas of what a wife does/is. The Proverbs 31 wife is a businesswoman as well as a woman who manages her household. She brings both prosperity and honor to her husband and security to her household. I'm left to wonder just want her husband was doing! (That of course is answered by the fact that he is at the city gate=involved in city government=a man respected in the community.)

ProjectPeter
Nov 22nd 2010, 07:43 PM
I would laugh if, unfortunately, the caricature was not so accurate of many relationships, both from men and women.

Yeah... I wrote that a while back for a specific situation going on here on the board that I won't bore folks with details. But yeah... it is sadly accurate in a multitude of ways. Goes much with what you were saying too. There are cultural things sure enough and our culture is a very far cry different than it was when Solomon penned what he did. But ultimately... it comes down to the heart of the woman and the mindset. Hopefully that Proverbs 32 makes it real enough and familiar enough to hammer that point home.

Ta-An
Nov 22nd 2010, 07:43 PM
I would laugh if, unfortunately, the caricature was not so accurate of many relationships, both from men and women.

Yup .

Frecs
Nov 22nd 2010, 07:56 PM
Well, I can't do all them things out of Proverbs 31 either, but I am certainly NOT a Proverbs 32 woman at all! :no:

Since my miracle and I can walk somewhat again, I am doing household chores again with much pleasure I may add, but the fact is that Charles is a much better cook than me! Also he works with heavy pans that I can't lift with my arms..... those are definitely not healed (yet)..... I do some cutting and preparing work for supper but that's it...... I don't think he'd want it any other way..... I do help him any way I can, but he's clearly the leader, and that's the way it's supposed to be in my book...... :)

Love you all lots,
Mieke :kiss:

I think the point of Proverbs 31 is that she was a wife who used her talents to bring honor to her husband. He had no need to be embarassed when he brought friends over to the house. There was no reason for the neighbors to talk ill of his wife or how their household was maintained (both on the cleaning aspect and on the financial well being of it). I think the specific contributions of each spouse is dependent on their giftings. I'm domestic...enough...though if I have my 'rathers I'd be outside doing the yardwork and gardening rather than inside mopping floors or making beds (ugh). I'll cook...but hopefully he'll like to bake...perhaps we can work together when it comes to butchering the animals for the table and/or freezer. We can help each other with the ministry(ies) each is called to....

miepie
Nov 22nd 2010, 08:01 PM
I'll cook...but hopefully he'll like to bake...perhaps we can work together when it comes to butchering the animals for the table and/or freezer. We can help each other with the ministry(ies) each is called to....

I think that's the best solution of all...... just work together...... do what the other one can't do and do as much together as you can...... we do that all the time now...... even if it is as simple as me making the shoppinglist while Charles checks out the fridge to see what we need....... me making the meal plans and he cooking it while I cut the veggies........ it gives a warm feeling of togetherness if you do it that way and it makes me fall in love with him again very regularly! :blushhap:

Love you lots,
Mieke :kiss:

Jeanne D
Nov 22nd 2010, 08:03 PM
I haven't worked outside the home in years and both my husband and I like it that way.

When I tell people I don't work, (outside the home) they look at me like I'm crazy, or lazy, or stupid.. but that's ok.

I am doing my "job" as unto the Lord.

My husband works so hard and some long hours, so I am happy to have the house clean, the clothes washed and have a hot meal waiting for him.
I do it for him and because I know this is also what the Lord would have me to do.

Jeanne

chad
Nov 22nd 2010, 08:44 PM
You could always go and talk to them. That would get thier attention.



As an off shoot from the "dressing modestly" thread, as a modestly dressed Christian single woman, how am I supposed to get the attentions of a Godly man when he is visually attracted to the lady at the other end of the pew who's showing off her wares? Men are visual, after all, and the nature of the beast is to want to mate with the most attractive mate they can. How can Miss Modest get his attention in a godly way?

Frecs
Nov 22nd 2010, 08:52 PM
You could always go and talk to them. That would get thier attention.

Oh, I'm good at that....I'm also very good at being their friend.... I've had more "guy friends" than "gal friends" in my life!

The Mighty Sword
Nov 22nd 2010, 09:24 PM
LOL. Yeah sure. Why not. We'll go with that. So how did your wife nab you my stylishly smooth friend?

