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The funny side of parenting

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  • The funny side of parenting

    She and her husband had been happily married (most of the time) for five years but had not been blessed with a baby and they really desired children. So she decided to do some serious praying to ask God to give them a family. Two children, preferably a boy and a girl, would be ideal, she said. But she would be happy with just one child, if that's what the good Lord wanted for them, and she promised if He would give them a child, she would be a perfect mother, love it with all her heart and raise it with the Bible as her guide.

    God answered her prayers and within a year they were blessed with a son.
    The next year God blessed them with another son.
    The following year, He blessed them with yet another son.
    The year after that they were blessed with a daughter.

    Her husband told her, "We've been blessed right into poverty." They now had four children and the oldest was only four years old.

    She often told people after that, "I learned never to ask God for anything unless I meant it. Like a minister once told me, 'If you pray for rain, make sure you carry an umbrella.' "

    But she was determined to keep her promise and raise her children by the Word of God, so she started reading a few verses of the Bible to the children each day as they lay in their cribs. She was off to a good start. God had entrusted her with four children and she sure didn't want to disappoint Him.

    Her patience was sorely tried the day the children smashed a dozen eggs on the kitchen floor searching for baby chicks.

    She tried to be understanding when they started a hotel for homeless frogs in her daughter's bedroom, although it took her nearly two hours of crawling on the floor and reaching under the bed and dresser to catch all seventeen frogs.

    When her daughter poured tomato ketchup all over herself and rolled up in a blanket to see how it felt to be a hot dog, she tried to see the humor rather than the mess. But she admitted she had to pray for forgiveness for a thing or two she said while washing dried ketchup out of her daughter's hair, ears and eye lashes.

    But in spite of changing over twenty-five thousand diapers, never eating a hot meal and never sleeping for more than sixty minutes at a time, she still thanked God daily for her four children.

    While she admittedly couldn't keep her promise to be a perfect mother - she said, "I didn't even come close!" - she did keep her promise to raise them by the Word of God. She knew she was missing the mark just a little when she told her daughter they were going to church to worship God, and her daughter wanted to bring a bar of soap along to "wash up" Jesus, too.

    Something was lost in the translation when she explained that God gave us everlasting life, and her son thought it was very generous of God to give us his "last wife."

    Her proudest moment came during the childrens Christmas Pageant. All four of her offspring were in the pageant! Her daughter was playing Mary, two of her sons were shepherds and her youngest son was a wise man. This was their moment to shine. She and her husband could hardly wait for the curtain to open and the play to start.

    Her five-year-old shepherd had practiced and practiced his line, "We found the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes." But he was nervous and said, "The baby was wrapped in wrinkled clothes." Her four-year-old "Mary" said, "That's not 'wrinkled clothes', silly. That's dirty, rotten clothes." A wrestling match broke out between Mary and the shepherd and was stopped by an angel, who bent her halo and lost her left wing.

    She and her husband both almost fainted from embarrassment when Mary dropped the doll representing Baby Jesus, and it bounced down the aisle crying, "Mama-Mama." But Mary grabbed the doll, wrapped it back up and held it tightly as the wise men arrived in the scene.

    Their other son stepped forward wearing a bathrobe and his paper crown, knelt at the manger and announced, "We are the three wise men, and we are bringing gifts of gold, common sense and fur."

    The congregation dissolved into laughter, and the pageant got a standing ovation.

    "I've never enjoyed a Christmas program as much as this one," laughed their pastor, wiping tears from his eyes "For the rest of my life, I'll never hear the Christmas story without thinking of gold, common sense and fur."

    "My children are my pride and my joy and my greatest blessing," she said as she dug through her purse for an aspirin.


    Proverbs 15:13

    13 A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.

    Proverbs 17:22
    22 A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.

    • karenoka27
      #9
      karenoka27 commented
      Editing a comment
      That was so much fun to read...thank you for sharing.

    • Twin2
      #10
      Twin2 commented
      Editing a comment
      More! More! I wanted to read more! This really was fun to read.

    • MaryFreeman
      #11
      MaryFreeman commented
      Editing a comment
      LOL!!! Hillarious!
    Posting comments is disabled.

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