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  • How long have you been with an 'unsaved' partner?

    I have met people who suggest, however nicely, that if we were better witnesses to our partners they would now be christians/ saved. The worst are the ones that were in our position and now their partner is saved, not the least due to their glowing example! If only it was that simple.
    I have also met couples where you can see one is a christian and the other...well i'm not allowed to say they aren't saved, but they don't like joining in study, services etc. It looks like that person knew which side their bread was buttered and got in on the act, without an internal commitment. That's the polite way to phrase it!!!!!
    So how long have you been together, how long saved, and are you a good example? - none of us are perfect or even close.
    Do you some times feel we could be treated better by happy couples who are both saved?
    1 Corinthians 1:12-13 Now this I say, that every one of you saith, I am of Paul; and I of Apollos: and I of Cephas; and I of Christ.

    Is Christ divided? was Paul crucified for you? or were ye baptised in the name of Paul?

    KJV

    May the power of the Spirit of our God unite us. SofTy.

  • #2
    I have to agree with much of what you have said. "I" cannot save my husband, only God can. However, I also believe as the Bible says, that God does harden the hearts of some. Does that mean my hubby will never be saved? I certainly hope not. But I don't believe 'guilting' someone into being a better witness helps either. It just makes the saved spouse feel terrible about themselves. I believe that if Jesus came in the flesh again and had a conversation with some people, even then they would still not believe. I don't know, maybe I'm a bit cynical about this. Back to the original question, sorry- I have been married 11 yrs,(been together 16 yrs all together) saved 6 but hubby is not. I have tried my best to be an example. But much of the time I get 'the look', or am told I'm a prude, or I'm no fun anymore because my views on many things have changed. And yes, I have been treated better by couples who were both saved.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by ServantofTruth View Post
      I have met people who suggest, however nicely, that if we were better witnesses to our partners they would now be christians/ saved. The worst are the ones that were in our position and now their partner is saved, not the least due to their glowing example! If only it was that simple.
      I have also met couples where you can see one is a christian and the other...well i'm not allowed to say they aren't saved, but they don't like joining in study, services etc. It looks like that person knew which side their bread was buttered and got in on the act, without an internal commitment. That's the polite way to phrase it!!!!!
      So how long have you been together, how long saved, and are you a good example? - none of us are perfect or even close.
      Do you some times feel we could be treated better by happy couples who are both saved?
      Those people are no different than you or I who suggest if you were a better witness...honestly... and if their spouse is now saved, it is the Lord that saved them not the spouse.
      I have been saved since 1984, my husband was none the happy about it. Through the years,he accepted it and let me raise our children in the ways of the Lord and they in turn accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior. My husband now says that he is saved, but only the Lord knows his heart, let's just say it's a good thing I'm not the Judge of that...
      Am I good example? I'm not sure..here is the problem. I do my best to be who I am in Christ..but if we are honest we kind of get comfortable in our home and well you sort of let your guard down. I'm not saying that it's right, I'm saying that if someone from church saw me sometimes, they might wonder about me. I do get frustrated and angry.
      But the Lord let me see inside some of these "Christian" marriages and you know what I saw? They are no different than the rest of us. They are sinners saved by grace and though some of them may try to appear that they have something that we don't, they forget that their salvation wasn't anything they got of their own doing..it was by grace they were saved, and I too wish they would show some of that grace when around people like us!
      1 Peter 3:1-"Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;"

      You know the verse, we all do...but I have come to understand that without the word doesn't mean necessarily quiet but not shoving the Word down their throat. I can't tell an unsaved person how to behave like a saved one..and I think that is what we may do in hopes that they will get it. The Holy Spirit is the One who convicts the heart of sin, not us. We are to share the love of Christ with them, but then it is out of our control.
      Just pray. And continue in your walk with the Lord..and above all...know that you are not alone....
      .................The message of the cross divides the human race." ~MW~

      ........ ... " LORD, I beseech thee, let now thine ear be attentive to the prayer of thy servant..."
      .................................................. .................................................. ...Nehemiah 1:11a