A gentleman never discusses such matters, With food. :lol:

Frecs
Nov 22nd 2010, 09:40 PM
A gentleman never discusses such matters, With food. :lol:

The way to a man's heart is still through his stomach? :lol:

teddyv
Nov 22nd 2010, 09:45 PM
The way to a man's heart is still through his stomach? :lol:

Are you vegan? I know you post in that thread in Contro a lot. Honestly for me that would probably be a long-term issue. :)

RabbiKnife
Nov 22nd 2010, 09:46 PM
One taste of my mother in law's cooking and I was way more than hooked....

Even the hope that my wife's cooking was 1/2 that could would make Barney Frank vote for tax cuts for George Bush.

As it turns out, my expectations were more than rewarded...

:)

Frecs
Nov 22nd 2010, 09:48 PM
Are you vegan? I know you post in that thread in Contro a lot. Honestly for me that would probably be a long-term issue. :)

I have been vegan...and I've been ovo-lacto vegetarian...and I've been omnivorous....currently I'm aiming at low levels of animal products and those products being organic/humanely raised (with the goal of raising my own!).

Bandit
Nov 22nd 2010, 10:50 PM
As an off shoot from the "dressing modestly" thread, as a modestly dressed Christian single woman, how am I supposed to get the attentions of a Godly man when he is visually attracted to the lady at the other end of the pew who's showing off her wares? Men are visual, after all, and the nature of the beast is to want to mate with the most attractive mate they can. How can Miss Modest get his attention in a godly way?


Hello Frecs,

I have only read your opening post - and none others. Please let me give my honest opinions. Most young men are initially and primarily visual in nature, and unless and until they mature, they will stay that way. In my late teens and early twenties, I was focused mainly on the external, but then something happened... I learned the hard way (no need to supply details) that physical beauty is only skin deep, but true beauty comes from within (and no amount of beauty can forever hide what lies inside). That is a hard lesson which many men do not learn until it is too late. What a truly beautiful woman has going for her is her personality - for lets face it, when the lights go off, all women look alike. What you want is a man who is looking for the true inner beauty of a woman, so my 1st recommendation is don't concern yourself with those men who are focused exclusively on the external - they just may get what they are looking for. My 2nd recommendation is to get out there and share your personality. There are guys who will be drawn to your personality - but they have to see it first. Don’t be so modest that you don’t speak up and share your thoughts and feelings. Those that look for external beauty can be captured in a moment - but those looking for inner beauty take more time. I pray that you find your man.

chad
Nov 22nd 2010, 11:46 PM
Being thier friend is a good start.


Oh, I'm good at that....I'm also very good at being their friend.... I've had more "guy friends" than "gal friends" in my life!

Liquid Tension
Nov 23rd 2010, 12:16 AM
He's coming. God's already giving me the heads up and let me know that I would feel very comfortable with him. God also showed me that he would have "a past" but that I was to remember to leave the past in the past. :) I figure it this way: I'm to just keep doing what God leads me to do as far as ministry and breaking free of some of my own past (that "leave the past in the past" has been God's mantra for me over the last four months) and at the right time, the right guy will show up. I could allow the Enemy to make me dispair of attracting this guy's attention because I'm not a pretty woman with a suave figure. But, I know it won't matter to him anymore than his physical appearance will matter to me.

I'm 47 and never married. So, I've spent a lot of time in Singles Groups in various churches over the years. I have seen women and a few men get so desparate for marriage that they make foolish choices they later regret. I also know that the church often adds to the single's desparation by emphasizing the importance of marriage and focusing most ministry focuses on the family (husband, wife, kids). Such pressure can lead to despair and desparation and even a feeling that God has rejected them because God has not brought them a mate.


I haven't followed this thread all the way thru, but since you say that God has given you the 'heads up', I believe that when you meet him, you WILL know. No change of dress code needed to attract this person. An assistant Pastor at a church I attended last year told me (and I don't recall how we got on the subject) that after his first wife died, he told God that he didn't want to date again.........he wanted to be married again, but didn't want to go thru the process again of dating. About 9 months later, when he meet woman who would become his second wife, he KNEW it immediatly.........and apparently so did she.

I know of couple of my friends who experienced this also. Which is why I say when you meet him, you will know, because He will tell you.

As far as what guy's look for? I'll admit that it's easy for me to want to look at a female who has on a short skirt, or a low cut top...........it can be a struggle at times. Fortunatly, at my church, being a small congregation, the "available pool" is rather non-existant. However, at this point of my life, being married and divorced, then thru a number of girlfriends, the last one being psychotic, I really could care less about being married again. In fact, I could die single right now and be extremely happy about that. Just be yourself. God has the perfect mate for you, especially since He's told you about him already.

kay-gee
Nov 23rd 2010, 02:48 AM
I was attracted to my wife because she had a lot of the same virtues I saw in my mom.

all the best...

