View Full Version : I don't know what to title this.

Apr 22nd 2013, 02:43 AM
I'm not going to be checking the boards much for a bit, at least not the heavy discussion ones!

My cousin, a single mom, is being sued by her parents for custody of her son, on allegations of abuse and neglect. You don't need to hear all the reasons these are ridiculous, but there are a lot.

If she loses at the hearing, she does NOT want her parents to have him. She knows we have been pursuing the idea of becoming foster parents, and she said outright, "I'd rather he go to you, than to them." We haven't responded one way or another. Who knows what will happen? Only God. And all he requires is that we be willing to follow him.

Pray. For her parents and for her (R) and for her son (C) and for my husband Joe and me, Amber, because we may have some life-changing decisions coming up way sooner than we thought.

I am writing a character reference for her, so her parents will soon have me as a target...I know it sounds paranoid, but I used to live with them and I know how they operate. And if we took in C, then who knows? Would they stalk us? Would they come to our house and try to gain entrance? These sounds ridiculous but considering the lengths they went to stalk their own daughter, I don't think it's farfetched.

Just had a good conversation with my husband. We both agree that ideally, C would stay with R. And we both agree that if we took in C, it would be difficult - not only because we would suddenly be first-time parents of my cousin's kid, but because we would be the target of family drama. We haven't quite said "yes" though.

As if that weren't enough, C's father still has visitation rights, and recently broke into R's apartment and stole her TV and computer. There's a lot more drama there too...

Bottom line is, if we are willing to take in C, then we probably will have to - either temporarily or permanently. We will have to follow court's orders for when R is allowed to see him. I think her parents have no chance of winning this case against her, but they are wealthy and able to afford a good lawyer.

Thanks for listening. I have so much on my mind, I'll come to the boards for things like Battle thread (haha) but probably won't comment much on other threads, even the ones I'm subscribed to.

Apr 22nd 2013, 02:50 AM

Of course, if she has custody, and her parents are suing for custody, I would think it would take a court order for you and your husband to have custody. I'm no expert on this by any means (I'm not a lawyer, nor am I an actor that plays a lawyer, but I watch actors who play lawyers on Law & Order). I can't fathom that even if you and your husband agree that wouldn't give you any rights to custody. Again, I'm not expert. I can pray. I know how to do that.

Apr 22nd 2013, 03:01 AM
Lol yeah, I know...I thought that too, but my mom went to a hearing for a friend in a similar situation, and the judge asked her friend with whom she wanted her kids to stay. I'm not saying they make the decision based on that, but from what R's lawyer says and what my mom saw in her friend's situation, the judge takes into account the mother's wishes. I don't know any of this stuff though, so at this point I'm just praying that whatever happens, we'll be willing and able to say, "Yes."

I believe God's put me in this situation. Someone in our family told me on Easter, "R has defriended the whole family on Facebook!" Sure enough, I checked when I got home. Concerned, I reached out to her. She said I was the only person in all our extended family who bothered to ask her what was going on instead of listening to what her parents were saying about her. I was astonished when I found out how well she was doing. How many young single moms do you know who, when you ask "How are your finances," say, "Well, I had six months' worth of savings in the bank, but this case has eaten up three months' worth." Most young people her age have debt and no savings, even without having a kid!

Apr 22nd 2013, 03:06 AM
Well, the financial thing speaks well of her character. Six months is a lot to have put away. How many really have that put away? Not many - especially these days. I would think that's not typical of abusers and neglectors.

Apr 22nd 2013, 03:14 AM
A very difficult situation indeed. You have my prayers.

Apr 22nd 2013, 03:16 AM
Been there, done that, be prepared for surprises.

Apr 22nd 2013, 04:04 AM
Oh wow...yea, life's a drama so many times and the kids suffer for it. :(

You know when I was a kid I wanted so much to 'grow up'...then when I finally did it was such a downer to find out having and adult body didn't mean people 'grew up'. They still acted like children...just with more power...:/

I will be praying the Lord steps in and stops this whole thing on the dot! If not, that He guides things for what is best for this child...well maybe not the best..the best thing would be staying with his mother, but the next best thing...

Praying for you, your husband and everyone involved in this.

God bless

Apr 22nd 2013, 04:46 AM
Prayers tonight for this youngster and his Mom.