      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by karenoka27 View Post
        Those people are no different than you or I who suggest if you were a better witness...honestly... and if their spouse is now saved, it is the Lord that saved them not the spouse.
        I have been saved since 1984, my husband was none the happy about it. Through the years,he accepted it and let me raise our children in the ways of the Lord and they in turn accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior. My husband now says that he is saved, but only the Lord knows his heart, let's just say it's a good thing I'm not the Judge of that...
        Am I good example? I'm not sure..here is the problem. I do my best to be who I am in Christ..but if we are honest we kind of get comfortable in our home and well you sort of let your guard down. I'm not saying that it's right, I'm saying that if someone from church saw me sometimes, they might wonder about me. I do get frustrated and angry.
        But the Lord let me see inside some of these "Christian" marriages and you know what I saw? They are no different than the rest of us. They are sinners saved by grace and though some of them may try to appear that they have something that we don't, they forget that their salvation wasn't anything they got of their own doing..it was by grace they were saved, and I too wish they would show some of that grace when around people like us!
        1 Peter 3:1-"Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;"

        You know the verse, we all do...but I have come to understand that without the word doesn't mean necessarily quiet but not shoving the Word down their throat. I can't tell an unsaved person how to behave like a saved one..and I think that is what we may do in hopes that they will get it. The Holy Spirit is the One who convicts the heart of sin, not us. We are to share the love of Christ with them, but then it is out of our control.
        Just pray. And continue in your walk with the Lord..and above all...know that you are not alone....
        Karen, wow, I was looking for that same scritpure, and couldn't find it. I think the operative word in that verse is "may". It doesn't say they "will." Some of our spouses may never come to Christ, and in no way shape or form is that responsibility all mine. Like you said, I have to be a good witness, but the rest is up to them and God.

        Comment


        • #5
          I know a number of couples where one is saved and serving the Lord but the other is not. Several of the men who come to our church have wives who stay at home and refuse to accompany them, it's very difficult for these brothers, and yet none of us judge them or condemn their situation but rather we pray for them and with them. We all agree that ultimately it's a heart issue and no-one can be forced, or should be, to come to God.

          I sincerely feel for all you Christians who have unbelieving spouses, it must be so heartbreaking to not be able to sing of the mercies of the Lord together and praise God in unison for all His daily blessings.

          Keep praying earnestly for them, win them to God by your good works in Christ. The Bible does say that they are sanctified by you (1 Corinthians 7:14), which is not salvation but it is a position of advantage for them, for they have a wonderful opportunity to see a true witness of Christ in their everyday life which could lead them to the faith.
          - Matt -
          .
          Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing
          of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ; Titus 2:13

          Comment


          • #6
            I think though, the issue with this, as I went through it myself with a former Pastor, is when a wife speaks to the pastor or pastor's wife, they give us the 'wives submit, give them affection whenever they want, etc." And with many women like myself who have low self worth or came from abusive backgrounds, it makes it seem like we are either rewarding bad behavior, or we need to be martyr's in a sense. Especially in cases of abuse or unfaithfulness or men who don't take care of thier families. I think the blame needs to be taken off the wife and put on the shoulders of the man, unsaved or not.

            Comment


            • #7
              I just wanted to say that i am a man, servant of truth, who started this topic. In our house i am certainly not the head! So we start from an unbiblical position. All she says if we disagree is, if you don't like it you can leave.
              1 Corinthians 1:12-13 Now this I say, that every one of you saith, I am of Paul; and I of Apollos: and I of Cephas; and I of Christ.

              Is Christ divided? was Paul crucified for you? or were ye baptised in the name of Paul?

              KJV

              May the power of the Spirit of our God unite us. SofTy.

              Comment


              • #8
                If I gave the impression that I don't think men should be head of house, forgive me, it wasn't my intent. I know it goes both ways as far as unsaved spouses.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by ServantofTruth View Post
                  I just wanted to say that i am a man, servant of truth, who started this topic. In our house i am certainly not the head! So we start from an unbiblical position. All she says if we disagree is, if you don't like it you can leave.
                  my apologizes as well..ok so what do you do being the saved husband with the unsaved wife?

                  love her...just as she is just love her.

                  Ephesians 5:25-" 25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it"

                  It doesn't say love your wives "if" she is a Christian...it says love her.
                  I would think that possibly the same principle lies to you as it would for a wife in 1 Peter 3:1..not the submissive part, but the part that says by your quiet ways....she may be won over.
                  What I am suggesting to you is to be careful not to put your faith in Jesus Christ in her face to show her who she isn't..it will only drive her further away...I have done that in the past, and I am so thankful that the Lord has seen fit to not have my husband walk right out the door. I have changed and now I can live godly without showing or pointing out to him that he isn't...
                  praying for you.
                  .................The message of the cross divides the human race." ~MW~