4Gsake
Nov 23rd 2010, 04:18 AM
Hi Frecs;

I have spent some time reading most of the posts and, there are a couple of things I have noticed.

1) Most of the posts are from married people.

2) Most of the finger pointing is related by married people.

There seem be an ease of judgement by married posters toward single people and how they should behave ,very little understanding as to how a single person feel.

4) Some of these post must hurt you but, I hope you know they mean very little if they are written by luck of experience.

In my humble opinion I hope that you only worry about what God think ofyou and not others.

What you stated is very much correct regardless of what others may say, ( Christians or not ), it is just human nature to be initially attracted to better looking people regardless of the gender, don't feel guilty if you are normal.

There is however some thruth on some of the post like; NOT ALL CHURCH GOERS ARE GODLY.

My suggestion would be; dress the way it will make you feel good and whorty of your self regardless of what people may think after all, IT IS YOUR LIFE AND YOUR CHOICE but please remember, before you consider anything with a man, ( Godly or not ), remember to try and see if you could become best friends or, you may just get hurt in the end.

Good luck my friend and, may God be with you always.

Vhayes
Nov 23rd 2010, 04:29 AM
All the married people were single at one point, so I feel they CAN relate.

What is attractive to one person is not to another. So I'm not sure HOW one could say people always look for THE attractive one(s) first. What's attractive? A marriage is comprised of FAR more than being attractive. No one is attractive in labor. No one is attractive puking into the sink.

Love. Define love. That's where it all starts. We have a real warped sense of "love" in America.

Vhayes
Nov 23rd 2010, 06:11 AM
That sounds all nice and religious and such....but it doesn't help a 30-something-single woman who feels like no godly men want her because she isn't flashing all she's got.

Is it possible no "godly men" want her because she thinks they only care about her "wares" when instead they were interested in her laugh or her thought process?

Shift your focus. Start looking at single men as potential friends rather than as potential mates. Learn to appreciate them for who they are rather than who they might be. After all, that's what you are asking of them, so why not offer what you crave? God has a really strong sense of humor - my guess is that shortly after you give up trying to attract someone with your "modest dress and godly ways" someone will be attracted to your modest dress and godly ways as well as your laughter and compassion for others. Men are people with hearts and thoughts and compassion too, They express things differently than do women but that doesn't mean they are geared and driven solely by their hormones.

tango
Nov 23rd 2010, 10:51 AM
Shift your focus. Start looking at single men as potential friends rather than as potential mates. Learn to appreciate them for who they are rather than who they might be.

Yep. I remember for many years looking for "a girlfriend" with little idea of what I wanted except the usual kind of shallow stuff a guy in his late teens and early 20s might be interested in. With hindsight while I was looking someone to shift from being a virtual stranger to being a girlfriend almost overnight I missed out on a lot of opportunities to just get to know other girls who could so very easily have been girlfriend material if only I'd been willing to take time to get to know people.

In this day and age the expectation seems to be that getting it right now is important but with the benefit of a few more years of maturity I'd rather take the time before getting involved with someone in any capacity other than a platonic friend.

ProDeo
Nov 23rd 2010, 12:05 PM
I could allow the Enemy to make me dispair of attracting this guy's attention because I'm not a pretty woman with a suave figure. But, I know it won't matter to him anymore than his physical appearance will matter to me.

Precisely. As a one man opinion: a pretty woman counts for a man and also not. I am glad my wife is pretty but not too pretty (if you know what I mean) as I know I would have to live (deal) with all those looks and flirting from other men at her. A man doesn't necessarily look for the "hot chicks".

In a way, if you give it some time to think about the examples around you, being a beautiful woman too often is more a curse than a blessing. Beautiful women tend to attract the wrong men. These women are overloaded with attention because of their physical beauty while the inner beauty (the person) is ignored. As such, especially when they are young, they will have to have strong feet to carry the luxury.

The same counts for men although to a lesser extend. As a happily married man I am glad with my average looks, saves a lot of outside unwanted temptation.

ProDeo
Nov 23rd 2010, 12:18 PM
Maybe another question could be : What are men looking for a woman they'd like to marry ::hmm:

Good question, here is the answer............................... I don't know.

After 35 years of marriage I still don't. Because, I guess, I never gave it a thought.

But the moment I saw here I knew this is the one. The famous love at first sight thing.