Apr 22nd 2013, 06:48 AM
I can't believe I forgot to mention the most important thing. I'm fairly certain she's not a believer (though grew up in the church). The reason I say that is, her parents are probably the strongest Christian figures in their church, community, and family. I mentioned Christ to her a few times and she didn't seem to bite; I'm sure that she isn't too fond of Him, since her parents are doing everything against her in his name. So it's highly likely that I am the only believer in her life right now.

Thank you for your prayers, feeling much calmer now (that and playing Minecraft).

Apr 22nd 2013, 06:37 PM
I can't believe I forgot to mention the most important thing. I'm fairly certain she's not a believer (though grew up in the church). The reason I say that is, her parents are probably the strongest Christian figures in their church, community, and family. I mentioned Christ to her a few times and she didn't seem to bite; I'm sure that she isn't too fond of Him, since her parents are doing everything against her in his name. So it's highly likely that I am the only believer in her life right now.

Thank you for your prayers, feeling much calmer now (that and playing Minecraft).

Oh man...I hate it when people abuse Christ like this...:( That gives me some other things to pray for ...

Glad you are feeling calmer...:)

God bless

Apr 23rd 2013, 02:27 AM
Just now seeing this post. I am praying for the Lord's guidance and peace for all concerned. Please keep us posted:hug:

Apr 23rd 2013, 07:50 PM
Keeping this in prayer :pray:

Apr 23rd 2013, 09:19 PM
I will be praying about this situation, and for all involved :kiss:

blessings to you :hug:

May 6th 2013, 11:09 PM
Little update.

The hearing is May 20.
My cousin, "R"s boyfriend "P" has a child with his ex-wife, and the ex-wife is petitioning for a restraining order against "R" for her kid. This is bad, because it's pretty easy to get a restraining order, and the court date for that is five days before the custody hearing for R's son. So if they get the restraining order, that will be more ammo against her.

I am super nervous right now, because R's mom (my aunt) just found out I've been in contact with R, and she left a message on my machine to call her. I am almost certain she doesn't know the extent of my involvement but I am super nervous and shaky. She can be really mean and she can make it sound holy. She is very manipulating and convincing and disarming. I called her back and left a message.

Joe and I have decided that if R is found unfit, and if the judge will allow C to stay with us, we will definitely take him in. We will go to the hearing with her.

I told my mom all this and she is a prayer warrior and is being a huge support.

Specific prayers:

That my aunt and uncle would drop the lawsuit
That R and her boyfriend P would come to Christ
Protection from Satan acting against Joe and me through my relatives. I'm not worried for physical reasons, just emotional. And I know they will go so far as to stalk people. If we take in their grandson, I don't know what they might do. These are powerful people in their church and community, and they have a lot of money. They really intimidate me.

May 9th 2013, 07:43 PM
Reminder of the characters, so this makes more sense:

R - my single-mother cousin
C - her 5-year old son
P - R's single-father boyfriend, who shares custody with his ex-wife,
T - just filed for a restraining order against R, for the child shared by her and P
My aunt/uncle, R's parents, trying to gain custody of C due to allegations of neglect, abuse, and allegations that R is using drugs.

After a fitful night where I could only sleep for a few hours because I was sick to the heart from all this, and praying and crying with sadness, I learned the next day that T decided to drop the restraining order petition, and instead is considering writing a character reference for R! Praise God for this change of heart.

Also, now that R's drug tests have all come back negative, her parents are trying a different tactic: an accusation of porn on her iPad they claim C was exposed to. However, she says she only had a couple "sexy pictures" she took for her boyfriend, and they were on her laptop (not the iPad) and password protected, and the "porn" claim only came up after her ex-husband broke into her apartment and stole the laptop (which he knows the password to.)

The words in my mind are, "So, HA!" but that's being a little premature. My aunt is angry with me for telling my mom, who told my grandma, who called one aunt, who called the other aunt...really, she just needs someone to be mad at. She's warning me that since I wrote a character reference, I am taking partial responsibility for the outcome. You bet I am! I want to say that I participated in keeping an innocent mother with her innocent child.