                  ........ ... " LORD, I beseech thee, let now thine ear be attentive to the prayer of thy servant..."
                  .................................................. .................................................. ...Nehemiah 1:11a



                  Comment


                  • #10
                    No one needs to appologise, i wasn't suggesting anyone was saying anything about me. My short story. I met my wife 16 years ago. I definitely wasn't a christian then - but also i lived a quiet life. Very little alcohol, not smoking, one girl friend i'd just split from. After 4 weeks she moved in and we had 2 children before getting married. We got married in a registry office just to make it easier for the children and other people. Then we seperated for 3 years. It was in that time, that i started reading the bible and asking myself questions. Soon after we reunited and now have 5 sons. I've grown in faith in those last 9 years.
                    In all that time i have discussed every book i have read, whether in the bible or about it. Not that long ago she read the whole New Testament - for me. I urged, but no blackmail. Her usual books are cheep romances 100's probably 1,000's by now. Her reading and tv choices are definitely a block to her realising faith.
                    So have i been a good example? Well its hard living in the middle and it doesn't help my walk. I'd love the easy life of a saved partner. Someone on this site said they'd love their partner to leave them, so they had a chance to really walk with Christ. Yes we can all see why that kind of thinking is wrong but i've thought it to.
                    I think my best 'witness' is when my wife is really angry and saying the vilest of things. I just stay calm and let her talk, shout and get it out of her system. I watch her pain and how satan is torturing her. When calm, she admits how horrible she's been and says she doesn't know why. I do i tell her satan is using her and she needs Christ. I think she knows this.
                    Unfortunately i am a christian alone. Every time i take her to a church, shes told to take the children outside at the slightest noise. She sees every type of terrible behaviour and how shes not welcome. I get her to wanting to go, hear the word of God and other 'christians (i use the term losely/ church goers) spoil any sowing of seed i have done.
                    Let's not focus on one person though, tell me about all of you.
                    1 Corinthians 1:12-13 Now this I say, that every one of you saith, I am of Paul; and I of Apollos: and I of Cephas; and I of Christ.

                    Is Christ divided? was Paul crucified for you? or were ye baptised in the name of Paul?

                    KJV

                    May the power of the Spirit of our God unite us. SofTy.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by ServantofTruth View Post
                      I have met people who suggest, however nicely, that if we were better witnesses to our partners they would now be christians/ saved. The worst are the ones that were in our position and now their partner is saved, not the least due to their glowing example! If only it was that simple.
                      I have also met couples where you can see one is a christian and the other...well i'm not allowed to say they aren't saved, but they don't like joining in study, services etc. It looks like that person knew which side their bread was buttered and got in on the act, without an internal commitment. That's the polite way to phrase it!!!!!
                      So how long have you been together, how long saved, and are you a good example? - none of us are perfect or even close.
                      Do you some times feel we could be treated better by happy couples who are both saved?
                      Hi Servant,

                      You are a man, I am a woman, so our experiences are different, but I think the principles will dovetail nicely, when we use the Bible as our guide. Others have already mentioned the Ephesians 5 scriptures, and I''m sure you are familiar with them also. It was taking these teachings to heart that changed my life. My husband is still not walking with the Lord, but we have a very amiable life together.

                      I was not walking with the Lord when I met my husband. We lived together for 9 years before we married. Since then we have been married for 18 years. I have grown enormously since we met, and a lot of it is due to his faithfulness and steady approach to life. Even though he is not a Christian by the usual definitions, he is a very good man and is a blessing to me.

                      Of course I would like it if we were able to do church things together, but that is not the case. He allows me, without grumbling about it, to fully participate in church, in Bible study, and Christian fellowship. If I am away too much, he lets me know that he misses me. So I try to keep it in balance. Early in our relationship, when he realized that I was a Christian, he worried that I would love God more than I love him, and that I would neglect him, or insist that he change for me. I do love God most, but he realized that my love for God does not diminish my love for him, rather it enhances it. Also, early in our relationship, I realized that if I wanted this man, I needed to accept him as he is. So a lot of our relationship has been built on mutual respect and kindness toward each other.

                      One thing that has developed as time has gone by, is finding some area of mutual interest. In our case, it turned out to be photography which is a passion of his. I did work hard to learn from him, and have turned into a fairly decent photographer in my own right. It gives us a place of joy together.

                      As to your last question, could we be treated better by couples who are both saved - I think all of us, being a work in progress, could treat each other better than we do. People who are insecure in their own faith for one reason or another, are less likely to be comfortable accepting other people who have different experiences in life.