Frecs
Nov 23rd 2010, 12:21 PM
Hi Frecs;

I have spent some time reading most of the posts and, there are a couple of things I have noticed.

1) Most of the posts are from married people.

2) Most of the finger pointing is related by married people.

There seem be an ease of judgement by married posters toward single people and how they should behave ,very little understanding as to how a single person feel.

4) Some of these post must hurt you but, I hope you know they mean very little if they are written by luck of experience.

In my humble opinion I hope that you only worry about what God think ofyou and not others.

What you stated is very much correct regardless of what others may say, ( Christians or not ), it is just human nature to be initially attracted to better looking people regardless of the gender, don't feel guilty if you are normal.

There is however some thruth on some of the post like; NOT ALL CHURCH GOERS ARE GODLY.

My suggestion would be; dress the way it will make you feel good and whorty of your self regardless of what people may think after all, IT IS YOUR LIFE AND YOUR CHOICE but please remember, before you consider anything with a man, ( Godly or not ), remember to try and see if you could become best friends or, you may just get hurt in the end.

Good luck my friend and, may God be with you always.

It has been interesting in that few singles have piped up to say anything. :lol: But, I do find the comments from the married crowd helpful albeit at times lacking in understanding (from those married in their twenties toward those still single into their thirties and beyond).

I had not intended this thread to become about me specifically -- it was to be about singles in general. Some seem to have the idea that I'm a desparate single woman on the prowl! :lol: Trust me, guys, I'm not! I said earlier that I don't do the "damsel in distress" well.... Well, I also do not do "desparate to be married" well, either. I'm independent to a fault. :lol: Even now that God has given me a "heads up" about a man coming into my life, I'm content as a single person. And, because I know God is bring him, I'm not needing to "hunt for him" either. ;)

My hope was to offer some sound advice to single persons wanting to do the "dating/mating" thing in a Christian way. There really isn't much sound advice out there. And, since there has been precious little use of scripture in this thread, it would seem there is not much advice in the Bible, either.

My advice to my fellow single sisters:
1. Don't wait to live your life for when a man marries you. Get out there and start living your life and being who God created you to be. You will be more attractive to a good man when you aren't desparate.
2. Become an emotionally and spiritually strong woman of God, it will make you a better person and a better wife.
3. Don't jump at the first offer that comes along. Go slow. Give the relationship time to develop its flavor so you can make sure it is Godly.
4. Don't marry someone because he or others say "God told them". Only marry him if GOD tells you "this is the one".
5. Don't expect to be able to "save him" or "change him". He might get saved and he might change. But, he might not. If you don't love him just the way he is, don't marry him.!
6. How he looks on a physical "handsome scale" is less important than how he measures up on the "Man after God's own Heart" scale. Measure wisely.
7. Observe how he treats his mother and his sisters. It will tell you much about how he will treat you.

My advice to my Godly single brothers:
1. Just because she isn't a damsel in distress doesn't mean she doesn't need or want you. There will be plenty of opportunities to display your manliness.
2. Just because she isn't the prettiest one strutting down the hall doesn't mean she isn't worth a second look. Great things come in plain packages.
3. Become a man of God prepared to be her head and her covering. What we really find appealing and desirable in a husband is a man who is genuinely seeking after God and able to be our spiritual head without being a dictator about it.

Perhaps someone has more advice for single ladies and single guys?

ProDeo
Nov 23rd 2010, 12:57 PM
Attract.

Seems as though that's ingrained in women as a necessity.

It would seem to me, that it would be best for a woman to be who she wants to be. Satisfy yourself first.
Then, the right man will be attracted to the right woman, for the right reason.

Attract is becoming synonymous with entice, or tempt.

Is this really what you women are thinking?

And men are not excluded also.

Read the reaction of Adam:

22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the part he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said,
“This one at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
this one will be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.”
24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and unites with his wife, and they become a new family.

Lets not deny God is the inventor, Adam was baffled, happily surprised, longed for Eve, he finally felt complete. Precisely as God said:

18 The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion for him who corresponds to him.”

It is a necessity (for most) as God created us that way. Like it is a necessity for (most) women to have offspring. God put it in our genes to have offspring to keep His creation going:

1 And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.

The "spark" (attraction if you will) is God's invention and He made it so good that we can't resist it else His creation would be extinct if He had made it a just command to obey looking at our nature to do anything in reverse. I can even see the irony of that.

