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    I am Returner. Prodigal was already taken. I was here almost a decade ago, but parted ways. A former long time member.
    At the time I struggled severely with questions of faith. I've had a rough road with the church.... who enabled my addictions, who chastised my seeking, and who robbed my father from me.

    But time has tempered me. I don't want to carry the unbridled hatred any longer.

    I don't know what, precisely I am. I know that in a group of 5 Christians each will think there's 4 heretics. I know that I have been praying hourly for years. I always feel like I'm praying to nothing, but hold out hope that something is out there... working mysteriously despite my longing and utter total loneliness.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Returner View Post
    I am Returner. Prodigal was already taken. I was here almost a decade ago, but parted ways. A former long time member.
    At the time I struggled severely with questions of faith. I've had a rough road with the church.... who enabled my addictions, who chastised my seeking, and who robbed my father from me.

    But time has tempered me. I don't want to carry the unbridled hatred any longer.

    I don't know what, precisely I am. I know that in a group of 5 Christians each will think there's 4 heretics. I know that I have been praying hourly for years. I always feel like I'm praying to nothing, but hold out hope that something is out there... working mysteriously despite my longing and utter total loneliness.
    Really? I've seen that happen to friends of mine a few times in my life. All of them ultimately found the Lord. They were honest seekers, and I think the Lord may have sort of let them hang out there, suspended over nothing, to contemplate the universe for themselves. In the end, just like all of us, they had to accept that God has His ways, and we have no choice but to submit to them. Boy am I happy I'm in submission to Him. I wouldn't know how to run the universe. Understatement, you think?

    Welcome back. I haven't had the pleasure yet. Randy

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    • #3
      Originally posted by randyk View Post

      Really? I've seen that happen to friends of mine a few times in my life. All of them ultimately found the Lord. They were honest seekers, and I think the Lord may have sort of let them hang out there, suspended over nothing, to contemplate the universe for themselves. In the end, just like all of us, they had to accept that God has His ways, and we have no choice but to submit to them. Boy am I happy I'm in submission to Him. I wouldn't know how to run the universe. Understatement, you think?

      Welcome back. I haven't had the pleasure yet. Randy
      Yeah your join date looks about 2 years after I deployed the ejector seat.

      The paradox of it all was that before I left, I had what some (not me) might describe as a prophetic dream. A dream in which the church would crush my soul and inflict suffering to the point where I wouldn't recognize myself and that I would become lost. Experience after that fit the metaphor rather precisely. So basically... stuck in a state of soft-agnosticism while convicted that this dream reasonably foretold an experience.

      Again, not precisely sure where I'm at. Hatred of the church, and a sincere wish to see it collapse has been a cornerstone of who I am for better part of a decade. Whereever I go from here, I don't want that poison in me anymore.

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      • #4
        Hello Returner, welcome back to BibleForums! I hope you'll enjoy your stay here.

        welcome-back-smiley-emoticon.gif


        John 15:17 "These things I command you, that ye love one another."

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        • #5
          Hello Returner welcome back to bibleforums !

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Returner View Post

            Yeah your join date looks about 2 years after I deployed the ejector seat.

            The paradox of it all was that before I left, I had what some (not me) might describe as a prophetic dream. A dream in which the church would crush my soul and inflict suffering to the point where I wouldn't recognize myself and that I would become lost. Experience after that fit the metaphor rather precisely. So basically... stuck in a state of soft-agnosticism while convicted that this dream reasonably foretold an experience.

            Again, not precisely sure where I'm at. Hatred of the church, and a sincere wish to see it collapse has been a cornerstone of who I am for better part of a decade. Whereever I go from here, I don't want that poison in me anymore.
            I've known bitterness as only bitter can know it. I too have had a profound and sustained anger against the church and even, at times, against God Himself. But there's nowhere else to run. And I know in my heart, God can't be charged with wrong-doing. We just don't like how things turn out. But He made us, and we belong to Him--not even to ourselves. We might as well be "good servants," and just give Him what He wants. In the end we'll like it, because He does nothing wrong, and all the "love" belongs to Him. I mean that.

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            • #7
              Hello, Returner. I pray your return will prove a good move for you. Your previous stay on Bible Forums was long before my time here. Many people struggle with faith along that rough road you mentioned. I hope your return here will help determine who you are.
              The Outlaw Bible StudentStudies on the Fringe of Christianity

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