                      I am praying for you, Servant.

                      Road Warrior
                      Blessings,

                      Road Warrior


                      Proverbs 4:23
                      23 Guard your heart above all else,
                      for it determines the course of your life.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Lots of great stuff here thanks.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I have concerns for some lady christians married to non believing husbands. Some seem to think submission means letting the husband mistreat them, one even mentioned 'love making.' But if you are walking with our Lord Jesus, that does not mean for example submitting to 'sex' whenever your husband demands it. This would be like rape. It worries me that these women are either wrongly taught/ advised or misunderstand scripture themselves.
                          If you don't feel like 'sex' at any time say 'no.' Infact if anything is demanded of you and you do not wish to do it say 'no.' This is not disobidience. Jesus and you walk first, then your husbands headship. He can be head of the family only when things don't affect your walk. If you compromise for him, you compromise your walk and that allows satan plenty of room.
                          We need happily married couples who are both christian to listern and show genuine love, like christ did. Not to say i feel so sorry he's treating you like a doormat, i'll talk to you for 5 minutes to cheer you up and then go back and suffer. These people need to visit the houses and see the situation and if abuse is happening perhaps arrange regular visits at random by church members. Make the partner never know when someone might call. I am tired of hearing women say i'm told i should let my husband have sex whenever HE wants. I ask those people in a saved/ saved marriage. Do you have sex whenever your partner wants, despite how you feel? Or do you talk and say not today i don't feel like it. If so don't tell others to submit every time an unsaved partner feels randy!
                          1 Corinthians 1:12-13 Now this I say, that every one of you saith, I am of Paul; and I of Apollos: and I of Cephas; and I of Christ.

                          Is Christ divided? was Paul crucified for you? or were ye baptised in the name of Paul?

                          KJV

                          May the power of the Spirit of our God unite us. SofTy.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by ServantofTruth View Post
                            I have concerns for some lady christians married to non believing husbands. Some seem to think submission means letting the husband mistreat them, ...

                            We need happily married couples who are both christian to listern and show genuine love, like christ did.
                            There are many ways for a Christian to show love. I recommend to any person whether married to a believer or an unbeliever, to meditate on 1 Corinthians 13 in order to comprehend what love is, what does it look like, how can I show love.

                            I don't always cook, we sometimes eat out, fast food maybe a few days in a row because I don't feel like cooking. My husband does not cook. But when I am in the mood to cook, I find joy in knowing that I have made a nice meal for him. It is a way of showing love. Cleaning the house is another way of showing love. Truly it is the simple things we do all day for each other that show the other person what Christian love really looks like.

                            I laugh at his jokes, I show interest in his hobbies, I listen when he tells me something he heard or read in the news. These things show that I am interested in him.

                            I'd like to agree with you about Christian couples helping out the unequally yoked ones, but I don't know very many such couples who are qualified to do so. Just being Christian doesn't guarantee that they know any more about it than you do.

                            I personally know a couple (both Christians) who are on the verge of divorce because they have not learned how to do the little things for each other. Do not look to other Christians, but look to Jesus alone. Only He can help you walk through the hard places. If He chooses to send someone alongside, it is His choice, but that is not the place for us to look. We are to look to Him.

                            Imagine a triangle, with God at the top. On the two bottom corners, one is the husband, one is the wife. If they both move closer to God, they will naturally be moving closer to each other. In my own experience, it has been true for me even though my husband is not a practicing Christian. The closer I get to God, the more compassion I have for my husband, and the less I think it is all about me.

                            Blessings,

                            Road Warrior
                            Blessings,

                            Road Warrior


                            Proverbs 4:23
                            23 Guard your heart above all else,
                            for it determines the course of your life.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              My parents were supposedly both christians, my father a lay preacher to this day, and divorced. I've tried to ask my mother why they didn't live as christians, why they abused eachother in front of us children. I simply say, 2 people walking as christians couldn't divorce! Because one christian wants the best for another follower of our Lord, and this would be shown in the closest frienship marriage. She disagrees and fails to understand the basics of our faith to this day. Only picks up a bible after weeks of me saying she should.
                              1 Corinthians 1:12-13 Now this I say, that every one of you saith, I am of Paul; and I of Apollos: and I of Cephas; and I of Christ.

                              Is Christ divided? was Paul crucified for you? or were ye baptised in the name of Paul?

                              KJV

                              May the power of the Spirit of our God unite us. SofTy.

                              Comment

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