Dani H
Nov 23rd 2010, 01:34 PM
If you're going to meet, and get to know, anybody anywhere, do so where they will be themselves. Insist for the masks to come down. And, be ready to remove yours. It's a gamble, and but for the grace of God, beware. People will lie to themselves, and to you, like you have no idea (on a side note, then you'll know how God feels)

The thing about marriage is that living with any person for that long, will expose who you are, at the core, through and through. Good, bad, and very, very ugly. Blessed is he/she who still has a devoted spouse to show for after all the masks come off.

For those of you who desire marriage: Does it really appeal to you for God to put you with another person to help you see yourself for who you really are? Because it'll happen. Are you ready for that?

Are you ready to catch your man when his masks drop and you see a wounded boy? Are you ready for him to catch you when your masks come down and there's not much left of you but a wounded girl? Can you be entrusted with that? Can he be entrusted with you?

Because that's covenant. Best make sure, cause it works both ways.

alegator21
Nov 23rd 2010, 07:33 PM
I think a man can be attracted to a woman even with her being modest! Nancy LeighDeMoss was speaking on the radio some weeks ago and mentioning that "true modesty comes from the inside out". Your personality should shine and not your physical appearance. After all, appearances change with time!

Bandit
Nov 23rd 2010, 10:43 PM
...
I had not intended this thread to become about me specifically -- it was to be about singles in general. Some seem to have the idea that I'm a desparate single woman on the prowl! :lol: Trust me, guys, I'm not! I said earlier that I don't do the "damsel in distress" well.... Well, I also do not do "desparate to be married" well, either. I'm independent to a fault. :lol: Even now that God has given me a "heads up" about a man coming into my life, I'm content as a single person. And, because I know God is bring him, I'm not needing to "hunt for him" either. ;)

My hope was to offer some sound advice to single persons wanting to do the "dating/mating" thing in a Christian way. ...

I feel so stupid :blush:... but then as my wife says, that is my natural state.

miepie
Nov 23rd 2010, 10:49 PM
I feel so stupid :blush:... but then as my wife says, that is my natural state.

I do NOT believe that..... you are such a gentle and kindhearted personality....... :hug: :hug:

Love you lots,
Mieke :kiss:

Frecs
Nov 24th 2010, 12:26 AM
I feel so stupid :blush:... but then as my wife says, that is my natural state.

Don't be silly!!! :P :D

4Gsake
Nov 25th 2010, 01:19 AM
My hope was to offer some sound advice to single persons wanting to do the "dating/mating" thing in a Christian way. There really isn't much sound advice out there. And, since there has been precious little use of scripture in this thread, it would seem there is not much advice in the Bible, either.

My advice to my fellow single sisters:
1. Don't wait to live your life for when a man marries you. Get out there and start living your life and being who God created you to be. You will be more attractive to a good man when you aren't desparate.
2. Become an emotionally and spiritually strong woman of God, it will make you a better person and a better wife.
3. Don't jump at the first offer that comes along. Go slow. Give the relationship time to develop its flavor so you can make sure it is Godly.
4. Don't marry someone because he or others say "God told them". Only marry him if GOD tells you "this is the one".
5. Don't expect to be able to "save him" or "change him". He might get saved and he might change. But, he might not. If you don't love him just the way he is, don't marry him.!
6. How he looks on a physical "handsome scale" is less important than how he measures up on the "Man after God's own Heart" scale. Measure wisely.
7. Observe how he treats his mother and his sisters. It will tell you much about how he will treat you.



PERFECT Frecs.
Congratulations.;)

4Gsake
Nov 25th 2010, 01:38 AM
And men are not excluded also.

Read the reaction of Adam:

22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the part he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said,
“This one at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
this one will be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.”
24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and unites with his wife, and they become a new family.

Lets not deny God is the inventor, Adam was baffled, happily surprised, longed for Eve, he finally felt complete. Precisely as God said:


When Adam first so Eve he actually exclaimed: WOOOOOMAN.
And that is woman is derived from.
:blush: Sorry my friends, I couldn't resist, God forgive me but, I am sure God kind of smiled when He saw Adam's reaction. :)

He does have a great sense of humor.

AndrewBaptistFL
Nov 25th 2010, 09:10 AM
As an off shoot from the "dressing modestly" thread, as a modestly dressed Christian single woman, how am I supposed to get the attentions of a Godly man when he is visually attracted to the lady at the other end of the pew who's showing off her wares? Men are visual, after all, and the nature of the beast is to want to mate with the most attractive mate they can. How can Miss Modest get his attention in a godly way?