I do not believe my aunt and uncle will drop the lawsuit, and perhaps it's for the best, because if they did, it would be because they don't have enough evidence, and not because they believe she's innocent. This means they would continue looking for more evidence and other ways to hassle her legally (remember, they already brought a CPS case against her, which CPS said was unfounded, and closed.) So these are my specific prayers now:

R and P to come to Christ
Praise that T (P's ex-wife) has rescinded the restraining order petition, which would have worked against R at the custody hearing
Me. I'm most likely the only Christian R is in contact with. God work through me for her.
Protection for C, from all evil, whether evil from "good intentions" of my aunt and uncle, or evil straight from spiritual forces.

May 15th 2013, 02:37 AM
i am thinking of it alot

May 15th 2013, 07:38 PM
i am thinking of it alot

Wow, thank you, TonyViet. =)

The hearing is in five days. Papers got submitted to R's parents today. I hadn't been aware that she had a small relapse with meth six months ago, so now I'm a little more worried that the judge will take C away from her. But Joe and I are 100% ready to welcome C into our home and hearts if the judge allows. Hearing is on the 20th.

Thank you all,

May 16th 2013, 08:58 PM
Dear Heavenly Father,

We come before you with a deep desire for your mercy and healing. Father, we ask that you prepare R's heart so that she will be receptive and responsive to the prompting of the Holy Spirit. Thank you for placing Amber in R's life so that she can be the vessel you desire her to be. We pray for your divine intervention with this situation with C. Please protect him from all the harm that addictions can bring to a family. I pray that C will be placed into a situation where he will have stability and peace. We pray for your PERFECT WILL to be done in this situation and at the hearing on the 20th.
In Jesus' Name,

Jun 3rd 2013, 12:13 AM
The hearing went fairly well!

The judge did find "adequate cause" for a trial next year (not sure if I have the right nomenclature or if it's supposed to be "hearing" again). In the meantime, as long as R's court-ordered drug test is negative, C can stay with her. There will be an investigation, probably similar to the CPS investigation she already went through, but this is a little different (I don't really understand all of this.)

Nothing is definite but for now, C is with his mama, and his mama is clean. I would change my tune *if* she were doing drugs again, and for that reason I think it's really good that she continue to have urine analyses done. R has indicated that she is willing to do any amount of hoop-jumping the court puts her through.

At the hearing were me, my mom, R, and P (R's boyfriend.) It was pretty strange being in the same room as a bunch of other relatives and not even saying hello to them or meeting their eyes. My mom prayed out loud with us before the hearing (I think P was a little bit weirded out, haha).

R hung out with me yesterday and will continue to, I think. And her lawyer told me I will probably be interviewed as a step in the court investigation.

I know this is disjointed. I'm just so tired of thinking and talking about it. Sorry I took a few days to update you!

Thank you so much for your prayers. This wasn't something I could advertise on Facebook for prayers, so it's wonderful to know that you all prayed. Thank you.

Jul 25th 2013, 03:03 AM
It has been a while! Our family was informed that we would not be invited to future family gatherings because of the stand we have taken. But here's the really good news:

R gave me permission to take C to Vacation Bible School at my church, and he asked me in the car, "Why do they sing so many songs about Jesus?" I shared the basics of the gospel with him and he said, "Hey, I want that!"

So all this heartache is worth it. His mom is not a believer but she said if he wants to believe, that's fine with her. Will continue to be active in his life, and hers!

Jul 25th 2013, 05:44 PM
Thanks for the update. I thought of the passage - And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Glad to hear this.

Jul 25th 2013, 05:46 PM
Thanks steelerbabe! Good to see you.

Jul 25th 2013, 07:43 PM
My prayers go out to you and to all of your family involved in this. I pray that the Lord helps everyone to make the right decision. I also pray that no matter what the outcome is that the little one, C, is raised in good manner and is loved and cared for.

Jul 27th 2013, 11:03 AM
Have you considered taking in both Mom and daughter? Your encouragement and discipline may be just what this young mother needs. I pray for the Lord's wisdom and will to be revealed.

Jul 27th 2013, 10:57 PM
Have you considered taking in both Mom and daughter? Your encouragement and discipline may be just what this young mother needs. I pray for the Lord's wisdom and will to be revealed.

Thanks for the suggestion! We cannot do this at this time. And actually, this mom doesn't seem to need us - she works full time, has no debt, and has passed all of her drug tests since her last admitted use. She lives in an apartment one mile from our house and it's not necessary in this case since she's able to support herself without any outside aid! She's not even on state aid! And she is very, very good with her son as far as discipline and love. She works in a preschool/daycare for a living and is certified to work with children. It's her gift!