Here’s the thing sister: In certain situations, like the church ministry I was involved in downtown this evening, I spent a lot of time looking at the ground or off into the sky. Why? Because in that environment there were many women who were dressed immodestly and since I know and understand the weakness of my flesh, I chose to stay focused on Jesus Christ my Lord and my wife-to-be. I didn’t want my Master or my darling to think I was feasting my eyes on the flesh offered. What I love about Christina is the heart that God gave her, she’s a wonderful lady and I am very much blessed to be counted as the recipient of her affection. What I am trying to say is that your heart will attract a Godly man, and your clothing (since you dress modestly) will reinforce in his mind that you are a woman of noble character. This is important to a Godly man, because after all, a man can be judged according to his spouse in regard to his ministry in the church:
1 Timothy 3:8-11
8 Deacons, likewise, are to be men worthy of respect, sincere, not indulging in much wine, and not pursuing dishonest gain. 9 They must keep hold of the deep truths of the faith with a clear conscience. 10 They must first be tested; and then if there is nothing against them, let them serve as deacons.
11 In the same way, their wives are to be women worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything.


Proverbs 31:10-31
10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Heritage99
Dec 1st 2010, 04:56 PM
Re: Attracting Godly Men...
And men are not excluded also.

Read the reaction of Adam:

22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the part he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said,
“This one at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
this one will be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.”
24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and unites with his wife, and they become a new family.

Lets not deny God is the inventor, Adam was baffled, happily surprised, longed for Eve, he finally felt complete. Precisely as God said:

When Adam first so Eve he actually exclaimed: WOOOOOMAN.
And that is woman is derived from.
Sorry my friends, I couldn't resist, God forgive me but, I am sure God kind of smiled when He saw Adam's reaction.

He does have a great sense of humor.


Actually in the Hebrew language the Scriptures intended to communicate the reaction of Adam as....."wow, I like that!.....". God created mankind with physical attraction as part of our makeup but he also expects us to use biblical wisdom in exercising self control and the choices we make.

RollTide21
Dec 1st 2010, 05:47 PM
As an off shoot from the "dressing modestly" thread, as a modestly dressed Christian single woman, how am I supposed to get the attentions of a Godly man when he is visually attracted to the lady at the other end of the pew who's showing off her wares? Men are visual, after all, and the nature of the beast is to want to mate with the most attractive mate they can. How can Miss Modest get his attention in a godly way?I would say that there are plenty of men that find a modestly dressed woman just as attractive as a scantilly clad woman. Moreso, in a lot of cases.

If a woman is attractive, she doesn't need to show off her "goods". I'm not talking about personality, character, etc., either. I'm just talking about looks. A woman doesn't have to be flashing skin for me to consider her incredibly attractive if she is dressed in a classy manner.

RollTide21
Dec 1st 2010, 05:55 PM
Let me restate the purpose of this thread:

Single women new to Christ…and not so new to Christ…are told over and over to “look for their mate in church rather than bars or other worldly venues”. And, yet, if they choose to dress modestly as scripture tells them, they find that they are overlooked by the single men as those men seem to gravitate toward the ladies who are dressing less modestly/more fashionably (“fashionably” from a world’s perspective). So, they are left with what seems to be two options: dress more worldly and at least get on the men’s radar or continue to dress modestly and be forever the friend of these guys while the guys date and marry the more worldly women.

So, the question of this thread is thus: rather than dressing more worldly, how can a Christian single lady make herself attractive to single Christian men? What do truly godly Christian men find attractive in a godly Christian woman?"fashionably" doesn't have to be immodest. Find some cool, stylish clothes that look good, but don't show much. Surely there are such things.

kay-gee
Dec 1st 2010, 11:54 PM
I find Hilary Clinton very attractive. She doesn't show a lot of skin. What does that tell you?

all the best...

RabbiKnife
Dec 2nd 2010, 01:50 PM
I find Hilary Clinton very attractive. She doesn't show a lot of skin. What does that tell you?

all the best...

That you need eyeglasses....

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

Sorry, I couldn't resist. It would have against the natural order of things.

Firefighter
Dec 2nd 2010, 02:33 PM
I find Hilary Clinton very attractive. She doesn't show a lot of skin. What does that tell you?

all the best...

Much more than I ever wanted to know. Leaving now to go find some Borax to see if I can't scrub my eyes out with it. :D

Frecs
Dec 3rd 2010, 12:42 PM
I find Hilary Clinton very attractive. She doesn't show a lot of skin. What does that tell you?

all the best...

That I've not been as good an influence on you as I'd hoped.....back to the prayer closet with me!!! :lol: